Everybody Gets a Documentary

 

At least, it seems that way.   Oh, don't get me wrong.  I like a good biography documentary as much as the next guy.  But there are a lot of them and it makes me wonder when it will be my turn.

So, the latest subject matter is legendary TV producer of SNL, Lorne Michaels. He's been at the helm for 46 of the last 51 TV seasons and I didn't realize this was a civil service job.   Or indeed perhaps we switch his name to Pope Lorne.

Okay, I give the guy credit for lasting this long, especially since the show ceased being funny about ten years ago.  I truly think NBC doesn't shitcan the whole thing because it would go broke in providing Lorne's severance package.   But SNL is not going anywhere...no laughs or not.

This documentary plays out over the weekly production of a few SNL episodes so you can get a good idea how the sausage is made.   At the center of it all is Lorne Michaels, who literally might get his ring kissed by cast and crew on a weekly basis.  You see, Lorne is a bit of an enigma and none of the many SNL talking heads included in this film know him all that well.   It's like there is an emotional moat erected between Lorne and everybody else.

And this is why the documentary comes out a little superficial.   There is nothing new to be learned.   And the few times Michaels actually addresses questions from the filmmaker, he is seemingly not interested in divulging much of anything.   This results in a lot of eye candy culled from behind-the-scenes but not much else.  Did it hold my interest?  Yes.   Will I remember any of it by next week? Definitely not.

Essentially, the main lingering question I have after seeing this film?

When do I get mine?

LEN'S RATING:  Two-and-a-half stars.

Dinner last night:  A long day of travel to NY so nothing really.

This Date in History - April 29

 

There's a lot of famous birthdays, but how can I not single out 1969 World Series hero Ed Charles???

711:  THE ISLAMIC CONQUEST OF HISPANIA.

For those who think all the current torture is a new thing for them.

1429:  JOAN OF ARC ARRIVES TO RELIEVE THE SIEGE OF ORLEANS.

Joan of Arc for the save.

1770:  JAMES COOK ARRIVES AT AND NAMES BOTANY BAY, AUSTRALIA.

And we care why?

1781:  DURING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, BRITISH AND FRENCH SHIPS CLASH OFF THE COAST OF MARTINIQUE.

Well, if you have to travel some place for a war, Martinique is always nice.

1861:  DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, MARYLAND VOTES NOT TO SECEDE FROM THE UNION.

Go Terrapins!

1862:  DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, LOUISIANA FALLS TO UNION FORCES.

Hey, with all the great restaurants in New Orleans, that was a smart move on the part of the North.

1882: THE ELEKTROMOTE - THE FORERUNNER OF THE TROLLEYBUS - IS TESTED IN BERLIN.

Change for the express to Munich.

1899:  MUSICIAN DUKE ELLINGTON IS BORN.

First stop for the A Train.

1910:  THE PARLIAMENT OF THE UNITED KINGDOM PASSES THE PEOPLE'S BUDGET, THE FIRST BUDGET IN BRITISH HISTORY WITH THE EXPRESSED INTENT OF REDISTRIBUTING WEALTH.

For those who thought Roosevelt invented this concept.

1917:  ACTRESS CELESTE HOLM IS BORN.

All About Her.

1933:  BASEBALL STAR ED CHARLES IS BORN.

The Gilder!!!

1933: POET ROD MCKUEN IS BORN.

There once was a hermit named Dave...

1933:  MUSICIAN WILLIE NELSON IS BORN.

With or without a beard?  Discuss.

1938:  BUSINESSMAN BERNARD MADOFF IS BORN.

Play Happy Birthday by banging your cup on the cell bars.

1945:  THE DACHAU CONCENTRATION CAMP IS LIBERATED BY US TROOPS.

A trifle late.

1945:  DURING WORLD WAR II, THE GERMAN ARMY SURRENDERS TO THE ALLIES.

One way train tickets to Nuremberg now available.

1945:  ADOLF HITLER MARRIES EVA BRAUN IN A BERLIN BUNKER.  

Don't bother finding out where they registered.   They kill themselves the very next day.

1946:  FATHER DIVINE, A RELIGIOUS LEADER CLAIMING TO BE GOD, MARRIES THE MUCH YOUNGER EDNA ROSE RITCHINGS.

God help her.

1953:  THE FIRST US EXPERIMENTAL 3D TV BROADCAST SHOWS AN EPISODE OF SPACE PATROL IN LOS ANGELES.

Those damn glasses still don't work.

1954:  COMIC JERRY SEINFELD IS BORN.

Who are these people?

1958:  ACTRESS EVE PLUMB IS BORN.

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

1967:  AFTER REFUSING INDUCTION INTO THE US ARMY FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS, MUHAMMAD ALI IS STRIPPED OF HIS BOXING TITLE.

Muhammad, my ass.

1968:  THE HIPPIE MUSICAL HAIR OPENS ON BROADWAY.

Gee, those actors look cold up there on stage.

1974:  PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON ANNOUNCES THE RELEASE OF EDITED TRANSCRIPTS OF WHITE HOUSE TAPE RECORDINGS RELATING TO THE WATERGATE SCANDAL.

Anybody know who's got the Director's cut?

1980:  DIRECTOR ALFRED HITCHCOCK DIES.

Did I just see a wry smile on the face of Tippi Hedren?

