758: GUANGZHOU IS SACKED BY ARAB AND PERSIAN PIRATES.
I wonder if the Persian Pirates had as many losing seasons as the ones in Pittsburgh.
1226: TRAN THU DO, HEAD OF THE TRAN CLAN OF VIETNAM, FORCES LY HUE TONG, THE LAST EMPEROR OF THE LY DYNASTY, TO COMMIT SUICIDE.
The Tran Clan? I see Florence Henderson, Robert Reed, and six Chinese kids.
1485: KING HENRY VII OF ENGLAND IS CROWNED.
One more Henry till the really interesting one.
1501: A BANQUET HELD BY CESARE BORGIA IN THE PAPAL PALACE IS ATTENDED BY FIFTY PROSTITUTES, THERE TO ENTERTAIN THE GUESTS.
Bring Your Own Boobs.
1735: 2ND PRESIDENT OF THE US JOHN ADAMS IS BORN.
Or so the HBO mini-series said.
1831: IN VIRGINIA, ESCAPED SLAVE NAT TURNER IS CAPTURED AND ARRESTED FOR LEADING A BLOODY SLAVE REBELLION.
Years later, cops will capture and arrest Ike Turner as well.
1864: HELENA, MONTANA IS FOUNDED AFTER FOUR PROSPECTORS DISCOVER GOLD AT LAST CHANCE GULCH.
Where's my cut?
1896: ACTRESS RUTH GORDON IS BORN.
Wouldn't it be funny if her mother's name was Rosemary?
1905: CZAR NICHOLAS II OF RUSSIA GRANTS THE COUNTRY'S FIRST CONSTITUTION.
"All men's bank accounts are created equal..."
1918: THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE SIGNS AN ARMISTICE WITH THE ALLIES, ENDING THE FIRST WORLD WAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST.
At this point in my world history class, I was totally asleep.
1920: THE COMMUNIST PARTY OF AUSTRALIA IS FOUNDED.
"All men's kangaroo pens are created equal..."
1922: BENITO MUSSOLINI IS MADE PRIME MINISTER OF ITALY.
They gave him the job because he always seemed to be hanging around.
1932: DIRECTOR LOUIS MALLE IS BORN.
My Birthday with Andre.
1938: ORSON WELLES BROADCASTS HIS RADIO PLAY OF HG WELLS' "WAR OF THE WORLDS," CAUSING ANXIETY ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.
That was the time when we were really worried about alien invasions. In 2013, not so much.
1941: US PRESIDENT FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT APPROVES US $1 BILLION IN LEND-LEASE AID TO THE ALLIED NATIONS.
Hey, Gimpy, what took you so long???
1944: ANNE FRANK AND HER SISTER ARE DEPORTED FROM AUSCHWITZ TO A CONCENTRATION CAMP.
Anne was the smart one of the two sisters. She wrote everything down.
1945: JACKIE ROBINSON OF THE KANSAS CITY MONARCHS SIGNS A CONTRACT FOR THE BROOKLYN DODGERS TO BREAK THE BASEBALL COLOR BARRIER.
If he got nasty treatment in Brooklyn, how bad must it have been in Kansas City??
1945: ACTOR HENRY WINKLER IS BORN.
If you do the math, he was already 30 when he first started to play Fonzie.
1950: POPE PIUS XII WITNESSES THE MIRACLE OF THE SUN WHILE AT THE VATICAN.
Yeah, Pope, he rises every morning.
1961: IT IS DECREED THAT JOSEPH STALIN'S BODY BE REMOVED FROM ITS PLACE OF HONOR IN LENIN'S TOMB AND BURIED NEAR THE KREMLIN WALL.
It is totally creepy that you can still see their bodies out on display.
1970: IN VIETNAM, THE WORST MONSOON TO HIT THE AREA IN SIX YEARS KILLS 293.
Oh, yeah, and the war, too.
1972: A COLLISION BETWEEN TWO COMMUTER TRAINS IN CHICAGO KILLS 45.
And, as a result, they're all late for work.
1975: PRINCE JUAN CARLOS BECOMES SPAIN'S ACTING HEAD OF STATE, TAKING OVER FOR THE AILING DICTATOR GENERAL FRANCISCO FRANCO.
And he's still dead.
1979: BENITO'S WIFE, RACHELE MUSSOLINI, DIES.
She stopped hanging around, too.
1983: THE FIRST DEMOCRATIC ELECTIONS IN ARGENTINA ARE HELD.
Bullets on sale at your local polling place.
1985: SPACE SHUTTLE CHALLENGER LIFTS OFF FOR ITS FINAL SUCCESSFUL MISSION.
Key word: successful.
1985: ACTOR KIRBY GRANT DIES.
Sky King!!!
1988: ANIMATOR T. HEE DIES.
I have no clue who this guy is, but the name is...ahem...a laugh riot.
2000: TV HOST STEVE ALLEN DIES.
The Start of Something Not So Great.
2005: BASEBALL MANAGER AL LOPEZ DIES.
Adios.
2007: SINGER ROBERT GOULET DIES.
And now Carol Lawrence's right jaw can finally take a rest.
2015: ACTOR AL MOLINARO DIES.
I wonder if they had to make an adjustment in that casket to fit his nose.
2018: CRIME BOSS WHITEY BULGER DIES.
A real death sentence.
Dinner last night: Chicken tenders.
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