Monday Morning Video Laugh - July 20, 2015

I loved the summer because I got to stay up and watch Johnny Carson.   It was even better if he had some animals on.

Dinner last night:  Steak and grilled zucchini at my good friends, the Foresters.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - My First Hero

When you're five or six and your leisure hours are spent in front of the television, it's only natural that your very first obsession would come from the tube.  

For me, it was Popeye the Sailor Man.

Back when, I waited for the late afternoon hours when cartoons prevailed on WPIX Channel 11 in New York.  The station had all these staff announcers who would do station breaks.  To maximize their salaries, they'd then dress them up into costumes and let them introduce the fare for the kiddies.  You had Joe Bolton who became Officer Joe Bolton when they put him in a policeman's get-up.  He'd introduce the Three Stooges, which was sort of verboten in my house. I'm thinking my parents were afraid I'd follow suit and hit my grandfather in the head with a metal pipe.

The guy I really waited for was Captain Jack McCarthy.

Once again, another staff announcer who was costumed for the youngsters.   Around 4PM every afternoon, he'd walk in on some boat set constructed for three bucks.  He'd ring a ship's bell and extol...

"Three bells, four o'clock, time for Popeye the Sailor..."

I never understood how three bells signified four PM, but I didn't care.  I'd lie down on the floor in front of the television and revel in my spinach-eating hero.

I hear today that kids are turned off when watching anything shot in black-and-white.  That was not the case with me.   The older, the better.  And that went with Popeye cartoons as well.  I'd long for the ones from the early 1930s because they were the best.  

It was sheer euphoria for me if the cartoon opened with those opening and closing boat doors.   Because those were my very favorite Popeye adventures.

Those were indeed the funniest cartoons.  Oh, sure, they all followed the same script and plot line. Popeye is out with Olive Oyl.  Bluto tries to steal her away. Popeye gets pounded into a manhole cover or an iron press.  Out comes the spinach.  Munch, munch.  And Bluto gets his ass thoroughly kicked.

But the oldest ones featured this guy Jack Mercer's voice as Popeye and the man loved to ad lib.   So, as a result, you had to listen closely to the words because Popeye was always muttering something funny under his breath.  So, every time a cartoon was rerun for the twelfth or thirteenth time, I was still mesmerized.   My ear was glued to the soundtrack because I was convinced I had missed something funny.  Or maybe I thought there would be new jokes replacing the old ones.  

Yeah, I was a weird kid.

Of course, my obsession carried over to other facets of my world.   

Popeye pajamas.

A Popeye doll that kicked Zippy the Chimp out of my bed for a while.

A toothpaste company had a promotion.  If you sent in two box tops, you got this nifty Popeye hand puppet.

Of course, to quote my grandmother...

"You're too rough with everything."

In short order, Popeye's head went the way of Marie Antoinette.   This forced Grandma into action.

"Don't come into the kitchen.  Popeye is having an operation."

I waited dutifully outside in the same way that my grandmother the orthopedist had surgically repaired Jerry Mahoney's arm onto this body.  He was soon as good as new.

I then spotted sheer ecstasy.  In Shipman's Toy Store on Fourth Avenue in Mount Vernon, New York.  The ideal melding of my favorite toy and my beloved TV hero.

I was a Colorforms nut.  And now Popeye was the subject of its newest edition. I never quite grasped the concept of Popeye's career change.  But I was in heaven.  Of course, as I did with most of my Colorforms, pieces kept disappearing.  My mom would find them all over the house.

"I found Wimpy's hamburger in the living room ash tray."

Oh.

Now my mother apparently hoped that my Popeye mania would extend to the dinner table.  Just like my hero, she wanted me to develop a taste for spinach.   The first spoonful that went into my mouth?

Bleeech!!!

Okay, so I wasn't completely Popeye-driven.

