This is Grauman's Chinese Theater back in the mid 50s. Luckily, the theater is still open and thriving. A glorious place to see a movie. The only problem is that these days, Grauman's plays the latest releases from Hollywood. A good reason not to go to Grauman's.
You know the monthly routine, celluloid fans. I will skim through the Los Angeles Times movie pages and give you my gut reaction to what's polluting our multiplexes this weekend.
If you really want to see a good film this weekend, order some Chinese take-out and turn your TV to Turner Classic Movies.
About Last Night: Rob Lowe movies are now being remade. Doesn't that scare you?
Dallas Buyers Club: Yes, he did win the Oscar. I guess, for that reason, you should see this dreary film. It's like going to a church when you hear a rumor that some statue is weeping.
3 Days to Kill: An action movie starring Kevin Costner. Was this supposed to be originally released in 1994?
300 - Rise of an Empire: One of those ancient battles in Greece. One side wins. The loser has to move to Astoria, Queens.
The Wolf of Wall Street: Is this a garbage strike right now? Because somebody has yet to pick up this trash.
The Wind Rises: Japanese animation about an aircraft designer. If nobody's eating spinach or a carrot, I'm not interested.
Frozen: I still have yet to see this Oscar winner. Okay, okay, I'll put it in my Netflix queue.
The Great Beauty: Won the Oscar for Best Foreign Film. Okay, if you say so.
12 Years a Slave: Perhaps one of the top five worst movies to win Best Picture.
Junk: Don't we see junk every weekend?
Tyler Perry's The Single Moms Club: Waiting for Tyler Perry's Deadbeat Dads in Prison Club.
Pompeii: A volcano. Lots of people die. Done
The Grand Budapest Hotel: Another hopefully clever offering from the inventive Wes Anderson. On my list, but so is my laundry.
Mr. Peabody and Sherman: Am I the only one to remember that these cartoon characters are new??
The Monuments Men: Saw it. Despite a slow start, this WWII yarn from George Clooney is done in the style of those 1960s movies about the same war. I would have probably seen this with my father if he was still around.
Endless Love: Brooke Shields movies are also being remade. That also should scare you.
Son of God: The Bible summed up in two hours. That's Cliff Notes on steroids.
Ride Along: Am I the only one who has not seen this Kevin Hart guy yet?
RoboCop: This is not your father's RoboCop.
Non-Stop: Reviewed here earlier this week. Order extra butter on your popcorn and enjoy. Just don't try to make sense out of it.
Awful Nice: When it comes to these monthly movie guides, I'm really not.
Elaine Stritch - Shoot Me: The type of documentary that lures me in. Stritch is admittedly an acquired state, but she's been around for 150 years so that's worth something.
Lucky Bastard: An awkward young man wins a contest to star in a porno video. Was my entry lost in the mail?
The Pirate Fairy: From Disney. It's either a cartoon or a completely different take on Jack Sparrow.
Ernest and Celestine: Animation from France and Belgium. It's about the friendship between a mouse and a bear. If totally accurate, the movie should last about thirty seconds. Or how ever long it takes the bear to swallow the mouse whole.
The Lego Movie: I prefer movies that don't snap together.
Gloria: From Chile. An older woman looks for romance late in life. ChileanMingle.com.
Tiger and Bunny the Movie - The Rising: A cartoon from Japan that has way too long a title for me to even bother with.
Tennessee Queer: Hmmm, let me guess....
Uwantme2killhim?: Another validation that computer short hand is killing the English language.
Veronica Mars: Ignored the TV show. Will totally avoid the movie.
Bad Words: Jason Bateman plays a man who enters a children's spelling bee. D-I-R-T-B-A-G.
Better Living Through Chemistry: A straight-laced pharmacist's uneventful life spirals out of control when he starts an affair with a trophy wife customer who takes him on a joyride involving sex, drugs and possibly murder. Jane Fonda is in the cast. Remember her?
Grand Piano: Moments before his comeback performance, a concert pianist who suffers from stage fright discovers a sinister note written on his music sheet. Elijah Wood, John Cusack, and a plot straight out of the mind of Alfred Hitchcock.
The Art of the Steal: An art heist caper with Kurt Russell and Matt Dillon. Remember them???
Need for Speed: Street racing with Aaron Paul and, no, I have not watched a single episode of Breaking Bad.
Shirin in Love: An Iranian romantic comedy set in Beverly Hills. Of course it is.
The Right Kind of Wrong: Leo the dishwasher falls in love with a bride on the day of her wedding - to another man. And that's the quick pitch that got this greenlit???
The Lunchbox: A mistaken delivery in Mumbai's famously efficient lunchbox delivery system connects a young housewife to an older man in the dusk of his life as they build a fantasy world together through notes in the lunchbox. Slumdog Delicatessen?
Tim's Vermeer: Inventor Tim Jenison seeks to understand the painting techniques used by Dutch Master Johannes Vermeer. Zzzzzzzzzzz......
War of the Worlds - Goliath: An animated depiction of an 1899 Martian invasion. This is fiction. Right?
Omar: A young Palestinian freedom fighter agrees to work as an informant after he's tricked into an admission of guilt by association in the wake of an Israeli soldier's killing. For those who thought this was about a tent maker. Or the former general manager of the New York Mets.
Haunt: A moody teenager discovers his family has bought a haunted house. Back in 1959, the moody teenager would have been played by Vincent Price.
Dinner last night: Had a big lunch so just a sandwich.
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