When the legendary Carol Burnett presented Hollywood Bowl Hall of Fame Inductee Kristin Chenoweth, she said that Kristin is one of the only performers around who could bring back the TV variety show.
Agreed. She's a five tool player. Sings. Acts. Has comic chops. Can dance a little. Connects with the audience.
Admittedly, I think there are a few others who could host a TV variety show in 2014.
Neil Patrick Harris. You've seen his hosting of the Tonys and the Emmys. Enough said.
Sutton Foster. Most of you probably don't know who she is, but, trust me, she can do it.
Jimmy Fallon. Let's face it. The first half-hour of the new Tonight Show is really an old variety show. It only goes downhill when Fallon has to sit down with whoever has a new movie opening on Friday.
Martin Short. Ignore the fact that he's over 60. The guy is still brilliant and can amazingly connect with a younger audience.
So, that's the handful of potential hosts. But I can see any one of them coming out like Carol Burnett and opening a show by taking some Q and A with the studio audience. Mix in a new supporting cast of the 2014 versions of Harvey Korman, Tim Conway, and Vicki Lawrence.
I'll be tuned in, for sure.
So, how come this doesn't get done?
Well, a lot of reasons. Leading the pack would be the overall stupidity of television programmers, in desperate and passionate love with a young demographic that stopped watching television twenty years ago.
Of course, there are some idiots who would argue that there is still a variety show on network TV and it's been there since 1975. Saturday Night Live. It's got comedy sketches. It's got musical acts.
Puh-leze.
SNL, despite its ratings and its innate ability to bring in the hottest celebrities as hosts, really died decades ago. Usually, there is one good sketch in the first fifteen minutes. The rest of the show is really a demonstation of how to read cue cards.
Oddly enough, I would contend that the last really good season of SNL was thirty years. When Lorne Michaels was not in charge. And the cast was top-notch. Without cue cards. Christopher Guest. Harry Shearer. Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Billy Crystal.
Oh, and Martin Short. Where have we seen that name before?
You might contend that the TV variety show, as done by the likes of Carol Burnett, Dean Martin, and Flip Wilson, is a relic. Stuck in the past. Appealing to only those of a certain...ahem...older age group.
And so what's horrible about that? We're the ones with longer attention spans. We are home watching television. Maybe with a tablet or a cell phone in our hands, but home watching television nonetheless.
And, most importantly, we are still the ones with the buying power. That younger target demo? Well, a lot of them can't find jobs in this economy. Oh, yeah, and they can hang on their parents' health plans till they're 26.
You would think that somebody at TV Land might champion this format again. I mean, they're the ones who were trying to singlehandedly bring back the 70s and 80s. They started off well with "Hot in Cleveland." Giving us a return visit from some welcome sitcom stars like Valerie Bertinelli, Betty White, Jane Leeves, and Wendie Malick. But, sadly, they never capitalized on this. Everything TV Land has developed since looks just like the crap on the other networks. And, by the way, there are now regularly scheduled penis jokes on "Hot" in its now ludicrous attempt to turn itself into "Three and A Half Women."
So, where can a great TV variety show live?
Well, any place really. And no place really. But, with over 1,000 channels, you would think somebody would have the gumption to get this going. Because, with the names I suggested at the helm, this could be the next big success. In television, everything old can be new again.
Call me. Somebody. I have ideas.
Dinner last night: Vegetable stir fry.
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