Monday Morning Video Laugh - January 31, 2022

The Betty White birthday salute concludes with her monologue from her hosting stint on SNL. 

Dinner last night:  Bacon wrapped pork tenderloin with red cabbage.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - The Hell With Snow...and Birthdays

 

My birthday is coming.   Yep, it's in February.   And given the winter month in which my personal anniversary arrives, many of those days were ruined by...

Snow.

I can recall many a blizzard wrecking my holiday from my days in NY.  Much like the storm they are enduring there this weekend.   On the other hand, most birthdays in California, while weather-calamity free, were largely ignored due to uninterested friends (except for one person) and/or COVID.   

But I go back to one particular year which was perfectly horrific.  Indeed, the title of today's piece could have been...

What Was I Thinking?

Why The Hell Did I Do This?

Kill Me Now.

Happy F-ing Birthday!

Enjoy the photo above.  I took it from my terrace during one of two dozen snowstorms that I experienced in New York.  It's beautiful coming down.  Ten seconds later, not so much.

And, for some unexplained reason eight years back, I thought how nice it might be to spend my February birthday with the East Coast cadre of friends.  This decision was helped along when some business meetings popped up for the same week.  It all seemed to fall together perfectly.

Ahem.

The entire trip was so disaster-laden that even Irwin Allen would have thought it was too unbelievable to produce.  One calamity after another.  Every lousy step of the way, I kept thinking to myself --- "I ditched 80 degrees and sunny skies for this???"

It actually started to go downhill before I even left the tarmac at LAX.  Our flight out was delayed because the crew needed to rest.  Once they got their union-dictated catnap, we boarded the plane only to sit for an hour while Maintenance tried to fix a buggy computer chip.  Ultimately, we were told that the plane was not going to be used.   In two basic words, "get off."

We trudged back to the terminal and were instructed to stick around because they needed to find us another plane.  I guess American Airlines doesn't have them in reserve.  After forty-five minutes, we got the surprising announcement.

"We fixed the problem."

Ummmmm.......

More than one person worried as they reboarded the aircraft and assumed their former seats.  Had the Geek Squad at Best Buy been called?   As I walked by the open flight cabin, I peeked inside to see if I could some duct tape hanging off the console.

I settled into my coach seat and probably shouldn't have.  I was approached by one of the flight attendants.   My upgrade to Business Class had cleared when two business travelers never made it back to reboard.  Okay, I was going to be four hours late arriving in NY but, at least, I'd be eating freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies on the way. 

I nestled into the comfy seat 9H.  The guy in 9G smiled at me.   And then sneezed.   And coughed.  He never stopped.   From Nevada all the way to Long Island.  My seat had been upgraded and my health was being downgraded at the same time.

By the time I plodded into my New York apartment, my sinuses felt like they were full of cement blocks.

My so-called birthday weekend was full of Sudafed doses, swigs of Robitussin, and Ricola drops.  If there was a cake with candles, I would have needed an oxygen mask to blow them out.

Back in the part of my life that was New York-based, I was prone to getting at least one cold and two sinus infections every year.  In California, I have been phlegm-clean.  On this trip, the winter radiator heat immediately had me so clogged that I suddenly felt it was 1992 all over again.  Colors were coming out of me that I didn't even know existed.

Yeah, what the hell was I thinking???

Meanwhile, in the days prior to my arrival, there were two separate snowfalls of nine inches each.   This crap never melted because the temperature hadn't gone above 25 since Christmas.  Walking on my clumsy knee joints became a life-altering experience. 

Once I had to go on my business rounds in Manhattan, I made a new discovery.   In the past, major snow accumulations always seemed to disappear from the sidewalks of New York the very next day.  I have no idea where they put the snow, but it was always magically gone.   Not that February.   Perhaps this is due to the then-new boob that was the NYC Mayor.  (Yes, I am looking at you, Bill DeBlasio).  The streets of Gotham City were still dotted with snow and ice.  I looked for the nearest wall and held on.

For two days in Ice Station Zebra-like temperatures, I dragged myself from one business appointment to another.   From Wall Street to uptown.  Sliding in and out of cabs.   Up and down subway steps.  Sneezing and coughing at every turn.

On the morning of my actual birthday, I relished the comforts of my shower.  That would clear out my sinuses for at least one hour.

Except, on the anniversary of my existence, the hot water in my building decided to take the day off.   I washed my hair in the kitchen sink.   I cleaned myself with a washcloth.  A Parisian bath.  As I dressed, I noticed the hem on my pants leg was ripped.  Flat hair and now this???

My neighbor did a quick sewing job.  I was finally put together for another round of Manhattan wind tunnels.   Sneezing and coughing.  Coughing and sneezing.

My plans for a birthday dinner with one of my good friends was upended by his work schedule, tied very much to the prospects of an impending blizzard.

Oh, yeah, that happened, too.  Ten more inches of snow on the day I was scheduled to fly back to Los Angeles.  Wisely, I switched my flight plan early.  I'd be headed back home, but making a stop.

In Columbus, Ohio.