It's funny that, as I look back upon this time in my life, this obsession never really changed.  A few year back, a DVD company put out all the black-and-white cartoons in one set.   I devoured them one rainy Sunday afternoon.  And I was still straining to hear Popeye's ad libs as if a new one had emerged.  

Meanwhile, on my desk at home, there are two bendable plastic figures.

If I'm writing and I am stuck on something, I will pick one of them and channel back.   To that day when I first heard a funny line muttered by Popeye under his breath.  All of a sudden, I'm five again.

But, the more things stay the same, some do change.

I will happily eat a spinach salad these days.

Dinner last night:  Steak, fries, and vegetables.

Classic TV Theme Song of the Month - July 2015

I never watched the TV show because it was on at the same time as Knots Landing.  But I did love the theme song.

Dinner last night:  General Tso's Chicken from PF Chang's.

Your Weekend Movie Guide for July 2015

Back in the 30s and 40s, the greatest selling point for movie theaters during the summer was that they were air conditioned.   And they were not shy about advertising it.   So, folks would come in and sit through a double feature just to beat the heat.

Today, we take this all for granted.   But we still go to the movies during the summer.  And, often, the only reason to go is for the air conditioning.  That's because the cinematic fare of July and August can be very chilling indeed.

You know the drill, gang.   I'll sift through the LA Times entertainment pages and give you my gut reaction to the junk that cluttering our multiplexes.   

Yes, it is "kool inside."   But it also might just be some very lousy entertainment.

Magic Mike XXL:   I don't understand the title to this sequel.  No worries.  No straight guy would be caught dead seeing this.

Ted 2:  I actually Netflixed the first one and was amused.   But I hear this well ran dry pretty darn quickly.

Dope:  A documentary about any politician in our land?

A Little Chaos:   I doubt this has anything to do with Get Smart.

Jurassic World:  Reviewed here recently.  Lots of fun.

Terminator Genisys:  Those of you who wanted Arnold out of office are to blame now.

Me and Earl and The Dying Girl:  Review coming.  Me not a fan.

Minions:  And to think that I thought this was a documentary about the Jewish faith.

Infinitely Polar Bear:  Well, there goes the global warming argument.

Amy:  A documentary about Amy Winehouse.  Spoiler alert: she dies at the end.

Inside Out:  Reviewed here recently.  Pixar has lost its way.

The Wolfpack:  Sounds like all Republicans currently running for President.

Trainwreck:  One of those titles that accurately describe the movie.

Mr. Holmes:  Saw the trailer and it looks interesting.  All about an aging Sherlock Holmes who wants to dispel his myth.

Ant-Man:   Sequel will be "Uncle-Woman."

Irrational Man:  Woody Allen's annual summer release.  Always welcome.

Do I Sound Gay?:  I don't know.  Say that again.

Boulevard:  Robin Williams is listed in the cast.  His last role?  I'm not hearing anything about this.

Lila and Eve:  Starring Viola Davis and Jennifer Lopez.  Oh, my word, no.

An Open Secret:  A documentary about sexual abuse of child actors.  I didn't do it.

Spy:  People are actually telling me they like this Melissa McCarthy comedy. Just to be clear, I'm not listening to any of them.

The Overnight:  Review coming.  Spoiler alert: don't bother.

A Poem is a Naked Person:  I hope this is not about Maya Angelou.

Self/Less:  An old guy transfers his consciousness into a younger body.  Don't we wish?

The Gallows:  A horror movie about a high school play.  Which, in concept, is redundant.

Strangerland:  Must be a new attraction at Disney.

What We Did on Our Holiday:  A dysfunctional family goes on vacation and it sounds like a Sunday Memory Drawer entry I once wrote.

SlingShot:  A documentary about an inventor's quest to solve the world's water crisis.  I hope this gets played in California.

The Stanford Prison Experiment:  A dramatic account about 24 undergraduates who assume the roles of guards and prisoners in a jail.  This really happened in 1971.  The ubiquitous "based on true events."

