Len's Juke Box of the Month - June 2023

Summer's here.  Why not this legendary #1 hit?   Who can turn this off? 

Dinner last night:  Prosciutto sandwich.

Hollywood Then and Now - June 2023

 77 Sunset Strip...snap, snap.

Who doesn't remember the song?  Or the show?  Or the famous location?

Conveniently right next to Dean Martin's bistro.

And today?  The snaps are barely heard.

Kookie no longer has a comb.

Dinner last night:  Chicken teriyaki from PF Chang's.

This Date in History - June 28

 

Happy birthday to Mel Brooks.   Heil Mel!

1098:  ASSASSINATION OF ALBOIN, KING OF THE LOMBARDS.

Who?  What?  No clue.

1360:  MUHAMMED VI BECOMES THE TENTH NASRID KING OF GRANADA AFTER KILLING HIS BROTHER-IN-LAW ISMAIL II.

Who?  What?  No clue.

1461:  EDWARD IV IS CROWNED KING OF ENGLAND.

Aren't they all?

1519:  CHARLES V IS ELECTED EMPEROR OF THE HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE.

It's a big day to be a monarch.

1776:  THE BATTLE OF SULLIVAN'S ISLAND ENDS WITH THE AMERICAN VICTORY IN THE AMERICAN REVOLUTIONARY WAR LEADING TO THE COMMEMORATION OF CAROLINA DAY.

And I missed this day in American History class.

1776:  THOMAS HICKEY, CONTINENTAL ARMY PRIVATE AND BODYGUARD TO GENERAL GEORGE WASHINGTON, IS HANGED FOR MUTINY AND SEDITION.

Hickey has something around his neck.

1838:  CORONATION OF QUEEN VICTORIA OF THE UNITED KINGDOM.

More crowns today.  Jeez.

1846:  ADOLPHE SAX PATENTS THE SAXOPHONE.

Everything You Wanted to Know About Sax.

1855:  SIGMA CHI FRATERNITY IS FOUNDED IN NORTH AMERICA.

When's the beer pong tournament?

1880:  AUSTRALIAN BUSHRANGER NED KELLY IS CAPTURED AT GLENROWAN.

And a bushranger does what?  

1894:  LABOR DAY BECOMES AN OFFICIAL US HOLIDAY.

Paging Jerry Lewis.

1902:  THE US CONGRESS PASSES THE SPOONER ACT, AUTHORIZING PRESIDENT TEDDY ROOSEVELT TO ACQUIRE RIGHTS FROM COLOMBIA FOR THE PANAMA CANAL.

Dig we must.

1914:  ARCHDUKE FRANZ FERDINAND OF AUSTRIA AND HIS WIFE SOPHIE ARE ASSASSINATED IN SARAJEVO.   THIS MARKS ONE OF THE FIRST SALVOS OF WORLD WAR I.

What did Sophie do to anybody?

1919:  THE TREATY OF VERSAILLES IS SIGNED, ENDING THE STATE OF WAR BETWEEN GERMANY AND THE ALLIES OF WORLD WAR I.

The Krauts will return shortly.

1926:  MERCEDES-BENZ IS FORMED BY GOTTLIEB DAIMLER AND KARL BENZ MERGING THEIR TWO COMPANIES.

But who's the one married to Mercedes?

1926:  DIRECTOR MEL BROOKS IS BORN.

The same day as the Mercedes-Benz.  And they're both still around.

1932:  ACTOR PAT MORITA IS BORN.

Wax on, wax off.

1941:  BASEBALL PITCHER AL DOWNING IS BORN.

Met him once.  Nice guy.

1942:  WORLD WAR II - NAZI GERMANY STARTS ITS STRATEGIC SUMMER OFFENSIVE AGAINST THE SOVIET UNION, CODENAMED CASE BLUE.

Like I said above with all that Treaty of Versailles business.

1950:  KOREAN WAR - SEOUL IS CAPTURED BY NORTH KOREAN TROOPS.

Who's got Seoul?

1964:  MALCOLM X FORMS THE ORGANIZATION OF AFRO-AMERICAN UNITY.

Good thing his dues are only paid for one year.

1969:  STONEWALL RIOTS BEGIN IN NEW YORK CITY, MARKING THE START OF THE GAY RIGHTS MOVEMENT.

Annual June parade to come.

1975:  PRODUCER ROD SERLING DIES.

Yeah, what dimension are you entering now?

1978:  THE US SUPREME COURT, IN REGENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY VS. BAKKE, BARS QUOTA SYSTEMS IN COLLEGE ADMISSIONS.