Yes, it gets a lot worse.   Naturally, my original flight back to LAX left only 15 minutes late in the middle of the Thursday arctic blast.   But driving to the airport would be treacherous.   I had made the right choice.   Friday.   From JFK to Columbus to LAX.  Simple?

The 315 PM flight from JFK to the bowels of Ohio was supposed to land at 530PM.   The Columbus to LAX plane was supposed to leave at 605PM.   I didn't think this provided much wiggle room, but I was assured that, in Ohio, the gates were adjacent.   There would be no problems.

Of course, 315PM came and went and the plane didn't.   We were still in the terminal waiting to board.   The plane needed some maintenance.   As I surveyed around, I noticed about twenty other people nervously looking at their watches or phones.   We were all LA-bound.   And soon to be connected in more than one adventure on this Friday.

Ultimately, we left JFK an hour late and there would be no need for an in-flight manicurist on this flight.   Everybody was chewing down right to the cuticle.  Word circulated that the flight from Columbus to LAX was being delayed.   How thoughtful.

The reason became crystal clear as we approached Columbus.   Or what we could see of it.  There was a blinding snowstorm all around.   The runways were coated with flakes.  This was the last fifteen minutes of "Airport" all over again.  Was Dean Martin flying the plane?  

As we finally touched down and skidded a bit, we could see our next conveyance nestled at the gate.  We had time.  I ran as fast as the knees could, which was not very fast.   But, indeed, our next departing gate was right there for us.  I scanned the board and stopped instantaneously.

I had cleared for an upgrade!  Okay, things were looking up.   Or as much as things could look up when visibility was down to three feet.

As we scampered gleefully onto the plane, one of the twenty LAXers asked the flight attendant if our luggage would make the transfer.

"Of course."

You could see this truck coming a mile away.

We did depart Ohio, but first sat on the runway for a plane de-icing and then a plane anti-icing.   Somebody will have to explain to me why this was done in the less logical order.   But, moments later, we had left Columbus, Ohio behind.

Along with our luggage.

Yes, the twenty of us gathered one more time at American Airlines' Baggage Service.   All on line to speak to the next available attendant.

Okay, truth be told, I can't quibble with this hiccup.  I've flown this airline exclusively for the past 17 years.   I have over 1.5 million miles logged.   This is the first time I have had a luggage snafu.   And, of course, the tried-and-true adage is that, if you want to lose your suitcase, book a connecting flight that gives you less than an hour to make the transfer.  When it was my time, I didn't choose to yell at the other side of the counter.   My fellow passengers were not so understanding.

"I have a wedding tomorrow and there's a six hundred dollar dress in my bag."

Okay, Stupid, don't blame American.   Talk to your dopey friend who booked a wedding in the middle of February.

"My medication is in my suitcase."

And you stowed it away, Moron?

"My child's favorite toy is in the suitcase and she won't go to sleep without it."

Try Children's Nyquil.

I heard it all.   But, perhaps after my week, I had grown numb to it all.  I figured my bag would show up eventually.

At least, I was away from New York.   My hometown.  A city I have now grown to despise unless it's one week in May and one week in October.  With its weather on steroids, I choose to spend the rest of my life under a constant and boring sun.

I send a note to all my friends in Southern California.  If you ever hear of me longing to spend a birthday week in New York, you are hereby encouraged to slap me vigorously.

And often.  I'm open to any plans you have for me....in Los Angeles.

Dinner last night:  Sausage pizza from Maria's.

Classic Musical Comedy Production Number of the Month - January 2022

Woo Hoo!  A five Saturday month allows us to open the archives of Broadway and Hollywood musicals.  In advance of the upcoming Broadway revival of "The Music Man" with Hugh Jackman, here's the movie version of the "Gary, Indiana" number as done by young Ronny Howard!

Dinner last night:  Leftover lasagna.

The Comedy Writing Staff At Your Local Church

 

Dinner last night:  Leftover Italian beef stew.

Hollywood Then and Now - January 2022

Hollywood streets used to provide the ideal locations.   And, a recent revisit to the wonderful Billy Wilder film "Double Indemnity" prompted me to do a deep dive into two locations that still exist virtually intact.

For instance, you will remember Fred MacMurray's "Walter Neff" living in an apartment on Western Avenue in Los Angeles.

Well, it was really on North Kingsley Drive but the building looks amazingly the same.

What about the exterior for the house where Barbara Stanwyck's character resided in the Hollywood Hills?

Naturally, the interiors were filmed on the lot.  But the house still looks the same.

It looks like they switched out the garage doors, but still...  That is the house.

The more things changes, the more some things remain the same as if it was still 1941.

Dinner last night:  Had a big lunch so just a small sandwich.

This Date in History - January 26

 

Just like the good General, I return here with a history lesson every Wednesday.  Whether you like it or not.

1340:  KING EDWARD III OF ENGLAND IS DECLARED KING OF FRANCE.

That's what he gets for swimming the Channel.

1500:  VICENTE YANEZ PINZON BECOMES THE FIRST EUROPEAN TO SET FOOT ON BRAZIL.

