1256: THE AUGUSTINIAN MONASTIC ORDER IS CONSTITUTED AT THE LECCETO MONASTERY WHEN POPE ALEXANDER IV ISSUES A PAPAL BULL.
And this won't be the first time a Pope puts out some bull.
1415: RELIGIOUS REFORMERS JOHN WYCLIFFE AND JAN HUS ARE CONDEMNED AS HERETICS AT THE COUNCIL OF CONSTANCE.
It sounds so much more official than "the council of Connie."
1471: IN THE WARS OF THE ROSE, EDWARD IV DEFEATS A LANCASTRIAN ARMY AND KILLS EDWARD, PRINCE OF WALES.
This had to be as confusing as an Abbott and Costello routine. Who won? Edward. Who lost? Edward. Who won? Edward. Who lost? Edward. That's what I just told ya!!!!
1493: POPE ALEXANDER VI DIVIDES THE NEW WORLD BETWEEN SPAIN AND PORTUGAL.
So I am guessing Pope Alexander V did nothing. No bull? No territory dividing?
1494: CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS LANDS IN JAMAICA.
And switched to the Ronkonkoma branch of the Long Island Railroad.
1626: DUTCH EXPLORER PETER MINUIT ARRIVES IN NEW NETHERLAND.
It's a pretty busy day for explorers. And people who like to waltz.
1675: KING CHARLES II OF ENGLAND ORDERS THE CONSTRUCTION OF THE ROYAL GREENWICH OBSERVATORY.
I guess Pope Alexander IX was too busy to handle this.
1814: NAPOLEON ARRIVES ON THE ISLAND OF ELBA TO BEGIN HIS EXILE.
I supposed he packed light. It's tough to carry a lot of luggage with just one arm.
1814: KING FERDINAND VII OF SPAIN SIGNS A DECREE THAT RETURNS SPAIN TO ABSOLUTISM.
My kind of monarch. Oh, wait, we're not talking about the vodka.
1855: AMERICAN ADVENTURER WILLIAM WALKER DEPARTS FROM SAN FRANCISCO WITH ABOUT 60 MEN TO CONQUER NICARAGUA.
And the burning question is...why????
1863: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, THE BATTLE OF CHANCELLORSVILLE ENDS WITH A UNION RETREAT.
It was another two years before the good guys stopped going backwards.
1871: THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION, THE FIRST PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL LEAGUE, OPENS ITS FIRST SEASON IN FORT WAYNE, INDIANA.
And, almost one hundred years before they are born, the Mets are already seven games out of first place.
1889: CARDINAL SPELLMAN IS BORN.
Little did he know that the smartest kids in the Bronx would be going to his high school.
1904: CONSTRUCTION BEGINS BY THE UNITED STATES ON THE PANAMA CANAL.
The very first evidence of a "shovel ready" job.
1904: CHARLES STEWART ROLLS MEETS FREDERICK HENRY ROYCE IN ENGLAND.
So why wasn't it a Royce Rolls? Somebody's attorney got punked.
1929: ACTRESS AUDREY HEPBURN IS BORN.
Breakfast available at Tiffany's until 10AM only.
1930: KATHERINE JACKSON, MOTHER OF THE JACKSON MUSICAL FAMILY, IS BORN.
Joke coming later. And I am not referring to Michael.
1932: IN ATLANTA, GEORGIA, MOBSTER AL CAPONE BEGINS SERVING AN ELEVEN-YEAR PRISON SENTENCE FOR TAX EVASION.
In 1932, you go to jail for this. In 2011, you become a government economist.
1945: DURING WORLD WAR II, THE GERMAN ARMY SURRENDERS.
Bye, bye, Nazis. See you at the movies.
1951: JACKIE JACKSON OF THE JACKSON FIVE IS BORN.
So, Big Mama pushed one out on her birthday. That's a birthday that sucks. PS, my mother went into labor with me on her birthday as well.
1953: ERNEST HEMINGWAY IS AWARDED THE PULITZER PRIZE FOR "THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA."
Personally, I preferred "Danny Dunn and the Homework Machine."
1970: FOUR STUDENTS ARE KILLED BY THE OHIO NATIONAL GUARD AT KENT STATE.
One of the most iconic photos of the century. Sorry. No jokes on this, gang.
1975: MOE HOWARD OF THE THREE STOOGES DIES.
Oddly enough, it was due to natural causes and not a wrench to the head.
1979: MARGARET THATCHER BECOMES THE FIRST FEMALE PRIME MINISTER OF THE UNITED KINGDOM.
Did anybody call her "Meg" or "Peggy?"
1984: CARTOONIST BOB CLAMPETT DIES.
Beany and Cecil!!!!!!!
1984: TV GAME SHOW PIONEER JACK BARRY DIES.
Joker, joker, joker.
1989: FOR THE IRAN-CONTRA AFFAIR, FORMER WHITE HOUSE AIDE OLIVER NORTH IS IS CONVICTED OF THREE CRIMES.
North goes south in a hurry.
2009: ACTOR/COMIC DOM DELUISE DIES.
It's official. Eating a lot of mozzarella can kill you.
Dinner last night: Pepperoni pizza at the Dodger game.
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