The Reading List At Andrew Cuomo Elementary

 

Dinner last night:  Beef with broccoli.

Hollywood Then and Now - September 2022

Back in the day, everything in Hollywood was a sound stage.   The streets.  The stores.  The homes.  The glory is...years later...finding them.   Like this gem from the legendary film "Psycho."   The original by Hitchcock.

Remember in the beginning where Janet Leigh's character gets a used car.   Well, that car dealership was really right outside the doors of Universal Studios in Toluca Lake.

Obviously, as the sign to the far right states, it was very much near Nuxhall Street.

Okay, flash forward and this must be a pretty lucrative car dealership.   Because it's still there.   With a major upgrade in branding.

Good to know that the driveway entrance indentation remembers intact as well.

Another amazing find.

Dinner last night:  Salad.

This Date in History - September 28

 

Happy birthday, Thomas Crapper and no, he did not.  Invent the toilet, that is.  But, he did....well, you'll see.

551 BC:  PHILOSOPHER CONFUCIUS IS BORN.

So now we have something to write on those little pieces of paper that get stuffed into cookies.

48 BC:  POMPEY THE GREAT IS ASSASSINATED ON THE ORDER OF KING PTOLEMY OF EGYPT.

Pompey the Great is now Pompey the Dead.

365:  ROMAN USURPER PROCOPIUS BRIBES TWO LEGIONS PASSING BY CONSTANTINOPLE AND PROCLAIMS HIMSELF ROMAN EMPEROR.

Talk about being pushy.

935:   SAINT WENCESLAS IS MURDERED BY HIS BROTHER, BOLESLAUS I OF BOHEMIA. 

What happened to the good king we sing about at Christmas time?

1066:  WILLIAM THE BASTARD INVADES ENGLAND BEGINNING THE NORMAN CONQUEST.

Hence, the name.

1238:  MUSLIN VALENCIA SURRENDERS TO THE BESIEGING KING JAMES I OF ARAGON THE CONQUEROR.

Gee, this sure is a tough day to be a king.

1542:  NAVIGATOR JOAO RODRIGUES CABRILHO OF PORTUGAL ARRIVES AT WHAT IS NOW SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA.

He was quite disappointed when he found the zoo was closed for maintenance.

1708:  PETER THE GREAT DEFEATS THE SWEDES AT THE BATTLE OF LESNAYA.

There's an awful lot of guys in history who thought they were Great.

1787:  THE NEWLY COMPLETED UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION IS VOTED ON BY THE U.S. CONGRESS TO BE SENT TO THE STATES FOR APPROVAL.

Back in the days when we actually had united states.

1836:  INVENTOR THOMAS CRAPPER IS BORN.

...but he did invent the ball cock that is used in flush toilets.  And that's a funny name, too.

1844:  OSCAR I OF SWEDEN-NORWAY IS CROWNED KING OF SWEDEN.

But apparently wasn't Great.

1867:  TORONTO BECOMES THE CAPITAL OF ONTARIO.

And the Maple Leafs couldn't be far behind.

1868:  BATTLE OF ALCOLEA CAUSES QUEEN ISABELLA II OF SPAIN TO FLEE TO FRANCE.

Trying to avoid becoming Isabella the Sick.

1895:  SCIENTIST LOUIS PASTEUR DIES.

Don't cry over spilled....

1901:  BROADCAST PIONEER WILLIAM S. PALEY IS BORN.

It's funny that, on the very same day....

1901:  TV HOST ED SULLIVAN IS BORN.

Who wound up making oodles of money for his fellow birthday mate.

1909:  CARTOONIST AL CAPP IS BORN.

H'ppy b'rthdy.

1918:  ACTOR ARNOLD STANG IS BORN.

He was the voice of Top Cat.  And also ate an awful lot of Chunky Candy.

1919:  ACTRESS DORIS SINGLETON IS BORN.

Carolyn Appleby from I Love Lucy!!!!

1928:  THE U.K. PARLIAMENT PASSES THE DANGEROUS DRUGS ACT OUTLAWING CANNABIS.

Buzz killers.

1928:  SIR ALEXANDER FLEMING NOTICES A BACTERIA-KILLING MOLD GROWING IN HIS LABORATORY, DISCOVERING WHAT LATER BECAME KNOWN AS PENCILLIN.

That's what he gets for buying week-old bread.

1934:  ACTRESS BRIGITTE BARDOT IS BORN.

Now we're talking.

1939:  WARSAW SURRENDERS TO NAZI GERMANY DURING WORLD WAR II.

You really didn't expect them to put up much of a fight, did you?

1951:  CBS MAKES THE FIRST COLOR TELEVISIONS AVAILABLE FOR SALE TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC.

So how come all the first color TV programs were on NBC???

1960:  MALI AND SENEGAL JOIN THE UNITED NATIONS.

Who lowered the annual dues?

1964:  ACTOR HARPO MARX DIES.

His last words?   ............................................