On purpose?

1531:  LISBON, PORTUGAL IS HIT BY A AN EARTHQUAKE AND THOUSANDS DIE.

In the days before television, how would George Clooney raise money for this?

1564:  THE COUNCIL OF TRENT ISSUES ITS CONCLUSIONS IN THE TRIDENTIUM, ESTABLISHING A DISTINCTION BETWEEN ROMAN CATHOLICISM AND PROTESTANTISM.

And also changing the world of sugarless gum for all mankind.

1589:  JOB IS ELECTED AS PATRIARCH OF MOSCOW AND ALL RUSSIA.

If this is the same guy from the Bible, he's really, really, really old.  Really, really, really, really, really old.

1700:  THE MAGNITUDE 9 CASCADIA EARTHQUAKE TAKES PLACE OFF THE WEST COAST OF NORTH AMERICA.

Obviously an earth-shaking day in history.

1736:  STANISLAUS I OF POLAND ABDICATES HIS THRONE.

You can't fool me.  There ain't no Stanislaus.

1808:  THE RUM REBELLION IS HELD.  THIS IS THE ONLY SUCCESSFUL (ALBEIT SHORT-LIVED) ARMED TAKEOVER OF THE GOVERNMENT IN AUSTRALIA.

Now that's something worth fighting for.

1837:  MICHIGAN IS ADMITTED AS THE 26TH US STATE.

And our unemployment percentages haven't been the same since.

1861:  DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, THE STATE OF LOUISIANA SECEDES FROM THE UNION.

Well, that was one way to get rid of those assholes running New Orleans.

1880:  GENERAL DOUGLAS MACARTHUR IS BORN.

When he died in 1964, he said "his boss passed away."  So, for years, I thought MacArthur looked like Mr. Dithers.

1892:  ACTRESS ZARA CULLY IS BORN.

Mother Jefferson!!!!

1893:  BASEBALL INVENTOR ABNER DOUBLEDAY DIES.

Three outs.

1905:  THE CULLINAN DIAMOND IS FOUND AT THE PREMIER MINE NEAR PRETORIA IN SOUTH AFRICA.

Hey, Cullinan Man!

1905:  ACTOR CHARLES LANE IS BORN.

You've seen the face.  This guy did a guest shot on every television sitcom ever produced.  And he lasted till he was 102.  That's a lot of residual checks.

1905:  SINGER MARIA VON TRAPP IS BORN.

The hills are officially alive.

1923:  ACTRESS ANNE JEFFREYS IS BORN.

Marian Kirby from the "Topper" TV show.  And the only women ever to look good with her hair in a bun.

1924:  ST. PETERSBURG IS RENAMED LENINGRAD.

Not the one which was the winter home of the New York Mets.  In case you're wondering.

1930:  THE INDIAN NATIONAL CONGRESS DECLARES JANUARY 26 AS INDEPENDENCE DAY FOR POORNA SWARAJ.

I have no idea what this means or why I included it, but I just got a call from a phone solicitor and it was on my mind.

1932:  INDUSTRIALIST WILLIAM WRIGLEY DIES.

Life, like the flavor in gum, doesn't last forever.

1950:  THE CONSTITUTION OF INDIA COMES INTO FORCE, FORMING A REPUBLIC.  RAJENDRA PRASAD IS SWORN IN AS ITS FIRST PRESIDENT OF INDIA.

And still thinking about it....

1955:  ROCKER EDDIE VAN HALEN IS BORN.

Which means he was an Aquarian.  Just like me.  And he used to sleep with Valerie Bertinelli.  Just like me.  Well, kind of.  Now he's dead.   I win.

1961:  PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY APPOINTS JANET G. TRAVELL TO BE HIS PHYSICIAN.  THIS IS THE FIRST TIME A WOMAN HOLDS THIS APPOINTMENT.

Well, it figures.  I bet he loved to turn his head and cough.

1962:  MOBSTER LUCKY LUCIANO DIES.

The name is no longer working.

1965:  HINDI BECOMES THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF INDIA.

What's India's freakin' fascination with the date of January 26?

1980:  ISRAEL AND EGYPT ESTABLISH DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS.

Yeah, that worked out real well.

1979:  POLITICIAN NELSON ROCKEFELLER DIES.

While schtupping his girlfriend.  He wasn't feeling Happy that day.

1992:  ACTOR JOSE FERRER DIES.

Mr. Rosemary Clooney to you.

1997:  ASTROLOGER JEANE DIXON DIES.

I bet we finally caught her by surprise.

1998:  US PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON DENIES HAVING HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH FORMER INTERN MONICA LEWINSKY.

We know better now, don't we?

2007:  HOCKEY PLAYER GUMP WORSLEY DIES.

Anybody with the first name of "Gump" deserves a mention.

2016:  ACTOR ABE VIGODA DIES.

It was just business.

2017:  ACTOR MIKE CONNORS DIES.

"Mannix" had the best theme song ever!

2017:  ACTOR BARBARA HALE DIES.

