If I Tweeted - June 2011

I don't.  But, if I did, here's what you might have read from me this month. 

#LenSpeaks  Glen Campbell has announced he has Ahlzeimer's.  "By the time I get to Phoenix...er, where was I going again?"

#LenSpeaks  Michelle Obama, her old lady, and the two kids are vacationing throughout Africa.  Meanwhile, I was walking around Glendale and can't help but notice the stores closed down due to the economy.

#LenSpeaks  All these people running for President and still nobody to vote for.

#LenSpeaks  I'm not interested in Michelle Bachmann, even though I love her pretzels.

#LenSpeaks  Somebody say that Anthony Weiner was such a dick and I think this is redundant.

#LenSpeaks  Weiner's wife has no sense of Huma.

#LenSpeaks  Peter Falk RIP.  Rhetorical question: does he get buried with or without the glass eye?  I mean, it is a nifty souvenir.

#LenSpeaks  I love it on Facebook when somebody famous dies and people write condolences to the person's family.  Like you know them?

#LenSpeaks  Lots of weeping over Clarence Clemmons.  Sympathy goes out to his family...and all five of his ex-wives.

#LenSpeaks  Breaking news:  For those who don't, I've never been a big fan of Bruce Springsteen.

#LenSpeaks  Must have been neat to have a neighbor arrested after twenty years.  When is the FBI going to get around to mine?  He snores and I can hear it through the wall.

#LenSpeaks  Passing the Today Show set in NY and seeing Al Roker, I wonder how somebody can forecast the weather when they've been dead for two years.

#LenSpeaks  Is there no bigger journalistic fraud than Matt Lauer???

#LenSpeaks  Some guy who was in Jackass died in a drunk driving accident.  Jackass, indeed.

#LenSpeaks  Apparently, Roger Ebert tweeted the same thing and this Jackass' family told Ebert to keep his mouth shut.  I think Roger's doctors already took care of that.

#LenSpeaks  Some old lady had to remove her diaper at airport security.  Seriously, what tool at TSA wanted to see THAT????

#LenSpeaks  The list of people owed dough by Frank McCourt is full of players with their names misspelled.  Because the first thing that you have to lose when you go bankrupt is spell check??

#LenSpeaks  Hollywood, I dare you to make a movie geared for somebody over the age of 25.  I double dare you.  No, I triple dare you.

#LenSpeaks  An old joke updated.  You're in a room with two terrorists and Frank McCourt.  There are two bullets in your gun.  Who do you shoot?

#LenSpeaks  New punchline.  McCourt twice.  And then let the two terrorists go back to their jobs at 7/11.

#LenSpeaks  If you already have a picture to see the last Harry Potter movie, I am very, very, very worried about you.

#LenSpeaks  Big surprise.  Just saw Mel Brooks eating Chinese food at Mandarette Cafe on Beverly.  And it wasn't even Christmas.

#LenSpeaks  I've seen some recent pictures of one of those Obama kids and she's starting to look a little chubby.  Hmmmm.  Healthy snacks, indeed.

#LenSpeaks  Carrot sticks, my ass.  That kid is two Ring Dings short of a Mindy Cohn.

#LenSpeaks  The Marlins just hired 80-year-old Jack McKeon as their new manager.  Just don't let him drive the team bus.

Dinner last night:  German salami sandwich with side salad.