1971:  THE PARLIAMENT OF THE UNITED KINGDOM PASSES THE MISUSE OF DRUGS ACT BANNING THE MEDICINAL USE OF CANNABIS.

And even more buzz killing.

1978:  POPE JOHN PAUL I DIES.

He barely had a chance to unpack.

1991:  JAZZ MUSICIAN MILES DAVIS DIES.

Miles is now six feet under.

2003:  TENNIS PLAYER ALTHEA GIBSON DIES.

Game, set, match.

2003:  DIRECTOR ELIA KAZAN DIES.

He was on the waterfront, but now is a bit further inland.

2004:  DESIGNER GEOFFREY BEENE DIES.

No longer in fashion.

2004:  RADIO DISC JOCKEY SCOTT MUNI DIES.

This guy was a real scumbag.  I'm just saying...

2016:  TV PRODUCER AGNES NIXON DIES.

One Life to Live...and that was it.

Dinner last night: Leftover meat loaf.

Len's Recipe of the Month - September 2022

And yet another great find from James' YouTube channel and website called "Sip and Feast."  Vintage Long Island-based Italian recipes that everybody can cook.  

This one appealed to me.   Italian Meatloaf.   Essentially, it's one big Italian meatball.   But the addition of mushrooms, onions, and gravy does so much to add to the unami of the dish.  

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees and set the rack to the middle level.  

In a big bowl, mix the following:

2 pound ground chuck...80% lean.

1 cup of Italian bread crumbs.

1/4 cup of parsley.

2 grated cloves of garlic.

2 beaten eggs.

1 cup parmesan reggiano.

1 teaspoons of kosher salt.

1/2 teaspoon black pepper.

1/2 cup milk.

Get your hand dirty.   When thoroughly mixed, loaf it in a large baking dish and then pour a 1/2 cup of red wine over it.  Around the loaf, add 1 28 ounce can of Cento crushed tomatoes.   Or your favorite brand.   Place in the oven.

In a skillet with some EVO, saute a pound of sliced Baby Bella mushrooms until they will away.  Remove from the pan.

Now slice a medium size onion and saute it for about 5 minutes.

Pour the mushrooms and sliced onion around the loaf in the pan.

Total cook time should be 80 to 90 minutes or until your meat has an internal temperature of 165 degrees.

Let it stand for 15 minutes so the slicing will be easier.

And mangia!

Dinner last night:  Leftovers of the above.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - September 26, 2022

Back when not every word was verboten... 

Dinner last night:  Italian meat loaf.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - How Do You Get So Funny?

 

After people get to know me, I frequently get asked this question.

"Where did you get your sense of humor?"

Hmmmm.

Well, first of all, thank you for recognizing I have one.  So many people around me don't.  But, of course, this all prompted me back into the recesses of my mind.  Well, as you know it every Sunday, my Memory Drawer.

I can remember the very first time I got laughs.  I must have been no more than five years old.  One of those "Kids Say the Darndest Things" moments and I don't even remember completely the actual comment.  Only the situation.

We were on vacation.  My parents and I were staying at the Beach Haven, New Jersey home of my father's cousin, Helen.  Being the only kid around, I was naturally bored shitless.  Sitting around the dining table and listening to the adults gossip about other family members.

Suddenly, the subject turned to my grandmother's sister-in-law, the infamous Tante Emma.  They were talking about how lonely she was and perhaps she could use a companion for the rest of her life.  Out of sheer boredom, I was dying to participate in the conversation.  So I chimed in with my own inane comment.

"Maybe Tante Emma could marry the pastor."

Or something like that.  

To this day, I don't know why I said this.  And perhaps there was some family subtext that I didn't know or understand.  Because this got huge laughs from my audience.

My mother laughed so hard that she peed her pants.  Literally.  My father had to go out to the porch to compose himself.  Cousin Helen was mid-swig-of-beer and it wound up streaming out of her nose.

I sat there amused and confused.  I loved the fact that I was making these folks laugh themselves to death.  Except I have no clue why.

Answering my pal Diane's question, I would have to say there was no single human influence that helped to form my sense of humor.  Dad could be wry and sarcastic.  He didn't say much, but, when he did, the words counted for something.  He was verbally economic.  I can't say that my mom really was funny.  The only time I really recall her laughing out loud heartily was when we were watching the episode of "All in the Family" where Edith Bunker went through menopause.  Perhaps she was identifying with this at the time.

Indeed, the indirect influences on my developing sense of humor were my grandparents.  Not that they were particularly funny, either.  But those were the ones who sat down with me every night to watch television.  And, if Grandma and Grandpa didn't talk funny, they certainly knew what was.  We watched the classics together. 

"I Love Lucy" reruns.

"The Beverly Hillbillies."

"Green Acres."

"Mister Ed."

"The Andy Griffith Show."

"The Lucy Show."

"The Mothers-In-Law."

And, on my own, "The Dick Van Dyke Show."  Their humor was a little too sophisticated for Grandma.  And, on Friday nights when I could stay up late, "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson."