Dinner last night:  Hamburger on English muffin.

Morons of the Month - July 2015

Hey, we should be so lucky.  To be moronic and a Justice of the US Supreme Court.  I mean, think about it.  Their jobs are cushy.  They can hold onto the position for life.   And, after throwing out a bunch of decisions in late June, they leave town and get the whole summer off.

Okay, if you think this is going to be some diatribe about their recent rulings on Obamacare and same sex marriage, you are wrong.  Sure, I think Obamacare is a mess and destroying our health care, but most of the country feels the same way.  And, when it comes to marriage equality in my utopian world, everybody can do whatever they want as long as it's not a crime or hurtful to another individual.  God bless and I salute them all.

Of course, when you start turning arguable moral issues into law, you're walking a very fine line.   And let's wait to see how these nine idiots rule when the inevitable happens and somebody wants to marry their sister.  Or their Jack Russell Terrier.

But I digress.  My big issue with the US Supreme Court is its basic concept.  

Hello?  It doesn't work anymore as it was originally designed.  It's now nothing more than a fight you would see on MSNBC or Fox News.  A reality show in black robes.  A big competition.  And, when a ruling is handed down, the score is reported like it's on ESPN.

5-4.  Oh, good, Clarence Thomas must have hit a home run in the bottom of the ninth.

Once this clown car of nine became a political operative, the whole, civilized process was doomed.  It started back in the 30s when President Franklin Delano Roosevelt figured out that he could start to stack the deck the way he wanted to with his justice appointments.  And, this has continued on in a taffy pull of political bias to this very day.  I laugh at all the numbskulls who were euphoric about the Supreme Court's ruling on same-sex marriage.  These same dummies were condemning the same process back in 2001 when they effectively made the second George Bush President.  

Trust me, knuckleheads, the Supreme Court was broken then and it is broken now.  

In Len's world, the Supreme Court exists in a completely different fashion.  You want nine Justices overseeing the tenets of the US Constitution?  Fine.  But it should only continue in this manner.

No more life time terms.  I mean, let's face it, we were hearing that Ruth Bader Ginsberg was dying back in 2010.  Yet there she sits.  Taking up space at an advance age and probably incontinent, to boot.  Nope, Len's thought is you get 12 year terms.  And out.

In Len's world, these Justices are voted in by national election.   Don't we already vote for local and county judges who we have no idea who they are in the first place?   Why can't we do that for six of the Justice spots?

Why six, Len?  Because, in my utopian universe, there can be no more than three liberal and three conservative judges.  That way, they can get their opinions but they essentially cancel each other out.  Done.

The whole Supreme Court is shepherded by three Chief Justices, culled from the ranks of the legal specter but avowed independents.  No political affiliations whatsoever.  Those people are rare, but they do exist.  Heck, I'm one of them, but all my legal experience was developed by watching Perry Mason reruns on Me TV.  

Is this at all possible?  I think so.  And, until the day comes when we make this crucial change to the Supreme Court, we are all morons.  For letting this travesty of a court to continue.

Meanwhile, is Ruth Bader Ginsberg still alive???????

Dinner last night:  Stir fry vegetables.  

This Date in History - July 15

Happy birthday, Linda Ronstadt.   Back in the day....wow.

484 BC:  DEDICATION OF THE TEMPLE OF CASTOR AND POLLUX IN ANCIENT ROME.

Obviously, it was not televised.

756:  EMPEROR XUANZONG OF TANG IS ORDERED BY HIS IMPERIAL GUARDS TO EXECUTE YANG GUOZHONG BY FORCING HIM TO COMMIT SUICIDE OR FACE A MUTINY.  HE PERMITS HIS CONSORT YANG GUIFEI TO BE STRANGLED BY HIS CHIEF EUNUCH.

All this craziness explains to me why you still hear fighting in the kitchen whenever you call for Chinese take-out.