And "Perry Mason" had the second best.

2020:  KOBE BRYANT DIES.

Along with his daughter and a bunch of other people in a helicopter.

Dinner last night:  Leftover Italian beef stew.

TV Peeve

TV Peeve.   Say that five times fast and see what you get.

Well, anyway, here's one thing that really ticks me off with today's TV shows.  Okay, so text messages are the easiest way to communicate these days and naturally it's now a great way for screen writers to move plot along.  Have a character get a message on their phone.

Now you've seen how this gets played out.   The character gets the text and looks at the phone.  And you see the screen as they do.

Except can you actually read that message?   I know I can't.  So I wind up hitting the pause button and still the message is hard to read.   Sometimes the print is small.  Or the screen is slanted.

Can TV producers get with the program and convey these story points in another fashion?  Here's one illustrative fix.

The above would work for me.

Oh, and while I'n TV peeved, here's another annoyance.   Netflix' desire to quickly move to the next episode of whatever series you're on a binge with.  Personally, I like to read credits at the end.   But, as they start to roll, Netflix puts up a screen option to either watch the credits or move onto the next episode.  Except you get about five seconds to react before you are automatically shoved into the next episode.

D'oh.

And while we are focusing on credits, TV producers, how about putting the character name next to the actor so you can figure out who is playing who.   Most of the time, I have to access IMDB to discern who was who.

There!  I feel better now.

Dinner last night:  Leftover Chinese food.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - January 24, 2022

The Betty White tribute continues with some classic bloopers from "Hot In Cleveland."

Dinner last night:  Italian beef stew.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Meat Loaf and Me

 

No, this is not going to be a misplaced Len's Recipe.   I'm thinking about the singer of the same name.   He just passed away the other day.

What's the connective tissue here?  Follow me.  And I very quickly explain the photo above.

Okay, it's incredibly ordinary to run into celebrities while on your regular Saturday errands in Los Angeles.  Basically because they are also out on their regular Saturday errands.

I shop at the big Ralph's supermarket in Westwood near UCLA and I've seen folks in there pushing their wagons.  Jon Voight.  Bob Newhart frequently.  Marcia Cross from "Desperate Housewives."  They're all picking up their peaches and Cocoa Puffs there.

About two years ago, I was on the checkout line and the girl behind the register was staring at me as I sorted through some coupons.

"I enjoy your work on television."

Huh?

I thought for a moment.  Who does she think I am?  I don't think I look like anybody famous.  Do I bust her balloon and ask?   Or, as I ultimately would respond...

Thank you.

If she thinks I'm somebody, who the hell am I to destroy her dream?

Well, last week, I am also schlepping the wagon around Ralph's and I feel like I'm being followed by two of the older workers that I recognize from the deli department.  I'd look at them.  They'd look away uncomfortably.  This went on for a few minutes and I begin to wonder if one of the items in my cart was really that silly.

Around by the cheeses, one of them finally sucked it up and approached me.

"I'm the one who's supposed to ask.  Can I have your autograph?"

HUH?

"Well, my friend really wants it.  But I love your music."

HUH???  MUSIC???

"You're Meat Loaf, right?"

My jaw dropped.  All I can remember is that scruffy, fat guy singing "Paradise by the Dashboard Light."  She started to sing a little of it.

No, wait, I'm not him.

"But you look just like him.  I saw him in concert last year."

I wanted to hide amongst the Muenster and Gouda.

When she was sure I wasn't Meat Loaf, we chatted amicably.  Apparently, I have been the topic of conversation every Saturday when I stop by for a half pound of Maple Honey Ham from Boar's Head.  But, all I can see is the dude from the 80s.

I went home and pulled down a current picture of Meat Loaf.  You be the judge?

 

I'm the one on the bottom.  Just in case you really can't tell the difference.

Personally, I don't see it.   Since then, I've been mistaken for other unnamed celebrities.  One clerk thanked me for all the fine entertainment I have provided over the years.

But the star to remember right now is Meat Loaf.  And, boy, wait till those two deli workers see me shopping next week.

Dinner last night:  Char siu pork from Chin Chin.

Classic Movie Trailer of the Month - January 2022

In theaters 40 years ago this month.  Star power we will never see again.

 

Dinner last night:  Chips and salsa.

Your Weekend Movie Guide for January 2022

 

As I do another one of these monthly guides, I have a question.

Is anybody really going to the movies any more?   I mean, I can say that I have been in a theater no more than five times since March 2020.   And I am not one of those who ran out to see "Spiderman."   Just curious.   I know Hollywood is doing lots of these hybrid releases.  Watching a stream on your sofa is not the same as the communal experience of enjoying a film with a live audience.

For now, I continue the drill.   You know it well.   I will comb through the movie pages and give you my knee-jerk reaction to what's playing on screens.

Both motion picture and TV.

West Side Story:  One of the few films I have seen in a theater and reviewed here previously.   If you really want to enjoy a theater experience, this would be the one you sample.

Becoming the Ricardos:  Reviewed here previously.  This is not worth your time.   In a theater.  In your living room.   On a desert island.   Complete junk.

