Water, Water Everywhere

 

With not a drop to spare.   Or however that little rhyme goes.

You may have seen this on the news.   A major part of West Hollywood became a Six Flags water slide as a result of a water main pipe breaking.   It was over 100 years old and my guess is that's it had no attention or upgrading in the last 50 years.

Sure, money has been allocated for just this maintenance but I am sure the water dollars simply flowed into the pockets of the scummy politicians that always seem to be running this city and state.  And they said there was no water to fight last year's devastating fires.  Well, it's there.   It's just that morons like Governor Newsdum and Mayor Bass As In Ass didn't know where to look for it.

Well, here's a hint now.  You can find plenty of H2O in a variety of places.

Small businesses.

Apartment garages.

Sinkholes on major roads.

Peoples' living rooms.

One more time.   If you live in California and ever again pull a lever for this current contingent of assholes in charge, I hope your belongings float away into the ocean.

Dinner last night:  Leftover flank steak.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - July 20, 2026

 The water's fine?

Dinner last night:  Flank steak and pan roasted cherry tomatoes in balsamic glaze.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - A Twisted Summer

 

I love pretzels.  I have since I was a kid.  With all the snack choices possible, pretzels are my absolute "go-to."

Back when I was a tyke, it was those Mister Salty boxes that captivated me.   I used to dunk them in milk.   I'm not sure that's the ideal destination for a pretzel but it was for me.  I'd eat some pretzels and drink some milk right before bedtime.  I'd dream then of more salt-covered twists dripping with milk.

As I got older, I would branch out beyond the tried-and-true Nabisco brand.  For the longest time, I eventually settled on the Snyder variety of large sour dough pretzels.   The key with me is the crispier and more brown, the better.  I'm not one who relishes the pretzels sold on the streets of Manhattan.  Those big doughy twists that lay in your stomach for days.  No dice.   If I'm going to bite into a pretzel, I need to hear the snap and the crunch that result in a plethora of crumbs cascading down my shirt.

Snyder's fit the bill for me all these years.   When I moved to the left coast, I was delighted to see that Snyder's had distribution here.   But I made a noteworthy discovery.   In Los Angeles, these damn things tasted different.  Snyder's, like all good pretzels, were manufactured in Pennsylvania.  But were the Los Angeles editions actually produced here using different water in the mixture?  Something made it taste a little different and, sadly, not as good. 

I'd go back to New York and buy the same Snyder's Pretzels and enjoy them like they were brand new.  Yes, the east coast version was better than the west coast.  For all of the annoyances we all have in our individual lives, this was one of my biggest.  I was so confounded by it all that I actually wrote to the folks at Snyder's Pretzels to find out why there was such a disparity in flavor.  They essentially told me that there was no difference and, oh, by the way, here's a couple of coupons for my next purchase.

So, I kept buying Snyder's Pretzels in Los Angeles but enjoyed them a little less.  Like a married couple that was feuding but never got divorced.  I was still a pretzel fiend but missing the glory of a really, really good one.

So, one day, I was buying some toiletries in Bed, Bath, and Beyond and I noticed that this chain was now including in its store a grocery section stocked by the Cost Plus World Market chain.  Cost Plus offers you a wide variety of food products, but none of them have name brands.  I wandered past the snack section and noticed the bag of pretzels you see adorning today's blog.  I was vapid enough to fall in love with its look immediately.  Toasted brown.  Almost burnt.  Pennsylvania Dutch pretzels from some outfit called Uncle Jerry's in Pennsylvania.   I peered inside the clear bag.   These pretzels were loaded with tons of salt.   I was intrigued.  A bag came home with me.

That night, it was unusually hot and humid in Los Angeles.  I sat in the living room with the fan blowing on me.  With the Dodger game on TV and a frosty glass of diet root beer at my side, I decided to try these newfangled pretzels.

One.  Then two.  Then three.  Before I knew it, half the bag was gone.

It was sensory perception all over again.  I was suddenly a kid again.  Having a wonderful summer night's snack.  Baseball.  Ice cold soda.  An electric fan with its cool breezes.  And the best damn pretzel I have ever tasted in my life.  Crap.  How do I get more and now?

I first Googled this Uncle Jerry character and found the company website.  Indeed, it's some old guy who started his own pretzel company in Pennsylvania two decades ago. 

