498: AFTER THE DEATH OF ANASTASIUS II, SYMMACHUS IS ELECTED POPE IN THE LATERAN PALACE, WHILE LAURENTIUS IS ELECTED POPE IN SANTA MARIA MAGGIORE.
Hey, Pope, you can't say that Santa Maria Maggiore hasn't been nice to you today.
1307: POPE CLEMENT V ISSUES THE PAPAL BULL PASTORALIS PRAEEMINENTIAE WHICH INSTRUCTED ALL CHRISTIAN MONARCHS IN EUROPE TO ARREST ALL TEMPLARS AND SEIZE THEIR ASSETS.
You mean Simon Templar?
1574: SPANISH NAVIGATOR JUAN FERNANDEZ DISCOVERS ISLANDS NOW KNOWN AS THE JUAN FERNANDEZ ISLANDS OFF CHILE.
Now that's clever marketing.
1718: OFF THE COAST OF NORTH CAROLINA, BRITISH PIRATE "BLACKBEARD" IS KILLED IN BATTLE.
"Mrs. Blackbeard jumped up and cried 'oh, no.' The pirate ship sailed on."
1837: CANADIAN JOURNALIST AND POLITICIAN WILLIAM LYON MACKENZIE CALLS FOR A REBELLION AGAINST THE UNITED KINGDOM IN HIS ESSAY "TO THE PEOPLE OF UPPER CANADA."
And my mother used to say Canada was "Upper US."
1869: IN SCOTLAND, THE CLIPPER CUTTY SARK IS LAUNCHED, ONE OF THE LAST CLIPPERS EVER BUILT.
A big deal apparently because it got its own liquor bottle.
1899: PIANIST HOAGY CARMICHAEL IS BORN.
No, he did not invent the sandwich.
1902: PHYSICIAN WALTER REED DIES.
Not in need of his own hospital now.
1921: COMIC RODNEY DANGERFIELD IS BORN.
Gee, his 42nd birthday sucked.
1924: ACTRESS GERALDINE PAGE IS BORN.
Gee, her 39th birthday sucked.
1928: THE PREMIER PERFORMANCE OF RAVEL'S BOLERO TAKES PLACE IN PARIS.
How raveling.
1935: THE CHINA CLIPPER INAUGURATES THE FIRST COMMERCIAL TRANSPACIFIC AIR SERVICE, CONNECTING CALIFORNIA WITH MANILA.
But it's no Cutty Sark.
1940: ACTOR TERRY GILLIAM IS BORN.
Gee, his 23rd birthday...oh, you get the point.
1942: WORLD WAR II - GENERAL FRIEDRICH PAULUS SENDS ADOLF HITLER A TELEGRAM SAYING THAT THE GERMAN 6TH ARMY IS SURROUNDED.
That took a lot of chutzpah.
1943: WORLD WAR II - US PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT, BRITISH PRIME MINISTER CHURCHILL AND CHINESE PREMIERE CHIANG KAI-SHEK MEET IN CAIRO TO DISCUSS WAYS TO DEFEAT JAPAN.
Hope somebody had a handicapped parking spot.
1943: TENNIS STAR BILLIE JEAN KING IS BORN.
Big deal, she beat up a guy. Not the first and not the last.
1954: THE HUMANE SOCIETY OF THE UNITED STATES IS FOUNDED.
No animals were harmed in the founding of this society.
1955: ACTOR SHEMP HOWARD DIES.
The second greatest man to die on this date.
1958: ACTRESS JAMIE LEE CURTIS IS BORN.
So you know what Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh were doing last February.
1963: IN DALLAS......
Do I have to finish this? Seriously, think about how history was altered on that day when he was shot.
1963: FOOTBALL PLAYER HUGH MILLEN IS BORN.
And is a complete afterthought.
1963: WRITER ALDOUS HUXLEY DIES.
Back seat, dude. Brave new world and all.
1963: POET C.S. LEWIS DIES.
Nobody noticed.
1968: THE BEATLES RELEASE THEIR WHITE ALBUM.
You couldn't call it that today because it would be considered racist.
1974: THE UN GENERAL ASSEMBLY GRANTS THE PALESTINE LIBERATION ORGANIZATION OBSERVER STATUS.
What about bathroom privileges?
1975: JUAN CARLOS IS DECLARED KING OF SPAIN FOLLOWING THE DEATH OF FRANCISCO FRANCO.
So this wasn't just a Chevy Chase joke?
1977: BRITISH AIRWAYS INAUGURATES A REGULAR LONDON TO NYC SUPERSONIC CONCORDE SERVICE.
Don't bother looking for frequent flyer miles.
1980: ACTRESS MAE WEST DIES.
Come up and see her some time. Way up.
1986: ACTOR SCATMAN CROTHERS DIES.
I'm guessing that wasn't his real first name.
1987: TWO CHICAGO TV STATIONS ARE HIJACKED BY AN UNKNOWN PIRATE DRESSED AS MAX HEADROOM.
A big deal for about 32 seconds.
1990: BRITISH PRIME MINISTER MARGARET THATCHER WITHDRAWS FROM THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY LEADERSHIP ELECTION, CONFIRMING THE END OF HER PRIME MINISTERSHIP.
I'll bet this was a good day down in the coal mines.
1992: ACTOR STERLING HOLLOWAY DIES.
Winnie the Pooh!
1995: TOY STORY IS RELEASED AS THE FIRST FEATURE LENGTH FILM CREATED COMPLETELY USING COMPUTER GENERATED IMAGERY.
The first Pixar film and still the best.
2005: ANGELA MERKEL BECOMES THE FIRST FEMALE CHANCELLOR OF GERMANY.
But she did not take her oath on Air Force One.
Dinner last night: Leftover lasagna.
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