1986:  A FIRE AT THE CENTRAL LIBRARY OF LOS ANGELES DESTROYS 400,000 BOOKS.   

Of course, no one was hurt because nobody goes to the Library in Los Angeles.

1986:  AMERICAN AND EUROPEAN SPY SATELLITES CAPTURE THE RUINS OF THE REACTOR AT THE CHERNOBYL POWER PLANT.

That's gonna be a bitch to clean up.

1992: RIOTS IN LOS ANGELES FOLLOWING THE ACQUITTAL OF POLICE OFFICERS CHARGED IN THE BEATING OF RODNEY KING.

Safest store to be in during these lootings?   A Barnes and Noble.

2004:  OLDSMOBILE BUILDS ITS FINAL CAR ENDING 107 YEARS OF PRODUCTION.

I once rented an Oldsmobile and I know exactly why they went out of business.  What a shitty car.

2011:  THE WEDDING OF PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON.

I didn't get an invitation.  A royal screw-up.

2014:  ACTOR BOB HOSKINS DIES.

Roger Rabbit delivers the eulogy.

2015:   A BASEBALL GAME BETWEEN THE BALTIMORE ORIOLES AND THE CHICAGO WHITE SOX IS PLAYED IN FRONT OF NO FANS DUE TO THE BALTIMORE RIOTS AND THE GAME BEING CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC.

So, what's the Mets' excuse?

2022:  ACTRESS JOANNA BARNES DIES.

The hated Vicki in the very first Parent Trap.

Dinner last night:   Leftover SPO from my freezer.

Hollywood Then and Now - April 2026

 The opening and closing credits were iconic.  No, it wasn't the Al Simon show.   Nope, it was the amazing "Beverly Hillbillies" with that mansion of the fancy eating room and the cement pond.

Indeed, the house was easy to find in Bel Air and, as far as I know, the property is still there.  The last buyer was in 2019.

Whee doggie.

Dinner last night:  Chopped steak.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - April 27, 2026

 God bless the Buzzr network for preserving moments like these.

Dinner last night:  Grilled beef sausage and roasted tomatoes.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Oy

  

Inexplicably, that would be Borscht Belt comic Myron Cohen.  

It's not like they ever saw this guy perform.  But, for about a year when I was a kid, the above record album was all my folks ever played on the hi-fi.  I have only very isolated moments where I actually saw my folks enjoying something together and laughing in tandem.

Myron Cohen was one of them.  I have no idea how they connected with this guy, except he used to show up a lot on the Ed Sullivan Show.  The guy's delivery was as Jewish as they come.  Full of dialects and Yiddish phrases.  What was all this about?  My parents were as white bread as they come.

My mother picked up Cohen's first record album at Brodbeck's Record Store on Fourth Avenue in Mount Vernon, New York.  She got the recording home and played it.  She was doubled up on the couch in laughter.

Mom?  Is that you?

I listened along and most of the humor went over my nine-year-old head.  There was one joke that I remember to this day.  It took me several times to get the gag.

"Two ladies are sitting at a bar, having a smart cocktail.  One lady says to the other, 'Are you having another?'  The other lady says, 'no, it's just the way the coat is buttoned.'"

Weeks later, I got it.  Oh.

By then, the comedy train had left the station as far as my folks were concerned.  This record was played over and over and over.

And over.

To make matters worse, my parents suddenly got into the sharing mode.  No matter where they went or who they visited, Myron Cohen's record album went along.  Suddenly, the centerpiece of any gathering was the group enjoyment of this humor.

"This is the Klopman Diamond.  It comes with a curse.  Mr. Klopman."

Ba-da-bing.

Meanwhile, I don't think a single listener in our midst was even remotely Jewish. 

I started to parrot some of the jokes myself, complete with phony Yiddish accent.  If this was funny stuff for my parents and their chums, the humor must be universal, right?

Um, not so much.  I repeated some of my "favorite" Myron Cohen jokes for my buddies up the block on Fifteenth Avenue.  Their reactions were uniformly the same.

"Huh?"

My fifth grade tenure as a little junior Sunshine Boy came to an abrupt and untimely end.  Nobody my age seemed to have the affinity for Myron Cohen that my folks' generation did.

In retrospect, there was something very sweet about the community of laughs that gathered around my parents and their record album.  When was the last time a bunch of adults sat around a hi-fi and participated as a group responding to a comedy record?  You definitely don't see that happening today. 

Whether I got the jokes or not, I pretty much knew the record album by heart.  And, then, just as it seemed that my folks had pretty much exhausted their universe with Myron Cohen's platter, the unthinkable happened...

He released a second one.

Oy vey iz mir.

The cycle began all over again.  My mom picking up the newfound gold at Brodbeck's.  The constant playing in the house for a week or two.  And then the scheduling of visits to friends and relatives near and far so they, too, could laugh along with them.

In a day when most people were waiting for the next Beatles' release, my parents were lining up for the new offerings from Myron Cohen.

Flash forward to years later, I was living on my own and enjoying newfound status as a HBO subscriber.  Flipping through the TV Guide, I noticed that they had taped a Myron Cohen nightclub performance.  Hmmm.  This would be ideal entertainment for the folks when they came over at Thanksgiving.  I popped one of those ancient tape cartridges into my clunky RCA VCR and recorded the event.  I was very proud to unveil my new find when they came over for turkey and stuffing.  I thought this would be a wonderful touchstone for days gone by.

