240 BC: FIRST RECORDED PASSAGE OF HALLEY'S COMET.
If it's anything like a kidney stone, this has got to hurt.
567 BC: SRVIUS TULLIUS, KING OF ROME, CELEBRATES A TRIUMPH FOR HIS VICTORY OVER THE ETRUSCANS.
Whoever the hell the Etruscans are...
1420: HENRY THE NAVIGATOR IS APPOINTED GOVERNOR OF THE ORDER OF CHRIST.
Back in those days, anybody who go from one point to another without getting lost was revered.
1521: THE DIET OF WORMS ENDS WHEN CHARLES V, HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR, ISSUES THE EDICT OF WORMS, DECLARING MARTIN LUTHER AN OUTLAW.
And the fascination with worms is due to...???
1738: A TREATY BETWEEN PENNSYLVANIA AND MARYLAND ENDS THE CONOJOCULAR WAR.
Conojocular? Sounds dirty. And fun.
1787: IN PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA, DELEGATES CONVENE A CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION TO WRITE A NEW CONSTITUTION FOR THE UNITED STATES. GEORGE WASHINGTON PRESIDES.
Any excuse to get together and run up the expense reports.
1798: DURING THE UNITED IRISHMEN REBELLION, THE CARNEW MASSACRE, THE DUNLAVIN MASSACRE, AND THE CARLOW MASSACRE TAKE PLACE.
That's an awful lot of killing for one day. Still doesn't top a single season of "24."
1819: THE ARGENTINE CONSTITUTION OF 1819 IS PROMULGATED.
What does this mean?
1833: THE CHILEAN CONSTITUTION OF 1833 IS PROMULGATED.
And I am asking again. Anybody?
1878: GILBERT AND SULLIVAN'S COMIC OPERA "HMS PINAFORE" OPENS IN LONDON.
By the time it got to New York, Carol Channing was in the cast.
1895: PLAYWRIGHT AND POET OSCAR WILDE IS CONVICTED OF COMMITTING ACTS OF GROSS INDECENCY WITH OTHER MALE PERSONS AND SENTENCED TO SERVE TWO YEARS IN PRISON.
Where he can go to the shower and then commit lots of acts of gross indecency with other male persons.
1898: PUBLISHER AND TV PERSONALITY BENNETT CERF IS BORN.
Twenty dollars down, Miss Kilgallen...
1921: SONGWRITER HAL DAVID IS BORN.
"Always something there to remind me..."
1925: AT THE SCOPES TRAIL, JOHN T. SCOPES IS INDICTED FOR TEACHING CHARLES DARWIN'S THEORY OF EVOLUTION.
But, luckily, he did not commit lots of acts of gross indecency with other male persons.
1936: THE REMINGTON RAND STRIKE, LED BY THE AMERICAN FEDERATION OF LABOR, BEGINS.
I guess they wanted to shave some health benefits. Yeah, I know, some of these jokes can get a little silly.
1940: DURING WORLD WAR II, THE BATTLE OF DUNKIRK BEGINS.
All this fighting and the United States still isn't involved. Shameful.
1947: ACTRESS KAREN VALENTINE IS BORN.
She's 64??? Crap!!!
1953: THE FIRST PUBLIC TELEVISION STATION IN THE UNITED STATES OFFICIALLY BEGINS BROADCASTING AS KUHT FROM THE CAMPUS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF HOUSTON.
One week later, there was a pledge drive.
1961: PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY ANNOUNCES TO CONGRESS HIS GOAL TO INITIATE A PROJECT THAT WOULD PUT A MAN ON THE MOON BEFORE THE END OF THE DECADE.
He was hoping it would be Peter Lawford. And it was supposed to be a one-way ticket.
1963: ACTOR MIKE MYERS IS BORN.
Wayne's World, Wayne's World, Wayne's World!!!
1977: "STAR WARS" IS RELEASED TO MOVIE THEATERS.
And, on May 26, 1977, I was standing on line at the Central Plaza Cinema in Yonkers.
1979: IN CHICAGO, AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT 191 CRASHES DURING TAKE-OFF, KILLING 273 PEOPLE.
Does anybody remember this creepy picture from the front of the NY Daily News?
1979: SIX-YEAR-OLD ETAN PATZ DISAPPEARS FROM THE STREET JUST TWO BLOCKS FROM HIS NEW YORK CITY HOME.
And they finally figured out a good use for a milk carton. Hey, the good news is that the kid wasn't on a flight out of Chicago that day. Or was he??
1979: ETAN PATZ DIES.
Well, it is a possibility.
1985: BANGLADESH IS HIT BY A TROPICAL CYCLONE AND STORM SURGE, WHICH KILLS APPROXIMATELY 10,000 PEOPLE.
The country that never ever gets a break.
2007: ACTOR CHARLES NELSON REILLY DIES.
Passed ____________.
Dinner last night: Turkey meat loaf and sauted spinach.
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