Monday Morning Video Laugh - August 7, 2017

Splish, splash, you're gonna crash.

Dinner last night:  Chicken scarpariello at L'Inizio in Ardsley.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Thinking About Dating

I've used this photo before and I still don't know who the girl is that's whipping me around the dance floor at some family party a hundred years ago.   And, anybody I could ask for details is sadly no longer with us.

But the photo gets used again because of the memory today.  Spurred completely by a conversation I had recently with my childhood best friend Leo about the movie "The Big Six."  Oddly, the whole dialogue happened as we were driving back from a Dodger game.

Now, I reviewed the film here a few weeks ago and I heartily recommend it for the humor and the heart portrayed.  Part of the plot revolves around the Pakistani hero of the piece, a stand-up comic who is dating a white bread American girl.   The whole story revolves around the real life romance of the star and the screenwriter of the film, so it is very organic.   

The Pakistani guy is afraid to tell his family who he's dating because they are devout Muslims and are insistent he participate in an arranged marriage with his "own type."

As I was explaining the movie to my buddy who has not yet seen it, we meandered into a conversation about our own dating worlds.   He is married.  I never have been.  And this led me to wonder about my own history in this realm.

Leo explained that, while not a stickler, he always knew that he would be marrying a Christian with Catholicism preferred.  I thought about my own dating experiences.   Was I a stickler or not?  Hmmm.

I should not have surprised if I was, given the surroundings of my home.   Most of my cousins were all a bit older than me and were already entrenched in the dating world.   When the first two got engaged to Catholics, my grandmother was not pleased.

"What's the matter?   You couldn't find a nice Lutheran."

This did set up a bit of a conflict in the family.   I don't remember my own parents weighing in on the topic.   The only time my dad gave me any dating advice was when there was a serial killer going around and attacking young people making out in cars.  As I was headed out the door for an evening, I would hear him call out.

"Don't be parking any place dark."

Thanks, Dad.  And mind your business.

As I think about it, I have had five extended relationships in my life.   The score by religion was one Lutheran, one Presbyterian, and three Catholics.   Of the latter three, there were some holiday masses attended.  One does what one has to do.   At this juncture, Grandma was long gone.  I had no worries.

Now, as I think about this from my past, I obviously didn't have a hard and fast rule about who I got serious with.   While I certainly didn't care what somebody's religion was, I apparently related best with a Christian.  Drilling that down a little further, I know I did shy away from dates with somebody who wore their religion very much on their sleeve.   As far as I was concerned, you could embrace it with one arm.  Embracing it with two often meant a relationship that would be uncomfortable at the least.

It's amazing where your mind wanders when you talk about a movie you just saw.

Dinner last night:  Sausage, peppers, and onions at Carlo's in Yonkers.

Classic TV Commercial of the Month - August 2017

Those were the days.   Cough, cough.

Dinner last night:  Chicken tenders at Citi Field.

More Posthumous Humor

Dinner last night:  Cold roast beef plate at the NY apartment after a humid day of travel.

Not Your Father's WWII Movie

Regular readers here will know that my father used motion pictures when I was a kid to teach me all about World War II.   He sat me down for all the classics.  "Bridge on the River Kwai."  "Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo."   "The Longest Day."  "The Guns of Navarone."

Years later, I would seek out later films on my own.  "Patton."  "Tora Tora Tora."  "Saving Private Ryan."

Okay, admittedly, some glorified the battles and might have stretched real events a bit.  But that was some education about this truly horrific period in world history.

So, I awaited the arrival of "Dunkirk" with a bit of caution.  Yes, the subject matter was cat nip for this kitty, but I feared the work of director/screenwriter Christopher Nolan, adored by Hollywood and considered grossly overrated by yours truly.

Well, my fears were realized.  But, in a twist, I didn't realize it until after I had thought about the film.   Somebody asked me on the way out whether I liked it.  I said "yes" at the time.  But, my enthusiasm has faded ever since.

For those under a rock or not educated by a current school system teaching American History, "Dunkirk" tells the tale of...natch...Dunkirk, the last stronghold against the sea as the Germans have beaten back British and French forces to the last bit of land and are desperately waiting for any kind of reinforcements.  This occurs around 1940 and America has yet to enter the conflict.