Watching all of those TV shows was an education and an evolution.  I learned timing.  Both vocally and on the written page.  Rules of oral engagement.  Running gags should be used no more than three times.  You telegraph somebody's entrance with a joke.  Always end the sentence with the funniest part of your line.

Suddenly, I was a freakin' expert.  And I figured it was all so easy to do.  So, barely double digits in age, I decided to write a script for a television show.  After all, what a great marketing story.  A major television situation comedy buying a script from some kid in the sixth grade.  Wow, that would be too good to be true.

So, thrusting my homework aside, I opened a fresh new composition book and started to write an episode of "The Mothers-In-Law."  I pretty much copied lines I had just heard on the show the previous Sunday.  But it sounded good to me.  Indeed, in my own shrunken world, I wrote three pages of dialogue and determined this was one whole episode.  A little short for the half-hour of prime time television the show itself commanded.

Oddly enough, I recently uncovered this very composition book.  I could barely read it.  Instead of writing for television, I should have been working on my penmenship.  To make matters even worse, I recall now the reason why I never followed through with this script.

I had left the composition book on my desk.  In those days, there were no secrets in my household.  Everything was fair game.  And, if something was in my room, my folks could look at it.

My mother approached me with the composition book.

"What the hell is this?"

Ummm, er, ummmm.  My sense of humor from television had also equipped me to hem and haw and stutter and stammer just like Ralph Kramden from "The Honeymooners."

I was embarrassed actually at what I was attempting to do.  Mom was just plain annoyed.

"Stop wasting your time on stupid stuff like this."

Ummm, okay. 

So, I suppose I had a sense of humor.  I just couldn't take it out in public.

Well, that didn't last long.  As I got older, I was a bit more daring in showing my creative and, well, funny side.

I was in the tenth grade and in English class with Miss Dennis.  In all my years of schooling, she was one of my love non-connections.  I thought she was a lousy teacher and I certainly didn't fit her notion of a student.  Thinking back on her, she was clearly one of those bohemian souls who lived for the arts and the theater.  She ran the theater appreciation class and the acting troup at high school.  Of course, noting the affinity for anything Broadway and the standard stereotype, Miss Dennis was likely gay.  All the girls in the class got As.  All the boys got B minuses.  You know the drill. 

Anyway, Miss Dennis presented us all with an odd assignment.  We each had to write an original short story.  Okay, I thought, there is zero interest in this from my side of the desk.  If I had to perform this asinine task, I had to figure out a way I could enjoy the whole process.

So I decided to write an original short story based on the characters from "Get Smart."  Heck, I was a little lazy.  Let me take some folks created by others and spin my own yarn around them.  If I remember correctly, I did a good job with this.  Certainly a lot better and funnier than the measly two pages of "Mothers-In-Law" dialogue.  I proudly handed him my work.

"What is this?"  Miss Dennis had no clue.

"Who are these people?"

It's a TV show.  Max.  99.  The Chief.  I had even included Hymie the Robot.

"I don't have a television."

Oh?  We're going to be that way, are we?

I got a B minus.  I considered that a victory.  Some dumb girl got an A+ for her short story adaptation of the Judy Collins song "Both Sides Now."  Clearly, my sense of humor was designed for the audience in any class not taught by the erudite Miss Dennis.

Moving on.

And I did.  To make my friends in the neighborhood laugh.  Now that I was a little older, my humor was getting a little more sophisticated.  Thanks to Johnny Carson.  I would hear routines he did on "The Tonight Show" and adapt them to my teenage world.  Then I would go "up the block" and regale my friends. 

They laughed.  This was a rush.  Granted that I wasn't being incredibly original.  But, laughs are laughs.  And I was hearing them.

But, then again, these were my friends.  A safe audience. 

Years later, in college, there was an evening that would be much more of a risk. 

To be continued.

Dinner last night:  Hot dog at the Hollywood Bowl.

Classic Movie Trailer of the Month - September 2022

One of my dad's favorite movies opened sixty years ago next week.   I've seen it on my own and my dad knew what he liked. 

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

Where Are These Movies Playing?

Dinner last night:  SPO at the Dodger game.
 

A Fistful of Pills

Oh, yeah, this could be my hand every morning.   A big glass of orange juice accompanied by all these vitamins and supplements.  And I have been doing it for over twenty years.   Granted you pee a lot of it out by 10AM.  But, who can argue with this logic?

Since March 2020, I have been in great internal health.   One single sinus infection.  That's been it.   And I never ever got COVID.   Coincidence?  Maybe not.

My now-95-year-old neighbor in Yonkers taught me a long time ago that a single multi-vitamin every morning just doesn't cut it.   Again who am I to argue with this logic?

She's 95, but looks 65.  

Indeed, my morning fistful has developed and expanded over the past two decades.

1.  One-A-Day Multi Vitamin for me: you have to start with a base.

2.  Milk Thistle: enhances liver functions.   When my liver was damaged about seven years due to some arthritis meds, milk thistle helped to repair it.

