I've got the monopoly on history today.
610: MUHAMMAD BEGINS TO RECEIVE THE QUR'AN.
Delivered every morning just like the New York Times.
955: HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR OTTO I DEFEATS THE MAGYARS, ENDING 50 YEARS OF MAGYAR INVASION.
In some circles, history is divided into pre-Magyars and post-Magyars.
1519: FERDINAND MAGELLAN'S FIVE SHIPS SET SAIL FROM SEVILLE TO CIRCUMNAVIGATE THE GLOBE.
And little did he know was that his main claim to fame would be a car navigation system named after him.
1675: THE FOUNDATION STONE OF THE ROYAL GREENWICH OBSERVATORY IN LONDON IS LAID.
Even stones remember their first time.
1776: WORD OF THE UNITED STATES DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE REACHES LONDON.
That's one freakin' slow post office.
1792: DURING THE FRENCH REVOLUTION, LOUIS XVI OF FRANCE IS ARRESTED AND TAKEN INTO CUSTODY.
The king is captured. Doesn't that end the chess game?
1793: THE LOUVRE IS OPENED IN PARIS.
Everybody exit through the gift shop.
1821: MISSOURI IS ADMITTED AS THE 24TH U.S. STATE.
If you insist...
1846: THE SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION IS CHARTERED BY THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS AFTER JAMES SMITHSON DONATES $500,000.
The original tax deduction.
1874: PRESIDENT HERBERT HOOVER IS BORN.
Just like the vacuum, he sucked.
1889: CHARLES DARROW, THE CREATOR OF MONOPOLY, IS BORN.
Collecting $200 as he passes Go.
1898: ACTOR JACK HALEY IS BORN.
He said "oil can."
1905: THE RUSSO-JAPANESE WAR PEACE NEGOTIATIONS BEGIN IN PORTSMOUTH, NEW HAMPSHIRE.
How the hell did they wind up over there?
1923: ACTRESS RHONDA FLEMING IS BORN.
I wanted her to be my mother.
1928: SINGER EDDIE FISHER IS BORN.
I did not want him to be my father.
1932: RIN TIN TIN DIES.
Lassie was questioned by the police.
1948: CANDID CAMERA MAKES ITS TELEVISION DEBUT AFTER BEING ON RADIO FOR A YEAR.
Candid Camera on the radio? I can't understand why that didn't work.
1963: POLITICIAN ESTES KEFAUVER DIES.
Mentioned here only because my grandmother would say "bastard" when she heard his name on TV.
1969: A DAY AFTER MURDERING SHARON TATE AND FOUR OTHERS, THE CHARLES MANSON CULT KILL LENO AND ROSEMARY LABIANCA.
I guess mass murders are like Chinese food. A day later, you want to kill all over again.
1971: THE SOCIETY OF AMERICAN BASEBALL RESEARCH IS FOUNDED IN COOPERSTOWN, NEW YORK.
And we wind up with tons of stats that have confused us ever since.
1977: IN YONKERS, NEW YORK, DAVID BERKOWITZ IS ARRESTED FOR THE "SON OF SAM" MURDERS.
Five years later, I was living less than two blocks away. How's that for useless trivia?
1981: THE HEAD OF JOHN WALSH'S SON, ADAM, IS FOUND.
And just what do you do with THAT?
1990: THE MAGELLAN SPACE PROBE REACHES VENUS.
Hey, no fair, history books! I already used my one and only Magellan joke.
1995: OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBERS TIMOTHY MCVEIGH AND TERRY NICHOLS ARE INDICTED FOR THE BOMBING.
How does the song go? "Let's lock the door and throw away the key..."
2008: MUSICIAN ISAAC HAYES DIES.
The ultimate shaft.
Dinner last night: The pre-game buffet at the Dodger Stadium Club.
1 comment:
Grandma does get in there.
Post a Comment