They sat and watched in stone silence.

Now some of the gags were the very same from the record albums.  How did they work so well twenty years ago and not now?  My dad's answer was succinct.

"It's not the same."

I thought about that afterward.  And realized it sure wasn't.

A lot of my parents' friends?  No longer in that classification.

Some of those relatives?  No longer around in one shape or another.

My own parents?  Amicably divorced. 

Yep.  It wasn't the same.

So, in the true sense of the adage, I guess you had to be there.

Dinner last night:  Chili.

Classic Movie Trailer of the Month - April 2026

 Sixty years ago this month.  One song that spawned an entire movie.

Dinner last night:  Lasagna from my freezer.

One Picture Ain't Worth a 1000 Words

 

More fresh slices of Hell, courtesy of somebody's Instamatic Camera. Take, for instance, this guy. It's amazing when you can easily spot a family resemblance.

How to use the word "hump" twice in one sentence.

The incorrect way to ride a horse.

This is either a family with way too much time on their hands. Or rejects from the June Taylor Dancers.

Al Qaeda obviously gets a discount at Sears Photo and Portraits.

Hmmm. Somebody doesn't like the groom.

Beam them the hell out of here.

The library was all out of "Green Eggs and Ham."

Dinner last night:   Cheese and crackers.

Len's Recipe of the Month - April 2026

 

This isn't really sharing a new recipe from my kitchen.  It's really a revisit and you'll be happy you did.

This is my sausage, peppers, and onions.  I have featured it here before and the dish has truly become the very, very best thing I make.  And that's a remarkable statement given I make a lot of dishes quite well.

As time has gone by, I have fashioned this recipe to the point of perfection.  And the little tricks I have uncovered make it so.

So what are the secrets?

First off, when I sear the sausage, I use my air fryer.   It reduces the grease that can come out of the sausage and thereby enhances the flavor.

You will notice above red peppers and yellow peppers and orange peppers.  When you are making SPO, avoid at all costs using a green pepper in the rotation.  They are usually bitter and run counter to the overall sweetness of the dish.

You want another trick?   Well, I prefer SPO in its "wet" variety.  For that, you use tomatoes.   But do not use crushed tomatoes which would turn this into SPO soup.   Instead, take a pint of cherry tomatoes and just dump them in.   Their juice will come out but there will still be a firmness to them in the final incarnation.

More?

I always use sweet Italian sausage, not the hot variety.  But a little heat in the dish is okay.  For that, get yourself a jar of Cento Hot Pepper Relish.  Add a tablespoon to the dish.  It's another varied addition of flavor.

Lastly but not leastly, the flavor of the peppers is spurred by a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar.   It wakes up those peppers that is so refreshing.

Now you can be as perfect as I am.

Dinner last night:  Grilled beef sausage.

This Date in History - April 22

 

Today is a big day for World War II fans, but we can also wish Glen Campbell a happy birthday in heaven.   Question: when people with dementia pass on, do they regain a memory up there?

238: THE ROMAN SENATE OUTLAWS EMPEROR MAXIMINUS THRAX FOR HIS BLOODTHIRSTY PROSCRIPTIONS IN ROME AND NOMINATES TWO OF ITS MEMBERS, PUPIENUS AND BALBINUS, TO THE THRONE.

If this blog existed back then, it would probably be called Len Speaksius.

1519:  SPANISH CONQUISTADOR HERNAN CORTES ESTABLISHES A SETTLEMENT AT VERACRUZ, MEXICO.

If Cortes was alive today, he would already have fled to America.

1622:  THE CAPTURE OF ORMUZ BY THE EAST INDIA COMPANY ENDS PORTUGUESE CONTROL OF HORMUZ ISLAND.

If this happened today, I still wouldn't care.

1836:  DURING THE TEXAS REVOLUTION, FORCES UNDER TEXAS GENERAL SAM HOUSTON IDENTIFY MEXICAN GENERAL ANTONIO LOPEZ DE SANTA ANNA AMONG THE CAPTIVES OF THE BATTLE OF SAN JACINTO.

I think Texas is still revolting.

1864:  THE US CONGRESS PASSES THE COINAGE ACT OF 1864 THAT MANDATES THAT THE INSCRIPTION IN GOD WE TRUST BE PLACED ON ALL COINS MINTED AS US CURRENCY.

God....remember him?

1876:  THE FIRST EVER NATIONAL LEAGUE BASEBALL GAME IS PLAYED IN PHILADELPHIA.

The first recorded drunken brawl in the stands.

1889:  AT HIGH NOON, THOUSANDS RUSH TO CLAIM LAND IN THE LAND RUSH OF 1889.  WITHIN HOURS, THE CITIES OF OKLAHOMA CITY AND GUTHRIE ARE FORMED WITH POPULATIONS OF AT LEAST 10,000.

So that explains the traffic jam outside of Oklahoma City.

1906:  ACTOR EDDIE ALBERT IS BORN.

He died in 2005, so I guess you can say he got cheated.

1912:  PRAVDA, THE VOICE OF THE COMMUNIST PARTY IN THE SOVIET UNION, BEGINS PUBLICATION IN SAINT PETERSBURG.

First comic strip?  Little Socialist Annie.

