This Date in History - New Year's Day

Happy new year!   Hey, wait till you see all the crap that's happened on this date when most people should be doing nothing but dealing with a hangover.  Spoiler alert: it's not a day to sleep late if you're a king or an emperor.

153 BC:  ROMAN CONSULS BEGIN THEIR YEAR IN OFFICE.

Talk about your term limits.

45 BC:  THE JULIAN CALENDAR TAKES EFFECT FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Please notify Hallmark.

42 BC:  THE ROMAN SENATE POSTHUMOUSLY DEIFIES JULIUS CAESAR.

Now there's somebody who is sleeping late today.

193:  THE SENATE CHOOSES PERTINAX AGAINST HIS WILL TO SUCCEED COMMODUS AS ROMAN EMPEROR.

Pertinax sounds like something you would take so you can stop puking into the commodus.

404:  AN INFURIATED ROMAN MOB TEARS TELEMACHUS, A CHRISTIAN MONK, TO PIECES FOR TRYING TO STOP A GLADIATOR FIGHT.

Telemachus the Roman Buzzkill.

 1068:  ROMANOS IV DIOGENES MARRIES EUDOKIA MAKREMBOLITISSA AND IS CROWNED BYZANTINE EMPEROR.

Okey Eudokia.

1259:  MICHAEL VIII PALAIOLOGOS IS PROCLAIMED CO-EMPEROR OF THE EMPIRE OF NICAEA WITH HIS JOHN IV LASKARIS.

That sentence looks like a typing test.

1438: ALBERT II OF HABSBURG IS CROWNED KING OF HUNGARY.

And so it starts.

1515:  KING FRANCIS I OF FRANCE SUCCEEDS TO THE FRENCH THRONE.

And starts...

1527:  CROATIAN NOBLES ELECT FERDINAND I OF AUSTRIA AS KING OF CROATIA.

And starts...

1651:  CHARLES II IS CROWNED KING OF SCOTLAND.

And starts....

1707:  JOHN V IS CROWNED KING OF PORTUGAL.

Enough already.

1772:  THE FIRST TRAVELERS CHEQUES GO ON SALE IN LONDON.

Finally, some news not involving a crown.

1773:  THE HYMN KNOWN AS "AMAZING GRACE" IS FIRST USED IN OLNEY, ENGLAND.

What did they play at funerals prior to 1773?

1776:  DURING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, NORFOLK, VIRGINA IS BURNED BY THE ROYAL NAVY.

Well, that's not cricket.

1801:  THE LEGISLATIVE UNION OF GREAT BRITAIN AND IRELAND IS COMPLETED TO FORM THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND IRELAND.

Yeah, that'll work long term.

1804:  FRENCH RULES END IN HAITI, WHICH THEN BECOMES THE FIRST BLACK REPUBLIC.

Mount Vernon, New York being the second.

1808:  THE IMPORTATION OF SLAVES INTO THE US IS BANNED.

Sorry, we're full.

1860:  THE FIRST POLISH STAMP IS ISSUED.

And came back "postage due."

 1863:  THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION TAKES EFFECT IN CONFEDERATE TERRITORY DURING THE CIVIL WAR.

Remember when you had to learn how to spell it in school.

1877:  QUEEN VICTORIA OF THE UNITED KINGDOM IS PROCLAIMED EMPRESS OF INDIA.

Empress of India, I believe, is a restaurant on Wilshire Boulevard in Santa Monica.

1890:  THE ROSE PARADE IS FIRST HELD IN PASADENA, CALIFORNIA.

Which makes the first Rose Queen about 144 years old.

1892:  ELLIS ISLAND OPENS TO BEGIN PROCESSING IMMIGRANTS INTO THE UNITED STATES.

Back in the day when you actually wanted people to come into this country.

1895:  FBI DIRECTOR J. EDGAR HOOVER IS BORN.

Rat bastard.

1898:  NEW YORK, NEW YORK ANNEXES LAND FROM SURROUNDING COUNTIES TO CREATE THE CITY OF NY.  THE FIVE BOROUGHS ARE ESTABLISHED.

So, the song didn't come first??

1900:  BANDLEADER XAVIER CUGAT IS BORN.

Which makes him like 144 years older than Charo.

1902:  THE FIRST AMERICAN COLLEGE FOOTBALL BOWL GAME IS HELD AS THE ROSE BOWL IS PLAYED IN PASADENA.

And now there are over 144 bowl games every January 1.

1908:  FOR THE FIRST TIME, A BALL IS DROPPED IN TIMES SQUARE AT MIDNIGHT.

Dick Clark on hand for the festivities.

1919:  BOXER ROCKY GRAZIANO IS BORN.

Somebody up there sure did like his mother.

1925:  ACTOR MATTHEW BEARD IS BORN.

Stymie!!!!!

1932:  THE US POST OFFICE ISSUES A SET OF 12 STAMPS COMMEMORATING THE 200TH ANNIVERSARY OF GEORGE WASHINGTON'S BIRTH.

Collect the set.

1934:  ALCATRAZ ISLAND BECOMES A US FEDERAL PRISON.

Notify Burt Lancaster.

1934:  NAZI GERMANY PASSES THE LAW FOR "THE PREVENTION OF GENETICALLY DISEASED OFFSPRING."

Spoiler alert: they really started to enforce this.

1937:  SAFETY GLASS IN VEHICLE WINDSCREENS BECOMES MANDATORY IN THE UNITED KINGDOM.

What the hell did they use for this?  Tissue paper??

1943:  ACTOR DON NOVELLO IS BORN.

Father Guido Sarducci!!

1953:  COUNTRY SINGER HANK WILLIAMS DIES.

Your Not Pulsating Heart.

1954:  NBC MAKES THE FIRST NATIONAL COLOR BROADCAST WITH THEIR TELECAST OF THE ROSE PARADE.

Cue the peacock.

1962:  THE US NAVY SEALS ARE ESTABLISHED.

Much to Osama Bin Laden's chagrin.

1966:  A TWELVE DAY NYC TRANSIT STRIKE BEGINS.

With that dirtbag union leader Michael Quill telling the judges to "drop dead in their black robes."

1971:  CIGARETTE ADVERTISEMENTS ARE BANNED ON AMERICAN TELEVISION.

"Winston tastes good like a........................."

1972:  SINGER MAURICE CHEVALIER DIES.

Every little breeze seems to whisper "you're dead."

1984:  THE ORIGINAL BELL TELEPHONE SYSTEM COMPANIES ARE DIVESTED IN AN ANTI-TRUST SUIT.

Ooops, I can't get a dial tone.

1987:  ACTOR LLOYD HAYNES DIES.

 Crypt 222.

1990:  DAVID DINKINS IS SWORN IN AS NYC'S MAYOR.

A black day in the city's history.  And, yes, I wrote that.

1994:  ACTOR CESAR ROMERO DIES.

This he didn't find funny.

1997:  DIPLOMAT KOFI ANNAN IS APPOINTED SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE UNITED NATIONS.

Which means he can park anywhere he wants in the borough of Manhattan.

2001:  ACTOR RAY WALSTON DIES.

To Mars and way, way beyond.

2013:  SINGER PATTI PAGE DIES.

How much is that casket in the window?

2014:  ACTRESS JUANITA MOORE DIES.

She was in "Imitation of Life."  You can finish this joke any way you like.

2015:  POLITICIAN MARIO CUOMO DIES.

He left us with two dopey sons and a bridge.

2015:  ACTRESS DONNA DOUGLAS DIES.

And the critters all weep around the cement pond.

Dinner last night:  Chicken marsala at Fabiolus Cafe.