Well, then, how come lots of places are still doing this?

1997:  IN BOXING, MIKE TYSON IS DISQUALIFIED IN THE THIRD ROUND FOR BITING A PIECE OFF EVANDER HOLYFIELD'S EAR.

Should have marinated first.

2015:  COMIC JACK CARTER DIES.

My grandmother never liked him.

Dinner last night:  Hamburger.

What The Hell Were You Thinking?

 

You may have heard about this last week.  Unless, of course, you were in deepest and darkest Africa.   Or...wink, wink...on the bottom of the ocean.

As soon as we heard that this overgrown bathtub toy, destined to give a couple of billionaires a jolly or two looking at the wreckage of the Titanic, was missing, life stopped and millions of dollars were spent looking for the five passengers on board.   Luckily, we found that this "submersible" had imploded before we added even more dollars to the national debt.  Indeed, the only things that benefited from all of this were the fish of the North Atlantic who got an Applebee's-like buffet.

I'm sorry for the lives lost, but they knew what they were getting into for their quarter-million dollars.  I mean, the first page of the release form lists the word "death" three times.   You don't see that when you go on Space Mountain at Disneyland.   And it should be, given that these contraptions have been cited for defects over the years.   

I feel bad for the 19-year-old kid who told friends he didn't feel safe but went anyway to keep his dad happy.   That's the shame of it all.   Didn't Dad and the other gazillionaires have something better to do with their money?   I mean, even director James Cameron went on one of these things and didn't feel comfortable.   At least, he got an Oscar for his fears.  Plus what would these clowns see down there that Cameron didn't already use for footage in 1997??

It's all on You Tube, gang.

This was all money well spent and would you trust your life to private venturers who cobbled something in their garage?   Your money could be better spent on some many other causes.

The same can be said for these dummies who are making rockets and shooting people like William Shatner into space for 11 minutes?   What's the point?   And that explosion is inevitable, too.   Wait till you see the hand wringing then?

Dinner last night:   Salad with leftover ribeye steak.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - June 26, 2023

 A classic comedy with bloopers that are almost as funny as the movie.

Dinner last night:  Ribeye steak.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Missing Dodger Stadium

 

Since I haven't sat in my season seats since May 14, I am in Chavez Ravine withdrawal.   The knee surgery is recovering.   I will be back there soon enough...stairs be damned.   I didn't think the absence would be this long.   

Or this bothersome.  But Dodger Stadium has become a major part of my life.

I can't explain how some things have happened in my life.   Or, for that matter, I can't explain how a lot of things have happened in my life.   Back, when I was a kid, I fantasized about Hollywood and California.  As far as I was concerned, both might as well have been on the moon.   I was on South 15th Avenue in Mount Vernon and I expected to die there.  

I mean, I would look at my own family.   They were sequestered in the Bronx and lower Westchester County.  Few went anywhere far.   Most had never flow on an airplane.  Back in the day, you just didn't harbor any expectations when it came to traveling great distances.

So, as I did last May 14 and will again soon, I sit in, of all places, Dodger Stadium.  In my season tickets.   And I think one more time how this all happened.  I'm close to the stadium now.  And I remember how far away it was way back when.

A lifelong Met fan now screaming his head off in Chavez Ravine.

Back when I was a kid in NY and a fledgling fan of the sport of baseball, the Dodgers' home in Los Angeles seemed to be in another world.  And that was just as well.   I was bleeding blue and orange...the chosen plasma of every New York Met fan.  And I wanted to hear and see every pitch.  Even when they were playing in that far off land called California.  

I didn't understand completely then the concept of time zones. All I knew is that Dodger Stadium was so far away the games started three hours later than they did in NY. An 8PM start time was really 11PM at Dodger Stadium and it took years for me to comprehend this phenomenon. So, whenever the Mets played the Dodgers on that other end of the planet, I had to get very creative when it came to staying in touch with the game.

Rarely were those contests telecast on television back to WOR-TV Channel 9 in New York. And, if they were, there was no way this eight-year-old was going to be able to go into the living room and turn on the big clunky Zenith. As it was, the sleeping hawks/parents sensed my every nocturnal move.

"You're going to the bathroom. What's wrong?"

"You turned the light on. What's the matter?"

"Why are your bedcovers off? What's the problem?"

Jeez...........

So, to keep track of West Coast baseball games, I was reduced to covert activity. A transistor radio with the covers pulled over my head. Meanwhile, since my dog Tuffy was already in the bed with me, this became a very sweaty situation on hot summer nights.

