Some of the movies opening this month may be forgotten by July 4. But, that's what happens in Hollywood today. You know the monthly drill, gang. I'll comb through the film section of the newspaper and give you my gut reaction to the crap being shoved down our throats at the local multiplex.
Hell, maybe we should all stage a mutiny.
Million Dollar Arm: Reviewed here recently. Scroll back please.
Godzilla: Apparently the monster now devastates a US city in California. Why not? The Japanese are all here anyway.
Chef: Reviewed here last month, but it's not as easy a scrollback. Just skip the movie.
A Million Ways to Die in the West: And One Good Way to Die in a Movie Theater.
X-Men - Days of Future Past: I'm like 12 movies behind in the X-Men franchise.
Rio 2: I'm one movie behind in the Rio franchise.
Blended: Another Adam Sandler comedy. That's what they call an oxymoron. Or, in Sandler's case, a just plain moron.
Maleficent: Angelina Jolie as a witch. This must be a documentary.
The Other Woman: Another Cameron Diaz comedy. See the same joke I used for Adam Sandler.
Amazing Spiderman 2: I saw the first one. Nobody's going to catch me in this web.
Neighbors: Not the John Belushi-Dan Akyroyd movie. Not interested.
The Immigrant: Not the Charlie Chaplin short. Not interested.
Ida: I doubt this is about Rhoda Morgenstern's mother. Not interested.
Edge of Tomorrow: Tom Cruise and the end of the world. This could be a documentary on Scientology.
All Cheerleaders Die: Works for me.
22 Jump Street: So, the first was 21 Jump Street. If we get to 25 Jump Street, there have been too many sequels.
How To Train Your Dragon 2: With lots and lots and lots of newspaper.
Supermensch - The Legend of Shep Gordon: Mike Myers putting the heart paddles to his dead career.
The Human Race: A fictitious version of "Survivor." If such a thing is possible.
Lullaby: A man who's estranged from his family receives word that his father has chosen to take himself off life support within 48 hours. I see Anne Archer's name amongst the cast. Welcome back!
112 Weddings: A documentary about a wedding photographer who revisits some of his clients. Might also be called 56 Divorces.
Ivory Tower: A documentary that questions the cost -- and value -- of higher education in the United States. Since 2014 has been called the worst job market for recent college grads, this might be one to see.
Hellion: Family drama about a motocross and heavy metal-obsessed 13-year-old. The hellion with it.
Coffee in Berlin: A college student drops out and wanders the street of Berlin. The good news is that, in 2014, he can see the whole city.
The Signal: A computer genius captivates some friends. Hey, it saves a call to Tech Support.
The Hooligan Factor: Looking to re-connect with an estranged dad in jail. Gee, that's something everybody can identify with.
Benny and Jolene: Not to be confused with Benny and Joon, which was terrible as well.
Pulp: This is Spinal Tap with a disco flavor. Just watch the Rob Reiner movie and call it a night.
Grace of Monaco: Nicole Kidman as Grace Kelly. Please begin your laughter now.
The Moment: Jennifer Jason Leigh as a girl who falls in love in a mental institution. I'd hate to see the Saturday night dance.
Trust Me: Guess what? This is about a Hollywood agent. But the comedy sports a great cast. Felicity Huffman, William H. Macy, Allison Janney. It might be worth a look.
Borgman: A Dutch film about a vagrant who infiltrates a rich family. Down and Out in Belgium.
The Sacrament: Tracking down the leader of a cult. Bring your own Kool Aid.
The Fault in Our Stars: Teenagers in love. She's got an oxygen tank. He's got a fake leg. I'd hate to see that Saturday night dance, too.
Burning Blue: Two Navy fighter pilots in love. I doubt there's a Saturday night dance.
Belle: An illegitimate mixed race daughter of a Royal Navy Admiral is raised by her aristocratic great-uncle. Good night, everybody!
Dinner last night: Vegetable lo mein.
No comments:
Post a Comment