I mean, does this not look like the man who could bake the best freakin' pretzel ever??  According to the company history, his pretzels were voted Best in Philly and, heck, those people usually hate everything.  Thanks to Jerry's young daughter, Misty, the company dove big time into social media.   And, yes, I immediately "liked" them on Facebook.

More importantly, I needed more and fast.   I went back to the Cost Plus at BB and B.  They were gone.  Per the clerk, we get them in sometimes and then sometimes not.

I wanted to strangle her on the spot.  Instead, I went to three other Cost Plus markets.

"We've never heard of them."

Audible scream.  How does one of your stores sometimes have the product and others do not?   Aren't you a fucking chain?   Don't you people talk???  

It had been only a week, but I was already an Uncle Jerry's Pretzels addict.

I went back home to seek out help from the company website which was now one of my bookmarked sites on Mozilla Firefox.  Oh, look, Len, you can buy them on line.

I immediately started to load up my virtual shopping cart with the Extra Dark variety of these freakin' pieces of heaven.  Six pound boxes.  Hmmmm.  Will eighteen pounds last me into the fall? 

This was a great plan until I hit "shipping options."  There was only one.  UPS.   And, to get these blasted twists from Pennsylvania to Los Angeles, it was going to cost me thirty bucks.

Even junkies have their limits.   I needed to rethink.  Could I possibly get a job as a purchasing agent at the closest Cost Plus Market? 

But, wait.  In the top right corner of the website, there was a button.

STORE LOCATOR.

I clicked it immediately.  And promptly said a prayer that it wasn't going to point me to the three unhelpful Cost Plus Markets I had just visited.

Indeed, in Los Angeles, there was one single location.  The Farmshop gourmet store in Brentwood. 

I was there the next day and found my fix.  There were seven bags of the "stuff" on a counter.  I picked them all up and plopped them down on the checkout table. 

"Will there be anything else?"

No. 

"These pretzels sell fast.  Lots of people come in for them."

Oh, yeah, well, screw them.  I'm in the way now. 


This is just one of three bags I bought.  I now order them myself on-line.  Again.  And again.  And again.  

I have found my perfect pretzel.

Dinner last night:   Pizza.

Classic TV Theme Song of the Month - July 2026

Sixty years ago, this sitcom was getting set to premiere.  And Vin Scully was the announcer!

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

Summer Fun?

 

The happiest place on Earth.  Usually.

The Marc Chagall family on vacation.

"It's bad enough we walked to Chicago.  Can we at least get the bus home?"

Wow, South Dakota.  Gee, thanks, Mom and Dad.

I hate these people.

I went to Niagara Falls with my family.  We would never have posed for this picture.

Please close your windows during the jungle safari.

Look at what I brought home from the San Diego Zoo.

They're all set for a water landing.  Just in case this plane is from Malaysian Airlines.

There isn't enough Celebrex in the world for me to do this with my leg.

What was this family's destination?  A new theme park devoted to Ingmar Bergman?

"You told me we weren't gonna get wet!!!"

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

Len's Recipe of the Month - July 2026

 

Talk about a flavor explosion in your mouth.  This Southern Italian dish is called Pepperonata and it makes the most of summer vegetables.  I learned about it from UTube chef Giovanni Siracusa and the time was impeccable.   I had decided to eat more veggies following my little cardiac scare.   Plus I had made a visit to my local farmer's market.

Bang zoom.   Cue the deliciousness.

First off, grab some small red or Yukon gold potatoes.   Halve and quarter them. Heat up some EVO in a pan or Dutch oven.   Start the potatoes cooking.

Now grab two peppers...preferably red or yellow.   Slice them and lay them on top of the potatoes.   Let them cook for about 15 minutes.

In the meantime, slice up a small onion.   I myself used two shallots and that worked wonderfully.  Then get a pint of cherry tomatoes and slice them in half.  Add the shallots and the tomatoes to the cooking vessel.   Now you can stir them around.   Add some salt, pepper, and chili flakes to taste.

And finally...splash in some Balsamic vinegar to heighten the sweetness of the dish.

One more time...you're welcome.

Dinner last night:  Leftovers of above photo.

This Date in History - July 15

 

Happy birthday, Linda Ronstadt.   Back in the day....wow.