1915:  THE USE OF POISON GAS IN WORLD WAR I ESCALATES WHEN CHLORINE GAS IS RELEASED AS A CHEMICAL WEAPON.

Chlorine?   Like the way the pool in my high school gym used to smell??

1923:  PRODUCER AARON SPELLING IS BORN.

The Love Boat is making another run...

1926:  ACTRESS CHARLOTTE RAE IS BORN.

You take the good, you take the bad.  You take them both and there you have...the Facts of Life.   The Facts of Life.

1936:  SINGER GLEN CAMPBELL IS BORN.

By the time he gets to Heaven.

1937:  ACTOR JACK NICHOLSON IS BORN.

Yeah, this is as good as it gets.

1945:  DURING WORLD WAR II, PRISONERS AT THE JASENOVAC CONCENTRATION CAMP REVOLT.

And they probably were totally justified.

1945:  DURING WORLD WAR II, ADOLF HITLER ADMITS DEFEATS AND STATES THAT SUICIDE IS ONLY HIS RECOURSE.

Agreed!

1954:  WITNESSES BEGIN TESTIFYING DURING LIVE TELEVISION COVERAGE OF THE ARMY-MCARTHY HEARINGS BEGIN

Rat bastards.

1964:  THE NEW YORK WORLD'S FAIR OPENS FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Right across the street from spanking new Shea Stadium.

1970:  THE FIRST EARTH DAY IS CELEBRATED.

Tree huggers unite!

1972:  INCREASED AMERICAN BOMBING IN VIETNAM PROMPTS ANTI-WAR PROTESTS IN LA, NY, AND SF.

Oh, so that's marijuana I smell?

1977:  OPTICAL FIBER IS FIRST USED TO CARRY LIVE TELEPHONE TRAFFIC.

And years later, you still can't get a conference call that doesn't have any static.

1978:  ACTOR WILL GEER DIES.

Good night, Grandpa.

1983:  A GERMAN MAGAZINE CLAIMS THAT THE HITLER DIARIES ARE FOUND.   THEY ARE LATER REVEALED TO BE FORGERIES.

You mean somebody's actually trying to copy Hitler's penmanship??

1984:  PHOTOGRAPHER ANSEL ADAMS DIES.

Thank God somebody invented the coffee table so his books had some place to go.

1994:  PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON DIES.

And God now makes it perfectly clear.

1996:  AUTHOR ERMA BOMBECK DIES.

The grass is not only greener.  It's on top of you.

1998:  DISNEY'S ANIMAL KINGDOM OPENS IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA.

And there's another way to make money.

2000:  THE BIG NUMBER CHANGE TAKES PLACE IN ENGLAND.

I'm holding out for the Small Number Change.

2002:  PORN ACTRESS LINDA LOVELACE DIES.

I find this hard to swallow.

2013:  SINGER RICHIE HAVENS DIES.

Make that Richie Heaven.

2017:  ACTRESS ERIN MORAN DIES.

Chachi Buries Joanie.

2023:  DANCING WITH THE STARS JUDGE LEN GOODMAN DIES.

I am proud to say I never ever watched this show.

Dinner last night:  Leftover SPO. 

Reunited...

 

...and it feels so creepy.

If you're even remotely attached to social media, you are seeing the ads.  

Let us provide you with a software that features AI and the ability to take photos that never happened.

Maybe you never met your grandmother.  A host of AI computer photos can give you that reunion of a meeting that never happened in the first place.  In some cases, you can add motion and see that hug or kiss.   Or maybe Grandma has wings on now that she's floating up in Heaven.   Is that a smile up in the clouds? Or just your HP laptop.

The rhetorical question is...have we finally gone too far?

I couldn't possibly ratchet up a photo reunion with my mom's parents because I never saw a picture.   And that's just a fact of life that you can't alter.   Sure, AI is an amazing technology but it's changing the universe in very unnatural ways. 

I know there are folks out there who get their solace from seeing evidence of one more hug from Grandpa.   But, if it never occurred, how can you substitute the true warmth of that embrace.

Sorry, AI, you can't.

Dinner last night:  Leftover lo mein.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - April 20, 2026

 A classic moment and a laugh from two baseball originals we miss to this day.

Dinner last night:  SPO.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - If Only

 

So, in our label-happy world, every day of the year is devoted to something.  I don't know who comes up with this nonsense.   There's probably even a day for them.  

"People Who Come Up With Ridiculous Stuff" Day.

And, of course, in our Facebook-laden worlds, these days and even more are regularly celebrated there.  Is there actually a schedule available that I can access?  Who is in charge?  Do they have a cell phone number?

And Facebook itself now has its own days.  The most notable of them is some dribble called "Throwback Thursday."  You're supposed to upload posts of you in previous times.   It's a fruit salad of big hair, curly moustaches, and bad acne.  Personally, I call it "Throw Up Thursday."   Because if I indeed showed you evidence of my past, that would be the reaction your body would have.

But I digress from Memoryland....

Recently, there was a mash-up of some national day and Throwback Thursday.  National Siblings Day.   Of course, Facebook went nuts.   Everybody and literally their brother posted old photos of siblings.  Brother and sister.  Sister and sister and sister.  Brother and sister and brother.  All with their arms around each other.   How special!

I salute all of you who have siblings.  Enjoy them until the day comes when your parents die and you wind up fighting over Dad's money or what dress Mom should be wearing in the casket.

