If I Tweeted - September 2013

I don't.  But, if I did, here's what my tweets would have looked like this month.

#LenSpeaks  Labor Day and Jerry Lewis is nowhere to be found.

#LenSpeaks  Does anybody want to know the real story on what Jerry is no longer hosting a Muscular Dystrophy telethon?

#LenSpeaks  I'm blaming it on Charo.  Or Norm Crosby.

#LenSpeaks  The fall TV season is here and I don't know of a single new show I want to watch.

#LenSpeaks  Well, okay, maybe the Michael J. Fox Show.   But that's also the kind of interest that makes me want to stare at an auto accident.

#LenSpeaks  If Orange is the New Black, how will Crayola handle this in their crayon boxes?

#LenSpeaks  So the next President we are going to elect will have to be orange?

#LenSpeaks  They keep talking that the government may have to shut down.  Gee, doesn't that happen every weekend?  And on ten to twelve holidays a year.

#LenSpeaks  I love to listen to Obama dumb down economics as if his entire voting bloc is on the Romper Room.

#LenSpeaks  It's also oodles of fun when his teleprompter jams and he suddenly sounds like Foster Brooks.

#LenSpeaks  Wig count on the First Lady please.  I'm up to fourteen.

#LenSpeaks  When Alec Baldwin has his own show on MS-LSD, will he try to punch their cameraman, too?

#LenSpeaks  I contend that there are some idiots who would watch a talk show with Adolf Hitler if it was on MSNBC.  

#LenSpeaks  Wait.  They already do.  It's Chris Matthews.  

#LenSpeaks  The Los Angeles Dodgers have scheduled a LGBT night and I'm dying to see what they do on Kisscam.  

#LenSpeaks  What happens if they put up a transgendering person on Kisscam?  Will they try to kiss themselves?

#LenSpeaks  The NFL season has started.   Which, for me, means a lot more Turner Classic Movies on a Sunday afternoon.

#LenSpeaks  I see a Jet game on and I wonder who the fuck Geno Smith is.

#LenSpeaks  The New York Giants lost 38-0 so anybody who took them with 39 points is a big winner.

#LenSpeaks  Great quote from Vin Scully.  "Hanley Ramirez could wake up on Christmas morning and get a hit."

#LenSpeaks  The new LA mayor wants to name a street after Vin Scully.  And when are they going to name a gutter after the last mayor?

#LenSpeaks  Flipping the dials and I see the Miss America pageant.  Smack in the middle of September where I remember it.

#LenSpeaks  And it's back in Atlantic City.   Which must mean the Mafia runs the judging panel.

#LenSpeaks  Oh, but, maybe not.  Because the winner is from New York.  Or New Delhi.  I can't tell.

#LenSpeaks   Now that's a career upgrade.  From the CVS stockroom to a runaway in Atlantic City.

#LenSpeaks  If you still think Obamacare will work, I invite you to talk to a doctor or two.  

#LenSpeaks  And take a good look at your physicians because you may never see them again. 

#LenSpeaks  The Dodgers clinched the division title in Arizona and took a dip in their outfield pool.  The Diamondbacks complained.

#LenSpeaks  Arizona said the Dodgers have no class.  And, of course, their hero Luis Gonzalez?   Talk about your cancer in the clubhouse.

#LenSpeaks  And even John McCain had an opinion.   And the headline there is that he actually came up with a single thought all by himself.

#LenSpeaks  Of course, now they're saying one of the Dodgers peed in the pool.  Hey, doesn't everybody just once?  Hello, high school gym class?

#LenSpeaks  Actually, it would have been more fun if one of the Dodgers had peed on John McCain.

#LenSpeaks  Words to live by: if you're no longer one of the cool kids in somebody's school, just transfer. 

 Dinner last night:  Beef stir fry with rice.