You would think this would make for quite a story and Nolan chooses to tell three aspects of the Dunkirk experience...the land, the sea, and the air.  But, in a device that I discovered after the fact had thoroughly confused me, the lazy filmmaker told the three tales in non-linear fashion.   Some of it was happening simultaneously.   Some of it was happening at different times.   Sometimes it was night.  Then day.  Then night.   I thought I had followed it all until a screenwriting friend pointed out to me what a cheap and clumsy script this was.

He was right.

Couple this with the fact that all the young actors in peril on the land, the sea, and the air looked alike.   Wait, he's still alive?   I thought he drowned.  Wait, he's drowning now.   No, that's the other guy.   Does this movie come with a "Dunkirk for Dummies" book?

Overall, there were only two actors I recognized...Kenneth Branagh and Mark Rylance, who is the real attraction here as a civilian yacht owner pressed into action on the high seas.  Other than that, no one really had a chance to stand out as they all meandered to their inevitable demise being blown up or turned into fish food.

There is a minimum of dialogue in "Dunkirk" which gives you a lot of artwork to look at but no characters (other than Rylance) to get invested in.  The soundtrack is 99% noise with a little bit of Hans Zimmer music swells thrown in for good measure.  Technically, this is an amazing movie.   But, as a film designed to indoctrinate people into what happened at Dunkirk, it is sorely lacking.

I firmly think that my dad would have hated this movie.   As for me...

LEN'S RATING:  Two-and-a-half stars...and sinking.

Dinner last night:  Leftover sausage and peppers.

This Date in History - August 2

Happy birthday to Joanna Cassidy.  Photos like this automatically get you a prominent spot on this blog.

216 BC:  THE CARTHAGINIAN ARMY LED BY HANNIBAL DEFEATS A NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR ROMAN ARMY.

Numerically superior?   I guess that means there were more of them.

461:  MAJORIAN IS ARRESTED NEAR TORTONA AND DEPOSED BY THE SUEBIAN GENERAL RICIMER AS PUPPET EMPEROR.

Kukla, Fran, and Majorian.

1343:  AFTER THE EXECUTION OF HER HUSBAND, JEANNE DE CLISSON SELLS HER ESTATES AND RAISES A FORCE OF MEN WITH WHICH TO ATTACK FRENCH SHIPPING AND PORTS.

If that doesn't sound like a Lifetime movie, I don't know what does.

1610:  DURING HENRY HUDSON'S SEARCH FOR THE NORTHWEST PASSAGE, HE SAILS INTO WHAT IS NOW KNOWN AS HUDSON BAY.

Gives you a rough idea how far off he was.

1776:  THE SIGNING OF THE UNITED STATES DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE TOOK PLACE.

A month after it was written.   Red tape even then.

1790:  THE FIRST US CENSUS IS CONDUCTED.

Nine, ten, eleven...

1869:  JAPAN'S ED SOCIETY CLASS SYSTEM IS ABOLISHED AS PART OF THE MEJII RESTORATION REFORMS.

#OccupyJaps.

1870:  TOWER SUBWAY, THE WORLD'S FIRST UNDERGROUND RAILWAY, OPENS IN LONDON, ENGLAND.

And was delayed due to signal trouble.

1873:  THE CLAY STREET HILL RAILROAD BEGINS OPERATING THE FIRST CABLE CAR IN SAN FRANCISCO.

Good.   Now there's someplace to put those Rice-A-Roni ads.

1876:  WILD BILL HICKOK DIES.

And almost eighty years later, his TV series is cancelled.

1905:  ACTRESS MYRNA LOY IS BORN.

The best year of her life.

1914:  THE GERMAN OCCUPATION OF LUXEMBOURG DURING WORLD WAR I BEGINS.

Have no clue about Luxembourg but it would be cool to say you live there.

1918:  THE FIRST GENERAL STRIKE IN CANADIAN HISTORY TAKES PLACE IN VANCOUVER.

Any excuse for a day off.

1923:  VICE PRESIDENT CALVIN COOLIDGE BECOMES US PRESIDENT UPON THE DEATH OF PRESIDENT WARREN G. HARDING.

The democratic transfer of power.  How civilized.  Back then.

1922:  INVENTOR ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL DIES.

Disconnected.

1924:  ACTOR CARROLL O'CONNOR IS BORN.

Oh, Archie...