3.  Apple Cider Vinegar: pill form.

4.  A Probiotic.

5.  Cranberry bill:  helps with the flow if you know what I mean.

6.  CO-Q 10.

7.  Glucosamine Chondroitin:  Helps with joints.   I take 2 every day.

8.  Garlic: not a vampire near me.

9.  Tart Cherry pill.

10. Keratin: promotes health of your hair and nails.

11.  Niacin.

12.  A

13.  B.

14.  C.

15.  D.

16. E.

17.  Citrucel table: daily fiber intake.

18.  Baby Aspirin.

19.  Omega Fish Oils: not the one Larry King used to promote because, after all, he's dead.

20.  Balance of Nature - Fruits: saw this advertised on Fox News and I do feel more energetic.  Three pills every morning.  Along with...

21.  Balance of Nature - Veggies: See # 20.

If you're counting, that's 26 pills every morning.  A lot, you bet.  But...

...how's your COVID recovery.

Dinner last night:  Salad.

This Date in History - September 21

 

Happy birthday to Ricki Lake.   Yeah, I know, I'm at the bottom of the barrel.  But I always try to salute birthdays of those still with us.  Call me quirky.

19BC:  ROMAN POET VIRGIL DIES. 

He was born in 70BC and it really sucks when you have to use reverse math to figure how old he was.

1435:  AN AGREEMENT BETWEEN CHARLES VII OF FRANCE AND PHILIP THE GOOD ENDS THE PARTNERSHIP BETWEEN THE ENGLISH AND BURGUNDY IN THE HUNDRED YEARS' WAR.

The English had a partnership with burgundy?  I thought they drank nothing but tea.

1745:  A HANOVERIAN ARMY UNDER THE COMMAND OF SIR JOHN COPE IS DEFEATED IN TEN MINUTES BY THE JACOBITE FORMS OF PRINCE CHARLES EDWARD STUART.

Doesn't say much about Cope's leadership if he gets his ass kicked in ten minutes.

1780:  BENEDICT ARNOLD GIVES THE BRITISH THE PLANS TO WEST POINT.

Must have been harder to commit treason in the days before Wikileaks.

1792:  THE NATIONAL CONVENTION DECLARES FRANCE A REPUBLIC AND ABOLISHES THE MONARCHY.

Or should that be...repubic?

1827:  JOSEPH SMITH IS REPORTEDLY VISITED BY THE ANGEL MORONI, WHO GAVE HIM A RECORD OF GOLD PLATES, ONE-THIRD OF WHICH SMITH HAS TRANSLATED INTO "THE BOOK OF MORMON."

Possible newspaper headline:  Moron Visited By Moroni.

1866:  WRITER H.G. WELLS IS BORN.

He wrote the "Time Machine" so he could also be born in 1896, 1926, and 1956.

1897:  THE "YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS" EDITORIAL IS PUBLISHED IN THE NEW YORK SUN.

In the middle of September.  Virginia might have forgotten this three months later.

1912:  ANIMATOR CHUCK JONES IS BORN.

Can somebody tell me why September 21 is not a national holiday?

1931:  ACTOR LARRY HAGMAN IS BORN.

Mary Martin was his mom and she got to fly around on Broadway.  Well, so did he before he stopped drinking.

1934:  A LARGE TYPHOON HITS JAPAN, KILLING 3,036 PEOPLE.

So that's what pissed them off...

1937:  J.R.R. TOLKIEN'S "THE HOBBIT" IS PUBLISHED.

Never read the book, never saw the movie.

1938:  THE GREAT HURRICANE OF 1938 MAKES LANDFILL ON LONG ISLAND IN NEW YORK, KILLING 500-700 PEOPLE.

But that didn't necessarily piss them off as much.  Because, after all, Pearl Harbor was not attacked by Massapequa.

1944:  ACTRESS/AUTHOR FANNIE FLAGG IS BORN.

When she dies, will she be at half mast?

1950:  ACTOR BILL MURRAY IS BORN.

Who ya gonna call?

1953:  LT NO KUM-SOK, A NORTH KOREAN PILOT, DEFECTS TO SOUTH KOREA AND IS ASSOCIATED WITH OPERATION MOOLAH.

Mentioned only because of his name.  And perhaps his association to a legendary lady wrestler.

1957:  RADIO HOST MARK LEVIN IS BORN.

He's always angry when there's a Democrat in the White House.  Well, be prepared for more anger.

1964:  MALTA BECOMES INDEPENDENT FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM.

Because people from Malta are a force to be reckoned with?

1968:  TV STAR RICKI LAKE IS BORN.

She was hot for about 26 seconds.

1971:  BAHRAIN, BHUTAN, AND QATAR JOIN THE UNITED NATIONS.

Countries that are only important because they show up in crossword puzzles all the time.

1972:  PHILIPPINE PRESIDENT FERDINAND MARCOS SIGNS PROCLAMATION NO. 1081 PLACING THE ENTIRE COUNTRY UNDER MARTIAL LAW.

