it's tough for me to ignore my favorite character from the Sopranos. Here's to you, Tony "Paulie Walnuts" Sirico.
238: THE PRAETORIAN GUARD STORM THE PALACE AND CAPTURE PUPIENUS AND BALBINUS. THEY ARE DRAGGED THROUGH THE STREETS OF ROME AND EXECUTED. ON THE SAME DAY, GORDIAN III, AGE 13, IS PROCLAIMED EMPEROR.
Talk about a nice bar mitzvah present. Here's your present...Rome.
615: PAKAL ASCENDS THE THRONE OF PALENQUE AT THE AGE OF 12.
What's with all these rulers with acne?
904: SACK OF THESSALONICA - SARACEN RAIDERS UNDER LEO OF TRIPOLI SACK THESSALONIKI AFTER A SHORT SIEGE.
Leo of Tripoli must have had some defensive line.
1030: BATTLE OF STIKLESTAD - KING OLAF II FIGHTS AND DIES TRYING TO REGAIN HIS NORWEGIAN THRONE FROM THE DANES.
Victor Borge would be proud.
1565: THE WIDOWED MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTS, MARRIES HENRY STUART AT HOLYROOD PALACE IN SCOTLAND.
If you read this fast, you think it's the Hollywood Palace.
1793: JOHN GRAVES SIMCOE DECIDES TO BUILD A FORT AND SETTLEMENT AT TORONTO.
Did Simcoe also have a shoe store?
1836: INAUGURATION OF THE ARC DE TRIOMPHE IN PARIS.
Good. Now they have something to put on postcards.
1848: TIPPERARY REVOLT - IN IRELAND, AN UNSUCCESSFUL NATIONALIST REVOLT AGAINST BRITISH RULE IS PUT DOWN BY POLICE.
It's a long way to...
1864: AMERICAN CIVIL WAR - CONFEDERATE SPY BELLE BOYD IS ARRESTED BY UNION TROOPS AND DETAINED AT THE OLD CAPITOL PRISON IN WASHINGTON, DC.
The Belle of the Jail.
1890: PAINTER VINCENT VAN GOGH DIES.
Lust for Death.
1892: ACTOR WILLIAM POWELL IS BORN.
The Thin Man.
1899: THE FIRST HAGUE CONVENTION IS SIGNED.
Wait for the second one. They'll have all the kinks worked out.
1905: ACTRESS CLARA BOW IS BORN.
She was a hottie back in the day.
1905: DIPLOMAT DAG HAMMARSKJOLD IS BORN.
Now there's a name that defies forgery.
1914: THE CAPE COD CANAL OPENS.
Not exactly the one in Panama.
1914: COMEDIAN PROFESSOR IRWIN COREY IS BORN.
He lived to 103. That's 791 in dog years.
1921: ADOLF HITLER BECOMES LEADER OF THE NATIONAL SOCIALIST GERMAN WORKERS PARTY.
Uh oh.
1933: WRESTLER LOU ALBANO IS BORN.
He also was a cab driver in my hometown of Mount Vernon, NY and had his name painted on the side of the vehicle.
1942: ACTOR TONY SIRICO IS BORN.
Seriously, he steals every scene he's in with the Sopranos.
1945: THE BBC LIGHT PROGRAMME STATION IS LAUNCHED.
Fewer calories than the regular BBC.
1948: AFTER A HIATUS OF 12 YEARS CAUSED BY WORLD WAR II, THE FIRST SUMMER OLYMPICS TO BE HELD SINCE 1936 OPEN IN LONDON.
That Hitler was such a buzzkill.
1958: US PRESIDENT DWIGHT EISENHOWER SIGNS INTO LAW THE NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ACT, WHICH CREATES NASA.
Space. The Next Frontier.
1959: THE FIRST US CONGRESS ELECTIONS IN HAWAII AS A STATE OF THE UNION.
Vote 'em, Dan-o.
1967: DURING THE FOURTH DAY OF CELEBRATING ITS 400TH ANNIVERSARY, THE CITY OF CARACAS, VENEZUELA IS SHAKEN BY AN EARTHQUAKE, LEAVING APPROXIMATELY 500 DEAD.
The perfect symmetry would have been 400 dead.
1974: SINGER CASS ELLIOT DIES.
Should have had soup instead of a sandwich.
1976: IN NEW YORK CITY, DAVID BERKOWITZ, AKA THE SON OF SAM, KILLS ONE AND WOUNDS ANOTHER IN THE FIRST OF HIS ATTACKS.
A dog told him to do it. Seriously.
1979: PRODUCER BILL TODMAN DIES.
He no longer has a secret.
1981: ON TELEVISION, OVER 700 MILLION PEOPLE WATCH THE WEDDING OF PRINCE CHARLES AND LADY DIANA SPENCER IN LONDON.
She didn't mind the photographers that day.
1981: URBAN PLANNER ROBERT MOSES DIES.
The real reason the Dodgers moved out of Brooklyn.
1982: ACTOR HAROLD SAKATA DIES.
Oddjob!
1983: ACTOR RAYMOND MASSEY DIES.
Paging Dr. Kildare.
1983: ACTOR DAVID NIVEN DIES.
Separate Coffins.
1987: BRITISH PRIME MINISTER MARGARET THATCHER AND PRESIDENT OF FRANCE FRANCOIS MITTERRAND SIGN THE AGREEMENT TO BUILD A TUNNEL UNDER THE ENGLISH CHANNEL.
I'd hate to get stuck down there.
1996: THE CHILD PROTECTION PORTION OF THE COMMUNICATIONS DECENCY ACT IS STRUCK DOWN BY A US FEDERAL COURT AS TOO BROAD.
Yeah? Have you seen what kids are writing on the internet these days?
1998: CHOREOGRAPHER JEROME ROBBINS DIES.
Sharks 0, Jets 0.
2005: ASTRONOMERS ANNOUNCE THEIR DISCOVERY OF THE DWARF PLANET ERIS.
Eris tu?
Dinner last night: Grilled hot dogs.
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