Who We Are - A Chronicle of Racism in America:   Will they be covering all forms?   For instance, the Black people who terrorize Asians?   Asking for a friend.

Nightmare Alley:  I've heard good things.  But Guillermo Del Toro is the director and I have never liked anything this fat slob has done.

Scream:  Yes, that Scream.  With some of the original cast which tells me Courtney Cox was not careful with her Friends residual money.

Parallel Mothers:  Two women meet while in labor.   Paging Dr. Spock.

Dune:   Done as far as I am concerned.

Spiderman - No Way Home:   This came out last month so there must be at least two sequels since then.

The Power of the Dog:  Dull and overrated.  Or so I'm told.

The Lost Daughter:   Reviewed here recently.   It stars Olivia Colman and I don't like her.   Connect the dots.

The French Dispatch:   Reviewed here recently.   The good news is that I saw it via industry screener.   The bad news is that I saw it at all.

Belfast:   Reviewed here recently.   This was a screener I did enjoy.   Check it out.

House of Gucci:   The trailer gave me impetus to see the film.   That's what I call a bad trailer.

The 355:  It's about women CIA agents, not a freeway in Los Angeles.

The Tragedy of Macbeth:  Like I'm really going to see that scumbag Denzel Washington do Shakespeare?

Belle:  Animation that empowers young girls.   Not being a young girl, I will pass.

King Richard:  Will Smith (the actor) is my American version of Olivia Colman.  Again...connect the dots.

A Journal for Jordan:  Directed by Denzel Washington.  See "Tragedy of Macbeth."

Licorice Pizza:   I hear good things and will sample.  Largely because it features neither Olivia Colman or Denzel Washington or Will Smith.

American Underdog:  Kurt Warner fans?   Anybody?

Dinner last night:  Chicken sausage.

Len's Recipe of the Month - January 2022

 

Regular readers here know that my monthly recipes are usually ones I try from my favorite culinary Yodas.  Valerie Bertinelli.  Sip and Feast.  Ina Garten.

But I am proud to say that this chicken dish comes straight from...well...me.  And the impetus was very basic.

I had some chicken thighs thawed out.

I had also not used my slow cooker in some time.   What can I do with both of those issues?

Follow me on this.

I wanted to cook some veggies with this meal so I sliced two carrots, four Yukon Gold potatoes, and one medium onion.   I put them into the crock pot.

Meanwhile, in a skillet, I heated to a shimmer several tablespoons of EVO.  Separately, I patted dry four chicken thighs...bone-in.   I salted and peppered both sides of each thigh.   I placed in the skillet skin side down first.   I seared it to a golden brown.   About ten minutes.   I flipped the thighs and did the same thing.

In a small bowl, I mixed the necessary liquid for any slow cooker recipe.   Here's what I combined.

1/2 cup of soy sauce.

1/2 cup of ketchup.

1/4 cup of honey.

2 tablespoons of Sriracha sauce.

Two minced cloves of garlic.

I placed the chicken on top of the veggies.   I poured the blended sauce over it all. You can cook it fast or slow depending upon what you want.   6 to 7 hours on low.  2-3 hours on high.

You will be astounded how all the flavors infuse each other.

I guess that's the first recipe for my own cookbook.

Dinner last night:  Leftover lasagna.

This Date in History - January 19

 

Oh, it's Little Ricky's birthday.  Sort of.    I will s'plain later on.

1511:  MIRANDOLA SURRENDERS TO THE FRENCH.

How freakin' weak is Mirandola if they can't beat the scummy French.

1764:  JOHN WILKES IS EXPELLED FROM THE BRITISH HOUSE OF COMMONS FOR SEDITIOUS LIBEL.

Those two names don't have a great track record when it comes to history.

1806:  THE UNITED KINGDOM OCCUPIES THE CAPE OF GOOD HOPE.

I'm guessing Mirandola couldn't do that either.

1807:  CONFEEDERATE GENERAL ROBERT E. LEE IS BORN.

He wasn't just a steamboat.

1840:  CAPTAIN CHARLES WILKES CIRCUMNAVIGATES ANTARCTICA, CLAIMING WHAT BECAME KNOWN AS WILKES LAND FOR THE UNITED STATES.

Another Wilkes mistake.  What do we need Antarctica for?  Don't we already have enough snow in Minnesota?

1853:  GUISEPPE VERDI'S OPERA "IL TROVATORE" PREMIERES IN ROME.

Also coincides with the invention of the nap.

1883:  THE FIRST ELECTRIC LIGHTING SYSTEM EMPLOYING OVERHEAD WIRES, BUILT BY THOMAS EDISON, BEGINS SERVICE IN ROSELLE, NEW JERSEY.

As if there's anything to see in Roselle, New Jersey.

1904:  MISSISSIPPI GOVERNOR JAMES VARDAMAN DECLARED THAT "AN EDUCATED BLACK MAN IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN A CRIMINAL."

From the White Supremacist Joke Book.

