Saul and Heshe Live Blog....Well, Sort Of...The Emmys

Well, first they'll chew on this corned beef reuben sandwich.   Our favorite Hollywood oldtimers, Saul and Heshe, always have to something to kibitz about the morning after an award ceremony.  And today is no different.  Let's listen in as they commandeer a front window booth at Nate N'Al's in Beverly Hills.

"Oy."

"Oy."

"What's with the Emmys on a Monday?  Was Sunday a High Holy Day I missed?  God forbid."

"No, the schmucks at NBC didn't want to pre-empt Sunday Night Football.  So they made the Emmys move."

"Gives you an idea how much money they don't make with the Emmys."

"Back in the day, we got big numbers.  You had Lucy.  Maybe Bob Hope.  Dannila Thomas."

"If you were lucky, maybe you'd get a special appearance from Dinah Shore."

"See the USA.  In your Chevrolet."

"Now I wouldn't get into a Chevy without wearing a helmet."

"I once took a tumble with Sally Struthers in the back of a Vega.   Without a helmet, thank you very much."

"Who was that pisher that was the emcee?  Was that the short guy with the last name that sounds like an apartment complex in Santa Monica?"

"Seacrest.  No.   The host was Seth Meyers."

"Never heard of him.  They should have had Lou Jacobi as co-host.   Nice marketing tie-in."

"Nobody over 65 gets that joke."

"You laughed."

"I'm 82."

"Mazel tov."

"You watch that stupid red carpet?"

"Only to see the boobies hanging out.   And on the ladies, too."

"Just once I want to hear.   When they ask what you're wearing, they say Old Navy."

"I didn't recognize any one of the shows.  Dick Van Dyke wasn't up for anything?"

"It's all on the computer now.   Do you stream on Netflix?"

"With my bladder, I stream on anything."

"There's a pill for that.  Watch the Nightly News.   They advertise there all the time."

"Did you see that Amazon woman Allison Janney won a couple of Emmys?  She thanked her co-star for being beautiful and sublime."

"Uh oh, that means she's a bitch."  

"Speaking of....we raise a glass ice tea.   Lauren Bacall."

"Now that was a bitch.   But, woo hoo, could she sashay?  She could put dill in my pickle."

"So many friends croaked this year.   I couldn't keep up."

"How come every time they do those death roll calls, somebody sings 'Smile?'"

"What do you want them to sing?  'Cry?'"

"Johnnie Ray.  Would it kill them to invite him?"

"It killed him.  He's dead."

"You ever see that 'Orange is the New Black?'"

"They call that a comedy show?  It's about women in prison."

"That's funny?   Go ask Jean Harris."

"Also dead."

"Oy."

"Vey iz mir."

"It ain't the way it used to be.  All these people were thanking their crews who work grueling hours."

"Pish on that.  Back when, we worked six days a week.  If you worked for DeMille, sometimes seven."

"They don't how good they got it.   With their Netflix and their HBO and all their fancy phones."

"I got a Smart Phone."

"Good for you.   I don't even have a smart wife."

"Oy."

"Oy."

"What are we going to do?  Show business ain't for us any more."

"No fooling.  Me?  I'll take a good Maisie movie with Ann Sothern any day."

"Woo hoo.   Loved her.   She put out more than just the cat."

"And none of these pishers are funny.   That Stephen Colbert.  Talking to an imaginary friend.  Funny like my last endoscopy."

"Is it too late to take back that Letterman slot they gave him?"

"They never should have taken it away from Johnny."

"Also dead."

"Yeah, but still funny."

"How about a black and white cookie?  I'm buying."

"Don't you mean an orange and white cookie?"

Dinner last night:  Leftover bratwurst.