Of course, this got me to thinking.   On the very next day, I posted my own remark on Facebook.

"Can I respectfully ask as to when we will be celebrating Only Child Day?"

Is that anywhere on Hallmark's calendar?  Anybody??  There is no response.   But a Google search tells me it was on April 12.   With little fanfare.

And our loneliness continues.

But, truth be told, I have lived to tell the story.  It's not so bad.

Well, some of the time.

There's a natural stereotype that only children are spoiled rotten.  The popular argument is that these kids get all of the attention and don't have to share their toys.  Well, not true.  My parents did give me a lot of attention and that definitely did not work to my advantage.  I was focused on continually.  As a result, I frequently didn't have room to breathe.  I'd hide out in my grandparents' part of the house downstairs where there was always safety in their big couch next to the black-and-white television.

Yeah, I might have wanted a brother or a sister.  Just so my folks would have somebody else they could yell at.

There was one day where I asked the question.  And, please keep in mind that this was the era where children didn't necessarily ask their parents anything.  But I wanted to know if there was a brother or sister in my future.  I might have been four or five.   And, given my age, I got the scrubbed-down answer.

"God had only one seed to put on your mother's plate."

Oh, seriously????

In retrospect, I think about my parents' ages when I was born.  Both were already in their thirties.  Years and years later, my father made an out-of-left-field remark that my mother had a tough time getting pregnant.

Okay, too much information.  Let's head back to the more innocent years and focus on how I managed without.

On snowy or rainy days when I couldn't venture out to play with my friends in the neighborhood, I didn't necessarily need to have a brother or a sister to keep me occupied.  I had my fertile imagination.

I've written before of the adventures I concocted all by my lonesome.  I would take all the lawn furniture or party chairs and do my own personal set design.  Sometimes, I'd arrange it like a TV talk show with me as host.   Or I'd dream up a standard sitcom set that could easily be shot in front of a live studio audience with Yours Truly as Dick Van Dyke. 

It helped to mold me into who I am today.

There were isolated and lonely moments when I was a kid, but very infrequent.  I had television.  I had Colorforms.   And I had good friends "up the block" and at school.  Indeed, only children have the capacity to form tighter and closer bonds with others.  We might even appreciate relationships even more. 

It's not a scientific study but I have concluded that only children gravitate naturally to other older children.  Or the eldest child in a family who would have the same sensibilities as they can easily remember what it was like to be the only kid in a household.   As I look through my Filofax of addresses from my life, I think most of my really good friends fall into one of those two categories.

So, childhood as an "only" wasn't so hard.  But you feel it more as you get older.   And your parents get older.  You suddenly realize that you're it on that day when the evolution of life intervenes and your role does reverse.   When health issues come into play and your mom or dad becomes the child and you are thrust into the parental position.  

You come to grips that it's up to you and nobody else to make a life decision.  The bad news is that it's all you.  The good news is that it's all you.   There is no one to argue your choice with.  There is no need for compromise.  It's all your responsibility.  And you live with that.

I have quite a few friends who have siblings.  In a lot of cases, there have been skirmishes that tear apart the whole family.  They fight over issues involving their parents.   Some wind up not speaking for years.  My father and his own brother did exactly that.  Ironically, all of that drama got them nowhere.  They both died within days of each other.  Not speaking.

I had nobody to fight with.  And I did get support during those times of crisis.  From my closest friends.  Some of them only children.  They get it.

Of course, the solitude can get compounded when you don't even get the benefit of that extended family called the "in-laws."  If you're not married, it's even quieter.  A bad thing.  But, in the ying and yang of our cluttered worlds, sometimes a good thing.

You hold those closest friends then even tighter.  Those are relationships to savor.

A few years ago, a good friend of mine lost his only brother to an extended illness at a very premature and sad age.  At that time, my friend announced to me that he now was just like me.  An only child.

Oh, no, you're not. 

While his loss was great, he did, even for an abbreviated time, have a sibling relationship.  Something I will never have or come to appreciate.  It is truly a different world when that's been your whole life. 

So, as an only child considers his life, I see it neither as good or bad.   It has aspects of both.   They combine to offer the standard color of all of our lives.

Gray.

As we get older, I've been thinking about the friends I have held dear for many, many years.  Some still with me after we met at the age of five.   Others still joking and mailing after our first collision in college or at an early job.  In future Sundays, I'm going to be writing about some of these cherished relationships and then asking that person to do his or her version on the following Sunday.  As lives get shorter, you want to spend them with people who...well...get it.  They might be only children or the oldest of five.  But, friends, nevertheless.

In the meantime, this particular Sunday is all about the only children.  So, in our very exclusive club, I invoke a roll call.   And recognize the uniqueness that we all share.

Here's to you.  Barbara, Dolores, Donna, Patti, Lorraine, Elyse, the Bibster, Bob, Gary, Larry, Amy, Djinn from the Bronx, Lauren. 

And anybody else who didn't have a sibling photo for "Throw Up Thursday" on Facebook.

Dinner last night:  Chicken Lo Mein from PF Chang's.

Classic TV Theme Song of the Month - April 2026

Every once in a while, I am surprised.   I never saw this "original" opening for "The Honeymooners."

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

Why I Hate Flying These Days

 

Dinner last night:  Hamburger.

Going Up? Going Down?

