1462: VLAD III THE IMPALER ATTEMPTS TO ASSASSINATE MEHMED II THE NIGHT ATTACK.
How come these guys sound like wrestlers?
1565: MATSUNAGE HISAHIDE ASSASSINATES THE 13TH ASHIKAGA SHOGUN, ASHIKAGA YOSHITERU.
If you say so...
1579: SIR FRANCIS DRAKE CLAIMS A LAND HE CALLS NOVA ALBION (MODERN CALIFORNIA) FOR ENGLAND.
So they almost became the Nova Albion Giants.
1631: MUMTAZ MAHAL DIES DURING CHILDBIRTH. HER HUSBAND, SHAH JAHAN I, WILL SPEND THE NEXT 17 YEARS BUILDING HER MAUSOLEUM, THE TAJ MAHAL.
That's an awfully long time to keep a dead body around.
1775: DURING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, COLONISTS INFLICT HEAVY CASUALTIES ON BRITISH FORCES WHILE LOSING THE BATTLE OF BUNKER HILL.
Take that, you blasted Redcoats!
1789: IN FRANCE, THE THIRD ESTATE DECLARES ITSELF THE NATIONAL ASSEMBLY.
Je ne care pas.
1839: IN THE KINGDOM OF HAWAII, KAMEHAMEHA II ISSUES THE EDICT OF TOLERATION WHICH GIVES ROMAN CATHOLICS THE FREEDOM TO WORSHIP IN THE HAWAIIAN ISLANDS.
The Kingdom of Hawaii? Is there any other US state that was once a kingdom? Not counting Texas, of course.
1876: THE BATTLE OF THE ROSEBUD - 1,500 SIOUX AND CHEYENNE LED BY CRAZY HORSE BEAT BACK GENERAL CROOK'S FORCES IN MONTANA TERRITORY.
Sioux? Si.
1877: THE BATTLE OF WHITE BIRD CANYON - THE NEZ PERCE DEFEAT THE US CAVALRY IN IDAHO.
So how come the Indians are always winning?
1885: THE STATUE OF LIBERTY ARRIVES IN NEW YORK HARBOR.
And they kept it there when they found out it didn't exactly fit into anybody's living room.
1898: THE US NAVY HOSPITAL CORPS IS ESTABLISHED.
Anchors and Band Aids away.
1901: THE COLLEGE BOARD INTRODUCES ITS FIRST STANDARDIZED TEST, THE FORERUNNER TO THE SAT.
I thought that was the PSAT.
1930: US PRESIDENT HERBERT HOOVER SIGNS THE SMOOT-HAWLEY TARIFF ACT INTO LAW.
I don't trust any legislation with the word "Smoot" in it.
1933: IN KANSAS CITY, FOUR FBI AGENTS AND CAPTURED FUGITIVE FRANK NASH ARE GUNNED DOWN BY GANGSTERS ATTEMPTING TO FREE NASH.
Paging Eliot Ness.
1943: POLITICIAN NEWT GINGRICH IS BORN.
Is it me or does this guy always look so much older than his age?
1943: SINGER BARRY MANILOW IS BORN.
He finally came out of the closet. As if we were surprised.
1953: IN EAST GERMANY, THE SOVIET UNION ORDERS A DIVISION OF TROOPS INTO EAST BERLIN TO QUELL A REBELLION.
Yeah, that worked. For a while.
1960: THE NEZ PERCE TRIBE IS AWARDED FOUR MILLION DOLLARS FOR 7 MILLION ACRES OF LAND.
So they beat us on this date in 1877 and also got oodles of money???
1963: THE US SUPREME COURT RULES 8-1 IN ABINGTON SCHOOL DISTRICT VS. SCHEMPP AGAINST REQUIRING THE RECITING OF BIBLE VERSES AND THE LORD'S PRAYER IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS.
Do Moe and Larry know about this?
1971: PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON DECLARES THE US WAR ON DRUGS.
Does that mean he'll be bugging the folks at Johnson and Johnson?
1972: FIVE WHITE HOUSE OPERATIVES ARE ARRESTED FOR BURGLING THE OFFICES OF THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE.
Watergate...I think this turned out to be some sort of big deal.
1986: SINGER KATE SMITH DIES.
God bless her...and America.
1987: BASEBALL STAR AND MANAGER DICK HOWSER DIES.
Less than two years after guiding them to the 1985 World Series.
1994: FOLLOWING A TELEVISED LOW-SPEED HIGHWAY CHASE, OJ SIMPSON IS ARRESTED FOR THE MURDER OF HIS WIFE NICOLE AND HER FRIEND RONALD GOLDMAN.
Guilty.
2008: ACTRESS/DANCER CYD CHARISSE DIES.
She lived three blocks away from my last apartment.
2012: RODNEY KING DIES.
Don't know how to describe him with an occupation. I'll leave it at that.
2019: GLORIA VANDERBILT DIES.
Mother of Anderson Cooper. But we never held it against her.
Dinner last night: Leftover baby back ribs.
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