I was trying to listen to Met announcer Bob Murphy call the action with the play-by-play smothered under a pillow. Did he say that was a strike or a ball? Did Ed Kranepool score or didn't he? And, Tuffy, please stop licking my feet!

Eventually, one of the parental units would get up to go to the bathroom themselves. And the faint hum of AM radio would be radiating from my bedroom.

"TURN OFF THAT GAME AND GO TO BED!!!"

Er, I'm not listening to a game. And, technically, I am in bed. Oh, never mind. I quickly clicked off the transistor radio and threw it across my room.

I needed those words from the Met announcers because, indeed, I had no idea what Dodger Stadium looked like. Oh, I had seen a few pictures, but little else. I knew there were these two neat six-sided scoreboards. And that wave-like roof over the bleachers. But, all in all, this ballpark was a mystery to me.

I was further addled by the varying names the stadium had. Sometimes, I saw it in print as "Dodger Stadium." But, other times it was called "Chavez Ravine." Is that the Spanish translation? I had no clue. It all sounded so wonderful. But, only in my mind. Really, all I had to go on was an episode of "Mr. Ed."  Or that time Jeff Stone met Don Drysdale on "The Donna Reed Show."

I finally got to see the place for myself on a Labor Day when I was eleven. For some bizarre reason, one of the networks was televising a game that afternoon between the San Francisco Giants and the Los Angeles Dodgers. Why? Who knows? But, it was strange for me to watch a game that didn't involve the Mets.

I was going to get my chance to actually see Dodger Stadium for myself. And I was a captive audience. Mainly because I was trapped in my bed with a fever of 104 degrees. That was probably the sickest I have ever been in my life. Some sort of virus was galloping through my body. It was like one of those jungle movies where the great White hunter has malaria and is lying in a quonset hut, being fanned by natives. Except I was lying in my bedroom and my parents were taking turns applying cold compresses and alcohol in order to get the fever down.

Meanwhile, as I lay there in gallons of sweat, I kept staring at the game on the black and white TV in my room. That's Dodger Stadium! There's those cool scoreboards! Look at all those palm trees outside the bleachers! I was literally and figuratively closer to heaven. I vowed to go there one day and see this Chavez Ravine for myself

 I, of course, survived. The Giants won that day in 13 innings. And it would be another twelve years before I would see Dodger Stadium for myself. In person.

It was as glorious as it appeared on that day when I lost about ten gallons of water through my pores. I was on my first ever trip to Los Angeles and this ballpark was a mandatory stop. The Reds shellacked the Dodgers that day. But, the sheer essence of just being there was enough for me.

Here I am years later. A season ticket holder with a regular view of all that which enchanted me when I was eleven. I never take it for granted. This is baseball paradise.  Especially when there's playoff baseball in October.

Yes, Shea Stadium will always be my first love. But, if I have no other baseball home for the rest of my life, Dodger Stadium will do just fine.

I can't wait for the next chapter of attendance.

Dinner last night:  Italian sub from Jersey Mike's.

Classic Movie Trailer of the Month - June 2023

Hard to believe the original is 30 years old this month. 

Dinner last night:  Tuna melt from Clementine's.

When Selfies Turn Lethal

 

The same mixing bowl was using for both of their haircuts.

Somebody finally adopted Wednesday Addams.

"Yep, your shoulder does look infected to me."

Hedda Hopper's great great grandchildren.

On your wedding day, grin and bear it.

Hair today, even more hair tomorrow.

Now this bunch should have been the real targets of the government's "better nutrition" initiative.

Look what Mommy doesn't have.

Isn't there an age limit for a fairy godmother?

There are amazing things you can do with a Sharpie.

Dinner last night:  Dan Dan noodles from PF Chang's.

Everybody Still Likes Raymond

Considering his start as a stand-up comedy, I was always pleasantly surprised how good an actor Ray Romano became on one of my very favorite sitcoms of all time, "Everybody Loves Raymond."   To wit, I believe he ultimately won a couple of Emmys for his acting.

Years later, I am pleased to say that I am pleasantly surprised how good a writer and director Ray Romano shows he can be in his directorial debut with "Somewhere in Queens."  And the work is even more remarkable because the movie is not really a comedy.   

Oh, sure, it's once again an Italian New York family that argues a lot.  They all work together (father, sons, grandsons) in a construction company and that's never harmonious.  Ray plays Leo who is looking for a better life for his only child Sticks who plays high school basketball.  The always welcome Laurie Metcalf plays Leo's wife and she has her own layers of the onion to pull back.  But it is clear they both want their son to be happy.

