393: ROMAN EMPEROR THEODOSIUS I PROCLAIMS HIS EIGHT YEAR OLD SON HONORIUS CO-EMPEROR.
This nepotism that the late Garry Marshall would have been proud of.
971: IN CHINA, THE WAR ELEPHANT CORPS OF THE SOUTHERN HAN ARE SOUNDLY DEFEATED AT SHAO BY FIRE FROM SONG DYNASTY TROOPS.
I got nothing to say about this. But I do have another joke about the historical fact above. Theodosius? I hope he has a brother named Supercalifragilisticexpiallie.
1510: HENRY VIII OF ENGLAND, THEN 18 YEARS OLD, APPEARS INCOGNITO IN THE LISTS AT RICHMOND AND IS APPLAUDED FOR HIS JOUSTING.
No wonder he had all those wives. He was quite the swordsman.
1556: THE DEADLIEST EARTHQUAKE IN HISTORY HITS SHAANXI IN CHINA, KILLING 830,000.
The planet must have actually felt lighter after that happened.
1656: BLAISE PASCAL PUBLISHES THE FIRST OF HIS LETTRES PROVINCIALES.
His kids were called the Little Pascals.
1737: PATRIOT JOHN HANCOCK IS BORN.
The inventor of the signature.
1789: GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY IS FOUNDED.
And we still don't know what the hell a hoya is.
1849: ELIZABETH BLACKWELL BECOMES THE UNITED STATES' FIRST FEMALE DOCTOR.
And you all thought it was Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
1870: IN MONTANA, US CALALRYMEN KILL 173 NATIVE AMERICANSS, MOSTLY WOMEN AND CHILDREN, IN THE MARIAS MASSACRE.
And they call the murderers Marias.
1897: ELVA ZONA HEASTER IS FOUND DEAD IN WEST VIRGINIA. THE RESULTING MURDER TRIAL OF HER HUSBAND IS PERHAPS THE ONLY CASE IN US HISTORY WHERE THE ALLEGED TESTIMONY OF A GHOST HELPED SECURE A CONVICTION.
Casper for the Prosecution.
1919: COMEDIAN ERNIE KOVACS IS BORN.
Killed in 1962 in a car crash one half block away from where I live in LA.
1920: THE NETHERLANDS REFUSES TO SURRENDER EX-KAISER WILHELM II OF GERMANY TO THE ALLIES.
They were, however, willing to give them Hoyt Wilhelm for their bullpen.
1928: ACTRESS JEANNE MOREAU IS BORN.
When she's sad, can you say she is morose?
1933: ACTRESS CHITA RIVERA IS BORN.
Thank God they didn't spell it "Cheetah."
1939: ACTRESS ARLENE GOLONKA IS BORN.
She was a fox....a really long time ago.
1941: CHARLES LINDBERGH TESTIFIES BEFORE US CONGRESS AND RECOMMENDS THAT THE UNITED STATES NEGOTIATE A NEUTRALITY PACT WITH ADOLF HITLER.
When you read stuff like this, you start to think his baby was better off with Bruno Hauptmann.
1943: DUKE ELLINGTON PLAYS AT CARNEGIE HALL FOR THE FIRST TIME.
You know how he got to Carnegie Hall? He practiced.
1951: PILOT CHESLEY SULLENBERGER IS BORN.
You want me to land where???
1953: FORMER LA MAYOR ANTONIO VILLARAIGOSA IS BORN.
Now this is one freakin' asshole. The city is currently a shit hole. He helped make it such.
1957: AMERICAN INVENTOR WALTER MORRISON SELLS THE RIGHTS TO HIS "FLYING DISC" TO WHAM-O TOY AND THEY RENAME IT THE "FRISBEE."
Thereby inventing a whole new way for college students to waste their time.
1973: PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON ANNOUNCES THAT A PEACE ACCORD HAS BEEN REACHED IN VIETNAM.
He was still a crook.
1976: SINGER PAUL ROBESON DIES.
Even rivers can stop flowing.
1977: RESTAURANTEUR TOOTS SHOR DIES.
Now off the menu.
1977: "ROOTS" PREMIERES ON ABC.
I passed.
1986: THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME INDUCTS ITS FIRST MEMBERS.
Surprisingly, Slim Whitman was not one of them.
1989: PAINTER SALVADOR DALI DIES.
Goodbye, Dali.
1997: MADELEINE ALBRIGHT BECOMES THE FIRST WOMAN TO SERVE AS US SECRETARY OF STATE.
That's debatable. I mean, the woman part.
2002: REPORTER DANIEL PEARL IS KIDNAPPED IN PAKISTAN AND SUBSEQUENTLY MURDERED.
I remember the gruesome video.
2003: ACTRESS NELL CARTER DIES.
Aint respiratin'.
2004: ACTOR BOB KEESHAN DIES.
For sale: One Treasure House. Needs work.
2005: TV PERSONALITY JOHNNY CARSON DIES.
Missed by yours truly to this day.
2011: FITNESS EXPERT JACK LALANNE DIES.
Juicing kills.
2015: BASEBALL ERNIE BANKS DIES.
He'll be hard pressed to play one today.
Dinner last night: Leftover lasagna.
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