632: THE LAST SERMON OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD.
And we have been listening to this shit ever since.
1455: THE GUTENBERG BIBLE IS PUBLISHED. THIS IS THE FIRST WESTERN BOOK PRINTED WITH MOVABLE TYPE.
This is the version of the New Testament where Jesus dines on wiener schnitzel at the Last Supper.
1778: DURING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, BARON VON STEUBEN ARRIVES AT VALLEY FORGE, PENNSYLVANIA TO HELP TRAIN THE CONTINENTAL ARMY.
The British officers were smart and they were training down at Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
1820: CATO STREET CONSPIRACY---A PLOT TO MURDER ALL THE BRITISH CABINET MINISTERS IS EXPOSED.
I hope they didn't throw out those plans. Other countries might still want to buy them.
1821: POET JOHN KEATS DIES.
Ode, schmode, now he's in an urn, too.
1836: THE BATTLE OF THE ALAMO BEGINS IN SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS.
I didn't realize John Wayne was that old.
1847: DURING THE MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR, THE BATTLE OF BUENA VISTA IS HELD.
I thought this was a shareholder fight at Disney.
1861: PRESIDENT-ELECT ABRAHAM LINCOLN ARRIVES SECRETLY IN WASHINGTON, DC, AFTER THE THWARTING OF AN ALLEGED ASSASSINATION PLOT IN BALTIMORE, MARYLAND.
And, four years later, um, not so lucky.
1870: THE POST-CIVIAL WAR MILITARY CONTROL OF MISSISSIPPI ENDS AND IT IS READMITTED TO THE UNION.
Can we vote on this again, please?
1886: CHARLES MARTIN HALL PRODUCED THE FIRST SAMPLES OF MAN-MADE ALUMINUM.
Boy, he must have had a lot of leftovers to put in the refrigerator.
1887: THE FRENCH RIVIERA IS HIT BY A LARGE EARTHQUAKE, KILLING AROUND 2,000.
A whole shitload of dead naked people. Unfortunately, this was not timed to coincide with the Cannes Film Festival.
1898: EMILE ZOLA IS IMPRISONED IN FRANCE AFTER WRITING "J'ACCUSE," A LETTER ACCUSING THE FRENCH GOVERNMENT OF ANTI-SEMITISM AND WRONGFULLY IMPRISONING CAPTAIN ALFRED DREYFUS.
Vous screwed.
1905: CHICAGO ATTORNEY PAUL HARRIS AND THREE OTHER BUSINESSMAN MEET FOR LUNCH TO FORM THE ROTARY CLUB.
i went to lunch yesterday and all I got stuck with was the check.
1927: THE FEDERAL RADIO COMMISSION (LATER RENAMED THE FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION) BEGINS TO REGULATE THE USE OF RADIO FREQUENCIES IN THE UNITED STATES.
This coincides with the invention of static noise.
1929: NEW YORK YANKEE ELSTON HOWARD IS BORN.
Beyond his baseball stats, this guy did wonderful things for the revenue forecasts of Gulden's Mustard.
1941: PLUTONIUM IS FIRST PRODUCED AND ISOLATED BY DR. GLENN T. SEABORG.
It proves to be quite lethal for Walt Disney cartoon dogs.
1941: FORMER NEW YORK MET RON HUNT IS BORN.
And was immediately hit by a baseball thrown by a nurse thrown in the maternity ward. You have to really know baseball to get that joke.
1945: DURING WORLD WAR II, A GROUP OF US MARINES AND A NAVY CORPSMAN REACH THE TOP OF MOUNT SURIBACHI AND ARE PHOTOGRAPHED RAISING THE AMERICAN FLAG AFTER THE BATTLE OF IWO JIMA.
So, to be clear, Clint Eastwood had nothing to do with this??
1945: DURING WORLD WAR II, THE CAPITAL OF THE PHILIPPINES, MANILA, IS LIBERATED BY AMERICAN FORCES.
A busy day for the military. Thank God this happened. We were running out of folders.
1961: BASEBALL PLAYER DAVEY CROCKETT DIES.
I do know a lot about baseball, but I have no idea who this guy was. And, to think, he died on the anniversary of the Alamo.
1965: COMIC STAN LAUREL DIES.
Another fine mess he got himself into.
1974: THE SYMBIONESE LIBERATION ARMY DEMANDS $4 MILLION MORE TO RELEASE KIDNAP VICTIM PATTY HEARST.
And another rich bitch to be named later.
1980: IRANIAN SUPREME LEADER AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI STATES THAT IRAN'S PARLIAMENT WILL DECIDE THE FATE OF THE AMERICAN EMBASSY HOSTAGES.
And the long term employment prospects for ABC's Ted Koppel.
1983: THE UNITED STATES ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY ANNOUNCES ITS INTENT TO BUY OUT AND EVACUATE THE DIOXIN-CONTAMINATED COMMUNITY OF TIMES BEACH, MISSOURI.
For any of you looking at some vacation property in Times Beach, Missouri.
1998: OSAMA BIN LADEN PUBLISHES A FATWA DECLARING JIHAD AGAINST ALL JEWS AND CRUSADERS.
Yeah, we heard...
Dinner last night: Grilled bratwurst.
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