And he is...for a while.   He's got a college scout looking to recruit him with a scholarship.  To make things even better, the kid has a hot girlfriend.    Queens never looked this good.  

Except when the girlfriend dumps the boy, he spirals into sadness and stops performing on the court.   To give his son a chance, Leo pleads with the girl to date the boy for just a little while longer.

Now that may sound like a cheesy sitcom plot and it is a bit cringeworthy.  But somehow this deception works for a while.  You know it's going to come apart in Act 3 but the glory is watching how Romano manipulates the story in that direction.  

The key here is, like the TV Barones, Ray Romano knows the people he is writing directing.   He clearly has an intuitive ear for dialogue and, while not packed with solid laughs as you might expect, Romano tells a wonderful story of drama and sadness.

I am a fan all over again.   If Ray wants to keep working like this, I can't argue with the success.

LEN'S RATING:  Four stars.

Dinner last night:  The last of the pre-surgery lasagna.

 

This Date in History - June 21

 

Happy birthday to Bernie Kopell.  Everybody remembers him from "The Love Boat," but I fond recall him as...see below.

1307:  KULUG KHAN IS ENTHRONED AS KHAGAN OF THE MONGOLS AND WUZONG OF THE YUAN.

This must mean something to somebody.

1582:  ODA NOBUNAGA, THE MOST POWERFUL OF THE JAPANESE DAIMYOS, WAS FORCED TO COMMIT SUICIDE.

Daimyos sounds like a new yogurt.

1621:  EXECUTION OF 27 CZECH NOBLEMEN ON THE OLD TOWN SQUARE IN PRAGUE AS A CONSEQUENCE OF THE BATTLE OF WHITE MOUNTAIN.

Big news I suppose if you're Czech.

1734:  IN MONTREAL, A SLAVE KNOWN BY THE FRENCH NAME OF MARIE-JOSEPH ANGELIQUE IS PUT TO DEATH, HAVING BEEN CONVICTED OF SETTING THE FIRE THAT DESTROYED MUCH OF THE CITY.

Well, that sounds like a fair punishment.

1749:  HALIFAX, NOVA SCOTIA, IS FOUNDED.

Was it lost?

1788:  NEW HAMPSHIRE RATIFIES THE CONSTITUTION OF THE US AND IS ADMITTED AS THE NINTH STATE OF THE US.

Primaries to come.

1798:  IRISH REBELLION - THE BRITISH ARMY DEFEATS IRISH REBELS AT THE BATTLE OF VINEGAR HILL.  

Vinegar Hill right next to Mount Olive Oil.

1848:  IN THE WALLACHIAN REVOLUTION, ION HELIADE RADULESCU AND CHRISTIAN TELL ISSUE THE PROCLAMATION OF ISLAZ AND CREATE A NEW REPUBLICAN GOVERNMENT.

It's amazing how much world history I don't give a shit about.

1898:  THE UNITED STATES CAPTURES GUAM FROM SPAIN.

Why??

1905:  AUTHOR JEAN-PAUL SARTRE IS BORN.

Still waiting.

1915:  THE US SUPREME COURT HANDS DOWN ITS DECISION IN GUINN VS. US, STRIKING DOWN OKLAHOMA GRANDFATHER CLAUSE LEGISLATION WHICH HAD THE EFFECT OF DENYING BLACKS THE RIGHT TO VOTE.

No, Trump is not trying to undo this.

1921:  ACTRESS JUDY HOLLIDAY IS BORN.

And she just died on This Date in History - June 7.

1921:  ACTRESS JANE RUSSELL IS BORN.

I had lunch with her once.  Mike drop.

1925:  ACTRESS MAUREEN STAPLETON IS BORN.

Gets mentioned here solely because she was in "Bye Bye Birdie."

1932:  COMPOSER LALO SCHIFRIN IS BORN.

Still with us.   The genius who wrote the themes to "Mission: Impossible" and "Mannix."

1933:  ACTOR BERNIE KOPELL IS BORN.

...because he played Siegfried on "Get Smart."

1942:  A JAPANESE SUBMARIE SURFACES NEAR THE COLUMBIA RIVER IN OREGON, FIRING 17 SHELLS AT FORT STEVENS.

Because bombing Oregon was so strategic during World War II??

1945:  WORLD WAR II - THE BATTLE OF OKINAWA ENDS WHEN JAPANESE FORCES COLLAPSE.

