Yak, Yak, Yak, Yak, Yak

The elongated post season baseball season in Los Angeles is over and it's time for yours truly to head back to the cinema.

In a fashion.

"The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)" is one of those movies that simultaneously opened in theaters and on Netflix.   Now, you could see it in the movie house for about sixteen bucks.  Or, as part of your monthly Netflix subscription, you could see for the average cost of maybe 75 cents.   So, the economist in everybody would say it is cheaper to see it on line for three quarters.

Well, at that price, you're still paying too much.  Because, as an entertainment, this film fails mightily.   Unless, of course, you really like to listen to a dysfunctional family argue with each other.   Hell, Thanksgiving is coming. You might as well wait and see what transpires in your own dining room.

Writer-director Noah Baumbach specializes in these kinds of stories where everybody is talking over each other and nobody is listening.  With the messed-up Meyerowitz clan, you get this annoying dialogue on steroids.  It's all bitching all the time.   And, as a result, you don't give a shit about any of the characters on screen.   

Now, it's not like there's minor acting power in this production.   Let's see.  Dustin Hoffman is the patriarch, a once renowned sculptor, who finds it necessary to verbalize every single thought out loud.  He's tough to live with and this is clearly evidenced by the fact that all his children have different mothers, two of the women played by Candice Bergen and a virtually unrecognizable Emma Thompson.  Indeed, you can understand the revolving door here because Hoffman's character might be the most annoying man ever captured on film.   Not trying to be a spoiler here, but when his character is put into a medically induced coma two-thirds into the film, you want to cheer like it's a winning touchdown.   Anything to shut the guy up.

But the children are no better.   The inexplicable combination of half brothers and sisters are played by Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, and Elizabeth Marvel and I still don't know why they are not getting along.   Nor do I care.   Add in an appearance by Judd Hirsch and you have a myriad of reasons to run to the exit.  Or, in my case, switch over from Netflix to Hulu on my TV.  The constant bickering dialogue never ever ends and you begin to wonder if Noah Baumbach is getting paid by the word.  Little, if anything, makes sense in this saga.

The good news is that I did not pay sixteen dollars to see it in a theater.   The bad news is that I bothered to watch this clogged sewer at all.  Trust me when I say that the two words that sum up this movie are very succinct.

Shut up.

LEN'S RATING:  One-half star.

Dinner last night:  Leftover sausage, peppers, and onions.