1932:  THE POSITRON (ANTIPARTICLE OF THE ELECTRON) IS DISCOVERED BY CARL D. ANDERSON.

I guess this is a big deal to physicists.

1932:  ACTOR PETER O'TOOLE IS BORN.

Lawrence.  Of Arabia.

1934:  ADOLF HITLER BECOMES FUHRER OF GERMANY FOLLOWING THE DEATH OF PRESIDENT PAUL VON HINDENBURG.  

They'll be sorry.

1937:  THE MARIJUANA TAX ACT OF 1937 IS PASSED IN AMERICA, THE EFFECT OF WHICH IS TO RENDER MARIJUANA AND ALL ITS BY-PRODUCTS ILLEGAL.

Yeah, that was then.

1939:  ALBERT EINSTEIN AND LEO SZILARD WRITE A LETTER TO FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT, URGING HIM TO BEGIN THE MANHATTAN PROJECT TO DEVELOP A NUCLEAR WEAPON.

Just in case.  We'll probably never use it.

1943:  WORLD WAR II - PT 109, WITH FUTURE PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY ON BOARD, IS RAMMED BY A JAPANESE DESTROYER.

Hey, this might make a great book.   And a movie!

1945:  ACTRESS JOANNA CASSIDY IS BORN.

In this strange Hollywood world, I actually know two people who dated her.   

1947:  A BRITISH SOUTH AMERICAN AIRWAYS AVRO LANCASTRIAN AIRLINER CRASHES INTO A MOUNTAIN ON ITS WAY TO CHILE.  THE WRECKAGE WOULD NOT BE FOUND UNTIL 1998.

Damn, that was hidden.

1951:  SINGER ANDREW GOLD IS BORN.

Thank you for being a friend.

1964:  NORTH VIETNAMESE GUNBOATS ALLEGEDLY FIRE ON THE US DESTROYER MADDOX IN THE GULF OF TONKIN.

Lester or Elliott?

1979:  YANKEE STAR THURMAN MUNSON DIES IN A SMALL PLANE CRASH.

Small or large, the outcome is the same.   Remember this like it was yesterday.

1985:  A DELTA AIR LINES FLIGHT CRASHES AT DALLAS/FORT WORTH AIRPORT KILLING 137.

Damn.   I guess August 2 is not a good day to fly.

1990:  IRAQ INVADES KUWAIT, EVENTUALLY LEADING THE GULF WAR.

As if the fighting never ends there.

1998:  PUPPETEER SHARI LEWIS DIES.

I knew where she lived in Beverly Hills and drove past her house the day after she died.  It was sad seeing Lamb Chop sitting on top of the garbage can.

2005:  AN AIR FRANCE FLIGHT LANDS IN TORONTO AND RUNS OFF THE RUNWAY AND BURSTS INTO FLAMES.

Yeah, I'm never flying on August 2.

Dinner last night:  BLT sandwich at Cafe 50s.

Mamma Mia, Here I Go Again

Every summer, the renowned Hollywood Bowl devotes a weekend of three performances to fully semi-stage a famous Broadway musical.   It's always been kitschy fun as the casts are populated with C-list stars and those supporting players on hiatus from their TV show which I have never seen.  There have been varying degrees of success.   Indeed, the pinnacle of greatness might have been last year when they did a spectacular rendition of "A Chorus Line" with many folks straight from the last Broadway revival.  

Now I was coming off a terrific Bowl event last Sunday when a bunch of Broadway types did "Sondheim on Sondheim" with the LA Philharmonic Orchestra led by their high-strung conductor Gustavo Dudamel.  So, six days later, I had high hopes for their annual musical event "Mamma Mia."   

Okay, who doesn't like "Mamma Mia?"  Let me rephrase the question.   Who doesn't like the music of "Mamma Mia?"   After all, the ABBA tunes are what everybody including moi comes to hear.   I've seen the show twice and enjoyed it twice.  In theaters that sat maybe 1,500 patrons.   In the 18,000 fanny packed Hollywood Bowl, the whole thing doesn't translate well.   And, in that cavern nestled off Highland Avenue, never before has that musical's threadbare plot looked and sounded more...well...threadbare.  