And that's what you get for bombing Oregon.

1947:  ACTOR MICHAEL GROSS IS BORN.

The Michael nobody remembers from "Family Ties."

1952:  PILOT WOP MAY DIES.

Included here only because the name made me laugh.

1957:  ELLEN FAIRCLOUGH IS SWORN IN AS CANADA'S FIRST FEMALE CABINET MINISTER.

If you insist.

1963:  POPE PAUL VI IS ELECTED.

Probably the biggest nose of any Pope.

1964:  THREE CIVIL RIGHTS WORKERS ARE MURDERED IN MISSISSIPPI BY THE KLU KLUX KLAN.

No, that wasn't Donald Trump riding the third horse.

1970:  PENN CENTRAL DECLARES BANKRUPTCY, LARGEST EVER US CORPORATE BANKRUPTCY TO THIS DATE.

That was no way to run a railroad.

1980:  COMPOSER BERT KAEMPFERT DIES.

Wrote "Swingin' Safari," the very first theme to TV's "Match Game."  So there.

1982:  JOHN HINCKLEY IS FOUND NOT GUILTY BY REASON OF INSANITY FOR THE ASSASSINATION OF US PRESIDENT REAGAN.

You talking to me?

1987:  ENGINEER MADMAN MUNTZ DIES.

Also a name that made me laugh today.

2001:  ACTOR CARROLL O'CONNOR DIES.

Sheer brilliance as Archie Bunker.

2003:  AUTHOR LEON URIS DIES.

Really Exodus.

2005:  EDGAR RAY KILLEN, WHO HAD BEEN ACQUITTED FOR THE MURDER OF THOSE THREE CIVIL RIGHTS WORKERS, IS CONVICTED OF MANSLAUGHTER WHEN THE CASE IS RE-OPENED.

It's about time.

2009:  GREENLAND ASSUMES SELF-RULE.

If you want something done right...

2015:  BASEBALL PLAYER DARRYL HAMILTON DIES.

Maybe there will be a Broadway musical about him.

Dinner last night:  Steak leftovers and salad.

Keeping Medical Score

 

Everybody knows how much I love keeping score at baseball games.  Well, given that I am still in a Dodger Stadium moratorium due to knee replacement recovery, let me take another spin at this.

One week before my knee replacement, I had my pre-op physical with my internist.   And I told him the following...

"I am perfectly fine right now, except for being a little slow in walking.   So I will walk into a hospital next week and pretty much fuck myself up."

He did nod.

So how fucked did I get?

Well, it's taken about four weeks to get to the point where I don't have to walk around the house with a cane.   But what else?

My right knee, which has been pain-free the last five years, is now bothering me again.

Ever since surgery, the middle finger on my right hand is painful and swollen.   It is now impossible to give the bird to any of my doctors.

I have lost 25 pounds.   Now that might be viewed positively.   I don't.

Taking pain meds for a week messed up my sleep patterns and, until I recently started taking Melatonin, I rarely dozed for more than an hour at night.

I have the sensation of smelling metal and my saliva constantly tastes like I just drank a glass of rust water.   The likely culprit is a condition called dygeusia, which impacts smell and taste after you are subjected to general anesthesia.  Allegedly, it can last for months.

Ah, what else?

There is an itchy bruise on the calf of my operated leg that won't go away.

I can't sit at the computer more than twenty minutes at a time.   Try and maintain a daily blog doing that.

Oh, wait, it's Minute #19.   I've got to stretch.   So ends today's medical score book.  I'm sure there will be more to come.

Dinner last night:  Leftover Mongolian beef.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - June 19, 2923

It's graduation time! 

Dinner last night:  Grilled ribeye steak.

Happy Father's Birthday

 

Here's Dad in a photo I have used before.  I don't have many others because, frankly, my father was usually the guy behind the camera as opposed to in front.  But this one hangs on the wall of my bedroom in Los Angeles.  And it might prompt him to ask a question from beyond.

"Los Angeles??  What the hell are you doing there?"

Yeah, my dad didn't venture far from the roost.   Mount Vernon, New York and the Bronx were as far as he got.   But he ruled those places.   I can remember Dad motoring through downtown Mount Vernon.   If he saw a buddy on the street, he would honk twice and wave as he zoomed by.

On Father's Day, you think about this stuff.

Now, my dad's birthday was June 20.  So, each year with the timing of Father's Day, I had a double whammy.  Two celebrations rolled into one.  Every six years, the two "holidays" coincided.  Yes, I was able to get by with one gift.  But, when the dates didn't sync up, I was often faced with coming up with two different commemorations. 

