14: TIBERIUS IS CONFIRMED AS ROMAN EMPEROR BY THE ROMAN SENATE FOLLOWING THE NATURAL DEATH OF AUGUSTUS.
That's because they did change some rulers due to "unnatural" deaths.
96: NERVA IS PROCLAIMED ROMAN EMPEROR AFTER DOMITIAN IS ASSASSINATED.
Like I said...
1502: CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS LANDS AT HONDURAS ON HIS FOURTH AND FINAL VOYAGE.
Not counting his 1979 appearance on the Love Boat.
1635: HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR FERDINAND II OF AUSTRIA DECLARES WAR ON FRANCE.
Hey, Ferdie, did you hear what happened to Domitian?
1759: DURING THE SEVEN YEARS WAR, THE BRITISH CAPTURE QUEBEC CITY.
A war that has enough years to be sold to TV syndication.
1793: THE FIRST CORNERSTONE OF THE CAPITOL BUILDING IS LAID BY GEORGE WASHINGTON.
What? The wife had a headache?
1809: THE ROYAL OPERA HOUSE IN LONDON OPENS.
Good. Now the Phantom has some place to live.
1837: TIFFANY AND COMPANY OPENS IN NEW YORK.
Good. Now Audrey Hepburn has some place to have breakfast.
1838: THE ANTI-CORN LAW LEAGUE IS ESTABLISHED.
First target? The TV show Hee Haw.
1851: FIRST PUBLICATION OF WHAT WOULD BECOME THE NEW YORK TIMES.
And today we're wondering what became of the New York Times.
1870: OLD FAITHFUL GEYSER IS OBSERVED FOR THE FIRST TIME.
By somebody who got very wet.
1895: DANIEL DAVID PALMER GIVES THE FIRST CHIROPRACTIC ADJUSTMENT.
PS, he wasn't a doctor.
1905: ACTOR EDDIE ANDERSON IS BORN.
Rochester!
1905: DANCER AGNES DE MILLE IS BORN.
Oklahoma!
1905: ACTRESS GRETA GARBO IS BORN.
You're not alone on this date. Rochester and Agnes are here, too.
1906: A TYPHOON AND TSUNAMI KILLS 10,000 PEOPLE IN HONG KONG.
Weather's classic one-two punch.
1916: ACTOR ROSSANO BRAZZI IS BORN.
Delicious with a glass of chianti.
1919: FRITZ POLLARD BECOMES THE FIRST AFRICAN-AMERICAN TO PLAY PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL FOR A MAJOR TEAM, THE AKRON PROS.
Major team????
1924: POLICE OFFICER JD TIPPIT IS BORN.
The other guy killed in Dallas on November 22, 1963.
1927: THE COLUMBIA BROADCASTING SYSTEM GOES ON THE AIR.
Except on Time Warner cable systems.
1933: ACTOR ROBERT BLAKE IS BORN.
You did it!
1934: THE USSR IS SUBMITTED TO LEAGUE OF NATIONS.
But they changed their mind because there was no DH.
1939: THE NAZI PROPAGANDA BROADCASTER KNOWN AS LORD HAW HAW BEGINS TRANSMITTING.
The German version of Hee Haw. Please notify the Anti-Corn League.
1939: SINGER FRANKIE AVALON IS BORN.
Given his current height, how small a baby was he?
1939: ACTOR FRED WILLARD IS BORN.
Saw him once in a movie theater. No, not that kind of movie theater.
1943: ADOLF HITLER ORDERS THE DEPORTATION OF DANISH JEWS.
And any Jews that eat danishes.
1945: GENERAL DOUGLAS MACARTHUR MOVES HIS COMMAND HEADQUARTERS TO TOKYO.
Please remove your boots at the door.
1947: THE US AIR FORCE BECOMES AN INDEPENDENT BRANCH OF THE US ARMED FORCES.
Off we go into the wild, blue yonder. By the way, what the hell is a yonder?
1961: UN SECRETARY GENERAL DAG HAMMARSKJOLD DIES IN A CONGO PLANE CRASH.
Truly a loss. And a name that would be almost 82 points on Scrabble.
1962: BURUNDI, JAMAICA, RWANDA, TRINIDAD, AND TOBAGO ARE ADMITTED TO THE UNITED NATIONS.
You might want to rethink the admittance of Rwanda.
1968: ACTOR FRANCHOT TONE DIES.
Once married to Joan Crawford. I'm surprised he lived this long.
1970: ROCK MUSICIAN JIMI HENDRIX DIES.
In what other blog today would you find both the names of Franchot Tone and Jimi Hendrix?
1973: THE BAHAMAS, EAST GERMANY, AND WEST GERMANY ARE ADMITTED TO THE UNITED NATIONS.
Hey, you Germans, that's separate dues for the both of you.
1975: PATTY HEARST IS ARRESTED AFTER A YEAR ON THE FBI MOST WANTED LIST.
And Match.com's Least Wanted List.
1990: LICHTENSTEIN BECOMES A MEMBER OF THE UNITED NATIONS.
Whoever you are, welcome.
1997: MEDIA MOGUL TED TURNER DONATES ONE BILLION DOLLARS TO THE UNITED NATIONS.
Somebody wants a discount at the UN gift shop.
2001: FIRST MAILING OF ANTHRAX LETTERS FROM TRENTON, NEW JERSEY IN THE 2001 ANTHRAX ATTACKS.
You think that's bad? I'm still getting junk mail from Capital One.
2004: DIRECTOR RUSS MEYER DIES.
He did lots of soft porn. God bless him.
2009: THE SOAP OPERA GUIDING LIGHT ENDS ITS RUN AFTER 72 YEARS.
So, what was the final count on illegitimate pregnancies?
Dinner last night: Leftover sausage and rice.
1 comment:
Eddie Anderson and Fred Willard, two funny guys. Anderson and W.C. Fields are hilarious in "You Can't Cheat An Honest Man." Fields is looking for "the head Ubangi" and Anderson volunteers.
Post a Comment