Things Idiots Fall For...

The comedy never ends in this great nation.  Never before in our history has a population worried so much about their quality of life...and, at the same time, embraced stupidity.

For instance, take some of the products on the market that become the hottest thing since Wonder sliced bread loaves.  It's hilarious that Americans take so much time and care fretting about what they put in their bodies and then, at the same time, get sucked in by something like...

You can buy these little bottles of shit anywhere.  Drug outlets, super markets, department stores.  Usually right by the checkout because, after all, pushing a shopping cart around some aisles can really sap the energy out of you. 

I"ve heard from some work colleagues that this really works.  Take a quick swig and your energy is restored, your mind is super-charged, and you feel like climbing Mount Everest.

Uh-huh.

Look at the label, dummies.  This is nothing more than a super injection of caffeine and niacin.  Way more than your body should endure.  Those flushes you endure after taking too much niacin.  I've had them in the past.  That can't be good.  And too much caffeine is never advocated. 

If you start to rely on this crap, your body will ping pong around like Judy Garland when she was worked at MGM.  What day is it?  What time is it?  What's my name?

If you really have energy lapses, can I suggest a rethink on your daily vitamin intake?  How about taking one in the first place??  And when was the last time you had a physical?  With a real doctor?  Somebody who will tell you to shitcan Five Hour Energy drinks.

Which brings me to...

I know some folks who, as soon as they start to sniffle, start swallowing these Zicam products by the handful.  Stop a cold before it starts.  Zicam is a miracle drug.

Puh-leze.

I have first-hand experience.  I was one of those schmucks who got hoodwinked by this magical elixir.  A few years ago, I felt the warning signs.  A scratchy throat.  Swollen glands.  Stuffy head.  The onset of either a sinus infection, a cold, or certain death. 

A friend at the office sold me on Zicam.  Take it now, I was told.  The cold will disappear.  The symptoms will subside.  And I might even wind up with a leaner, more-toned body. 

Promises, promises.

I chewed up a few Zicam tablets and waited impatiently for my transformation.

Nothing happened.  The only noticeable body change was a blackened tongue and an incredibly dry mouth.  I still wound up at the ENT doctor for treatment of a full-blown sinus infection.  And he sternly gave me a reprimand.

"Don't take that Zicam."

It's really nothing more than an overdose of zinc, which is a mineral that should be ingested in small amounts by the body.  Heck, you probably get enough of the daily requirement by simply downing a glass of tap water.  Too much zinc can really fuck you up.

About a month later, I was really fucked up.  Suddenly, I couldn't taste anything.  All food and drinks had the same flavor to me.  Zero.  I couldn't tell the difference between a bowl of Special K cereal and a plate of meat loaf with gravy.  This lasted for eight months and I was quite grateful that I hadn't just hired Emeril Lagasse to be my personal chef. 

I did an internet search and found out the obvious....

"Too much zinc can lead to a loss of smell and taste."

Duh.

Of course, it's not only products we get snookered on.  Sometimes, we buy into people almost inexplicably.  Like, for instance...

You really think this numbskull could be President?  Well, then, you must also be a fan of Five-Hour Energy and Zicam.

And stupid.

Yet, there are people I know who were looking to this jerk as the country's savior.  You're kidding, right?

Donald Trump is nothing more than a game show host.  Tom Bergeron with a lot of money.  The same goofballs who were wringing their hands over Barack Obama's lack of experience during the Presidential campaign are now having major memory lapses.  Perhaps another side effect of too much zinc in your blood system.

Trump is an afterthought.  A footnote.  The answer to a Trivial Pursuit question.  And nothing more.  Now that Obama has released his brith certificate, the Donald's act is totally over.  Sort of like a Tony Bennett concert without "I Left My Heart in San Francisco."  And he knows it, since he finally announced he's not interested in the gig, thereby preventing millions of morons from making another misguided mistake.

What's next?  Who's next?  Where is the next stop for the Lunacy Bandwagon?  The only thing we know is there will be another one.  Because that's just the kind of nonsense you can count on from our fellow Americans.

Dinner last night:  Pistachio-encrusted chicken cutlet with rice and broccolini.