If I Tweeted - May 2011

Here's what my slapdash comments would be if I had tweeted this month.  I take on Osama, Obama, Oprah, and some things that don't begin with the letter "O."

@LenSpeaks  Glad to see we got bin Laden.  It would have been tough to wait all the wait till Halloween for him to open his front door.

@LenSpeaks  President Obama is proud of this accomplishment but says he's not going to spike the football.  And he's been running around like Deon Sanders ever since.

@LenSpeaks  Idiots who think Osama is still alive also think Donald Trump would make a good President.

@LenSpeaks  ...and think that Sarah Palin would make a good President.

@LenSpeaks  ...and think that Newt Gingrich would make a good President.

@LenSpeaks   As opposed to the morons on the other side who think Obama is a good President.

@LenSpeaks    A great line I wished I wrote but didn't: "If you've ever seen pictures of Helen Thomas, you'll have no problem looking at the Osama corpse photos."

@LenSpeaks  The political landscape in this country for 2012 looks like Nagasaki in 1946.

@LenSpeaks  The pinnacle of obnoxiousness on the road?  A Black woman driving a Mercedes.  The hat trick of attitude.

@LenSpeaks  President Obama wants to revert back to pre-1967 borders in the Middle East.  In the United States, he wants to go back to pre-1867 borders for the state of Texas.

@LenSpeaks  Looking at how Obama has screwed over Israel, how do Jewish Democrats now reconcile their votes for him?

@LenSpeaks  If he were still alive, what a dilemma this would be for Sammy Davis Jr.!

@LenSpeaks  If our country reverts back to pre-1959 borders for Hawaii, does that mean Obama really isn't an American citizen?

@LenSpeaks   If we go back to pre-May borders, does that mean Osama is still alive?

@LenSpeaks   Now that the Rapture hasn't happened, the Dodgers apparently do have to finish the season.

@LenSpeaks   The Giants' Buster Posey broke his leg in a collision at home plate.  If he were on the Mets, the medical staff would prescribe Benadryl.

@LenSpeaks   Looking at this car with one of those Christmas tree air fresheners, I wonder.  Just how much does the driver stink???

@LenSpeaks   So, let me get this timeline right.  Arnold screwed the maid before he screwed the taxpayers of California?

@LenSpeaks   Oh, my God, that woman is ugly.  That's the best Arnold could do.  Geez, Shirley Booth as Hazel would be an upgrade.

@LenSpeaks   Maria Shriver couldn't take a hint?  She found a package of Pledge Wipes that hadn't been opened for two years.

@LenSpeaks   Or that maybe she hadn't been opened for two years.

@LenSpeaks   Oprah has ascended into Heaven!

@LenSpeaks   Now that she's off the air, how will anybody know what book to read next?

@LenSpeaks   I watch women in an office sobbing as Oprah closed her show.  The only thing missing was a centurion thrusting his spear in her side.

@LenSpeaks   Trust me, folks.  The world will go on as before.  Stedman will continue to put on his pants just like he always has---over his head.

@LenSpeaks   Oprah dragged that dummy out for the finale.  The conversation might have gone like this..."Here's ten thousand dollars.  You have to be my boyfriend this week."

@LenSpeaks   I keep hearing about all the good Oprah did for America.  Please tell me how many schools she built that were not in Africa.

@LenSpeaks   Also at the finale:  that old bag Maya Angelou reading one of her form letter tribute poems.  "Insert name of honoree here."

@LenSpeaks   With all the tornados across the country, I'm wondering why we didn't hear the usual crap from the global warming kooks.

@LenSpeaks   It's called weather!  Weather!  Weather!  Thank God for the twister.  Otherwise, Dorothy would never have seen Oz.

@LenSpeaks   My heartfelt prayers to all those who suffered devastation this month.  And, also to all those others who weren't watching Oprah.

Dinner last night:  Turkey burger and broccoli pasta salad.