70: TITUS AND HIS ROMAN LEGIONS BREACH THE SECOND WALL OF JERUSALEM. THE JEWISH DEFENDERS RETREAT TO THE FIRST WALL.
We have entirely too many walls in this world. Thank God Mr. Gorbachev tore down his. And that goes for you, too, Donald.
1416: THE COUNCIL OF CONSTANCE, CALLED BY THE EMPEROR SIGISMUND, A SUPPORTER OF ANTIPOPE JOHN XXIII, BURNS JEROME OF PRAGUE FOLLOWING A TRIAL FOR HERESY.
What the hell is an Antipope??
1431: IN ROUEN, FRANCE, 19 YEAR-OLD JOAN OF ARC IS BURNED AT THE STAKE BY AN ENGLISH-DOMINATED TRIBUNAL.
May 30 is a big day for lighter fluid sales.
1536: KING HENRY VIII OF ENGLAND MARRIES JANE SEYMOUR, A LADY-WAITING TO HIS FIRST TWO WIVES.
His guy was such a pig. Meanwhile, this is years before she became Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman.
1539: IN FLORIDA, HERNANDO DE SOTO LANDS AT TAMPA BAY WITH THE GOAL OF FINDING GOLD.
This was Hernando's Hideaway.
1588: THE LAST SHIP OF THE SPANISH ARMADA SETS SAIL FROM LISBON HEADING FOR THE ENGLISH CHANNEL.
They used this trip to film a sweeps-month episode of "The Love Boat" with Charo and Ricardo Montalban.
1642: FROM THIS DATE, ALL HONORS GRANTED BY CHALRES I ARE ANNULLED BY PARLIAMENT.
And you think we have gridlocked government???
1806: ANDREW JACKSON KILLS CHARLES DICKINSON IN A DUEL AFTER DICKINSON HAD ACCUSED JACKSON'S WIFE OF BIGAMY.
So I guess it was something he said.
1814: THE TREATY OF PARIS IS SIGNED AND NAPOLEON BONAPARTE IS EXILED TO ELBA.
See ya.
1842: JOHN FRANCIS ATTEMPTS TO MURDER QUEEN VICTORIA AS SHE DRIVES DOWN CONSTITUTION HILL, LONDON WITH PRINCE ALBERT.
Was Queen Victoria riding in a Queen Victoria?? Ha, you thought I was going make a Prince Albert in a can joke, right?
1854: THE KANSAS-NEBRASKA ACT BECOMES LAW ESTABLISHING THE US TERRORITIES OF NEBRASKA AND KANSAS.
Well, we had to put backwards people someplace.
1859: WESTMINISTER'S BIG BEN RANG FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LONDON.
I feel sorry for any homeowners within a five block radius.
1879: NEW YORK'S GILMORES GARDEN IS RENAMED MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.
Once a dump, always a dump.
1883: IN NEW YORK CITY, A RUMOR THAT THE BROOKLY BRIDGE IS GOING TO COLLAPSE CAUSES A STAMPEDE THAT CRUSHES TWELVE PEOPLE.
So, years ago, the infrastructure was already fucked up???
1896: DIRECTOR HOWARD HAWKS IS BORN.
Now his folks are bringing up Baby.
1899: PRODUCER IRVING THALBERG IS BORN.
He died in 1936. That's a really short stay.
1902: ACTOR STEPIN FETCHIT IS BORN.
Doorbell, Ise a-get-it.
1908: VOICE ACTOR MEL BLANC IS BORN.
He's up, Doc.
1911: THE FIRST INDIANAPOLIS 500 ENDS WITH RAY HARROUN BECOMING THE WINNER.
Over 100 years ago, this wasn't a sport then and it's not a sport now.
1911: GAME PIONEER MILTON BRADLEY DIES.
No ladder today, only a chute.
1922: IN WASHINGTON DC, THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL IS DEDICATED.
The guy died in 1865. This honor was long overdue.
1926: CHRISTINE JORGENSEN IS BORN.
Well, at least, for now....
1936: ACTOR KEIR DULLEA IS BORN.
You know what they say. Keir Dullea, gone tomorrow.
1942: 1000 BRITISH BOMBERS LAUNCH A 90-MINUTE ATTACK ON COLOGNE, GERMANY.
And take that, you Krauts!
1943: FOOTBALL PLAYER GALE SAYERS IS BORN.
I love you, Brian Piccolo.
1944: ACTRESS MEREDITH MACRAE IS BORN.
She died in 2000. Petticoat Dis-junction.
1953: MUSICIAN DOOLEY WILSON DIES.
Play it again, Sam. Oh, wait, never mind.
1958: THE REMAINS OF TWO UNIDENTIFIED AMERICAN SERVICEMEN, KILLED IN ACTION DURING WORLD WAR II AND THE KOREAN WAR, ARE BURIED AT THE TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER IN ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY.
Here lies....well, somebody.
1967: ACTOR CLAUDE RAINS DIES.
A tough day for the Casablanca cast.
1968: CHARLES DE GAULLE REAPPEARS PUBLICLY AND DISSOLVES THE FRENCH NATIONAL ASSEMBLY.
The gall!
1986: FASHION DESIGNER PERRY ELLIS DIES.
Size 16 shroud, please.
1989: THE 33-FOOT-HIGH GODDESS OF DEMOCRACY STATUE IS UNVEILED BY STUDENT DEMONSTRATORS IN TIANANMEN SQUARE.
Democracy. In China?? Now, that's a laugh.
2006: ACTOR ROBERT STERLING DIES.
George Kirby really is a ghost now.
Dinner last night: London broil au jus.
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