1915:  GEORGES CLAUDE PATENTS THE NERO DISCHARGE TUBE FOR USE IN ADVERTISING.

Anybody who's been in horribly garish Times Square lately now wishes this guy had been shot.

1920:  THE UNITED STATES SENATE VOTES AGAINST JOINING THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS.

Because they wanted to continue having a designated senator.  That joke may take a while for you.

1923:  ACTRESS JEAN STAPLETON IS BORN.

Stifle!

1930:  ACTRESS TIPPI HEDREN IS BORN.

People tell me she is a real bitch, so I guess the birds had the right idea.

1935:  COOPERS INC. SELLS THE WORLD'S FIRST BRIEFS.

You just got the League of Nations gag, didn't you?

1937:  HOWARD HUGHES SETS A NEW AIR RECORD BY FLYING FROM LOS ANGELES TO NEW YORK IN 7 HOURS, 28 MINUTES, 25 SECONDS.

These days, you can spend that long just trying to get past TSA.

1942:  DURING WORLD WAR II, JAPAN INVADES BURMA.

A close shave.

1944:  ACTRESS SHELLEY FABARES IS BORN.

Her aunt was Nanette Fabray and I've always wondered just who was the misspeller in the family.

1946:  DOLLY PARTON IS BORN.

Thank God her mother didn't have to push her down the birth canal fully developed.

1953:  68 PERCENT OF ALL TVS IN THE US ARE TUNED TO WATCH LUCY RICARDO GIVE BIRTH ON "I LOVE LUCY."

And her real son, Desi Arnaz Jr., was born on the same day.  But he wasn't Little Ricky on the show.  You'd be surprised how many idiots out there don't know that.  But, then again, how long did it take you to get the League of Nations joke?

1977:  FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, SNOW FALLS IN MIAMI.

Real snow, not the stuff in the plastic bags that drug runners import into Florida all the time.

1983:  NAZI WAR CRIMINAL KLAUS BARBIE IS ARRESTED IN BOLIVIA.

Not to be confused with Klaus Ken or Klaus Skipper.

2000:  ACTRESS HEDY LAMARR DIES.

Hedley.  By the way, she invented the cell phone?  Did you know that?  You folks out there who thought Desi Arnaz Jr. was Little Ricky on television.

2006:  ACTOR ANTHONY FRANCIOSA DIES.

Just two weeks after I gave him wine during Holy Communion at Christmas Eve service.  Gee, Tony, I'm sorry...

2008:  ACTRESS SUZANNE PLESHETTE DIES.

Tobacco companies across America dimmed their lights for a minute in tribute.

2013:  BASEBALL MANAGER EARL WEAVER DIES.

You're out of here.

2013:  BASEBALL STAR STAN MUSIAL DIES.

Wow!  Two Hall of Famers in one day.

Dinner last night:  Leftover chicken.

When Wikipedia Comes In Handy

 

Let me get this out of the way right from the start.   I'm not a fan of Olivia Colman.  I find her acting very stilted and pretentious.    The "look at me, I'm acting" type.  I actually stopped watching "The Crown" when she took over the role of Queen Elizabeth.   I absolutely hated that movie "The Favorite" she won the Oscar for.  

As far as Len goes, Colman can do no right.  And she can be assured that her streak is still intact with her latest film "The Lost Daughter" now available in theaters, Netflix, and a few garbage cans.

What made me give it a whirl?   Well, the trailer seemed intriguing.   A lonely woman on a beach during a holiday on a Greek island.   I should know better. Trailers that look interesting rarely are.   I was also lured by the fact that this comes from director/film maker Maggie Gyllenhaal.   The loose sense of connection there?   A friend of mine once taught her.

That's my flimsy rationale.   But, then again, this is a flimsy movie.  We follow this lady on holiday and she keeps drifting off into flashbacks of her days as a wife and mother.  Where are they now?  Who knows?   Gyllenhaal does her best to keep stuff hidden from the audience to the point of utter frustration.   

Then the character steals the doll of a little girl on the beach.   Why?  Who knows?   It might have something to do with the flashbacks.  Or perhaps not. This is one of those rare movies that had me accessing Wikipedia when it was over so I could read about what I just saw.  And I still don't get it.

Oh, and yes, I still don't like Olivia Colman.

LEN'S RATING:  One-half star.

Dinner last night:  BLT at Cafe 50s.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - January 17, 2022

Happy 100 in Heaven, dear Betty White.   Here's a snippet of her exceptional work on "The Golden Girls."

Dinner last night:  Totally improvised in a slow cooker.   Chicken thighs braised in honey/soy glaze with veggies.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - TV Theme Songs of Old

Regular readers here know that I spotlight on one Saturday a month a classic TV theme song from the past.   The operative word here is "past."   In the last fifteen years, those wonderful opening credits plus music have all but disappeared.  With increased network commercial loads, program content has been reduced significantly.  

For instance, back in the day, a "Murphy Brown" episode was 24 minutes long without commercials.  When the show was rebooted in 2018, it was tougher for the writers to tell a story because they only had 21 minutes to do so.  So, no more opening credits set against a Motown song.  All shows in 2022 now deal with the same restraints.  