As a result of this mess of a calendar, all the birthdays and Father's Days sort of morph together.  I don't have specific memories about them.  But, there were three Father's Days that do stick out of my memory drawer with great prominence.  Some I have written about before, but all good memories are always worth repeating. 

Take, for instance...

On a very hot Father's Day, my family made their usual holiday visitation to see all the dead relatives at Ferncliff Cemetery. Alongside the street where "Uncle Fritz" was buried, everybody hopped out of our car to do the necessary grave trimming. Grandma bounded out with hedge clippers in hand. But my dad and I sat in the car, glued to the Met game on the radio.

Except this was no ordinary contest. My father explained.

"This is history happening. The guy has a perfect game in the ninth inning."

I was a baseball fan, but I still didn't the complete significance.

"But the Mets are losing."

Minutes later, we listened to Phillies pitcher Jim Bunning strike out Met John Stephenson for the final out in this masterpiece. I didn't understand why this was such a big deal, but Dad did. That was good enough for me. Outside, Grandma continued to pull weeds out of "Uncle Fritz" and called out to my grandfather for assistance.

"Pop, get the shears!"

And here's another one from many years later.  On this particular year, the birthday and the Dad's Day festivity was on the same day.  So, I decided to leave it up to my father as to what he wanted to do.  Most of the time when I did this, he'd simply shrug and say he'd be happy to stay home and read the Daily News funnies. 

Except, this time, I was startled. 

He wanted to go to the movies.

Huh?

Yep, another story told here previously.

When I got to the age of 10 or 11, I stopped going to the movies with my parents. There were friends, both boys and girls. Cousins. Classmates. I learned how to do the whole cinema thing without parents intruding pretty darn quickly. Eventually, the only way my father was playing into the moviegoing experience was by dropping us off or picking us up at the Loews Mount Vernon or RKO Proctor's.

Until a few years later. When "The Godfather" came out. And became the absolute "must-see" movie across all sexes and age groups. It was Father's Day and my dad's birthday at the same time.  I offered to treat him to something.  Imagine my surprise when he blurted out his request.

"Let's go see The Godfather."

Uh-oh.

In previous years, such a suggestion from my father would have found me quickly putting on my jacket and running to the car like Maury Wills.

But not that day.

"Er, okay," I responded with a lump in my throat.

It was one thing for me to sit alongside my father in a darkened theater and watch "The Longest Day" or Jerry Lewis in "The Nutty Professor." That was a snap and the Milk Duds would easily slide down my gullet with those movies. But, "The Godfather." This was a relatively adult movie. Well-reviewed but certainly much more mature than "Operation Petticoat." And there was one very specific segment of the film that I really dreaded seeing on the big screen with my dad ensconced in the adjacent seat.

Page 27.

Mario Puzo's novel had already made the rounds of my neighborhood buddies. For us, reading that book was a rite of passage. More so than "Silas Marner" or "Last of the Mohicans."

And it was because of Page 27. The very start of the Corleone saga set at Connie's wedding. When Sonny Corleone takes one of the bridesmaids upstairs and violently...well, you know.

We knew all the words by heart. It was like sex education. Right there in front of us. On Page 27. It was raw. It was real. It was relentless. And easy to share with your pals up the street. But, in front of your father? That was one of those planets we didn't orbit ever in our household.

As I sat on the passenger side of our huge Buick LeSabre, I secretly hoped that Francis Ford Coppola had neglected to film that scene for the screen. But, from a friend who had already gone through his cinematic de-flowering, I knew it was there intact for all to see. Maybe the film would break. Perhaps a fire would break out in the smoking section of the theater right at the beginning of the movie. I hastily devised a plan to spend a lot of time in the bathroom for the first ten minutes of the film. Sorry, Dad, lunch didn't agree with me.

No such luck.

As soon as the first strains of Nino Rota's haunting theme, I was glued to the street. There would be no missing reel. No smoke. No imagined diarrhea. My eyes were riveted on the screen.

Page 27 comes very early in the movie. I avoided all side glances to my dad. I focused on the screen like I was reading an eye chart in the optometrist's office.

There was no sound or motion to the right of me. As quickly as James Caan had started the process up on the big screen, it was over. It was never discussed. Either then or later. My dad and I simply proceeded very nicely to the graphic murders, horse decapitations, and all the wonderful other fun that is "The Godfather."

My father and I never saw another movie together.

