NObama Wednesday

Today's Wednesday rant comes with a little bit of a preamble.

Over the course of this blog, I have had repeated comments from several readers who tell me that I go a little too hard on President Obummer. I counter with the retort that they have no real benchmark because he is the only President this blogger has known. Since I pretty much have contempt for all politicians, any President would be a target for me.

And just to prove that, I will make no Obummer references today. But, I will take on every other President I can think of. This will be as if Len Speaks is writing in 1915. My guess is that the computer back then would be a tad slower.

---And, speaking of Woodrow Wilson, our President had a stroke and lived.

---Natalie Wood didn't have a stroke and died. Makes no sense to me.

---Wilson wants to put together a League of Nations. I'm all for it as long as there's no designated hitter.

---This just in from Mrs. Teddy Roosevelt: "I'm the one who can tell you why he's called a Rough Rider."

---Does Abe Lincoln ever get asked if he's Jewish?

---I mean, the last name could have been changed. And really, in some of those portraits, you can see where his hair might have suffered "Yamulke Head."

---We told you, Mr. Lincoln, you should have spent the extra money for the orchestra seat.

---From the Stupid Question Department: "Does anybody have the zipcode for Lincoln's Gettysburg address?"

---There are crappy TV shows that lasted longer than Warren G. Harding's presidency.

---Grover Cleveland? Such a great American that they named a city and a Muppet after him.

---James Polk? Anybody?

---Our next spokesperson for Jenny Craig? President William Howard Taft. Because when President Taft sits around the White House, he sits around the White House.

---I wonder if it was called the Oval Office before Taft got elected.

---Oxymoronic News Headline of the Week: FDR "running" for another term.

---Does Roosevelt realize this isn't a civil service job? If he wanted employment for life, what about the DMV?

---Come on, FDR, can you at least get Eleanor to try Invisalign?

---Meanwhile, you just know that Mamie Eisenhower is a fox. I don't buy all that stuff about her teetering and tottering because of an inner ear infection. The woman has a regular hourly appointment with Jim Beam.

---Why did Truman remove General McArthur so quickly? High pitch count? A lefty coming up?

---Trust me, General McArthur, you were better off in Korea where you did have to listen to Margaret Truman playing the piano.

---When people look at the 1929 stock market crash, everybody exclaimed that Hoover sucked.

---Well, is there any better marketing slogan for a vacuum cleaner company?

---Benjamin Harrison? Anybody?

---For those who tell me that President Clinton doesn't care where he sleeps...

---Meanwhile, the only way Bill ever stains Hillary's dress is if he spills mustard on it.

---Cue the Dick Van Dyke Show theme for this new sitcom starring President Ford.

---You will note that it was the sober one who couldn't make it down the stairs.

---Er, Betty, just how dark was the lighting in that hat shop?

---There are so many women on their knees in the John F. Kennedy Oval Office you would think it was the opening scenes of "The Sound of Music."

---You know. Maria. All the nuns. Oh, never mind.

---Zachary Taylor. Please! Anybody?

---Do you think the lost eighteen minutes of Nixon will make it onto the special features of the DVD?

---This just in from Pat Nixon: "I can tell you how they named him Tricky Dick."

---Message for President Carter's mother Lillian: "Your new teeth are ready and this time we used maple."

---I have a few idiot friends who voted for Carter because he gave them "a good feeling."

---Er, that would be called a handjob.

---First Lady Nancy Reagan tells us to "just say no."

---This just in from President Ronald Reagan: "And I can tell you how that saying got started."

---The way those two George W. Bush kids drive, you would think they were Asian.

---And now that I write that, I'm guessing he's thinking back to his days at Yale.

---"Who was that girl that delivered the subgum duck and fried rice the night before my finals?"

And next Wednesday, we move from jokes about all the White Presidents to jokes about all the Black ones.

Dinner last night: Roast beef sandwich from Clementine's.