Your Weekend Movie Guide for August 2010

Well, this looks like a bizarre double feature. In reality, this photo was taken after the Loews New Rochelle Theater was savagely carved up into two screens. Another childhood movie house disemboweled for no good reason.

Meanwhile, in present day Movieland, things are no better this summer as we are subjected to the worst summer crop of films ever. You know the monthly drill. I'll scout the LA Times movie pages to see if there's anything out there worth your time.

Salt: It's better for your blood pressure...and your eyes if you skip this one.

Flipped: Rob Reiner, who regularly sits right below me at Dodger Stadium, badly needs a hit film. This coming-of-age movie has a shot at my money.

The Kids Are All Right: You read it here earlier. Embrace the children. Lock out the parents. An overhyped mess.

The Tillman Story: A documentary on that ASU/NFL player killed in Iraq. Now, how am I supposed to write something funny about this???

Mao's Last Dancer: A young boy in China becomes a classical dancer. Surprise, surprise. The cast list includes Bruce Greenwood and Kyle MacLachlan. English is spoken here. So I don't have to look up the Chinese translation for "boring."

Eat Pray Love: Avoid. Does anybody remember when Julia Roberts was guaranteed box office dollars? Meanwhile, I'm waiting for the American Dental Association's version of this. Rinse Spit Repeat.

The Other Guys: Every summer, there has to be at least one Will Ferrell movie that I need to ignore.

Dinner for Schmucks: Because, every summer, there has to be at least one Steve Carell/Paul Rudd movie I need to ignore. Meanwhile, Vin Scully has been doing live read promos for this during Dodger games. There's something very wrong hearing Vin use the word "schmucks" in a sentence.

Tales from Earthsea: Some Japanese anime about dragons. Don't tell me they're endangering them, too???

The Expendables: As the ad reads --- Stallone Statham Li Lundgren Couture Austin Crews Rourke Willis and...Not Me.

Despicable Me: This blog on certain days of the week.

The Agony and the Ecstasy of Phil Spector: So, am I reading this correctly? The record producer once met Michelangelo?

Peepli Live: When I was in the third grade, we used to call it "number 2."

Toy Story 3: And you're waiting for what?

Cats and Dogs - The Revenge of Kitty Galore: Does this provoke a lawsuit from Ian Fleming's estate? Talking dogs and cats. Nothing annoyed my grandmother more.

Get Low: Robert Duvall once again plays some peckerwood badly in need of a bath. I smell a trend. Literally.

Vampires Suck: You open yourself up badly if you put a word like that in your movie title.

Piranha 3D: Now this is one I can sink my teeth into.

Nanny McPhee Returns: You mean there was a first time??

A Film Unfinished: With a title like that, why should I bother?

Lottery Ticket: A kid in the projects is the big winner with the scratches. Starring Bow Wow and I never miss one of his movies.

The Switch: Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman in a comedy of mishaps by a sperm donor. Given this and the absurdity that occurs in "The Kids Are All Right," I am thinking these sperm banks are manned by nothing but college interns.

Cairo Time: Patricia Clarkson in a romance set in a foreign land. I'm supposing this isn't Cairo, Illinois.

Cyrus: That Jonah Hill lingers like a bad sinus infection.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Just so you know, this isn't about the first Thanksgiving.

Step Up 3D: I'll be staying home in 4B.

Ramona and Beezus: I'm still in shock that it took almost fifty years to bring these stories to the silver screen. Many years too late for the book report I needed to deliver.

The Extra Man: Kevin Kline is in this, which means the movie audience will be one man short. Me.

Middle Men: Based on a true story on how adult entertainment is sold on the Internet. Hopefully, my credit card has not been used in the film.

Inception: Scroll back to Tuesday and you'll get a rough idea on how that went.

Grown Ups: Adam Sandler, David Spade, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, Kevin James, and Hardly.

The A-Team: Mostly C-list.

Charlie St. Cloud: Zac Efron keeps seeing his dead kid brother. Truth be told, there's never a good time for a ghostly sighting.

Joan Rivers - A Piece of Work: You still haven't? After you've finally caught up with "Toy Story 3," you need to see this terrific documentary.

Dinner last night: Chicken and pasta salad from California Chicken Cafe.