457: LEO I THE THRACIAN BECOMES EMPEROR OF THE BYZANTINE EMPIRE.
What is a Thracian? Is that like the Kiwanis?
1497: THE BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES OCCURS, DURING WHICH SUPPORTERS OF GIROLAMO SAVONAROLA BURN COSMETICS, ARTS, AND BOOKS IN FLORENCE, ITALY.
Wait! Wasn't that a book that came out in the 80s?
1783: THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION - FRENCH AND SPANISH FORCES LIFT THE GREAT SIEGE OF GIBRALTAR.
Like a rock.
1795: THE 11TH AMENDMENT TO THE US CONSTITUTION IS RATIFIED.
If that happened today, half the country would hate the news.
1812: THE STRONGEST IN A SERIES OF EARTHQUAKES STRIKES MISSOURI.
Missouri????
1812: AUTHOR CHARLES DICKENS IS BORN.
It was the best of times.
1819: SIR THOMAS STAMFORD RAFFLES LEAVES SINGAPORE AFTER JUST TAKING IT OVER.
Raffles obviously loses interest quickly.
1854: A LAW IS APPROVED TO FOUND THE SWISS FEDERAL INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY.
Hot chocolate for everybody!
1867: AUTHOR LAURA INGALLS WILDER IS BORN.
In the Little Maternity Ward on the Prairie.
1898: EMILE ZOLA IS BROUGHT TO TRIAL FOR LIBEL FOR PUBLISHING J'ACCUSE.
J'accuse yourself.
1904: A FIRE IN BALTIMORE, MARYLAND DESTROYS OVER 1,500 BUILDINGS IN 30 HOURS.
That's an awful lot of claims adjusting.
1907: THE MUD MARCH IS THE FIRST LARGE PROCESSION ORGANIZED BY THE NATIONAL UNION OF WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE SOCIETIES.
I'd prefer a Mud Fight.
1940: THE SECOND FULL-LENGTH DISNEY CARTOON, PINOCCHIO, PREMIERES.
The whale always scares me.
1944: WORLD WAR II - IN ANZIO, ITALY, GERMAN FORCES LAUNCH A COUNTEROFFENSIVE DURING THE ALLIED OPERATION SHINGLE.
Enjoy it while it lasts, Nazis.
1951: MORE THAN 700 SUSPECTED COMMUNIST SYMPATHIZERS ARE BUTCHERED BY SOUTH KOREAN FORCES.
Hey, in the US, they only denied them jobs in Hollywood.
1962: COUNTRY SINGER GARTH BROOKS IS BORN.
Throw your hat in the air.
1962: THE UNITED STATES BANS ALL CUBAN IMPORTS AND EXPORTS.
If this law had been maintained, there would be no Yasiel Puig.
1978: ACTOR ASHTON KUTCHER IS BORN.
I hear he's a really nasty guy.
1979: GERMAN OFFICER JOSEF MENGELE DIES.
Now I know he was a really nasty guy.
1979: PLUTO MOVES INSIDE NEPTUNE'S ORBIT FOR THE FIRST TIME.
The planet not the dog.
1984: US ASTRONAUTS MCCANDLESS AND STEWART MAKE THE FIRST UNTETHERED SPACE WALK DURING THE SPACE SHUTTLE PROGRAM.
Untethered? Well, that's scary.
1990: THE CENTRAL COMMITTEE OF THE SOVIET COMMUNIST PARTY AGREES TO GIVE UP ITS MONOPOLY ON POWER.
Well it was fun while it lasted.
1995: RAMZI YOUSEF, THE MASTERMIND OF THE 1993 WORLD TRADE CENTER BOMBING, IS ARRESTED IN PAKISTAN.
And tortured, I hope.
1997: NeXT merges with Apple Computer, starting the path to Mac OS X.
And a line in the Apple store no doubt.
2000: MAGICIAN DOUG HENNING DIES.
So much for the magic of illusion.
2001: ACTRESS DALE EVANS DIES.
The last happy trail.
2001: ANNE MORROW LINDBERGH DIES.
Yeah, your hubby was a really nasty guy, too.
2013: THE US STATE OF MISSISSIPPI CERTIFIES THE 13TH AMENDMENT, BECOMING THE LAST STATE TO APPROVE THE ABOLITION OF SLAVERY.
Well, you had a good run, too.
2017: ACTOR RICHARD HATCH DIES.
Down the...
2019: BASEBALL STAR FRANK ROBINSON DIES.
Of the 1969 World Champion Orioles...no, wait...recalculating.
2019: ACTOR ALBERT FINNEY DIES.
Star of much-overrated Best Picture of 1964 "Tom Jones."
Dinner last night: Salad.
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