So, the main casualties to all this are those great opening credits and theme songs of the past.  Some of them ran over a minute.  In certain cases for me, it was the very best part of the show.   In some cases, I would tune in for the opening and not even watch the program.   That would be the case with one of my favorite openings..."Mannix."

Ah, yes.

Another one of my favorites set up the premise of the series perfectly.   As demonstrated with the first season opening of "Mary Tyler Moore."

It's interesting that, once the show became a hit, the lyric "how will you make it on your own" was changed to "you just might make it on your own."

Also marvelous around the same time was the way "The Odd Couple" was set up every week.   Granted it's the same theme music that came from the movie.   But, still, you enjoyed hearing about Felix' break-up every Friday night.

Moving to the 80s, I joyously awaited the opening moments of my favorite prime time soaps from Lorimar.   Was there anything more bold and lush than "Dallas?"

As much as I loved the opening to Southfork, no other TV show made me feel more welcome than the sliding panels of the fabulous "Knots Landing."   You waited for every season to see who got elevated to star status and was no longer listed in the guest credits.

So what got me to thinking about these theme song openings?  Well, I have recently taken to binging on Hulu the 90s drama "Picket Fences."   I am revisiting and enjoying it for the first time since its original airing.   And the terrific piano opening might be one of the last great TV theme songs.

Truly, "Picket Fences" might be one of the last great TV openings.   "The Sopranos" might win the designation of the very last of the remarkable TV series openings every week.

Those are just a few of mine.   You probably have several of your own.

But I offer this one addendum.   When we were putting together episodes of our new web series sitcom, one of the things we insisted on.

Opening credits...and a theme song.

Dinner last night:  Pepperoni pizza from Maria's.

Classic TV Theme of the Month - January 2022

 Hard to believe that this show is over...GASP...31 years old.

Dinner last night:  Chicken sausage.

Signs of the 2022 Times

 

Dinner last night:  Grilled Taylor ham.

A Movie and A Blanket

 

Sometimes that's all you need on a winter's night.   Or a movie that actually doubles as a warm blanket.   That's sort of what "The Tender Bar" is.   A nice, comfortable story that relaxes you.

It appears that a movie trend these days is for filmmakers to tell stories that are effectively memoirs.   You had that with "Belfast" and "The Hand of God."   Well, in this one, the director is George Clooney but it's not his life that is being unveiled on screen.  Nope, it's journalist JR Moehringer who is somebody I had never heard of.   I learn that he's a well known newspaper writer and even competed for the Pulitzer Prize at one point.  Regardless, we meet him here at a very young age in the early 70s and then subsequently follow him right into his early writing career.

Indeed, young JR is the product of a broken home.  Mom is a single parent and Dad is missing.  Oh, JR knows where he is.   The guy is a radio announcer.  But, he's also a bit of a druggie and certainly no father.  The kid is actually starved for a role model and his bartending Uncle Charlie comes in, played by Ben Affleck in one of his better acting gigs.   The uncle fills the bill for JR and teaches him all about growing up in Manhasset, Long Island.   

"The Tender Bar" is a quiet movie, even with a rousing and wonderful 70s soundtrack.   Not much happens, but then a lot happens.   You follow JR from boyhood to manhood to careerhood.  All along the way, Charlie's tutelage comes into play as JR's character and personality evolves.   Clooney succeeds as a director as he never allows the film to get too schmaltzy or heavy-handed.  Granted that the title of the movie is the title of the memoir authored by the real writer.   There is a feeling of true authenticity that makes the film work on multiple levels.    

Yes, there is a little heartache.   And, yes, you know you will meet the louse of a dad.   But, it still feels real when you experience it.   As films go, "The Tender Bar" is not going to be a film you will remember years from now, let alone the end of the year.   But there are much worse choices to see and the timing of its release in theaters and on Amazon Prime is perfect.

I mean, who doesn't like a nice blanket these days and nights?

LEN'S RATING:  Three-and-a-half stars.

Dinner last night:  Leftover lasagna.

This Date in History - January 12

 

Gee, just looking at this picture makes me want to reach for a washcloth and a bar of soap.

1528:  GUSTAV I OF SWEDEN CROWNED KING OF SWEDEN.

How many Gustavs did they go through before they decided that it's a pretty stupid name for a king?

1539:  TREATY OF TOLEDO SIGNED BY KING FRANCIS I OF FRANCE AND HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR CHARLES V.

Why were these two European countries interested in the state of Ohio?

1773:  THE FIRST PUBLIC COLONIAL AMERICAN MUSEUM OPENS IN CHARLESTON, SOUTH CAROLINA.

And also gave rise to the first overpriced gift shop.

1866:  THE ROYAL AERONAUTICAL SOCIETY IS FORMED IN LONDON.

As if Great Britain has put up a lot of men into space.

1898:  ITO HIROBUMI BEGINS HIS THIRD TERM AS PRIME MINISTER OF JAPAN.

Holding onto the job like FDR.  Except that hasn't happened yet.