You think he was ticked off this day?  You should have been there the time he got his wife's credit statement from Payless Shoes.

1974:  ACTOR WALTER BRENNAN DIES.

No foolin', he was the Real McCoy.

1974:  AUTHOR JACQUELINE SUSANN DIES.

Once was more than enough.

1976:  SEYCHELLES JOINS THE UNITED NATIONS.

She sells seychelles by the seashore.  I guess they'll let anybody in.

1981:  BELIZE IS GRANTED FULL INDEPENDENCE FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM.

Well, it worked out okay for Malta.

1981:  SANDRA DAY O'CONNOR IS UNANIMOUSLY APPROVED BY THE U.S. SENATE AS THE FIRST FEMALE SUPREME COURT JUDGE.

Like I said.  See above comment about Seychelles joining the U.N..

1989:  HURRICANE HUGO MAKES LANDFALL IN SOUTH CAROLINA.

Destroying thousands of homes and amounting to about sixteen dollars worth of damage.

1998:  ATHLETE FLORENCE GRIFFITH JOYNER DIES.

The race is over.

2007:  ACTRESS ALICE GHOSTLEY DIES.

Many people thought she was Paul Lynde's sister.  She wasn't.

2007:  TELEVISION PREACHER REX HUMBARD DIES.

Many people thought he was an idiot.  He was.

2021:  ACTOR WILLIE GARSON DIES.

In the middle of filming the Sex and the City reboot.

Dinner last night:  Grilled sausage.

The End of The Guilty Pleasure

 

Or is it?   Hmmmmm...

Back in these pages circa October 2020, I told the story of how I came to find...and enjoy immensely "Cobra Kai."  This reboot of the old 1980s "Karate Kid" franchise managed to sneak up on me during quarantine and it was so welcome that I zoomed through three seasons faster than you could say...Hiya!

Indeed, "Cobra Kai" started on a You Tube channel but became so popular that Netflix, starved for product that was delayed by COVID-19, booked it for another two seasons.   That takes it up to five and the fifth just dropped last week.   And, despite my opposition to binge watching anything, I chopped my way through it all in a week.

Of course, since it was a YouTube show, you can see how increased budgets from season to season opened the story and widened the cast to the proportions that you see above in the poster.   Plus they seemingly had qualms about paying expensive music rights as well.   By Year Five, this was one lush...and expensive-looking show.

Add to that the penchant the producers had of mining all the characters from the original three movies and carving out stories for them.   In virtually all cases save for the late Pat Morita, the original actors were available and ready to be embraced like an old sweater.  Villains were still villains.  Good guys were still good guys.   And there wound up to be lots of kids in the cast.

So i karate-kicked my way through 10 episodes of Season 5 and made another notation.  This year was indeed the most violent of any previous years.   Now nobody dies or gets really hurt.  But there is a lot...A WHOLE LOT...of Kung Fu fighting.

But it all paid off for a grand finale where virtually every character and storyline had a happy ending.   I figured that "Cobra Kai" was having its series finale.  Everything was closing nicely together like the buttons on that old sweater.

So I looked on-line and saw that the producers are planning down the road for a Season Six.   And Len thinks that, as much as he loves this guilty pleasure, "Cobra Kai" might be going one year too far.

And how many times have we seen that happen to our favorite TV shows?

Dinner last night:  Leftover eggplant Pecorino.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - September 19, 2022

"The Lucy Show" premiered sixty years ago this month and the first season was a classic.   Enjoy this clever bit. 

Dinner last night:  Eggplant Pecorino.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Boy, I Hated...

 

Gym class. 

Especially in elementary school.  I attended the Grimes School, pictured above as more evidence of the decay that has rotted the mental images of my hometown and my childhood.

But, the good news is that there are still memories and friends who can prod you to remember even more.  Once again, here's an opening of the Memory Drawer spurred on by a Facebook conversation with some of my friends of years gone by.  Another flood of emotions started by two words.

"Gym Class."

I hated it.

Oh, yeah, I said that already.

What kid hates gym class?

This kid.  Right here. 

Back in my years in grades three through six, it was the one class period that I dreaded each and every day.  In our school, the boys and the girls took gym together and none of us looked particularly attractive.  The boys had to wear the same color of gym shorts and the standard white T-shirt.  I think the girls were able to adapt slightly with a short skirt.  Whatever the case, we all looked uniforms in our uniforms.  Sort of a combination of Romper Room and a World War II prison camp.

There had been a renewed vigor in America thanks to one youthful President and he wanted all the nation's youth to share in that vitality.  Twice a school year, gym class was devoted to completing the President's National Fitness Test, which had been started by the former Senator from Massachusetts.  Of course, in retrospect, we all know that President Kennedy was hardly fit himself and was taking regular injections of pain killers.  But, back then, it was all about our ability to participate in such odd stunts as the "Shuttle Run." 