484 BC:  DEDICATION OF THE TEMPLE OF CASTOR AND POLLUX IN ANCIENT ROME.

Obviously, it was not televised.

756:  EMPEROR XUANZONG OF TANG IS ORDERED BY HIS IMPERIAL GUARDS TO EXECUTE YANG GUOZHONG BY FORCING HIM TO COMMIT SUICIDE OR FACE A MUTINY.  HE PERMITS HIS CONSORT YANG GUIFEI TO BE STRANGLED BY HIS CHIEF EUNUCH.

All this craziness explains to me why you still hear fighting in the kitchen whenever you call for Chinese take-out.

1149:  THE RECONSTRUCTED CHURCH OF THE HOLY SEPULCHRE IS CONSECRATED IN JERUSALEM.

Nor was there radio coverage for this event.

1207:  KING JOHN OF ENGLAND EXPELS CANTERBURY MONKS FOR SUPPORTING ARCHBISHOP STEPHEN LANGTON.

I bet those monks had some tales.

1381:  JOHN BALL, A LEADER IN THE PEASANTS' REVOLT, IS HANGED, DRAWN, AND QUARTERED IN THE PRESENCE OF KING RICHARD II OF ENGLAND.

That had to hurt.

1685:  JAMES SCOTT, 1ST DUKE OF MONMOUTH, IS EXECUTED IN ENGLAND.

No word on the whereabouts of the Earl of Pimlico.  Come on, you knew this would be a horse racing joke.

1799:  THE ROSETTA STONE IS FOUND IN THE EGYPTIAN VILLAGE OF ROSETTA.

Naturally.

1815:  NAPOLEON BONAPARTE SURRENDERS ABOARD HMS BELLEROPHON.

Or was that Bell Telephone?

1823:  A FIRE DESTROYS THE BASILICA OF SAINT PAUL OUTSIDE THE WALLS IN ROME, ITALY.

I hope they were insured with State Farm.

1834:  THE SPANISH INQUISITION IS OFFICIALLY DISBANDED AFTER NEARLY 356 YEARS.  

That's one long inquisition.

1838:  RALPH WALDO EMERSON DELIVERS THE DIVINITY SCHOOL ADDRESS AT HARVARD DIVINITY SCHOOL, DISCOUNTING BIBLICAL MIRACLES AND DECLARING JESUS A GREAT MAN, BUT NOT GOD.  THE PROTESTANT COMMUNITY REACTS WITH OUTRAGE.

What do you expect from a man whose middle name is Waldo?

1870:  GEORGIA BECOMES THE LAST OF THE FORMER CONFEDERATE STATES TO BE READMITTED TO THE UNION.

I guess we had to.

1910:  IN HIS BOOK CLINICAL PSYCHIATRY, EMIL KRAEPELIN GIVES A NAME TO ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE, NAMING IT AFTER HIS COLLEAGUE ALOIS ALZHEIMER.

Lucky he remembered.

1916:  IN SEATTLE, WASHINGTON, WILLIAM BOEING AND GEORGE CONRAD WESTERVELT INCORPORATE PACIFIC AERO PRODUCTS, LATER NAMED BOEING.

Boeing, boeing, gone.

1922:  THE JAPANESE COMMUNIST PARTY IS ESTABLISHED IN JAPAN.

We never hear about Red Japan.

1935:  ACTOR ALEX KARRAS IS BORN.

Mongo like candy.

1935:   ACTOR KEN KERCHEVAL IS BORN.

Cliff Barnes from TV's Dallas.

1946:  SINGER LINDA RONSTADT IS BORN.  

Hotter than blazes in the 70s, she now has Parkinson's.

1954:  FIRST FLIGHT OF THE BOEING 367-80.

Apparently not boeing, boeing, gone.

1959:  THE STEEL STRIKE OF 1959 BEGINS, LEADING TO SIGNIFICANT IMPORTATION OF FOREIGN STEEL FOR THE FIRST TIME IN US HISTORY.

Thinking of Superman as I type this.

1966:  THE UNITED STATES AND SOUTH VIETNAM BEGIN OPERATION HASTINGS TO PUSH THE NORTH VIETNAMESE OUT OF THE DMZ.

That's DMZ, not TMZ.

1972:  MODEL BETH OSTROSKY STERN IS BORN.

Howard likes them younger.