The following video turned up in my YouTube queue despite the fact that it was shot over 26 years ago.. Apparently, some knucklehead working for Business Week in NY was working late on a Friday and went downstairs for a cigarette break. On his way back, the elevator gets stuck between floors. And he winds up there for practically two days.

The surveillance cameras capture it all. Amazingly, the maintenance staff in this building is clearly working on the other three elevator banks. But, not the one this guy is jammed in. You watch as he calls for help. Nothing. He climbs up and tries to get out the top. Several times. He opens the door and then closes it several times. He naps frequently in a fetal position. At one point, he needs to pee and does so. Right down the elevator shaft. Miraculously, after 40 hours, they finally find the dude. And then, at last, the "out of order" sign is placed outside the elevator.

I can sympathize with this guy. Been there, done that. Twice.

The first time I took up temporary residence in an elevator was years ago when I was at Fordham and working at the school radio station. I was set to be one of the co-anchors for the 530PM newscast and decided to get a pre-broadcast soda at the vending machine downstairs. Why anybody took that elevator was beyond me? The thing had been built long before Martin Luther had posted his 95 theses. And the whole mechanism was nothing but two pieces of plywood and some old chewing gum. So, it should have been no surprise that, on the way back upstairs, I got jammed all by myself. In the black darkness of Keating Hall. With a bunch of good friends about twenty feet above me---laughing their ass off. Of course, there is never any comfort when you press the red "HELP" button. First of all, whoever is on duty takes forever to answer. And, then, when they do...

"Si?"

I never did get to the newscast. I was stuck in that motorized casket for either two hours or six days. And I insisted that those hyenas/friends buy me dinner.

Eons later, it was a little scarier. It was my office building in Los Angeles---a first class run operation. Except I was going into work at 6AM on a very hot Monday morning when the air conditioning had been turned off for the weekend. Something didn't feel right as I was propelled, once again alone, to the twelfth floor. As we arrived at the top of the elevator bank, the door never opened. Of course, the red "HELP" button was useless at this early hour. The overnight staff was probably still in their seventh or eighth dream of the night. So, I just held my finger on the buzzer until....

"Si?"

I was assured that help was on the way. The janitor was due into work in about 90 minutes. Meanwhile, I could feel freedom coolly blowing in through the crack in the door. So, I pried open the door by myself and groped for a lever that opened the outer door. By myself. The elevator was about four feet off the floor, which became a quick jump and roll for me.

I have no idea when they figured out that I had gotten out of the elevator by myself. But, my two elevator experiences clearly proved one thing to me.

The quickest way to find the dumbest Hispanic in the world is by getting stuck in an elevator.

And, hopefully, that clown from Business Week also extracted one more lesson from his ordeal.

Don't smoke.

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

This Date in History - April 15

 

It's April 15.   If you've done your taxes, feel free to read on.  If not, stop wasting time on this blog and get cracking.  

769:  THE LATERAN COUNCIL CONDEMNED THE COUNCIL OF HIERIA AND ANATHEMATIZED ITS ICONOCLASTIC RULINGS.

I have no idea what I just typed.

1450:  TOWARD THE END OF THE HUNDRED YEARS' WAR, THE FRENCH ATTACK AND NEARLY ANNIHILATE ENGLISH FORCES, ENDING ENGLISH DOMINATION IN NORTHERN FRANCE.

Hard to believe that the French could put up a strong fight for anything.

1452:  PAINTER LEONARDO DA VINCI IS BORN.

Hey, Lenny, come on down from the ladder.  We've decided to wallpaper.

1638:  TOKUGAWA SHOGUNATE FORCES PUT DOWN THE SHIMABARA REBELLION WHEN THEY RETAKE HARA CASTLE FROM THE REBELS.

What about the local White Castle?

1715:  THE POCOTALIGO MASSACRE TRIGGERS THE START OF THE YAMASEE WAR IN COLONIAL SOUTH CAROLINA.

Yamasee, Go Home.

1755:  SAMUEL JOHNSON'S DICTIONARY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS PUBLISHED IN LONDON.

When it was actually chic to speak English.

1783:  PRELIMINARY ARTICLES OF PEACE ENDING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION ARE RATIFIED.

Also written in English.   The good old days.

1802:  WILLIAM WORDSWORTH AND HIS SISTER DOROTHY SEE A LONG BELT OF DAFFODILS, INSPIRING THE FORMER TO PEN "I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD."

In 2020, he could save all his poetry on the Cloud.

1861:  PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN CALLS FOR 75,000 VOLUNTEERS TO QUELL THE INSURRECTION THAT WOULD BECOME THE CIVIL WAR.

75,000....or essentially the paid attendance to one month's worth of Met games at Citi Field.

1865:  PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIES AFTER BEING SHOT THE PREVIOUS EVENING BY JOHN WILKES BOOTH.

That's the last time I'm going to order those box seats.

1892:  THE GENERAL ELECTRIC COMPANY IS FORMED.

That's a bright idea.

1896:  CLOSING CEREMONY OF THE GAMES OF THE FIRST OLYMPIAD IN GREECE.

Well, they had to start some time.

1912:  THE RMS TITANIC SINKS TWO HOURS AND FORTY MINUTES AFTER HITTING AN ICEBERG.  ONLY 710 ON BOARD SURVIVE.

What iceberg?

