33: THIS IS THE GENERALLY AGREED-UPON DATE FOR THE CRUCIFIXION OF JESUS CHRIST.
And thereby ruining some baseball team's home opener.
1043: EDWARD THE CONFESSOR IS CROWNED KING OF ENGLAND.
In some circles, confessor is synonymous with squealer.
1559: THE PEACE OF CATEAU-CAMBRESIS TREATY IS SIGNED, ENDING THE ITALIAN WARS.
Until the Corleones and Barzinis started it all over again.
1783: AUTHOR WASHINGTON IRVING IS BORN.
Tarrytown's now on the map.
1834: THE GENERALS IN THE GREEK WAR OF INDEPENDENCE STAND TRIAL FOR TREASON.
There's always a good treason.
1860: THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL UNITED STATES PONY EXPRESS RUN FROM SAINT JOSEPH, MISSOURI TO SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA BEGINS.
Still faster than the dummy who delivers my mail.
1882: JESSE JAMES IS KILLED BY ROBERT FORD.
I wonder if the reward was taxable.
1885: GOTTLIEB DAIMLER IS GRANTED A GERMAN PATENT FOR HIS ENGINE DESIGN.
You vill drive and you vill drive now.
1893: ACTOR LESLIE HOWARD IS BORN.
That Ashley Wilkes was a real wimp, wasn't he?
1895: TRIALS OF THE LIBEL CASE INSTIGATED BY OSCAR WILDE BEGINS, EVENTUALLY LEADING TO HIS IMPRISONMENT ON CHARGES OF HOMOSEXUALITY.
Leading to the invention of shower rape.
1898: ENTERTAINER GEORGE JESSEL IS BORN.
The toastmaster general!
1904: DANCER SALLY RAND IS BORN.
She had her fans. And also her fans.
1907: ACTOR IRON EYES CODY IS BORN.
Pick up that trash on the side of the road, please.
1921: ACTOR ROBERT KARVELAS IS BORN.
Larrabee on Get Smart!!!
1922: JOSEPH STALIN BECOMES THE FIRST GENERAL SECRETARY OF THE COMMUNIST PARTY OF THE SOVIET UNION.
Bigger moustache: Stalin or Jerry Colonna? Show of hands, please.
1924: ENTERTAINER DORIS DAY IS BORN.
Forget all the wonderful work. How many dogs owe their lives to her?
1924: ACTOR MARLON BRANDO IS BORN.
On the same day as Doris. Is this an informative blog or what?
1926: ASTRONAUT GUS GRISSOM IS BORN.
And later burns to a crisp.
1930: BASEBALL PLAYER WALLY MOON IS BORN.
The Moon Shot in the Los Angeles Coliseum!
1933: FIRST FLIGHT OVER MOUNT EVEREST LED BY A BRITISH EXPEDITION AND THE MARQUIS OF CLYDESDALE.
Clydesdale??? Nah, it couldn't be.
1936: BRUNO RICHARD HAUPTMANN IS EXECUTED FOR THE KIDNAPPING AND DEATH OF THE LINDBERGH BABY.
And well he should have been.
1942: DURING WORLD WAR II, JAPANESE FORCES BEGIN AN ASSAULT ON THE US TROOPS IN BATAAN.
It will be sayonara soon. Just wait and see.
1942: ENTERTAINER WAYNE NEWTON IS BORN.
Danke what?
1944: SINGER TONY ORLANDO IS BORN.
Go tie your own yellow ribbon around your own oak tree.
1948: PRESIDENT HARRY TRUMAN SIGNS THE MARSHALL PLAN, AUTHORIZING $5 BILLION IN AID FOR 16 COUNTRIES.
And so the debt begins.
1959: ACTOR DAVID HYDE PIERCE IS BORN.
Niles on Frasier!
1968: MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. DELIVERS HIS "I'VE BEEN TO THE MOUNTAINTOP" SPEECH.
From the mountaintop to the motel terrace floor.
1971: GANGSTER JOSEPH VALACHI DIES.
Where was Paulie Walnuts on this date in history?
1981: THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL PORTABLE COMPUTER IS UNVEILED IN SAN FRANCISCO.
Talk about your flash in the pan.
1988: CARTOONIST MILTON CANIFF DIES.
He drew Steve Canyon.
1993: TV PERSONALITY PINKY LEE DIES.
Did anybody ever see this guy perform? Or, with that name, was he an urban legend?
1996: A UNITED STATES AIR FORCE AIRPLANE CARRYING SECRETARY OF COMMERCE RON BROWN CRASHES IN CROATIA.
Dying in Croatia is really redundant.
1999: COMPOSER LIONEL BART DIES.
Consider yourself...dead.
2000: MICROSOFT IS RULED TO HAVE VIOLATED US ANTITRUST LAWS.
Ya think?
2010: APPLE RELEASES THE FIRST IPAD.
So the warranty has expired??
Dinner last night: Salisbury steak.
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