So How's That Allah Thing Working Out for You?

Hell just got a little more crowded. 

"Move over, Adolf.  Slide down the bench please, Benito.  Oh, for Pete's sake, you're here, too, Saddam?"

Welcome to your eternal unrest, Osama bin Laden. 

The news traveled like wildfire on Sunday night.  When I heard that President Obama was making a special announcement at 1030PM Eastern time, I just figured he had some intel that Oprah was going to surprise us with one more season.  I doubted that his news had anything to do with Andre Ethier extending his hitting streak to 27 games earlier that day.  When we all heard what it was all about, our euphoria...and justice were duly served.

I immediately resorted to Facebook.  An odd but now an obvious choice to communicate with folks.  So did millions and millions of others.  Even some in the media whose fingers typed a little too fast on Twitter.  Like, for instance, some dumb dora from MSNBC.

Ooops.  Damn that President of ours!  One letter short of a terrorist.  But, then again, it is MSNBC, which has the journalistic capability of the school newspaper on "Saved by the Bell."

The number of friends sharing in the moment on Facebook was astounding.  Here is the new town hall.  And you don't have to travel further than the keyboard in your bedroom. 

Jokes started to flow like beer in the middle of Oktoberfest.  All of a sudden, everybody was Rob Petrie.  I was no better/no worse.

"Who knew that Charlie Sheen would outlive bin Laden?"

"Some people won't believe he's really dead until Donald Trump insists on a death certificate."

"They should put his body on display throughout America.  Sort of like Cher's last farewell tour."

"The National Inquirer will probably put the photo of the body on their front page.  Unless, of course, Zsa Zsa dies next."

On and on and on.

The connecting and sober theme throughout was that, at last, the lives lost by over 3,000 Americans on 9/11 have finally been vindicated.  An eye for an eye and a bullet for a bullet.  Amen and see ya.

As the details filtered out, there was more to comprehend and embrace.  A makeshift celebratory throng gathers outside the White House.  Mostly kids with nothing to do and always looking for an excuse to drink.  At second glimpse, it looked no different than the rally held after the Boston Celtics' last NBA championship.  Given the late hour, I half-expected Michelle Obama to stick her head out of the window and scream, "Hey, knock it off.  My kids have school in the morning!"

The President makes his formal announcement and takes full credit for the kill and I guess rightfully so.  But, in reality, he, like George Bush before him, were simply recipients of regular detailed reports from our spectacular military forces on the search for this scumbag, who proved harder to get a hold of than a William Morris agent.  Indeed, at the end of the day, our success probably was the end result of pure luck.  Some Pakistani who crawled out of a corner and whispered, "Psst, he's in there."  If this is like a pickle jar in Grandma's pantry, yes, it was Obama who opened it but not before Bush loosened it.  And, if waterboarding helped, so be it.  Meanwhile, if we had left it all up to Jack Bauer, he would have smoked this cretin out in a single day/season. 

In reality, the trigger was pulled by some anonymous Navy Seal, who is our newest hero for life.  No surprise to me that the Navy was involved, which, in my humble opinion, is the most intelligent and balanced of all our military branches.  The gun bearer will remain faceless to us all and that's the way it should be.  Like all other heroes, this guy should be known simply as an American.  Still, every one of the folks who have been involved in hunting down this fucker for the past ten years are forever in our debt.

So, the shithead wasn't living in a cave, but some mansion in a Pakistan city.  Isn't it interesting that all those towns end with the suffix "a-bad?"  Co-inky dink?  Probably not.  Meanwhile, a terrorist hiding in a palace sounds a little like Jed and the Clampetts to me and I figure Fox is already hearing sitcom pitches for next season.  Allegedly, there were a bunch of women living in there, too, and, if you have to resort to that, obviously Match.com isn't working for everybody.   Rumor has it Osama used his wife as a shield when the shooting started and there are plenty of beleaguered husbands in this country who had a trace of a wry smile when they heard this.

One of the news reports listed Osama's age as 54.  Whoa???  Talk about somebody badly in need of those Aramis Lab Series products.  The guy looked 70, at least.  I guess sand storms will do that to your skin.  And that also gives me a rough idea of just how ugly those ditch pigs he was living with were.

Those looking to throw rotten eggs at his body are disappointed.  The dirtbag's body was tossed into the sea and I am guessing even the most vicious of sharks will turn up their noses like a nine-year-old who doesn't want to eat his asparagus.  The good news is that there is no grave on any soil.  No opportunity for his minions to erect monuments and more invitations for terror.

Yes, terror.  It will be still be around us.  Is the world a little bit safer today?  Probably.  Even for his slight involvement of saying "go," Barack Obama has shown some guts for the first time in two years.  Now it's on to gas prices, Libya, and those pesky Ring Dings in school cafeteria vending machines.  As for the rest of us, we can exhale.  A little.  We think about how this guy has changed our lives.  Osama was the reason you look over your shoulder.  Osama was the reason why you take off your shoes in an airport.  Osama was the reason why I had to hand in a perfectly good bottle of hand lotion about a year ago. 

Most importantly, he was the reason why innocent Americans died. 

Osama bin Laden wanted a face-to-face with Allah.   Well, he got one.  And he didn't even have time to go out and buy a crumb cake.

Dinner last night:  Chicken chili.