12: ROMAN EMPEROR CALIGULA IS BORN.
And so is venereal disease.
161: ROMAN EMPEROR COMMODUS IS BORN.
And so is the toilet bowl.
1056: BYZANTINE EMPRESS THEODORA BECOMES ILL, DYING SUDDENLY A FEW DAYS LATER WITHOUT CHILDREN TO SUCCEED THE THRONE, THUS ENDING THE MACEDONIAN DYNASTY.
A shame that a whole empire had to die because Theodora was too lazy to join "Byzantine Match.com."
1314: KING HAKON V MAGNUSSON MOVES THE CAPITAL OF NORWAY FROM BERGEN TO OSLO.
Otherwise, it might have been Charlie McCarthy and Edgar Oslo.
1422: KING HENRY V OF ENGLAND DIES OF DYSENTERY WHILE IN FRANCE.
You can catch a lot of unsanitary shit in Paris.
1422: HENRY VI BECOMES KING OF ENGLAND AT THE AGE OF 9 MONTHS.
And you thought the leaders of our country were childish?
1654: PHYSICIAN OLE WORM IS BORN.
The name alone warrants mention here. That would be "Dr. Worm" to you.
1803: LEWIS AND CLARK START THEIR EXPEDITION TO THE WEST BY LEAVING PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA AT 11 IN THE MORNING.
Lewis wanted an earlier start, but Clark insisted on the big breakfast special at Denny's.
1864: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, UNION FORCES LED BY GENERAL WILLIAM T. SHERMAN LAUNCH AN ASSAULT ON ATLANTA, GEORGIA.
Had this not happened, "Gone With The Wind" would have been a two-hour movie.
1888: MARY ANN NICHOLS IS MURDERED. SHE IS THE FIRST OF JACK THE RIPPER'S CONFIRMED VICTIMS.
Unfortunately, somebody had to be first.
1897: THOMAS EDISON PATENTS THE KINETOSCOPE, THE FIRST MOVIE PROJECTOR.
After movies like "Thor" and "Transformers," I'm not sure we should congratulate him.
1903: TV AND RADIO PERSONALITY ARTHUR GODFREY IS BORN.
1918: LYRICIST ALAN JAY LERNER IS BORN.
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the, well, plain.
1920: THE FIRST RADIO NEWS PROGRAM IS IS BROADCAST BY 8MK IN DETROIT, MICHIGAN.
Before this, I guess no news was, well, no news.
1924: COMIC BUDDY HACKETT IS BORN.
The guy was a stitch, even though you couldn't understand a word he said.
1939: NAZI GERMANY MOUNTS A STAGED ATTACK ON THE GLEIWITZ RADIO STATION, CREATING AN EXCUSE TO ATTACK POLAND THE FOLLOWING DAY, THUS STARTING WORLD WAR II IN EUROPE.
Just like WMCA-AM in the sixties, Hitler was playing "Name It and Claim It." If you're from New York, you get that joke. If not, I'm sure one of the next gags will appeal to you.
1945: THE LIBERAL PARTY OF AUSTRALIA IS FOUNDED BY ROBERT MENZIES.
Just proving that not all the kooks live in California.
1948: ACTOR ROBERT MITCHUM IS ARRESTED IN A HOLLYWOOD DRUG RAID.
This is years before he was on TV and apparently addicted to beef.
1957: THE FEDERATION OF MALAYA (NOW MALAYSIA) GAINS A INDEPENDENCE FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM.
And England suffers a malaise.
1968: PITCHER HIDEO NOMO IS BORN.
HIs greatest feat ever: pitching a no-hitter in Colorado during a rain storm.
1969: BOXER ROCKY MARCIANO DIES.
Somebody up there really likes him now.
1973: DIRECTOR JOHN FORD DIES.
Note to all: Watch his film "The Searchers" at least once in your life.
1979: DANCER SALLY RAND DIES.
Sorry. Not a fan.
1991: KYRGYZSTAN DECLARES ITS INDEPENDENCE FROM THE SOVIET UNION.
Too bad you can't use names of countries in Scrabble.
1997: DIANA, PRINCESS OF WALES, AND HER COMPANION DODI AL-FAYED DIE IN A CAR CRASH IN PARIS.
Ta ta. Meanwhile, what kind of guy's name is "Dodi?"
2013: TV HOST DAVID FROST DIES.
That was the life that was.
2014: HOCKEY PLAYER CAROL VADNAIS DIES.
Sorry to hear of her passing. Wait! She was a guy???
Dinner last night: Sandwich and salad.