1149:  THE RECONSTRUCTED CHURCH OF THE HOLY SEPULCHRE IS CONSECRATED IN JERUSALEM.

Nor was there radio coverage for this event.

1207:  KING JOHN OF ENGLAND EXPELS CANTERBURY MONKS FOR SUPPORTING ARCHBISHOP STEPHEN LANGTON.

I bet those monks had some tales.

1381:  JOHN BALL, A LEADER IN THE PEASANTS' REVOLT, IS HANGED, DRAWN, AND QUARTERED IN THE PRESENCE OF KING RICHARD II OF ENGLAND.

That had to hurt.

1685:  JAMES SCOTT, 1ST DUKE OF MONMOUTH, IS EXECUTED IN ENGLAND.

No word on the whereabouts of the Earl of Pimlico.  Come on, you knew this would be a horse racing joke.

1799:  THE ROSETTA STONE IS FOUND IN THE EGYPTIAN VILLAGE OF ROSETTA.

Naturally.

1815:  NAPOLEON BONAPARTE SURRENDERS ABOARD HMS BELLEROPHON.

Or was that Bell Telephone?

1823:  A FIRE DESTROYS THE BASILICA OF SAINT PAUL OUTSIDE THE WALLS IN ROME, ITALY.

I hope they were insured with State Farm.

1834:  THE SPANISH INQUISITION IS OFFICIALLY DISBANDED AFTER NEARLY 356 YEARS.  

That's one long inquisition.

1838:  RALPH WALDO EMERSON DELIVERS THE DIVINITY SCHOOL ADDRESS AT HARVARD DIVINITY SCHOOL, DISCOUNTING BIBLICAL MIRACLES AND DECLARING JESUS A GREAT MAN, BUT NOT GOD.  THE PROTESTANT COMMUNITY REACTS WITH OUTRAGE.

What do you expect from a man whose middle name is Waldo?

1870:  GEORGIA BECOMES THE LAST OF THE FORMER CONFEDERATE STATES TO BE READMITTED TO THE UNION.

I guess we had to.

1910:  IN HIS BOOK CLINICAL PSYCHIATRY, EMIL KRAEPELIN GIVES A NAME TO ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE, NAMING IT AFTER HIS COLLEAGUE ALOIS ALZHEIMER.

Lucky he remembered.

1916:  IN SEATTLE, WASHINGTON, WILLIAM BOEING AND GEORGE CONRAD WESTERVELT INCORPORATE PACIFIC AERO PRODUCTS, LATER NAMED BOEING.

Boeing, boeing, gone.

1922:  THE JAPANESE COMMUNIST PARTY IS ESTABLISHED IN JAPAN.

We never hear about Red Japan.

1935:  ACTOR ALEX KARRAS IS BORN.

Mongo like candy.

1935:   ACTOR KEN KERCHEVAL IS BORN.

Cliff Barnes from TV's Dallas.

1946:  SINGER LINDA RONSTADT IS BORN.  

Hotter than blazes in the 70s, she now has Parkinson's.

1954:  FIRST FLIGHT OF THE BOEING 367-80.

Apparently not boeing, boeing, gone.

1959:  THE STEEL STRIKE OF 1959 BEGINS, LEADING TO SIGNIFICANT IMPORTATION OF FOREIGN STEEL FOR THE FIRST TIME IN US HISTORY.

Thinking of Superman as I type this.

1966:  THE UNITED STATES AND SOUTH VIETNAM BEGIN OPERATION HASTINGS TO PUSH THE NORTH VIETNAMESE OUT OF THE DMZ.

That's DMZ, not TMZ.

1972:  MODEL BETH OSTROSKY STERN IS BORN.

Howard likes them younger.