1917: ACTOR HANS CONRIED DIES

Uncle Tonoose!

1920:  TWO SECURITY GUARDS ARE MURDERED DURING A MASSACHUSETTS ROBBERY.  ANARCHISTS SACCO AND VANZETTI WOULD BE CONVICTED AND EXECUTED FOR THE CRIME.

If they lived today, they'd have a show on MSNBC.

1923:  INSULIN BECOMES GENERALLY AVAILABLE FOR USE BY PEOPLE WITH DIABETES.

Wow, that drug's been around a long time.

1924:  RAND MCNALLY PUBLISHES HIS FIRST ROAD ATLAS.

Way to go.   Or...maybe...there's another way to go.

1927:  THE GREAT MISSISSIPPI FLOOD, THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE RIVER FLOOD IN US HISTORY, BEGINS.

That's why my ankles are wet.

1936:  AER LINGUS IS FOUNDED BY THE IRISH GOVERNMENT AS THE NATIONAL AIRLINE REPUBLIC OF IRELAND.  

O'fly me.

1945:  THE BERGEN-BELSEN CONCENTRATION CAMP IS LIBERATED.

Whoa!  What happened here???!!!

1947:  JACKIE ROBINSON DEBUTS FOR THE BROOKLYN DODGERS, BREAKING BASEBALL'S COLOR LINE.

And all of MLB wears 42 today.

1955:  THE FIRST MCDONALD'S RESTAURANT OPENS IN DES PLAINES, ILLINOIS.

One Served.

1964:  THE FIRST FORD MUSTANG ROLLS OFF THE SHOW ROOM FLOOR, TWO DAYS BEFORE IT IS SET TO GO ON SALE.

And immediately depreciates in resale price.

1980:  ACTOR RAYMOND BAILEY DIES.

Milburn Drysdale!

1980:  WRITER JEAN-PAUL SARTRE DIES.

Existentialism kills.

1982:  ACTOR SETH ROGEN IS BORN.

You miserable, talentless piece of shit.

1989:  A HUMAN CRASH OCCURS AT A SOCCER MATCH IN LIVERPOOL.  96 FANS WERE KILLED.

What's the over/under on how many of them were drunk?

1990:  ACTRESS GRETA GARBO DIES.

You want to be alone?   Wish granted.

2001:  SINGER JOEY RAMONE DIES.

You're more than sedated now.

2018:  ACTOR R. LEE ERMEY DIES.

That creepy sergeant from "Full Metal Jacket."

2019:  THE CATHEDRAL OF NOTRE DAME IN PARIS IS SEVERELY DAMAGED BY FIRE.

Is there such a thing as "Catholic lightning?"

2025:  TV GAME SHOW HOST WINK MARTINDALE DIES.

And the lovely consolation prize is...

Dinner last night:   The pre-game buffet at the Dodger Stadium Club.

Len's Recipe of the Month - April 2026

 

Well, not so much a recipe but a cooking epiphany.   I am here to discuss the great and sundried uses of an air fryer.  Look at the fingerprint marks on the touch screen.   Obviously, it's getting a lot of use.

It was, at the time, an emotional purchase tied into one of those Amazon Prime days.   Did I need another gadget taking up counter space in the kitchen?  No.   But I heard it cooked up some dynamite frozen onion rings so I was in.

And, for the longest time, it did collect dust.  Yes, the onion rings were amazing but could it do anything else?  A little on-line research and I was suddenly an air frying fool.

Ninety percent of the recipes for anything are the same.  Air fry for 10-12 minutes at 400 degrees.   So what did I try with great success?

A medium rare burger.   Delish.

Searing Italian sausages for use in a SPO recipe.  Perfect.

A medium rare ribeye steak.   Amazing.

Chicken tenders in orange sauce.   Ideal.

Korean chicken thighs.   On point.

The standard French fries and onion rings.   Crispy.

Grilled cheese sandwich with bacon.   Gooey but good.

BBQ Baby Back ribs.   See the photo below.

Actually any frozen meal entree.   You're lazy but eating within ten minutes.

Do the research.   You can make almost anything in this damn thing in a fraction of the usual time.

Try it.  You'll like it.

Dinner last night:  Leftover ribs.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - April 13, 2026

 There's nothing like live TV.

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Weekend Tubing It

 

Yeah, this is one of those crazy quirks of life.  A Sunday blog piece devoted to Saturday.

Back when I was a kid, Saturday morning television was a big deal.   One cartoon show morphing into the next.  From Crusader Rabbit to Bugs and Daffy to the Beatles.  You might have topped it off around noon time with a rerun episode of Sky King, which was wisely sponsored by Nabisco---the cookie maker that thrived on the moppets that were watching.

The only problem is that I was usually occupied on Saturday mornings.  Accompanying my dad on the weekend morning errands.  From dry cleaner to delicatessen to bakery to gas station.  If I was lucky, I was home for Sky King and his plane, the Songbird.  But, most of the time, all that TV was a washout for me.

I really didn't care.

For me, the really, really good stuff was on Saturday afternoons.

This is back in the New York day when you didn't have a lot of choices.  Three network channels plus three independent stations that pretty much existed on buying ancient sitcom reruns and old movies from the 30s and 40s.  

As it turns out, it was the latter that intrigued me most.

