37AD: ROMAN EMPEROR CALIGULA ACCEPTS THE TITLES OF THE PRINCIPATE, ENTITLED TO HIM BY THE SENATE.
I have no idea what this means, but, knowing Caligula, it must be dirty.
193: ROMAN EMPEROR PERTINAX IS ASSASSINATED BY PRAETORIAN GUARDS, WHO THEN SELL THE THRONE IN AN AUCTION TO DIDIUS JULIANUS.
Pertinax? Sounds like something that kills roaches.
364: ROMAN EMPEROR VALENTINIAN I APPOINTS HIS BROTHER FLAVIUS VALENS CO-EMPEROR.
And nephew Ritchie was asked to play his music in the palace.
845: PARIS IS SACKED BY VIKING RAIDERS.
Finally, another country chimes in. I was getting sick of all this Roman bullshit, weren't you?
1776: JUAN BAUTISTA DE ANZA FINDS THE SITE FOR THE PRESIDIO OF SAN FRANCISCO.
And boy, did they find it gets really cold during the day.
1794: ALLIES UNDER THE PRINCE OF COBURG DEFEAT FRENCH FORCES AT LE CATEAU.
Le Cateau? I think that's pretty highly rated in Zagat's.
1809: DURING THE PENINSULAR WAR, FRANCE DEFEATS SPAIN IN THE BATTLE OF MEDELIN.
How bad an army did Spain have if they lose to the scummy French?
1836: BREWER FREDERICK PABST IS BORN.
A blue ribbon baby.
1854: DURING THE CRIMEAN WAR, FRANCE AND BRITAIN DECLARE WAR ON RUSSIA.
Talk about strange bedfellows.
1871: THE PARIS COMMUNE IS FORMALLY ESTABLISHED IN PARIS.
Okay. C'est officiale. I am sick of France now.
1899: BREWER GUSSIE BUSCH IS BORN.
It's a red letter day for beer drinkers.
1905: ZOOLOGIST/TV HOST MARLIN PERKINS IS BORN.
Brought to you by Mutual of Omaha.
1907: TALENT AGENT SWIFTY LAZAR IS BORN.
The original dirtbag agent.
1910: HENRI FABRE BECOMES THE FIRST PERSON TO FLY A SEAPLANE NEAR MARTIGUES, FRANCE.
And....I am still sick of France.
1910: TV HOST JIMMIE DODD IS BORN.
Don't you really want to know what his relationship with Roy was really about?
1939: DURING THE SPANISH CIVIL WAR, GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO CONQUERS MADRID.
And ultimately will dominate the entire first season of Saturday Night Live.
1941: WRITER VIRGINIA WOOLF DIES.
Who's afraid of you now?
1942: DURING WORLD WAR II, BRITISH NAVAL FORCES SUCCESSFULLY RAID THE GERMAN-OCCUPIED PORT OF ST. NAZAIRE IN OCCUPIED FRANCE.
Occupied France? I knew the streak wouldn't last.
1944: ACTOR KEN HOWARD IS BORN.
The White Shadow. Then he got fat and died.
1946: THE UNITED STATES STATE DEPARTMENT RELEASES THE ACHESON-LILIENTHAL REPORT, OUTLING A PLAN FOR THE CONTROL OF NUCLEAR POWER.
As opposed to the Acheson-Topeka-Santa Fe.
1953: ATHLETE JIM THORPE DIES.
You can stop running now.
1955: SINGER REBA MCENTIRE IS BORN.
I once rode an elevator with her. She was very nice. She pushed the button for me.
1969: FORMER PRESIDENT DWIGHT EISENHOWER DIES.
He never got to see the Mets in the World Series.
1976: SILENT ACTOR RICHARD ARLEN DIES.
He was in Wings. Now he's wearing them.
1979: OPERATORS OF NUCLEAR REACTOR THREE MILE ISLAND FAIL TO RECOGNIZE A COOLANT LEAK.
Twenty years later, there are probably a lot of bald teenagers in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.
1979: CLOWN EMMETT KELLY DIES.
Now he really has nothing to smile about.
1985: ARTIST MARC CHAGALL DIES.
Never have some simple paint spills been more revered.
1987: SINGER MARIA VON TRAPP DIES.
The hills may be alive. You, however, are not.
1990: PRESIDENT GEORGE H.W. BUSH POSTHUMOUSLY AWARDS JESSE OWENS THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL.
Gee, thanks.
2004: TV HOST ART JAMES DIES.
Say when? God say...now.
2004: ACTOR PETER USTINOV DIES.
When Hercule Poirot dies, does anybody else investigate?
2006: AT LEAST 1 MILLION UNION MEMBERS, STUDENTS, AND UNEMPLOYED TAKE TO THE STREETS FOR A PROTEST IN FRANCE.
In 2018, nobody marches against government any more, right? Right??
2015: BROADWAY DIRECTOR GENE SAKS DIES.
He was once married to Beatrice Arthur. Which means he was probably hard of hearing.
Dinner last night: Leftover sausage, peppers, and onions.
No comments:
Post a Comment