1979:  US PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER GIVES HIS SO-CALLED MALAISE SPEECH, WHERE HE CHARACTERIZES THE GREATEST THREAT TO THE COUNTRY AS "THIS CRISIS IN THE GROWING DOUBT ABOUT THE MEANING OF OUR OWN LIVES AND IN THE LOSS OF A UNITY OF PURPOSE FOR OUR NATION" BUT IN WHICH HE NEVER USES THE WORD MALAISE.

Len says the greatest threat to our country is when we elects idiots like this guy.

1991:  ACTOR BERT CONVY DIES.

Tattletale.

1997:  IN MIAMI, SERIAL KILLER ANDREW CUNANAN GUNS DOWN GIANNI VERSACE OUTSIDE HIS HOME.

Wear this.

2002:  "AMERICAN TALIBAN" JOHN WALKER LINDH PLEADS GUILTY TO SUPPLYING AID TO THE ENEMY AND TO POSSESSION OF EXPLOSIVES.

Kill, please.

2003:  AOL TIME WARNER DISBANDS NETSCAPE.  MOZILLA IS ESTABLISHED ON THE SAME DAY.

And we still can't avoid spam.

2006:  TWITTER IS LAUNCHED.

#Idon'tgiveashit.

2012:  ACTRESS CELESTE HOLM DIES.

All About Death.

2017:  ACTOR MARTIN LANDAU DIES.

Mission Really Impossible Now.

Dinner last night:  Leftover vegetables.

Len's Moron of the Month - July 2026

 

Rhetorical question:  Can you be a genius and a moron at the same time?   Well, yes, if you're thinking about the esteemed Mayor of The City/Socialist Society of New York Zorhan Mamdani.  Indeed, this clown has figured out how to be both.  Meanwhile, his young soldiers revere him as something almost Biblical. I mean, look at the sainted photo above.

Overall, Mamdani is an idiot.   He has done virtually nothing in his short career and I don't think he's destined for greatness.   But he's figured out how to make the most of little. By appealing to the youngest and newest generation of voters who have grown up getting everything done for them.  Indeed, the Laziest Generation.   And Mamdani's socialist views fall right in line with them. They have grown up expecting everything free and that's just what little Zorhan has promised.

Now you know and I know that nothing is ever free and that socialism has never worked anywhere.  But the youngest voters don't largely because they've been taught in school by a bunch of liberal stooges. Want to know how smart that subculture is?   Well, it just came out that the Los Angeles Unified School District is going broke.  Why? Because the teacher's union has a stranglehold on the city.

But I digress...

Mayor Moron has figured how to win elections and that's by promising the world to the youngest...and apparently dumbest...members of our voting populace.  So he's a genius...and a moron all at once.

And don't think this stops here.   I've heard recently that Culver City in California has introduced legislation to lower the voting age to 16!

Stop me when you want to get off.

Dinner last night:  Grilled veggies.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - July 13, 2026

 Summer hiccups.

Dinner last night:  Beef tri tip at the home of friends Kevin and Amir.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - When The Stars GetHot

 

Holy shit!

I'm looking at the internet and rubbing my eyes.  This could have been a photo that my father took with that damn Argus Technicolor camera of his.  Because I clearly remember this image on the Boardwalk at Atlantic City.  We went to see this show.

After seeing the "Jersey Boys" movie last weekend, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I had actually seen Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons perform.  At the Steel Pier that you see above.  And at Freedomland in the Bronx.  I don't know how I had forgotten this, but the movie and the music jogged my memory.

My mom was a big fan and wouldn't miss seeing them.   And, of course, it was during the summer at Atlantic City that we actually went to see somebody perform live.

Back in the day, my family didn't venture out beyond the local movie theater when it came to entertainment.  Heck, I didn't see my first Broadway show until I was 15.  I didn't go to my first rock concert until I was in college.  The closest I had come to seeing stars in person was when they showed up for a ten minute walk-on during a movie promotional tour that landed at one of the Mount Vernon movie theaters.  That was as close as we ever got. 

I wonder now if this caused an issue between my parents.  My mom was a big fan of top 40 music.  She went out to buy the 45 rpm discs of all the big hits.  She sang along to them while she cleaned the house.

Music was a big deal to her.

My dad?  Meh.  