1899:  FAMED DISTILLER HIRAM WALKER DIES.

Always a bottle with his name on it in my dad's closet.

1908:  A LONG-DISTANCE RADIO MESSAGE IS SENT FROM THE EIFFEL TOWER FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Help.  Stop.  I'm.  Stop.  Falling.  Stop.

1910:  ACTRESS LUISE RAINER IS BORN.

She made it to 104.   Good for her.

1915:  THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES REJECTS A PROPOSAL TO GIVE WOMEN THE RIGHT TO VOTE.

Not yet, honey.

1917:  INDIAN SPIRITUALIST MAHARISHI MAHESH YOGI IS BORN.

Just think.  Every January when JC Penney's had their white sale, this guy was able to upgrade his wardrobe.

1932:  HATTIE W. CARAWAY BECOMES THE FIRST WOMAN ELECTED TO THE UNITED STATES SENATE.

I remember her more for her seeds.

1935:  MENTALIST KRESKIN IS BORN.

Oddly enough, he predicted this.

1966:  LYNDON B. JOHNSON STATES THAT THE UNITED STATES SHOULD STAY IN SOUTH VIETNAM UNTIL COMMUNIST AGGRESSION THERE IS ENDED.

And they stayed there longer than he hung around the White House.

1967:  DR. JAMES BEDFORD BECOMES THE FIRST PERSON TO BE CRYONICALLY PRESERVED WITH INTENT OF FUTURE RESUSCITATION.

Fifty four years later, what's the expiration date on that ice tray?

1969:  THE NEW YORK JETS WIN SUPER BOWL III OVER THE BALTIMORE COLTS.

This was my football team when I was a kid.  I had the flu that day and was puking constantly.  Vomit never tasted so good.

1971:  ALL IN THE FAMILY PREMIERES ON CBS.

I will never ever forget this.  Watching my grandmother when the word "coon" was uttered on television.  The only way it would have been better for her is if the show was broadcast in German.

1976:  THE UN SECURITY COUNCIL VOTES 11-1 TO ALLOW THE PALESTINE LIBERATION ORGANIZATION TO PARTICIPATE IN A SECURITY COUNCIL DEBATE.

Okay, who was the one vote?

1991:  ACTOR KEYE LUKE DIES.

Number One son now minus one.

1998:  NINETEEN EUROPEAN NATIONS AGREE TO FORBID HUMAN CLONING.

Copycats.

2005:  DEEP IMPACT LAUNCHES FROM CAPE CANAVERAL ON A DELTA 2 ROCKET.

The first space mission named after a porno movie.

2010:  THE 2010 HAITI EARTHQUAKE OCCURS KILLING AT LEAST 230,000 AND DESTROYING THE MAJORITY OF THE CAPITAL PORT-AU-PRINCE.

Yeah, yeah, we heard.

2017:  AUTHOR WILLIAM PETER BLATTY DIES.

I hope he didn't go to Hell.  In case the Devil read "The Exorcist."

2018:  SPORTSCASTER KEITH JACKSON DIES.

No overtime.

Dinner last night:  Leftover lasagna.

Don't Look Up.....Or At, For That Matter

 

Here's a movie recommendation for you.  If you are ever in the mood for some really dark but clever doomsday satire, may I suggest the old classic "Dr. Strangelove."  You can certainly find it on some streaming service and it certainly turns up enough on TCM.

If you are ever in the mood for really lousy doomsday satire, you can watch "Don't Look Up."   Or better else, don't.   Viewership might encourage the film maker Adam McKay to make more and that will just compound the issue.

This mess, which has infected both theaters and Netflix, is uninteresting, unfunny, and unwatchable.  McKay has made a cottage industry career of picking through very current events and making movies about them.  As if the real events aren't funny enough.   You may have seen his movie about the 2008 economic crash or that other ditty about Vice President Dick Cheney.  I was bored by them and, not surprisingly, was completely bored by "Don't Look Up."

Not that he didn't spend oodles of money on the production and the cast.  I mean, this one stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Jennifer Lawrence.   Well, wastes them is the more likely expression.  They play two scientists who know that a giant comet is on a collision course with Planet Earth.   That's pretty much the sum total of it all.   But, pieced together with shots at mostly Conservatives with a Trump-like President played by Meryl Streep.  By the way, is it me or has she now lowered her standards like Robert DeNiro and will now do anything for a buck?

I digress.   This is liberal Hollywood's take on mass destruction and that, in itself, must be a redundancy.  There's even a character very reminiscent of Anthony Fauci, which is amazing because this tripe was allegedly produced pre-COVID.

I don't know about you, but I look to the movies for an escape, not to embrace things and bon mots you can hear on MSNBC or Fox News.  McKay does nothing to advance the medium in which he works and it's all so dreary and tedious.

But he and the rest of the cast think it's hilarious.   That is so sad.

Maybe they should all watch "Dr. Strangelove" the next time it's on TCM.

LEN'S RATING:  Zero stars.

Dinner last night:  Leftover Chinese food.