Can you think of anything more preposterous than a remake of a well known Agatha Christie mystery film where you already know the identity of whodunit? Except for exhibiting some new style and the almost requisite recasting for terms of diversity, the 2017 edition is exactly the same as the 1974 movie. Let's face it. This is one production which could put the words "spoiler alert" out of business.
This time, famed detective Hercule Poirot is played by Albert Finney...um, I mean Kenneth Branagh. The murdered businessman is essayed by Richard Widmark...um, I mean Johnny Depp. Some of the suspects are played by Wendy Hiller, Anthony Perkins, Sean Connery, Lauren Bacall, Ingrid Bergman, and Jacqueline Bisset. No, wait, I meant Judi Dench, Josh Gad, Leslie Odom Jr, Michelle Pfeiffer, Olivia Colman, and Lucy Boynton. Yeah, I know. I never heard of the last two either.
An avalanche again traps the train and this one in 2017 probably features a lot more CGI than the earlier one where they likely used real snow. It is up to Poirot to figure it all out and, of course, you knew the answer forty-three years ago.
Meanwhile, this is a complete vanity project for Kenneth Branagh, who stars, directs, and bakes donuts for the crew. He even did the lyrics for the closing song over the credits which is sung...um, badly...by Michelle Pfeiffer. I am guessing nobody had a piano for her to sit on.
To make things worse, the closing scene suggests that Poirot is headed for a cruise on the Nile. So, what's more ridiculous than remaking a classic? It's remaking the entire movie franchise that came out of that classic. I guess the last original idea in Hollywood came from Harvey Weinstein and look what happened to him.
Yep, you are much better off waiting for the original to show up on TCM. Even if you do know already who did it.
LEN'S RATING: One-and-a-half stars.
Dinner last night: BBQ pulled pork.
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