1979:  US PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER GIVES HIS SO-CALLED MALAISE SPEECH, WHERE HE CHARACTERIZES THE GREATEST THREAT TO THE COUNTRY AS "THIS CRISIS IN THE GROWING DOUBT ABOUT THE MEANING OF OUR OWN LIVES AND IN THE LOSS OF A UNITY OF PURPOSE FOR OUR NATION" BUT IN WHICH HE NEVER USES THE WORD MALAISE.

Len says the greatest threat to our country is when we elects idiots like this guy.

1991:  ACTOR BERT CONVY DIES.

Tattletale.

1997:  IN MIAMI, SERIAL KILLER ANDREW CUNANAN GUNS DOWN GIANNI VERSACE OUTSIDE HIS HOME.

Wear this.

2002:  "AMERICAN TALIBAN" JOHN WALKER LINDH PLEADS GUILTY TO SUPPLYING AID TO THE ENEMY AND TO POSSESSION OF EXPLOSIVES.

Kill, please.

2003:  AOL TIME WARNER DISBANDS NETSCAPE.  MOZILLA IS ESTABLISHED ON THE SAME DAY.

And we still can't avoid spam.

2006:  TWITTER IS LAUNCHED.

#Idon'tgiveashit.

2012:  ACTRESS CELESTE HOLM DIES.

All About Death.

Dinner last night:  Chef's salad.

Come Back, Pixar

When Pixar first started to make feature length films, I was a big buyer.   Personally, I don't think there was any more clever movies than the three featured in the "Toy Story" franchise.  But, ever since then, the offerings are less and less interesting.  Humorless, sappy, and increasingly ignorable.

Which brings me to the latest.  "Inside Out."  The pinnacle of what I should said.

Humorless, sappy, and incredibly ignorable.

I am curious as to just what has happened at the Pixar organization.  Was all the inventiveness tied to the participation of that Lasseter guy who's now supposedly running all of Disney Animation now?  Because each successive film since "Up" has been entirely forgettable.  "Inside Out" adds to that growing list.

Indeed, "Inside Out" is a germ of a really, really good idea.   Everybody has five basic emotions inside them.  Joy.  Sadness.  Fear.  Anger.  Disgust.  In the Pixar world, these are all embodied in little cartoon characters.

We meet the five in young Riley's head.  And, as if you haven't seen a Disney movie in the last ten years, young Riley is, of course, a girl.  God forbid we should have a movie from that studio that actually features a boy protagonist, but I digress...

Riley and her parents have just uprooted from the hockey ice rinks of Minnesota to San Francisco for Dad's job.  Riley, away from her friends and her beloved team sport, grows increasingly miserable.  And that battle is played out amongst the Five Emotions, which, to me, sounds like a singing group that once played New York's Apollo Theater.

Okay, there's a great concept there.  But, as the writers play out this cranium fight without the aid of Prozac or Xanax, the story gets incredibly complicated and desperately in need of commentary from a child psychologist.  It was totally beyond the skill sets of my own emotions.  And, as this sad and humorless tale unfolded, three in my head stood out.  Anger.  Disgust.  And, then, as I thought about past Pixar triumphs, Sadness.

This film truly needed a comedy infusion as the film makers totally forgot that you can be funny and poignant at the same time.  Hey, look at the original "Toy Story."  Laugh out moments.  And then heart strings being pulled to just the right emotional memory.  There is none of that in "Inside Out."

Over the ninety-minutes-that-seemed-like-a-day-and-a-half, I counted just two chuckles from yours truly.  Meanwhile, the footage behind the closing credits finally hits the note that should have been pursued.  You get to see the emotions of a host of other smaller characters.  Here it is the very end of the movie and I'm finally laughing heartily.

Even worse, I think kids lose interest in this mess with all its confusion.  At my screening, three children dragged their folks out by the midway mark.  I hear you, Spunky.  I didn't want to sit there much longer myself.  

But I did.  Inexplicably.  

Buzz Lightyear, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

LEN'S RATING:  One-and-a-half stars.

Dinner last night:  Leftover turkey sausage and pickled beets.