The Big Summer 2012 Sale at Sky Mall

I've been traveling a bit so I have had plenty of time to waste time at 35,000 feet with tours through the latest Sky Mall catalog.  Where junk comes with a hefty price.  For instance...

If you're in need of a protein boost, you could choke down one of these gelatins.  The blurb said one cup contains as much nutritional value as a piece of fruit.  Or, if you really want to get bold...have a freakin' piece of fruit.

This allegedly gives you a hand massage.  In the event you are not in close proximity to a 20-year-old Asian girl...

This is a complete toilet training course for your kitty.  Notice there is a DVD included, in the event your cat knows how to operate the electronic equipment attached to your television set.  Meanwhile, is there anything creepier than the feline in this picture?  Makes you want to fill the bathtub full of water, doesn't it?

Trying to get that teenage girl in your house to brush her teeth regularly?  Well, these electric toothbrushes spit out a Justin Bieber tune as she Colgates away.  Gives totally new meaning to the expression "rinse and spit."

This is the "Magic Derriere" panty.  Guaranteed to add inches to your ass.  Comes in four sizes: Small, Medium, Large, and Post Office Clerk.

If you are really, really, really proud of your college, let everybody know by putting the school logo on your luggage.  By the way, the Penn State edition has been marked down 75%.

This is a spy voice recorder.  Easily hidden when you want to secretly blackmail your co-worker.  Because everybody has a Bernie Madoff in their world.

You could take this supplement or do something a little more radical and buy a damn alarm clock.

If you're worried about the germs you're flying with, simply spray them away.  Meanwhile, does this even make it past TSA Security?

Got a meteorologist in your life?  They'll love this weather station.  Or they could simply look out a fucking window.

Dinner last night:  New york strip steak at Boa.