Now that was fun. What's not evenly remotely amusing is the absolute crap that now litters our movie theaters during the summer in 2013. But I will do my best to guide you. You know the drill, gang. I'll flip through the movie pages of the Los Angeles Times and give you my gut reaction to the garbage that's out there.
Or, if you want, simply rent "Come Blow Your Horn," rev up your air conditioner, and hopefully your spouse can high kick like a Rockette.
World War Z: I was done at Q.
White House Down: Don't I wish?
I'm So Excited: Pedro Almodovar directs this light-hearted comedy about gay flight attendants. Where's the exit row again?
The Way, Way Back: A totally enjoyable night at the movies. And the blog review I did last Tuesday was even more fun.
20 Feet From Stardom: A fascinating documentary on some of music's legendary back-up singers including Miss Darlene Love. I didn't review it here, but you should see it anyway.
Much Ado About Nothing: Shakespeare gets an updated look from Joss Whedon. What's next? A Pixar version of Othello??
Before Midnight: Hands way up in the air for all those completely bored by these Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy movies.
The Hunt: A male teacher's life is destroyed by an innocent lie. It's from Denmark. I wonder if the life involves any body parts.
Still Mine: James Cromwell and Genevieve Bujold as two old codgers up against the system. Damn, I can remember when Bujold was young....and hot.
The Attack: An Arab surgeon living in Tel Aviv discovers a dark secret about his wife in the aftermath of a suicide bombing. Here's the secret. The wife had a book of matches. End of movie. Let's get something to eat.
Frances Ha: Reviewed here and my ambivalence continues. I liked it. I hated it. I liked it. I hated it.
This is the End: Seth Rogen, James Franco, and Jonah Hill deal with the apocalypse. I am rooting for the latter.
Despicable Me 2: Another one of three dozen cartoons being released these days and they all look exactly the same.
Monsters University: I enjoyed this sequel but I have discovered that, with each and every subsequent release, Pixar movies are getting less and less original and clever.
A Hijacking: The crew of a Danish cargo ship is hijacked by Somali pirates who proceed to engage in escalating negotiations with authorities in Copenhagen. A good friend of mine has written a screenplay about a bunch of pirates. It's a comedy and sounds a lot better than this mess. Call me if you want his phone number.
The Bling Ring: A bunch of teenagers keep breaking into Hollywood stars' homes. This is obviously not a movie that Los Angeles security companies want you to see.
After Earth: Will Smith, his son Jaden, and subsequently a whole lot of nothing. What I want to see is a movie detailing how Jaden was conceived, given his parents' marriage is a complete marketing fraud. Talk to any hair stylist is Beverly Hills. They know.
Byzantium: Residents of a coastal town learn, with deathly consequences, the secret shared by the two mysterious women who have sought shelter at a local resort. A great idea for a story and it has been ever since Lillian Hellman wrote "The Children's Hour" decades ago.
The Heat: Sandra Bullock proves that her Oscar turn in the "Blind Side" was a complete accident. Meanwhile, somebody please kill Melissa McCarthy before it spreads.
Fast and Furious 6: I am officially six movies behind.
The Lone Ranger: The biggest bomb to hit this country since....well, you fill in your favorite newsworthy disaster.
Man of Steel: One of the worst movies I've ever seen. But, then again, if you read this blog every day, you already know that.
Maniac: I think this would be a great double bill with "White House Down" but that's just me.
The Internship: Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn and I only get four credits???
Now You See Me: I saw this action film about a bunch of magicians who plan a heist. The biggest crime was the price of my ticket.
You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet: I highly doubt this is a biography of Al Jolson.
Pacific Rim: When an alien attack threatens the Earth's existence, giant robots piloted by humans are deployed to fight off the menace. So this is how we patrol the borders? We use Transformers??
Grown Ups 2: Let me know when this catches up to Fast and Furious.
Crystal Fairy: Jamie ( Michael Cera) is a boorish, insensitive American twentysomething traveling in Chile, who somehow manages to create chaos at every turn. He and his friends are planning on taking a road trip north to experience a legendary shamanistic hallucinogen called the San Pedro cactus.
Hey, that's what I did in college.
Fruitvale Station: The true story of Oscar, a 22-year-old Bay Area resident, who crosses paths with friends, enemies, family, and strangers on the last day of 2008. He's famous? Oscar who? Levant? Homolka? Madison???
Killing Season: Two veterans of the Bosnian War -- one American, one Serbian -- find their unlikely friendship turn tense with one of them reveals their true intentions. Robert DeNiro is the American. John Travolta is the Serbian. I'm looking to see what's playing next door.
The Hot Flashes: An unlikely basketball team of unappreciated middle-aged Texas women. It stars Brooke Shields, Daryl Hannah, and Wanda Sykes. It sounds bizarrely interesting to me, if nothing else than to see Shields attempt a lay-up.
The East: An operative for an elite private intelligence firm finds her priorities changing dramatically after she is tasked with infiltrating an anarchist group known for executing covert attacks upon major corporations. I'll wait for next summer's TV reboot of 24.
Fill the Void: A devout 18-year-old Israeli is pressured to marry the husband of her late sister. How do you say "snooze" in Yiddish?
The Purge: A family is held hostage for harboring the target of a murderous syndicate during the Purge, a 12-hour period in which any and all crime is legalized. Ethan Hawke is back again and I'm still not interested.
Unfinished Song: Terence Stamp joins a senior citizens' choir. I'm still not interested....with or without Ethan Hawke.
Dinner last night: Bacon and cheese omelet.
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