Hey, look, it's Divine. And it's his/her birthday.
202 BC: AT THE BATTLE OF ZAMA, ROMAN LEGIONS UNDER SCIPIO AFRICANUS DEFEAT HANNIBAL BARCA, LEADER OF THE INVADING CARTHAGINIAN ARMY.
Looking at this, maybe the reason I wasn't so hot with World History is because I couldn't remember how to spell the names.
439: THE VANDALS, LED BY KING GAISERIC, TAKE CARTHAGE IN NORTH AFRICA.
Long before the Vandals moved on to the NYC subway system.
1216: KING JOHN OF ENGLAND DIES AT NEWARK-ON-TRENT.
Regardless of where it is, there's no dignity if you die in Newark.
1453: THE FRENCH RECAPTURE OF BORDEAUX BRINGS THE HUNDRED YEARS' WAR TO A CLOSE.
And, at last, they can start making bordelaise sauce again.
1466: THE THIRTEEN YEARS WAR ENDS WITH THE SECOND TREATY OF THORN.
I suppose the first treaty of Thorn wasn't worth the paper it was printed on.
1469: FERDINAND II OF ARAGON MARRIES ISABELLA I OF CASTILE, A MARRIAGE THAT PAVES THE WAY FOR THE CREATION OF SPAIN.
Which would have been fine if they had all stayed there.
1512: MARTIN LUTHER BECOMES A DOCTOR OF THEOLOGY.
And, years later, he would provide me with a place to go on Sunday mornings.
1789: CHIEF JUSTICE JOHN JAY IS SWORN IN AS THE FIRST CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE UNITED STATES.
Oh. So there was one before Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
1810: ABOLITIONIST CASSIUS CLAY IS BORN.
So you thought that dopey boxer had a trademark on the name?
1812: NAPOLEON I OF FRANCE RETREATS FROM MOSCOW.
Have you ever eaten borscht? Can you blame him?
1813: THE BATTLE OF LEIPZIG CONCLUDES, GIVING NAPOLEON ONE OF HIS WORST DEFEATS.
On second thought, maybe Russia wasn't so bad.
1873: YALE, PRINCETON, COLUMBIA, AND RUTGERS DRAFT THE FIRST CODE OF AMERICAN FOOTBALL RULES.
I'll be there was even a tailgate for this.
1914: THE FIRST BATTLE OF YPRES BEGINS.
If you know how to pronounce that, please contact me.
1917: LOVE FIELD IN DALLAS, TEXAS IS OPENED.
The last airport JFK would ever see.
1932: ACTOR ROBERT REED DIES.
Papa Brady! Does Barry Williams also claim he slept with him, too?
1933: GERMANY WITHDRAWS FROM THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS.
What I like about the League of Nations? No designated hitter.
1936: ACTOR TONY LO BIANCO IS BORN.
I spoke to him on the phone once. That's all I got.
1943: STREPTOMYCIN, THE FIRST ANTIBIOTIC FOR TUBERCULOSIS, IS ISOLATED BY RESEARCHERS AT RUTGERS.
So not everybody there was tailgating.
1945: ACTOR DIVINE IS BORN.
It must be tough to maintain two completely different sets of wardrobe.
1956: THE SOVIET UNION AND JAPAN SIGN A JOINT DECLARATION, OFFICIALLY ENDING THE STATE OF WAR THAT HAD EXISTED SINCE AUGUST 1945.
Japan really knows how to pick the wrong fights, don't they?
1959: THE FIRST DISCOTHEQUE OPENS.
So was this Studio 1?
1973: PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON REJECTS AN APPEALS COURT DECISION THAT HE TURN OVER THE WATERGATE TAPES.
Yeah, that worked out well.
1978: ACTOR GIG YOUNG DIES.
He shot himself. They shoot horses and apparently actors, don't they?
1987: ON BLACK MONDAY, THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE FALLS BY 22%, 508 POINTS.
This one, I'm told, was Barbara Bush's fault.
1994: ACTRESS/COMIC MARTHA RAYE DIES.
Buried with or without the dentures?
2003: MOTHER TERESA IS BEATIFIED BY POPE JOHN PAUL II.
I read that really fast and you don't want to know what I thought it said.
2005: SADDAM HUSSEIN GOES ON TRIAL IN BAGHDAD FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY.
If he had gone on trial in Los Angeles, he might have been acquitted.
2008: FASHION CRITIC MR. BLACKWELL DIES.
Not the list he wanted to make.
2010: ACTOR TOM BOSLEY DIES.
And not his happiest day.
Dinner last night: Leftover jumbalaya.
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