It involved two blackboard erasers.  They would place them at the end of some straight-away.  You ran down quickly and picked up one eraser.  You ran back and put it down at the starting line.  Then you raced back and picked up the other eraser and repeated the run back.  The gym teacher would clock you and the time would be an indicator of your physical prowess and perhaps even your ultimate entrance to God's kingdom.  For me, the "shuttle run" could only be important if you were looking for a future working in the stock room at your local Staples.

I was a chubby kid and never did well.  Perhaps, there are no overweight people in Heaven?

There was other nonsense this test required.  Six times running around the school yard.  Again, a time was recorded.  The gym class wasn't long enough for me to finish.

So, in the process of determining the physical capabilities of America's youth, most of us suffered great blows to our self-esteem.  Life giving with one hand and taking with the other. 

I'd trod back to class wondering what the hell was wrong with me.  And, oh, yeah, let's see John F. Kennedy with his bad back stoop down and pick up some erasers.  Alive or dead.

Each day, the specter of gym class hung over my head like an anvil ready to drop at any moment.  What new fresh pile of Hell was awaiting me today?  There were no sneak previews available.  You had no clue what was on today's menu down at the gym.  Perhaps a brutal game of dodgeball.  There was always one mental patient in your class whose main goal in life was to imprint the word "Spalding" on your left thigh.  Maybe the net would be up and you were doomed to some volleyball.  As you rotated through the defensive positions, I would pray that the bell would ring before I got to the front line when some lunatic would spike the ball right on my noggin.

And then there was the pinnacle of my dread.  On those days every school year when I would walk into the gym and see the supreme horror.

The mats were down.  The parallel bars were set up.  The rings were hanging from the ceiling.

Shit!

Gymnastics.

An involuntary twitch would go up my right arm, making it immediately go up in the air.

"Can I go to the nurse's office?  I have a sore throat, an upset stomach, and maybe even cancer."

If I got a sense ahead of time that gymnastics was scheduled,  I'd work overtime to get that coveted medical excuse.  I'd perfectly time/fake a sprained ankle or a wrist.  Sorry, Mr. Gym Teacher, I'm stuck.  No gymnastics for me this year.  A tear is rolling down my cheek.

But, usually, gymnastics were waged as a sneak attack.  And I was left to somehow manage my hysteria.  Whoever that year's gym teacher was, he would outline our stunts as if he was coaching Mary Lou Retton in the 1984 Summer Olympics.

"Okay, you will swing up on the rings and then wind up in the cat's cradle?"

What the fuck are you talking about?  I mean, what are you referring to, please, ...um, sir?

There was never any way I was going to perform this feat of magic.  At least not sober.  And I never had anything strong than milk with Cocoa Marsh in those days.

Self Esteem, here comes another beating.

Now here's the fascinating thing I discovered this week from some of the girls who I shared these ignoble moments with.  I drew a complete blank on the names of some of those gym teachers.  They, however, did not.  Largely because some of them were particularly good looking.  I read tales of these guys' wavy hair and they all seemed to drive in convertibles.  These idiots did nothing for me, but, as for the girls in my class, their butter was melted.

There was one gym teacher name, however, that did come back to me loud and sadly clear.

Mr. Hicks.

Shudder, shudder.... 

Sadly, he has passed on.  He may have been a wonderful credit to society.  To me, the guy was a jerk.  A nasty piece of business who apparently had a small cup of espresso as a professional basketball player after playing college hoops.  As a result, maybe he was a frustrated guy who took all his unhappiness out on us. 

And me.  And it came down to a supreme battle over...

...the forward roll. 

I've told the saga here before.  Next week, I will share it all over again.

Mr. Hicks, it's on!

Dinner last night:  Grilled beef sausage.

Classic TV Theme Song of the Month - September 2022

Ah, one of my favorite sitcoms...and it premiered thirty years ago this month! 

Dinner last night:  BLT from Clementine's.

Your Weekend Movie Guide for September 2022

How refreshing.   In this day where movie theaters are shuttering left and right, this single screen house somehow manages to stay open.   And Landmark took the trouble to do a spiffy renovation inside.   I was there last week to see....for the first time ever...."2001: A Space Odyssey."   Okay, the fare was overrated.   But the theater is comfortable....and open.

What's playing at the theater in your nabe that has yet to close down?  You know the monthly drill, gang.  I'll sift through the LA Times and give you my gut reaction to the dreck on the screens.  Just be happy that your favorite cinema is still open for business.

Barbarian:  I'm assuming this is a documentary about Trump?

Bullet Train:  Brad Pitt in an action comedy that I hear is short on both action and comedy.

DC League of Super Pets:  Anything with the letters "DC" are avoided by yours truly.

Brahmastra Part 1 - Shiva:   An action movie about a Jewish funeral?

Beast:   I'm assuming this is another documentary about Trump?

The Invitation:  I saw the word "gothic" in the logline and I stopped reading.

Honk For Jesus - Save Your Soul:  A comedy about a Southern Baptist church.  Do I hear an "amen?"

Thor - Love and Thunder:   No lightning?

Clerks III:  Didn't the first two come out when Clinton was President?

