Your Weekend Movie Guide for August 2014

Here's a screenshot from "This Is Cinerama."  Back in the 50s, Hollywood had to work overtime to lure their customers back from the new black and white Philco television now adorning their living room.  So, let's do something widescreen.   I mean, wide, wide, wide screen.  And make the customers feel like they're on the roller coaster at Coney Island.

Those were the days when movies dared to be exciting.  Some of the movie goers who went on this ride actually got motion sickness. 

And, today?   We go to the movies and vomit for different reasons. 

You know the drill, gang.  I'll sift through the LA Times movie pages and give you my gut reaction on what's polluting our theaters.  Spoiler alert: don't eat before you go.  Or after, for that matter.

Get On Up:  The life of singer James Brown as played by the same guy who portrayed Jackie Robinson in "24."   I can't wait to see how he does in the role of Al Sharpton.

Sex Tape:  Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel and probably not a single laugh.

Planes - Fire and Rescue:  How stale has Disney Animation gotten over the last five years?

How to Train Your Dragon 2:  There's not enough newspaper in the world.

Edge of Tomorrow:  Is there anybody who still runs out to see a Tom Cruise movie?

Land Ho!:  Two old guys go on a road trip to Iceland.  Paging Bing and Bob.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes:   Waiting for sunset.

Cabin Fever - Patient Zero:  Perfectly timed for an Ebola virus outbreak.

Lucy:  Just as long as the main character isn't a redhead and married to a Cuban, I don't care.

Magic in the Moonlight:  Reviewed here recently.   Not Woody's strongest, but still, far and away, the best summer movie so far.

Guardians of the Galaxy:  It made a fortune last weekend and I have no clue what this movie is about.

Hercules:  Just whatever did happen to Steve Reeves?

Tammy:  Melissa McCarthy and that's warning enough for me.

The Purge - Anarchy:   What's coming to this country very soon.

Think Like A Man Too:  Still wondering who this Kevin Hart guy is.

Transformers - Age of Extinction:   We should be so lucky.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:   The second incarnation.   I wasn't even on board for the first.

The Fluffy Movie:  Starring some famous Mexican comic.   I assume he is here legally.

Raw Cut:  A horror movie starts to come to live for two couples vacationing in Wyoming.  I don't have to worry about this.   I'll never be in Wyoming.

Maleficent:   Angelina Jolie just never goes away.

Calvary:  A tormented priest.  Throw a pencil.

Begin Again:  By the director of "Once," which wound up as a Broadway Tony winner.   So, essentially, the title should be "Twice."

And So It Goes:   In between sitting near me at Dodger games, director Rob Reiner found time to make this senior citizen romantic comedy with Michael Douglas and Diane Keaton.  Or, from the reviews, he made it during Dodger games.

Le Chef:   Not to be confused with the current Jon Favreau comedy "Chef."  This one's in French.  The Favreau movie was in English.  I think.

Louder Than Words:  A couple grieves over the death of their young daughter.  Good times.

I Origins:  When Claudius was not enough.

Wish I Was Here:  No clue what this is so I guess I really don't.

Earth to Echo:  Another lost alien.  Not the ones down on the Texas border.

Snowpiercer:   The description includes the word "train wreck of humanity."   So it's a documentary about every politician in America?

Boyhood:  Richard Linklater's family drama filmed over the course of 12 years.  So, if you shoot that long, don't be surprised if the final result is almost three hours long.

37 - A Final Promise:   A rock star plans to kill himself.  Let's hope this stars Justin Bieber.

What If:  Daniel Radcliffe as a medical school dropout who falls in love with an animator.    For once, he probably will be working without a green screen.

As It Is In Heaven:  A crazy religious sect in Kentucky.  Probably one of many.

The Hundred-Foot Journey:  A young chef from India opens his own restaurant in the south of France.   I'll get a burger instead.

Into The Storm:  A town is ravaged by tornadoes.   Watch the Weather Channel instead.

War Story:  A veteran war photographer runs into a migrant woman she once photographer.  Starring Catherine Keener, who's starting to be a little over-exposed.

Step Up All In:  Another one of those "Step Up" dance contest movies.   So you think you can make a good movie?

The Maid's Room:   A Colombian housekeeper witnesses a crime committed by her rich employers.  You can probably pay her off.  As long as it's in cash.

Us and the Game Industry:  A documentary about computer game development.  Us doesn't include me.

Dinner last night:  Leftover ravioli.