68: THE ROMAN SENATE PROCLAIMS GALBA AS EMPEROR.
It seems like every Wednesday I am reporting about another ruler change in the Roman Empire. They changed leaders faster than dirty togas.
218: IN THE BATTLE OF ANTIOCH, ELAGABALUS DEFEATS THE FORCES OF EMPEROR MACRINUS. HE FLEES, BUT IS CAPTURED NEAR CHALCEDON AND LATER EXECUTED IN CAPPADOCIA.
There's a reason why I got a C+ in 10th grade World History. Because I don't care about shit like this.
632: MUHAMMAD, THE PROPHET OF ISLAM, DIES.
The original rat bastard.
1191: RICHARD I ARRIVES IN THE LAND OF ACRE, WHICH LATER BECOMES ISRAEL.
"Green Israel is the place for me, farm living is the life for me."
1405: RICHARD LE SCROPE, ARCHBISHOP OF YORK AND THOMAS MOWBRAY, EARL OF NORFOLK, ARE EXECUTED IN YORK ON HENRY IV'S ORDERS.
A two-for-one deal from your local neighborhood firing squad.
1783: IN ICELAND, THE VOLCANO LAKI BEGINS AN EIGHT MONTH ERUPTION WHICH KILLS OVER 9,000 PEOPLE AND STARTS A SEVEN-YEAR FAMINE.
It's bad enough to be living in Iceland, but then to go hungry there. Double whammy.
1794: ROBESPIERRE INAUGURATES THE FRENCH REVOLUTION'S NEW STATE RELIGION, THE CULT OF THE SUPREME BEING, WITH LARGE ORGANIZED FESTIVALS ALL ACROSS FRANCE.
All this activity and still nobody there uses deodorant.
1856: A GROUP OF 194 PITCAIRN ISLANDERS, DESCENDANTS OF THE MUTINEERS OF HMS BOUNTY, ARRIVES AT NORFOLK ISLAND.
This would have been the sequel to the movie, but, in those days, they didn't bother.
1861: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, TENNESSEE SECEDES FROM THE UNION.
Last Wednesday, I wrote about them joining the United States. Make up your minds!!!
1874: APACHE LEADER COCHISE IS KILLED.
Whoop whoop.
1876: AUTHOR GEORGE SAND DIES.
This was a guy. The only thing I remember from 11th grade English.1953:
1912: CARL LAEMMLE INCORPORATES UNIVERSAL PICTURES.
Please keep your arms and legs inside the tram.
1918: ACTOR ROBERT PRESTON IS BORN.
Ya got trouble, my friend.
1925: FORMER FIRST LADY BARBARA BUSH IS BORN.
And she looked old already.
1927: COMEDIAN JERRY STILLER IS BORN.
A red letter day for Anne Meara.
1933: COMEDIENNE JOAN RIVERS IS BORN.
"Those nurses in the delivery room? Sluts with those squeaky, squeaky white shoes."
1940: NANCY SINATRA IS BORN.
Hey, boots, start walkin'.
1941: DURING WORLD WAR II, THE ALLIES INVADE SYRIA AND LEBANON.
Boy, in retrospect, that was a dumb move.
1948: MILTON BERLE HOSTS THE DEBUT OF TEXACO STAR THEATER.
Uncle Milty!!!
1949: CELEBRITIES HELEN KELLER, DOROTHY PARKER, DANNY KAYE, FREDRIC MARCH, JOHN GARFIELD, PAUL MUNI, AND EDWARD G. ROBINSON ARE NAMED IN AN FBI REPORT AS COMMUNIST PARTY MEMBERS.
Pity the poor G-man who was assigned to spy on Helen Keller. How dull was that?
1949: GEORGE ORWELL'S 1984 IS PUBLISHED.
Nowhere in this book does the author predict the Mets' December trade for Gary Carter.
1953: THE UNITED STATE SUPREME COURT RULES THAT WASHINGTON DC RESTAURANTS COULD NOT REFUSE TO SERVE BLACK PATRONS.
And it was also okay for them to hire a lot of them to work in the kitchens.
1968: ROBERT F. KENNEDY'S FUNERAL TAKES PLACE AT ST. PATRICK'S CATHEDRAL.
He was buried that night in Washington and the train ride was so slow that Rose could have walked it faster.
1982: BASEBALL PLAYER SATCHEL PAIGE DIES.
This is the date of his death. Except even he couldn't tell you the date of his birth.
1984: HOMOSEXUALITY IS DECLARED LEGAL IN THE AUSTRALIAN STATE OF NEW SOUTH WALES.
Out in the Outback.
Dinner last night: P.F. Chang's frozen dinner---General Tso's Chicken.
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