If I Tweeted - August 2014

I don't, you know.  But, if I did, this is what I would have "tweeted" this past month.

#LenSpeaks   I resent the expression "dog days of August."  Given my allergies to felines, I much prefer "cat days of August."

#LenSpeaks   There was an unusual humidity in Los Angeles this month.  Sweating through my clothes like I'm back on the D Train in 1983.

#LenSpeaks  More people post photos of their cats on Facebook than parents post pictures of their own children.

#LenSpeaks  To all you tourists clogging Los Angeles this month, please remember that you have round trip tickets.

#LenSpeaks  There are more tour buses roaming Hollywood.  Showing visitors that alley where Errol Flynn once peed.

#LenSpeaks  These numbskulls on the tours all think they're going to see where Brad Pitt lives.   Or, at the very least, where the gu  y who cuts his hair lives.

#LenSpeaks  Totally enjoyed Paul McCartney's return to Dodger Stadium.  But where are the other three guys he used to play with?

#LenSpeaks   Despite some bad plastic surgery, Sir Paul looking quite healthy.  A diet of kale will do that.

#LenSpeaks  It was fun watching people who never go to Dodger Stadium maneuver the parking lot.  The dreaded one-percent can't drive.

#LenSpeaks  RIP Robin Williams.  Now that's a loss.

#LenSpeaks  Sign of an inept Hollywood news operation: failure to get a van in front of Pam Dawber's house within the hour.

#LenSpeaks    They're already calling his death a suicide.  Hey, let's not jump the gun.  I mean, does anybody know where Peter Lawford was today?

#LenSpeaks   You have to be over 45 to get that last tweet.

#LenSpeaks   Oh, and wait a minute, the Heaven Hollywood Express gets another passenger.  Lauren Bacall.

#LenSpeaks  A loss?  Meh, not so much.   She was old and nasty.

#LenSpeaks  My favorite Bacall moment was when Christopher punched her in the face on the Sopranos.

#LenSpeaks  The Mideast is on fire.  Frankly it should burn to the ground.

#LenSpeaks  Israel is on attack.   All because the word "ham" is in the name of the Palestinian group?

#LenSpeaks   Now we have to fear something called Isis?   I thought she was on Saturday morning television.

#LenSpeaks   I sleep well at night knowing that Obama is a foreign affairs expert.  Lie.

#LenSpeaks  The President golfs every day.  At least, Eisenhower had an excuse.  He was recovering from a heart attack.

#LenSpeaks  Ethel Kennedy and her clan did the ice bucket challenge.  You would think that, after Teddy and John Jr.'s exploits at sea, water over your head is distasteful.

#LenSpeaks  The only ice bucket challenge I want to deal with better have a bottle of champagne in it.

#LenSpeaks  After Isis beheaded that American journalist, everybody was appalled that the media showed us the pictures.

#LenSpeaks  This comes from the same folks who will watch all the violence in Game of Thrones.

#LenSpeaks  The last job I want to have is that of a journalist covering the Mideast.

#LenSpeaks  Apparently, Chicago is an imminent target for terrorists.   That would be one way to stop all the shootings there every weekend.

#LenSpeaks  Hello?  Does anybody realize this country is in big trouble?

#LenSpeaks  A woman got hurt climbing in a giraffe pen at a zoo.  Now the giraffe is being sued for assault.

#LenSpeaks   RIP Don Pardo.    Now it's just plain Saturday Night.

Dinner last night:  Italian cheese steak sandwich at Johnnie's Pizzeria.