After lunch and my chores upstairs were done, I'd race downstairs because this was quality TV time with my grandmother.  The independent stations like Channel 11 WPIX, Channel 9 WOR, and Channel 5 WNEW Metromedia dusted off some junk that was gold to Grandma and me.  They umbrella-ed it all under themes and we loved it all.  From October to March, that's where you would find me.  With her in front of her Philco TV.  If it was cold and rainy outside, it was even warmer with that black-and-white glow.

Of course, there was one particular snack I needed for this every Saturday.  I'd first dash around the corner to Charlie's Delicatessen and pick up my Saturday afternoon TV accompaniment.

Two Slim Jims.  I'd savor them bite-by-bite.  Slowly so they would last through one or two of the old movies that would hold me captive.

Obviously, WJBK-TV in Detroit did the same thing that WNEW-TV in New York did.  Charlie Chan Theater and we loved it.  The opening slide for it was totally inappropriate.   Chinese music with a caricature of Chan drawn with slanted lines.  We'd try to solve the mystery along with Charlie and Number One Son. 

Of course, there were several different actors playing Charlie Chan and none of them were Asian.  The best was this Swedish actor named Warner Oland.  He was our favorite.  Of course, just as she would do while watching her beloved wrestling, Grandma would shout warnings to the TV when Charlie or Number One Son got too close to some danger.

"Watch out, Charlie.  Somebody is hiding in that closet."

They must have heard her because the killer always got caught in the nick of time.  

Another big favorite for us on Saturday afternoons was the Tarzan movies with Johnny Weissmuller.  Indeed, as I have recently re-watched all of them, every single film has the same plot as the last.

White hunters come on safari looking for ivory in the elephant burial grounds.  They are led by a pack of good natives.

They meet Tarzan, Jane, and Boy.

One of the hunters plays with a lion cub.  The mother attacks him.  Tarzan comes to the rescue.

Invariably, there's a moment where Olympic champion Weissmuller needed to show off his talents.

"Jane, swim."

And they would cavort for a couple of minutes in the MGM water tank that later housed Esther Williams.

At another point, everybody is on a jungle river raft which capsizes.  Alligators and crocodiles attack.  Tarzan wrestles one underwater.

Jane and Boy are captured, along with the rest of the safari team, by a pack of bad natives.  Cheetah the chimp runs to get Tarzan, who does his yell.  Dozens of elephants show up to trample the bad natives.

The end.

None of them ever differed from this cinematic template.   We didn't care.  I munched on my second Slim Jim.  And Grandma coached from her chair.

"Hurry up, Cheetah.  Go get Tarzan."

Seriously.  

Cheetah, of course, was the scene stealer and, as the series moved on, the chimp became more and more human until it was laughing at people like your drunken father-in-law at the Thanksgiving table.

We could never get enough of Laurel and Hardy.  While I loved every single two-reeler that got unspooled on Saturday afternoons, my grandmother was waiting patiently for one particular short.

She had told me for years of an experience she had back in the Bronx of the 20s.  There was what she called an open air movie theater.  Indeed, she often called this as the very last time she had actually gone out to the movies.  Well, it was a Laurel and Hardy adventure running that time.  Grandma talked about it on numerous occasions.  

"It was a silent picture.  Laurel and Hardy were selling Christmas trees.  And it was the funniest thing I ever saw."

I heard that quotation over and over for years.  And, every Saturday afternoon when it was time for Stan and Ollie, Grandma would hope that they would show the short she remembered from decades before.

Because it was a silent film, they never did.  And, every Saturday afternoon, my grandmother would be disappointed.

I have since done my research and seen the short that she so anxiously waited for.   It's called "Big Business" and it is a laugh riot.  It's too bad I never got to watch it with her.

As the Saturday afternoon moved on, Grandma would leave the living room to start her dinner, which she would, of course, enjoy at no later than 4:30PM.  It was just as well because that's usually when one of the many Andy Hardy chapters would air.  They all started with the portrait you see above.   The very sight of it propelled my grandmother to her stove.

"Mickey Rooney.  Shrimp."

I, however, loved them all.  It was this idyllic life that nobody enjoyed any more.  When a kid could get into some sort of trouble and it would all be solved by your father taking you into the den for a heart-to-heart talk.

This never happened in my house.  For starters, we didn't have a den.

Nevertheless, the plots of all these Andy Hardy movies were as predictable and innocuous as the last.  

Andy gets into trouble.  

He falls for a girl. 

He ignores the one next door, usually played by Judy Garland.

Judy would moon over Andy with one or two songs.

The other girl dumps Andy.

Judge Hardy, in the aforementioned den, tells Andy all about life's travails.

Andy goes off to the malt shop to join neighbor Judy for an egg cream.

The end.

Maybe that was the attraction I had for all this Saturday afternoon TV.  It was film history, yes.  But, it was all as comfortable as macaroni and cheese and your favorite slippers.  Indeed, I probably only followed this routine for two or three years.   But the memories linger to this day.

Luckily, you can still watch all of the above on Turner Classic Movies.   And, almost mystically, they frequently air them on Saturday afternoons.  Guess who tunes in?   Or, perhaps, loads up a DVD on his Blu-Ray.

The only thing missing is Grandma yelling at the TV set.  But, I can still hear her.   And, miraculously, sometimes even with me holding a Slim Jim in my hand.

Dinner last night:  BBQ baby back ribs in the air fryer.