He would listen to nothing but WNEW AM 1130 on the car radio.   And then tune into the Polka Party on WFUV every Saturday night.  That was it.

So, another question that goes begging for an answer through the ages is whether my parents ever went to see a musical star perform in person.  I'll never know the answer.   My guess is...no.  Nein.  Nyet.

And this makes our summer vacations in Atlantic City even more important.  And it explains now to me why my mother always seemed to be focusing on who was appearing at the Steel Pier while we were there.

She'd call ahead weeks before to find out.  The entire vacation, usually accompanied by another family, was planned around the performance schedule at the Steel Pier.  It was tricky since stars only showed up there for two or three days at a time.  They would then move on.  If your vacation was ill-timed, you'd be stuck with some dog.   But, not with my mom handling the logistics.

And that's how we ended up seeing Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons on the Boardwalk at Atlantic City.  The place was jammed.  Me and the rest of the kids got dragged along.  My dad and the representative male figure of the other family?  My guess is that they passed the time in a nearby gin mill.

And here's yet another photo that my dad could have taken.  Because on a subsequent summer, Mom got to see Paul Anka at the same venue.  There was a meet-and-greet line.  I shook Paul Anka's hand.  I was probably eight years old.  I was already taller than him.

Lo and behold, there was one more summer and one more concert at the Steel Pier.  Mom called ahead.  Who was on the schedule for our week in the sun and the surf?

Lawrence Welk and the Lennon Sisters.

You would have thought my family hit the million dollar lotto.  The show that played on two...count 'em...two different TV sets in my house every Saturday.  And we would be seeing them live.

Naturally, I was bored out of my skull.

But, of all people to make an appearance for the show?  My father.  Lawrence Welk was sacred.  He was German.  He played polka music.  That was good enough for him.  Two degrees of separation for my dad.

We got an added bonus when the Freedomland amusement park opened just ten minutes from our house in Mount Vernon, New York.   It was a foolhardy attempt by some idiot to recreate Disneyland.  In. The. Bronx.  But, since there was no freakin' way that my family was going to get to Anaheim, California any time soon, we sucked in the swamp air of Freedomland on multiple summer nights. 

They had a musical band shell at Freedomland and suddenly the Steel Pier was at our doorsteps.  Mom regularly checked the newspapers to see who was appearing.  One night, we ventured out to see Frank Fontaine, who played "Crazy Guggenheim" on the old Jackie Gleason Show.

Okay, going by the picture, you know his act was an acquired taste.  But he was on the Gleason Show.  We watched the Gleason Show.  We went.  My father was a fan.  He showed up, too.

A month later, my mother was on the moon again.  Coming to Freedomland:  Frankie Valli and the Four Season.  I didn't understand the reason for a repeat viewing.  I questioned the outing.  Mom was not hearing a thing.

"Don't argue with me.  We're going."

Yes, ma'am.

One year later, guess who showed up at Freedomland.   The bubble king and those four sisters.   We're not, are we?

"Don't argue with me.  We're going."

This time, an appearance by Lawrence Welk ten minutes away from where we lived emptied out the whole house.   My grandmother and grandfather came along.  This was monumental.   The only places they really went were the supermarket, the bank, and the doctor.

It was odd seeing Grandma and Grandpa out amongst the living.  In an amusement park, no less.

I don't remember much about the performance that night, except I probably dozed off two or twenty times.  Indeed, the oldest generation was not impressed.

"He looks better on television."

Given that their TV set only got black and white, that didn't say much for Mr. Welk's complexion.

"Next time we stay home."

And, as far as I can remember, that was the last concert we ever went to as a family.

Dinner last night:  Pepperonata.

Classic Newsreel of the Month - July 2026

 How did that work out for you, Barry?

Dinner last night:  Broccoli and rice.

Hazy, Hot, and Stupid

 

Obviously, the photographer had told them this would be nothing but a head shot.

If this is a familyu portrait, I have some questions.

Little Petunia is being blocked by, well, a little petunia.

The way Dad is sitting behind Mom, you would think she would have a bigger smile on her face. 

This time, the dog is giving Mom a bath.

Future pole dancer.

Trying to fit a size 6 baby into a size 4 wagon.

"Mommy, this uncle is drunk now, too."

I need her phone number.

Surprisingly, the most awkward thing in this picture is the sofa.