During his last years, the Father's Day/birthday celebrations got very simple.  All he wanted to do was go out to dinner.  Eventually, we even locked into the same location.  

A Victoria Station in Yonkers.  Famous for steak.  And, more importantly, for Dad?  

A fully-stocked salad bar.

I remember my dad's euphoria the first time he saw one.

"They have beets!"

"They have hot peppers!"

"German potato salad!!!"

This was all stuff my father used to buy regularly at a delicatessen on White Plains Road in the Bronx.  Now he was seeing it for the taking in an honest-to-God restaurant and he couldn't contain his excitement.

The hell with the steak.  Dad made three trips to the salad bar alone.

"Will they let me take a new plate?"

Of course.  They're chilled in the refrigerator.

"Chilled plates??!!"

This concept alone was equivalent to a polio vaccine for my father.

These were his later years.  And, conveniently, these very simple pleasures were his favorites.

Happy Father's Day today, Dad.  And, oh, yeah, happy birthday Tuesday.

Dinner last night:  Mongolian beef at Wokcano.

Classic TV Theme of the Month - June 2023

Same classic TV theme song, three different ways...thanks to contract disputes and recasts.   Plus I am happy to say I know two of the stars. 

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

Your Weekend Movie Guide for June 2023

 

Ah, back in the day when movie houses pulled out all the stops to compete with that new invention...television.  Studios made the films louder and wider and bigger to get that audience back in the theater.   And the cinemas themselves were ones to behold.  Such decor and opulence.

In 2023, movies have pretty much given up the fight to home entertainment.  Nobody leaves the house anymore.  Some films actually premiere in your living room.  Still, let's explore if there is anything at all on a screen bigger than your tablet.  You know the monthly drill, gang. I'll sort through the pages of the local rag and give you my knee-jerk, gut reaction to what's out there.

Spoiler alert: not much.

Spider-Man - Across the Spiderverse:   I swear there's a new one every goddamn week.

Guardians of the Galaxy- Volume 3:  The galaxy is fine.  No guardians needed.

The Little Mermaid:  Disney shits the bed again with another live action remake of a cartoon.   With a Black mermaid, no less.

Transformers - Rise of the Beast:  Junk yard, please.

The Boogeyman:  How many people think this is about Trump?

Book Club - The Next Chapter:  For those 80 and older.

About My Father:  Robert DeNiro shits his bed again with another comedy demonstrating that he can't do comedy.

Mending the Line:   Veterans from Afghanistan...well, those that got out.

You Hurt My Feelings:  Starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus.   Have we discussed lately what a bad reputation she has?

Asteroid City:  More confusing dribble from Wes Anderson, who has yet to make one coherent film.

Fast X:  Still lingering around like a bad sinus infection.

Elemental:   The latest failure from Disney-Pixar, who lost me when they stopped making Toy Story.

The Flash:   In a pan.

No Hard Feelings:   A new rom com but the title sounds dirty.

The Blackenings:   A bunch of Blacks get together to celebrate Juneteenth.  Which, by the way, was not a holiday until two years ago.

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

 

Frenemy

 

I haven't discussed it much here but I am currently going through the recovery process of total left knee replacement surgery.  It's not fun.   There are good days and bad days.   One step forward, two steps behind.  Rinse, repeat.   I'll get through it.

But one of the things I do want to mention upfront is how easily pain medication can begin to control your life.   It was my first experience ever...and hopefully my last.

In the regimen of Walgreen's finest that wound up in my home for the post surgical period, there were two such narcotics.   A mild one called Tramadol.  And the granddaddy of all pain controllers...oxycodon.   

Now it was always my inclination to keep that particular vial unopened.   And during the first week of recovery, I managed just that.   I was doing so well.   But, as always happens, a good first week is usually followed by a shitty second week.  The pain was horrific.

The visiting nurse on my case counseled me.  He knew I wanted to be a hero but it was time to use...THAT...for a couple of days.

And so I did.  And so it worked.   Incredibly so.  I essentially took no more than 15 mg a day, but that was all I needed to curb the pain.

After a week or so, I was advised to get off it.  And so I went from 15 mg to 5 mg in one day.   

Oh, yeah?, said the Oxycodon.   Well, we want you to finish the bottle.  And, if you don't....

Headache.

Nausea.

Constipation.

Insomnia.

Okay, I took this drug for one single week and I was ready for Betty Ford.   I can only imagine what habitual users go through.

It all goes away.  But you're better off if you don't start at all.   

Dinner last night:  Grilled sausage.