Medieval:  Quickest way to get me to ignore your film?   Put that word in the title.

Breaking:  A Vietnam vet, out of benefit money, robs a bank and holds people hostage.   I am guessing he is portrayed as a hero.

Gigi and Nate:  Your basic love story of a quadriplegic and his monkey.

God's Country:   I doubt He still wants it.

Running the Bases:  A baseball movie about a small town coach who moves to work at a bigger high school.   The cast list featured no recognizable names.

See How They Run:  A murder in a 1950 West End London theater company.  Like Steve Martin and Martin Short, I like a good killing.

Pearl:  How Pearl became the vicious killer in "X."   Whatever that was.

Confess, Fletch: The 80's detective returns but with Jon Hamm replacing Chevy Chase.   An automatic upgrade.

The Silent Twins:  A true story about twin sisters who only communicated with each other.   Sort of Hayley Mills on xanax.

Dinner last night:  Salad.

He's Got Some Balls

 

Who is Zack Hample, you ask?

I'll tell you.

I learned a little bit about him on YouTube a year or two ago.  His vlogs would show up as he went from baseball park to baseball park trying to catch balls in the stands.   Admittedly, I got curiously enthralled and wanted to know a little bit more about this guy and his rather bizarre hobby.

Lo and behold, last week on my YouTube feed, I see that somebody else was that interested and took the time to develop a 90 minute documentary on the guy.   And, lo and behold, I was captivated.

Oh, sure, the guy is weird.   He does have a job working in his mom's antique book shop.   But he somehow manages to go all over the US, watching baseball games and catching home runs in the stands.  Heck, they show him so many times doing just that in the Yankee Stadium bleachers that he could change his name to Steinbrenner.

The documentary, which can be rented on Amazon Prime, follows Zack around as he attempts to achieve the feat of "catching" 10,000 baseballs.   In the middle of that quest, he somehow manages to grab the ball Alex Rodriguez hit for #3000.   A-Rod wanted to buy the ball back but Zack deliberated for two weeks before he sold it.  Indeed, he used the money for charity.

Zack is what they call a "ballhawk."  And, because he always seems to be around, other such ballhawks despise him and his notoriety.   Hence, the "vs. the World" part.  

This is a character study like none other you have seen.   Let's face it, he's a weird guy.  The walls of one room in his apartment are papered with celebrity headshots.   The wallpaper is in his bathroom is made up of business cards. And, just for the hell of it, he's got as furniture a 2080 pound ball of rubber bands.

Now the movie doesn't shy away from the fact that Zack should find another direction in life.   And, towards the end, you think he will.

Except now he's in quest of getting as many home run balls as possible.  Plus he keeps making new vlogs on the subject.

Zack Hample is one odd excuse for a celebrity.   But an interesting one, nonetheless.   And that makes for one compelling documentary.

LEN'S RATING:  Three-and-a-half stars.

Dinner last night:  Leftover tortellini and meatballs.

This Date in History - September 14

 

Any excuse to post a picture of Joey Heatherton is good with me, but today really is her birthday.

786:  DURING "THE NIGHT OF THE THREE CALIPHS," HARUN AL-RASHID BECOMES THE ABBASID CALIPH UPON THE DEATH OF HIS BROTHER AL-HADI.

"The Night of the Three Caliphs" sounds like a wonderful and mystical tale.  But, in reality, it's nothing but a bunch of Arabs killing each other.

1164:  EMPEROR SUTOKU OF JAPAN DIES.

I read this so fast that I thought it was the guy who invented the numbers puzzle.

1180:  THE BATTLE OF ISHIBASHIYAMA IN JAPAN.

Ishibashiyama later pitched for the San Francisco Giants.

1682:  BISHOP GORE SCHOOL, ONE OF THE OLDEST SCHOOLS IN WALES, IS FOUNDED.

Years later, the Al Gore School opens in Tennessee.  Neither one of these schools had decent light bulbs.

1741:  GEORGE FRIDERIC HANDEL COMPLETES HIS ORATORIO MESSIAH.

Hallelujah!

1752:  THE BRITISH EMPIRE ADOPTS THE GREGORIAN CALENDAR, SKIPPING ELEVEN DAYS---THE PREVIOUS DAY WAS SEPTEMBER 2.

So, according to the Gregorian Calendar, 9/11 would never have happened.

1814:  THE POEM 'DEFIANCE OF FORT MCHENRY' IS WRITTEN BY FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.  THE POEM IS LATER USED AS THE LYRICS OF THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER.

Wave, brave...I get it.  It's a rhyme.

1847:  DURING THE MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR, WINFIELD SCOTT CAPTURES MEXICO CITY.

I read this so fast that I thought it was about the fat weather guy from the Today Show. 

1901:  PRESIDENT WILLIAM MCKINLEY DIES AFTER AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT ON SEPTEMBER 6 AND IS SUCCEEDED BY THEODORE ROOSEVELT.

It is officially now not an assassination attempt.