Alright, I know this isn't Shakespeare or Sondheim or even Comden and Green. The plot comes straight from somebody's old rejected spec script for "The Facts of Life." Young Sophie is getting married on some Greek island which she has been raised by her single mother/former 80s girl band member Donna.  Sophie wants her real father to give her away at the wedding but she doesn't know which of three guys it could be, so she invites all of them.   Got that?   Insanely absurd, yes.   But, all it's ever supposed to be is the paper clips that hold all the ABBA music together.  

Yet, in the Bowl mega-production with papier-mache sets that must have been built by the 8th grade art class at Antonio Villaraigosa Middle School, the plot's necessary interruptions are unwelcome and prevent the audience from getting super-engaged in the musical numbers, which is the only reason they showed up (some wearing lit halos around their head).  It's something akin to when you sit down for dinner and you keep getting calls from telemarketers.   When it comes to plot, "Mamma Mia" is definitely on my Do Not Call list.

Now the casting of "Mamma Mia" at the Bowl was predictably the good, bad, and non-working of Hollywood's lower echelon.  Again, there are performers here that I know nothing about until I got home and did a little research to see who was who.   

Let's start with the insanely good.   Jennifer Nettles as Donna and Dove Cameron as Sophie were clearly the cream of the crop.  Nettles, as it turns out, is a pretty big name in the country music world, which I know little about.  For all I knew, she could have been related to Yankee great Craig Nettles (she's not).  Well, she has some really good musical comedy chops and some Broadway producer should sign her up stat.  Cameron apparently has had a formidable, albeit limited career on a couple of Disney Channel shows, which is fitting since many of the ensemble players looked like they came straight from the Electrical Parade at Disneyland.

The rest of the supporting players were the typical lot, waiting to hear from their line producers about start-up production dates for their Fall TV premieres.  Tisha Campbell-Martin, who's been in a bunch of sitcoms I have never heard of, played fellow girl band member Tanya and should be given props for playing one scene in a bathing suit with thighs that are more suitable to be called peninsulas.  Steven Weber, from TV's "Wings" and a bunch of other stuff I never watched, plays one of the three would-be daddies and clearly was there because he's probably having his master bathroom remodeled.  

Another daddy is played by somebody named Jaime Camil who's on TV's "Jane the Virgin," yet another show I never watch.  Well, Camil's problem is his trumped-up accent which makes him sound like Ricky Ricardo.   I kept waiting for him to ask where "Frat and Athel" were.   Corbin Bleu, whose healthy following came from Disney's "High School Musical," played Sophie's fiance and the main problem there was that he looked to be at least 15 years old than Sophie.   This made all their romantic duets together have this creepy "hanging around the playground with candy for the little girl" feel.

And then there was some hot mess named Lea DeLaria as Rosie, (pictured above in the Bozo the Clown wig) the girl band's comic foil.   But, here the foil was more like a Japanese samurai sword as DeLaria cut through every moment on stage with a distinct lack of direction. DeLaria's credits include TV's "Orange is the New Black"...yep, another show I never watch.  After seeing her rotten egg rendition of Rosie, I was prompted to Google her and she turns up all over the internet with a "Fuck Trump" t-shirt. After her turn in "Mamma Mia," the Donald might not be the biggest problem facing America in 2017.  I personally know two other actresses who fit this role to a tee and could have done an infinitely better and less hammy job.  Clearly a graduate of the Carnegie Deli School of Method Acting, DeLaria is permanently on my "do not watch ever again" list for the rest of my life.   In what is supposed to be the playful "Take A Chance on Me" number, DeLaria turns it into a vanity number and beats it to death.   Hopefully, DeLaria will be subjected to similar treatment very soon.

Indeed, as I compare "Mamma Mia" to last year's stellar "A Chorus Line," the biggest difference is length.  The latter came in at a tight, no-intermission two hours with a story that managed to be intimate even in the ginormous Hollywood Bowl.  With its constant push and pulls for plot, "Mamma Mia" dragged on for an intermission-included 2 hours and 45 minutes.  Way too long for maximum audience engagement.  Sure, they did the usual "Mamma Mia" two song curtain call and the crowd really got into it.  But, you wanted and expected more.

How about a night composed of nothing but ABBA music?   With all the cast members, except for Lea DeLaria.   I'm in.

I think.

Dinner last night:  Grilled beer sausage at Karl Meyer Brewery in Universal Citywalk.