This Date in History - June 14

 

Happy birthday to Marla Gibbs...the last person standing from the Jeffersons cast.

1158:  MUNICH IS FOUNDED BY HENRY THE LION.

Sounds like a Dr. Seuss character.

1287:  KUBLAI KHAN DEFEATS THE FORCE OF NAYAN IN EAST MONGOLIA.

The Force of Nayan?  Didn't that open at 500 theaters last Friday?

1381:  RICHARD II OF ENGLAND MEETS LEADERS OF THE PEASANTS' REVOLT.

You want to pay attention to the peasants.   That's how Trump got elected.

1645:  IN THE ENGLISH CIVIL WAR, 12,000 ROYALIST FORCES ARE BEATEN BY 15,000 SOLDIERS.

Ever notice how bloody world history can get?

1775:  THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION - THE CONTINENTAL ARMY IS ESTABLISHED BY THE CONTINENTAL CONGRESS, MARKING THE BIRTH OF THE US ARMY.

So that's how they started.

1777:  THE STARS AND STRIPES IS ADOPTED BY CONGRESS AS THE FLAG OF THE US.

Betsy, you can stop now.

1789:  MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY - CAPTAIN BLIGH AND 18 OTHERS ARE CAST ADRIFT IN AN OPEN BOAT.

So it wasn't just a movie?

1801:  BENEDICT ARNOLD DIES.

What goes around...

1811:  AUTHOR HARRIET BEECHER STOWE IS BORN.

Hello, Topsy.

1822:  CHARLES BABBAGE PROPOSES A DIFFERENCE ENGINE IN A PAPER TO THE ROYAL ASTRONOMICAL SOCIETY ENTITLED "NOTE ON THE APPLICATION OF MACHINERY TO THE COMPUTATION OF ASTRONOMICAL AND MATHEMATICAL TABLES."

Ever notice how boring world history can get?

1900:  HAWAII BECOMES A US TERRITORY.

Aloha.

1900:  THE REICHSTAG APPROVES A SECOND LAW THAT ALLOWS THE EXPANSION OF THE GERMAN NAVY.

We'll be sorry.

1907:  NORWAY GRANTS WOMEN THE RIGHT TO VOTE.

As long as dinner is on the table by six.

1909:  ACTOR BURL IVES IS BORN.

Christmas songs to be announced.

1919:  ACTOR GENE BARRY IS BORN.

It's Burke's law.

1921:  ACTRESS MARTHA GREENHOUSE IS BORN.

Never heard of her?   She was a character actress from NY and also ran a writers workshop I once took there.

1926:  BRAZIL LEAVES THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS.

After they tried to pay their annual dues with nuts.

1926:  DODGER PITCHER DON NEWCOMBE IS BORN.

Still see him around the ballpark.

1931:  ACTRESS MARLA GIBBS IS BORN.

I wish my housekeeper was this sassy.

1937:  PENNSYLVANIA BECOMES THE FIRST AND ONLY STATE TO CELEBRATE FLAG DAY AS A STATE HOLIDAY.

A day off is a day off.

1937:  THE US HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES PASSES THE MARIJUANA TAX ACT.

Smokin'.

1940:  WORLD WAR II - PARIS IS OCCUPIED.

Rolled over and played dead is more like it.

1946:  PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP IS BORN.

My apologies.

1954:  US PRESIDENT DWIGHT EISENHOWER SIGNS A BILL THAT PLACES THE WORDS "UNDER GOD" INTO THE US PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.

And does anybody know what that is any more?

1959:  THE DISNEYLAND MONORAIL OPENS.

I don't think I was ever on it.

1967:  THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA TESTS ITS FIRST HYDROGEN BOMB.

No wonder they're always wearing face masks.

1986:  COMPOSER ALAN JAY LERNER DIES.

He could have danced all night...but didn't.

1994:  COMPOSER HENRY MANCINI DIES.

Of all his work, I like what he did for "Victor/Victoria" best.

1994:  RIOTS OCCUR IN VANCOUVER AFTER THE NEW YORK RANGERS BEAT THE CANUCKS FOR THE STANLEY CUP.

Big deal since this only happens every 54 years.

2016:  ACTRESS ANN MORGAN GUILBERT DIES.

Millie from the Dick Van Dyke Show!

2017:  REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN STEVE SCALISE AND THREE OTHERS ARE SHOT DURING A CONGRESSIONAL SOFTBALL GAME.

IL stints for all, I suppose.

Dinner last night:  Asian chopped salad.