1914:  ACTOR CLAYTON MOORE IS BORN.

Hi-yo!

1923:  MIGUEL PRIMO DE RIVERA BECOMES DICTATOR OF SPAIN.

Oh-lay!

1936:  HOLLYWOOD MOGUL IRVING THALBERG DIES.

At the age of 37.  But, at least, they named an honorary Oscar after him.

1944:  SINGER JOEY HEATHERTON IS BORN.

Well, now we know what the Merry Mailman was doing nine months before. 

1948:  GROUNDBREAKING FOR THE UNITED NATIONS HEADQUARTERS IN NEW YORK.

Do we know what the hell goes on in there?  I mean, to me, it's nothing but an excuse for school field trips.

1957:  FORMER BASEBALL STAR TIM WALLACH IS BORN.

In between all that baseball, how did he manage to run a men's clothing store?

1959:  THE SOVIET PROBE LUNA 2 CRASHES ONTO THE MOON, BECOMING THE FIRST MAN-MADE OBJECT TO REACH IT.

So, Alice Kramden doesn't count?

1959:  ACTRESS MARY CROSBY IS BORN.

And now we know what Bing was doing nine months before.

1964:  ACTRESS FAITH FORD IS BORN.

Corky Sherwood!  She smiled at me a couple of times on the Murphy Brown set.  Being nice to the author will always get you a mention here.

1966:  ACTRESS GERTRUDE BERG DIES.

So long, Mrs. Bloom.

1969:  THE US SELECTIVE SERVICE SELECTS SEPTEMBER 14TH AS THE FIRST DRAFT LOTTERY DATE.

Just to be clear, this has nothing to do with the NFL.

1975:  THE FIRST AMERICAN SAINT, ELIZABETH ANN SETON, IS CANONIZED BY POPE PAUL VI.

Before or after they started that college for really snotty girls.

1982:  ACTRESS GRACE KELLY DIES. 

She had a stroke while driving.  If only Natalie Wood had one while drowning.

1984:  ACTRESS JANET GAYNOR DIES.

A star is dead.

1987:  THE TORONTO BLUE JAYS SET A RECORD FOR THE MOST HOME RUNS IN A SINGLE GAME, HITTING 10 OF THEM.

That's some bad pitching.

1994:  THE MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL SEASON IS CANCELLED BECAUSE OF A STRIKE.

That's one way to end a dismal New York Met season.

1996:  DANCER JULIET PROWSE DIES. 

Your father's version of Joey Heatherton.

2005:  DIRECTOR ROBERT WISE DIES.

The hills are alive.  He, however, is not.

2009:  ACTOR HENRY GIBSON DIES.

Now he's pushing up those daisies he used to carry around on Laugh-In.

2009:  ACTOR PATRICK SWAYZE DIES.

Little did he know when he was filming Ghost......

2015:  80 PEOPLE DIE IN A FLASH FLOOD IN UTAH.

I wonder how this was reported on TV.   Flash!  Flood!

2021:  COMIC NORM MACDONALD DIES.

In Heaven, he can do his impersonation of Burt Reynolds for...Burt Reynolds.

Dinner last night:  Had a big lunch so just a little salad.

An Open Letter to Any Voters This November

 

To Whom It May Concern,

I can't say "don't let the above photo happen to you," because it already has.

We are all in the same sinking boat at the moment and life preservers are on order.  But, in the meantime, election day is less than two months away and I would like to offer some unsolicited counsel to all those pulling levers in November.

What prompts me to write this letter.   Well, like you, I have seen my grocery bills go up 75 percent in the last nine months.   It costs me 85 dollars to fill my SUV's gas tank.   And my stock portfolio has lost $100,000 since May.

No one is to blame and we are all to blame.  Our problems are created by those of us who don't do any homework when it comes to electing officials. Unfortunately, people simply look at the letter after the candidate's name....either D or R....and vote accordingly.   No questions asked.

Sorry, folks, that no longer works in this divided day and age.   In 2022, you have to do research.   Find out how the person really feels and thinks.   If they march to their party's talking points, avoid them.   You want a free thinker.

Also do some research on their financial statements.   If a politician has made a lot of money in public service, they are not serving you.   Look no further than the records of the current President.  Or the two former Presidents.   Or the current Speaker of the House.   Or the Senate Majority Leader who has made a fortune off big pharmaceutical companies.

All of the above is easy to find.   But you have to care to look for it.  And, let's face it, you're in hot water whether you're an R or a D.   Because the symbol that should be next to all politicians' names is very distinct.

$

Yours truly,

The one whose savings are going to hell in a hand basket.

Dinner last night: Hamburger.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - September 12, 2022

 And speaking of beauty pageants...this clip is twelve years old but priceless.

Dinner last night:  Tortellini and meatballs.

No Words Today

 

Classic Newsreel of the Month - September 2022

This used to happen every year during the second week of September.   And then it didn't. 

Dinner last night:  BLT from Clementine's.

It's A Sign

 

Dinner last night:  Chicken teriyaki.