We're All In This....Together?

Or so says the marketing line/hashtag of the COVID-19 pandemic.   It was rolled out so quickly that I'm convinced it came out of a corporate think tank a year ago.  

I would guess that I'm not the only one who feels a little disjointed these days.  We are all striving to make the most of a rotten situation.

But, with the quarantine, race riots, curfews, etc, I've been prompted of late to think about friendships,  Totally reflective.  And it's all about who I am as a person.  In this case, an only child devoid of siblings.  And single.

Don't get me wrong.   I have plenty of friends.   And, upon reflection, I've had to work a little harder to get that roster of pals.

As a result of this status in life as an only, I have always felt compelled to be the ring leader.   I'm the one who wants to gather the troops.   Concerts, movies, plays, dinners.   You name it.   I'm the one always being the architect of the plan.  At least, in those days when we could actually leave the house.

And, with the current health situation, I have added yet another chore to my friendship job responsibilities.  I call to check up my friends all over the country.   Even some I have been out of touch with for some time.   Are you okay?  Are you safe?  How's the family?  Is there anything I can help with?  Any looting nearby?  You know the drill.

After a few weeks, it hit me like a can of V-8.

Not many people were calling me with the same courtesy.  I guess everyone is busy with their 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles.   But, as I thought further, why should I expect anything more than the usual?  You see, years ago, I set up the ground rules.   I have only myself to blame.

For my whole life, I'm the one always asking the ask.   Arranging the time.  Choosing the restaurant for the evening.   Always the planner.  Never ever the plannee.

This leads to more quarantine thinking.  If I had not taken on this role, would I ever be going anywhere?   Or was I doomed to be a professional afterthought?   

Of recent years, few people call me and invite me to an event.   Or a party.  Or lunch.   Or a weekend excursion.  Or anything for that matter.  I can't remember the last time somebody else planned something spontaneously and actually took the time to reel me in for it.  Prior to COVID-19, an old work associate I hadn't seen in a while called to take me to lunch for a belated birthday celebration.   I was appreciative.  And shocked.      

So, the question is simple.  If I stop being a ring leader, what will happen?  It's an experiment I want to try but I am afraid of the results.  I think I know what would occur.   

Silence.

But then again it's not like we can go anywhere any way.

I have a subset issue.  Birthdays.   I never forget anybody's.   And I always make sure that said person has plans for their big day.  If they don't, I offer to do something.   The reciprocal?  Save for one or two friends, I don't ever get the same treatment back.  I once mentioned this to somebody as an aside.  The response?  

"Well, we assumed you had plans."

Hmmm.  Yes, I am the professional afterthought.

Meanwhile, in this social media world of 2020, I get to watch on Facebook and Instagram what everybody is doing and what I was not invited to.   I sift through the photos and videos and include my "Like."  Trust me.  I do it in a robotic fashion.  At this juncture, I barely look at them.

And there's another thing.  Over the years, I have worked hard to stay in touch with friends.  Give them a call every couple of weeks to check in.   I noticed that, if I don't initiate, I get nothing in return.  There's no better example of this than the year 2015,  I had a couple of pretty nasty health issues occur simultaneously.  I didn't hide this on social media.  Hell, I posted a Facebook photo from my gurney in the emergency room,  Did I get calls from lots of friends?

Nah.

Five years ago when I had that run of rotten health with an inflamed liver, a stuck gall stone, and a fractured kneecap that all ganged up on me just in time for Christmas, I remember not hearing from a lot of folks.

Yep, what does all my kindness get me?   

Apparently bupkus.

Of course, I then think about the times I checked in on friends who were sick or going through a rough patch.  Well, I've been dealing with a bit of an emotional dilemma the past six months.  Nobody knows because nobody asks and nobody asks because nobody calls.

And then the pandemic hit and...well, silence again.  Liking something I post on Facebook doesn't equal staying in touch.   

I hope I'm not sounding like I'm angry at other people.  I have brought this on myself.   I am angry with....well...me.  And a little bit at my parents who created this personality that allows himself to position himself as invisible and a tad inconsequential.    

Now this is not to say that I want to be invited everywhere people go.  Not hardly.  But, at this point, receiving an invitation rarely would be a vast improvement.

Of course, that's something to hope for when we are all let out of our personal prisons.

Dinner last night:   Leftover ribs and salad.