771: AUSTRASIAN KING CARLOMAN DIES, LEAVING HIS BROTHER CHARLEMAGNE KING OF THE NOW COMPLETE FRANKISH KINGDOM.
Not Frank. Frankish.
1110: DURING THE FIRST CRUSADE, THE CRUSADERS SACK SIDON.
For a twenty yard loss.
1259: KINGS LOUIS IX OF FRANCE AND HENRY III OF ENGLAND AGREE TO THE TREATY OF PARIS, IN WHICH HENRY RENOUNCES HIS CLAIMS TO FRENCH-CONTROLLED TERRITORY IN EUROPE.
Je ne care pas.
1619: 38 COLONISTS FROM BERKELEY PARISH IN ENGLAND DISEMBARK IN VIRGINIA AND GIVE THANKS TO GOD. THIS IS CONSIDERED THE FIRST THANKSGIVING.
And who started the first fight at the dinner table?
1674: FATHER JACQUES MARQUETTE FOUNDS A MISSION ON THE SHORES OF LAKE MICHIGAN.
Hence the city. Hence the unviersity.
1783: AT FRAUNCES TAVERN IN NEW YORK CITY, US GENERAL GEORGE WASHINGTON FORMALLY BIDS HIS OFFICERS FAREWELL.
And announced that somebody else was going to pay for the next round.
1864: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, FORCES UNDER UNION GENERAL JUDSON KILPATRICK PREVENT TROOPS LED BY CONFEDERATE GENERAL JOSEPH WHEELER FROM INTERFERING WITH UNION GENERAL WILLIAM SHERMAN'S MARCH TO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN FROM ATLANTA, GEORGIA.
It took longer for me to type that sentence than it did for Sherman to march to the sea.
75: NOTORIOUS NEW YORK CITY POLITICIAN BOSS TWEED ESCAPES FROM PRISON AND FLEES TO CUBA.
Cuba is better than a nice, cushy jail cell?
1881: THE FIRST EDITION OF THE LOS ANGELES TIMES IS PUBLISHED.
In 2019, it is barely read. Except by me and maybe one other person.
1909: THE MONTREAL CANADIENS ICE HOCKEY CLUB, THE OLDEST PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY FRANCHISE IN THE WORLD, IS FOUNDED AS A MEMBER OF THE NHL.
Talk about your power plays.
1918: US PRESIDENT WOODROW WILSON SAILS FOR THE WORLD WAR I PEACE TALKS IN VERSAILLES, BECOMING THE FIRST US PRESIDENT TO TRAVEL TO EUROPE WHILE IN OFFICE.
About twenty years before First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt turned it into an art form.
1921: THE FIRST VIRGINIA RAPPE MANSLAUGHTER TRIAL AGAINST ROSCOE "FATTY" ARBUCKLE ENDS IN A HUNG JURY.
Well hung.
1921: ACTRESS DEANNA DURBIN IS BORN.
She died a few months back, so she did not get cheated.
1934: TV HOST WINK MARTINDALE IS BORN.
Good. Now we can televise the Rose Parade.
1937: ACTOR MAX BAER JR. IS BORN.
TV's Jethro.....and, wait a minute, Jethrine!
1937: THE FIRST ISSUE OF THE CHILDREN'S COMIC, THE DANDY COMIC, IS PUBLISHED. IT IS THE FIRST TO USE SPEECH BALLOONS.
Except for Henry who never said anything.
1943: DURING WORLD WAR II, US PRESIDENT FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT CLOSES THE WORKS PROGRESS ADMINISTRATION, BECAUSE OF THE HIGH LEVELS OF WARTIME EMPLOYMENT IN THE US.
In 2013, we could use a good war.
1945: BY A VOTE OF 65 60 7, THE US SENATE APPROVES US PARTICIPATION IN THE UNITED NATIONS.
Yeah, how did that work out for the world in general?
1949: ACTOR JEFF BRIDGES IS BORN.
So we know what Lloyd was doing back in March of 1949.
1954: THE FIRST BURGER KING IS OPENED IN MIAMI, FLORIDA.
Pickle held.
1956: THE MILLION DOLLAR QUARTET, CONSISTING OF ELVIS PRESLEY, JERRY LEE LEWIS, CARL PERKINS, AND JOHNNY CASH, GET TOGETHER FOR THE FIRST AND LAST TIME.
I am guessing there was at least one bottle of booze there.
1967: ACTOR BERT LAHR DIES.
Da nerve.
1969: BLACK PANTHER PARTY MEMBERS FRED HAMPTON AND MARK CLARK ARE SHOT AND KILLED IN THEIR SLEEP DURING A RAID BY 14 CHICAGO POLICE OFFICERS.
Paging Al Sharpton. Paging Al Sharpton.
1971: THE MONTREUX CASINO IN SWITZERLAND IS SET ABLAZE BY SOMEONE WIELDING A FLARE GUN DURING A FRANK ZAPPA CONCERT. THE INCIDENT IS NOTED IN THE SONG "SMOKE ON THE WATER."
A fire in the sky.
1971: THE ULSTER VOLUNTEER FORCE BOMBS A CATHOLIC-OWNED PUB IN BELFAST, KILLING 15. THIS IS KNOWN AS "THE TROUBLES."
"Troubles?" That's being nice. This is completely fucked up.
1978: FOLLOWING THE MURDER OF MAYOR GEORGE MOSCONE, DIANNE FEINSTEIN BECOMES SAN FRANCISCO'S FIRST FEMALE MAYOR.
And we have been stuck with this hemorrhoid ever since.
1980: ROCK GROUP LED ZEPPELIN OFFICIALLY DISBANDS, FOLLOWING THE DEATH OF DRUMMER JOHN BONHAM ON SEPTEMBER 25TH.
His personal stairway to heaven.
1984: ACTOR JACK MERCER DIES.
He was the voice of Popeye in the movies. Those wonderful, under-his-breath comments.
1991: PAN AM GOES BANKRUPT AND CEASES OPERATIONS.
They made the going great. Now, not so much.
1991: JOURNALIST TERRY A. ANDERSON IS RELEASED AFTER 7 YEARS OF CAPTIVITY AS A HOSTAGE IN BEIRUT. HE IS THE LAST AND LONGEST-HELD AMERICAN HOSTAGE IN LEBANON.
Somebody tell him who shot JR.
1993: ROCK STAR FRANK ZAPPA DIES.
Twenty two years to the day after that Smoke Water business.
2006: SIX BLACK YOUTH ASSAULT A WHITE TEENAGER IN LOUISIANA.
And, on the nightly news, nobody said a word.
Dinner last night: Leftover chicken sausage and vegetables.
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