Dinner last night:  Salisbury steak.

Enough May Be Enough

 

Okay, confession time.   The "Toy Story" franchise is the only Pixar genre I follow.  All the rest bored me to tears.

I have followed (seen) them all since the first one hit in the early 90s.  Surprisingly, the fifth just came out and I was caught off guard by the release. Did they really make a fifth edition?

Well, yes.   And I'm here to announce that it is time to put all the toys away for good.   Or sell them on eBay.  

Yep, I'm done.   They're done.  We're all done.

"Toy Story 5" is one convoluted mess that had the adults I was with totally confused by the plot.   How the heck can kids follow this stuff?   There's a well meaning concept here of traditional old toys being replaced by tech devices.   Yrp, that is happening.   But, the way this all unfolds in 2026. Elon Musk would have a tough time telling the story.   Plus Tom Hanks as Woody, always the best thing in any Toy Story film, is relegated to a reasonably small role.  But I doubt more would have helped.

We can stop at Five.   Sadly, the on-screen epilogue sets up the sixth installment.  

Yeesh.

LEN'S RATING:  One star.

Dinner last night:  Broccoli and rice.

This Date in History -July 8

 

Happy Heavenly birthday to Steve Lawrence, pictured here with his late wife, Eydie Gorme.  The Bossa Nova kills.

1099:  FIRST CRUSADE - FIFTEEN THOUSAND STARVING CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS MARCH IN A RELIGIOUS PROCESSION AROUND JERUSALEM AS ITS MUSLIM DEFENDERS LOOK ON.

And they're still marching.

1497:  VASCO DA GAMA SETS SAIL ON THE FIRST DIRECT EUROPEAN VOYAGE TO INDIA.

An awful long way to go for some curry.

1579:  OUR LADY OF KAZAN, A HOLY ICON OF THE RUSSIAN ORTHODOX CHURCH, IS DISCOVERED UNDERGROUND IN THE CITY OF KAZAN.

Elia or Lainie?

1730:  AN ESTIMATED MAGNITUDE 8.7 EARTHQUAKE CAUSES A TSUNAMI THAT DAMAGES CHILI'S COASTLINE.

Back in 1730, I would guess that about four people were impacted.

1775:  THE OLIVE BRANCH PETITION IS SIGNED BY THE CONTINENTAL CONGRESS OF THE THIRTEEN COLONIES OF NORTH AMERICA.

With or without pimentos?

1853:  US COMMODORE MATTHEW PERRY ARRIVES IN EDO BAY WITH A TREATY REQUESTING TRADE.

So, when Perry finally got on Friends, he was really, really, really old.

1874:  THE MOUNTIES BEGIN THEIR MARCH WEST.

Sgt. Preston leading the way.

1876:  WHITE SUPREMACISTS KILL FIVE BLACK REPUBLICANS IN SOUTH CAROLINA.

And the note I take from this?   Five dead Black Republicans.

1889:  THE FIRST ISSUE OF THE WALL STREET JOURNAL IS PUBLISHED.

Where are the funny pages?

1892:  ST JOHN'S, NEWFOUNDLAND, CANADA IS DEVASTATED IN THE GREAT FIRE OF 1892.

And I guess I am too.  Devastated, I mean.

1898:  THE DEATH OF CRIME BOSS SOAPY SMITH, WHO IS KILLED IN AN ALASKAN SHOOTOUT.

The Sopranos Go to Juneau.

1908:  GOVERNOR NELSON ROCKEFELLER IS BORN.

Best joke I ever heard about him.   When he wakes up in the morning, he feels happy.  And then Happy feels him.

1917:  ACTRESS FAYE EMERSON IS BORN.

A name I've heard countless times.   I couldn't place her if I fell over her.

1918:  ACTOR CRAIG STEVENS IS BORN.

Peter Gunn!

1930:  SINGER JERRY VALE IS BORN.

My writing partner once saw him in the super market, looking for his name in the tabloids.

1932:  THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE REACHES ITS LOWEST LEVEL OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION.

For those who still haven't jumped out of their window...

1934:  ACTOR MARTY FELDMAN IS BORN.

It's Eye-gor.

1935:  SINGER STEVE LAWRENCE IS BORN.

Go away, little boy.

