Today's date is a stretch....wink, wink.
539 BC: THE ARMY OF CYRUS THE GREAT OF PERSIA TAKES BABYLON.
Later on, he set his sights on Islip and Ronkonkoma.
638: POPE HONORIUS I DIES.
The first is now last.
642: POPE JOHN IV DIES.
Four years later and we get to cart another one around Vatican Square.
1216: KING JOHN OF ENGLAND LOSES HIS CROWN JEWELS IN THE WASH.
Now I realize that The Wash is a body of water, but this is quite amusing as written. No need for embellishment from yours truly.
1492: CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' EXPEDITION MAKES LANDFALL IN THE CARIBBEAN. THE EXPLORER BELIEVES HE HAS REACHED SOUTH ASIA.
He lands in the Caribbean and that constitutes the discovery of America? Well, of course, everybody there is now living here. Meanwhile, if he thought he was in South Asia, how screwed up were his maps???
1582: BECAUSE OF THE IMPLEMENTATION OF THE GREGORIAN CALENDAR, THIS DAY DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS YEAR IN ITALY, POLAND, PORTUGAL, AND SPAIN.
Mention of these entries almost make me smile. As if the folks in Poland aren't already screwed up with the regular calendar.
1692: THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS ARE ENDED BY A LETTER FROM MASSACHUSETTS GOVERNOR WILLIAM PHIPS.
And that's a big "whew" from Endora.
1773: AMERICA'S FIRST INSANE ASYLUM OPENS FOR "PERSONS OF INSANE AND DISORDERED MINDS."
Today, it's simply called Congress.
1810: DURING THE VERY FIRST OKTOBERFEST, THE BAVARIAN ROYALTY INVITES THE CITIZENS OF MUNICH TO JOIN THE CELEBRATION OF THE MARRIAGE OF CROWN PRINCE LUDWIG OF BAVARIA TO PRINCESS THERESE VON SACHSEN-HILDBURGHAUSEN.
Princess Therese gives good head cheese. (A cap tip to the Bibster for offering up that line.)
1823: CHARLES MACINTOSH OF SCOTLAND SELLS THE FIRST RAINCOAT.
With two pairs of pants.
1870: GENERAL ROBERT E. LEE DIES.
Couldn't handle the loss, could you?
1892: THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE IS FIRST RECITED BY STUDENTS IN MANY US PUBLIC SCHOOLS, AS PART OF A CELEBRATION MARKING THE 400TH ANNIVERSARY OF COLUMBUS' VOYAGE.
Was it also recited in Haiti and Southern Asia?
1901: PRESIDENT THEODORE ROOSEVELT OFFICIALLY RENAMES THE EXECUTIVE MANSION TO THE WHITE HOUSE.
Trying to increase value when he has to sell.
1904: CHINESE WRITER DING LING IS BORN.
Mentioned for obvious reasons. I hope his middle name starts with an "A."
1918: A MASSIVE FOREST FIRE KILLS 453 PEOPLE IN MINNESOTA.
Not to mention a shitload of animals.
1921: GUMBY CREATOR ART CLOKEY IS BORN.
When the rubber met the drawing pad.
1928: AN IRON LUNG RESPIRATOR IS USED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A BOSTON HOSPITAL.
And Aqualung was played for the first time on a dormitory stereo in 1971.
1935: BASEBALL PLAYER/BROADCASTER TONY KUBEK IS BORN.
Watch out for that bad hop, Tony.
1953: "THE CAINE MUTINY COURT MARTIAL" OPENS AT THE PLYMOUTH THEATER IN NEW YORK.
Who ate my strawberries???
1960: NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV POUNDS HIS SHOE ON A DESK AT A UNITED NATIONS GENERAL ASSEMBLY MEETING TO PROTEST A PHILIPPINE ASSERTION OF SOVIET UNION COLONIAL POLICY BEING CONDUCTED IN EASTERN EUROPE.
He might not been so quick to do this if he realized he had a hole in his sock.
1962: ACTOR CARLOS BERNARD IS BORN.
Tony Almeida of "24!!!!!!!!"
1964: THE SOVIET UNION LAUNCHES THE VOSKHOD I INTO EARTH ORBIT AS THE FIRST SPACECRAFT WITH A MULTI-PERSON CREW WITHOUT SPACE SUITS.
Because it would be no fun sitting naked all by yourself.
1969: SKATER SONJA HENIE DIES.
She didn't live long enough to see the Mets win the World Series.
1970: PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON ANNOUNCES THAT THE UNITED STATES WILL WITHDRAW 40,000 MORE TROOPS FROM VIET NAM BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
Better late than never.
1972: EN ROUTE TO THE GULF OF TONKIN, A RACIAL BRAWL INVOLVING MORE THAN 100 SAILORS BREAKS OUT ABOARD THE NAVY CARRIER USS KITTY HAWK.
Why do I think this started by somebody saying, "Yo Mama?"
1985: TV ANNOUNCER JOHNNY OLSON DIES.
And God says..."Come on up...."
1986: ELIZABETH II AND PRINCE PHILIP VISIT THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA.
There's no Chinese take-out that delivers near Buckingham Palace?
1989: ANIMATOR JAY WARD DIES.
"Wanna see me pull a casket out of my hat?"
1997: SINGER JOHN DENVER DIES IN A PLANE CRASH.
From Rocky Mountain High to Pacific Ocean Low.
1999: THE FORMER SOVIET REPUBLIC OF ABKHAZIA DECLARES ITS INDEPENDENCE FROM GEORGIA.
First, the burning of Atlanta and now this???
1999: BASKETBALL STAR WILT CHAMBERLAIN DIES.
How did they fit him into the coffin?
2000: THE USS COLE IS BADLY DAMAGED BY TWO SUICIDE BOMBERS, KILLING 17.
This is how all this shit got started.
2002: MUSICIAN RAY CONNIFF DIES.
I think of him every time I get in an elevator.
2003: JOCKEY WILLIE SHOEMAKER DIES.
Now he was easy to fit into that coffin.
Dinner last night: German salami sandwich and salad.
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