1947:  REPORTS ARE BROADCAST THAT A UFO CRASH LANDED IN ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO.

Hence, all the jokes about Roswell ever since.

1948:  THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE ACCEPTS ITS FIRST FEMALE RECRUITS.

Opening the Mile High Club....

1949:  CHEF WOLFGANG PUCK IS BORN.

Overrated.

1958:  ACTOR KEVIN BACON IS BORN.

If you share this birthday, you have one degree of separation.

1960:  FRANCIS GARY POWERS IS CHARGED WITH ESPIONAGE RESULTING FROM HIS FLIGHT OVER THE SOVIET UNION.

Vat you looking at, Yankee.

1968:  THE CHRYSLER WILDCAT STRIKE BEGINS IN DETROIT.

Is that their new model?   A Wildcat.

1982:  ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT AGAINST IRAQI PRESIDENT SADDAM HUSSEIN.

Too bad it didn't take.

1990:  ACTOR HOWARD DUFF DIES.

Making Ida Lupino an ex-wife/widow.

1991:  ACTOR JAMES FRANCISCUS DIES.

Not a good last name if you lisp.

1994:  ACTOR DICK SARGENT DIES.

The second and lesser Darrin Stevens.

1994:  KIM JONG-IL BEGINS TO ASSUME SUPREME LEADERSHIP OF NORTH KOREA UPON THE DEATH OF HIS FATHER.

So I guess Dad was Il, too.

2006:  ACTRESS JUNE ALLYSON DIES.

Bladder no longer full.

2011:  FORMER FIRST LADY BETTY FORD DIES.

She didn't last much longer after her husband.

2012:  ACTOR ERNEST BORGNINE DIES.

What are you going to do now, Marty?

2018:  ACTOR TAB HUNTER DIES.

I always preferred Diet Coke.

2022:  ACTOR LARRY STORCH DIES.

RIP Troop.

2022:  ACTOR TONY SIRICO DIES.

The wonderful Paulie Walnuts on "The Sopranos."

YEAR NOT SPECIFIED:  A HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DEAR FRIEND, THE BIBSTER.

A regular reader to this Wednesday frivolity.  I couldn't enjoy this life without you.

Dinner last night:  Beef fried rice.

Last Week

Some of you are in the know. But, for those who are not, I'll update the annals of social media and this blog to cover the mass circulation. And forgive the highlighting of prose. I am toggling through several portals.

Last Thursday, I was at the gym with my trainer for the usual exercise regimen.

By Saturday night, I had a Ralph Kramden stomach and couldn't manage a simple flight of stairs.

By 330PM Monday, I was in the St. John's-Santa Monica version of "The Pitt" and hearing the three words "congestive heart failure." What the hell.

By Monday night, I was in ICU where they literally "can see you" at all times.

I was introduced to my new best friend, electrocardiologist Dr. Saarik Gupta, who determined I suddenly had an atrial flutter, which is the bastard second cousin of the more popular "a fib." This would necessitate a procedure that effectively rewires the heart and returns it to normal sinus rhythm as opposed to the Monday meter readings which made my heart resemble the 2008 stock market crash. Essentially a shock to the ticker.

And that's what Dr. Gupta and his team did Tuesday morning from 921 AM to 932 AM. It takes longer to get your order from In N Out Burger.

By Thursday night at 730PM, I was listening to the Beach Boys at the Hollywood Bowl.

Oh, there are ramifications. I've got a slew of pills to take every morning and evening. But no other restrictions have been cast for my trainer, my PT, and my future water coach. I said to Dr. Gupta that the big winner is the pharmacy at Ralph's. He corrected me. "No, the big winner is you." Nobody knows yet what triggered this medical soap but he, along with my phenomenal and super human internist Dr. Jonathan Weaver, will figure this out.

Just as happened a few months ago with "The Grand Slam of Hernias," I am reminded of the wonderment of my friends that range from sea to shining sea. I am honored to have that particular contact list in my phone. But, this week I was more mesmerized and astounded again by the staff at St. John's, most notably the folks in the ICU and ER. I salute nurses Amanda, Amy, Eva, and Gerardo as well as anybody else who answered my buzzer. They are all Doctor Robbys in my book.

One more time, our bodies are gifted with amazing alarm systems. Always make sure yours are turned on. Listen to them.

Dinner last night: Grilled sausage.