Well, those days are past. What can we expect from Hollywood this Easter that will compete with those terrific memories? Spoiler alert: nothing. Meanwhile, goofballs are anxiously awaiting that next Avengers thing which is due out this week. You know the drill, guys. I'll zip through the movie pages of the local news rag and give you my gut reaction to the crap out there.
Hey, this monthly movie guide is a reminder of why we can't have nice things. At this point, I'm guessing Marvel Comics will be owning the rights to even Herbie the Love Bug.
Girls of the Sun: Could this be a sequel to "Where The Boys Are?"
Stuck: A documentary on the invention of "Krazy Glue?" Actually, it's about people stranded in a NY subway car and I'm intrigued.
Wild Nights with Emily: Starring Bob Newhart?
Hellboy: I'm waiting for Hellgirl.
Amazing Grace: Some lost footage of Aretha Franklin singing back when. By the way, I'm curious. Did they bury her yet?
High Life: The last survivors of the solar system. That's a clever way to save on cast.
Us: Jordan Peele continues his reinvention of the horror movie by adding diversity and social themes. If this is as stupid as "Get Out," I'll pass.
Hotel Mumbai: I don't care what their pool is like. I'm not staying there.
The Mustang: The horse, not the car.
The Best Of Enemies: Trump and any Democrat.
Gloria Bell: This junk is still around? Stay away.
The Aftermath: An old-fashioned WWII romance. I disconnected at "old."
Dogman: An dog groomer in Italy. By the way, there are likely no dog groomers in Korea. Just saying.
Peterloo: In 1819, British forces charge on a peaceful pro-democracy rally at St Peter's Field in Manchester, England, which results in the Peterloo Massacre. Well, there's a log line that I'm not interested in.
Diane: Reviewed here recently. A mediocre movie raised to higher levels by a great performance from the versatile and under-used Mary Kay Place.
Shazam!: Poof, I'm not there.
Captain Marvel: I don't see anything with the word "Marvel" in it.
Dumbo: Skip the live action and watch the old cartoon.
Pet Sematary: A remake of a movie that was made when I was already an adult. Jeez, I'm getting old.
Missing Link: Some cartoon about a Mr. Link who recruits explorer Sir Lionel Frost to help find his long-lost relatives in the fabled valley of Shangri-La. I will be missing, too.
Little: A Black, female version of "Big." Which was a perfectly fine movie to begin with.
Breakthrough: A woman deals with a son who has almost drowned in a lake. This stars Chrissy Metz and let's hope the character doesn't binge eat to handle her pain.
Penguins: Disney's take on this and Morgan Freeman must be pissed not to be the narrator.
The Curse of La Llorona: An evil entity in 1970's LA. That might have been the first incarnation of Jerry Brown.
Drunk Parents: Everybody has at least one.
Family: A businesswoman looks after her niece. Sounds like every sitcom produced in the early 80s.
Under the Silver Lake: A young man in LA looks for the mysterious woman he just met. Don't we all?
Hail Satan!: A documentary and no, Trump isn't in it.
Her Smell: About a 1990s punk rock singer and she probably does.
Little Woods: Villainous sisters in North Dakota. Well, with that weather, I can understand their anger.
The Man Who Killed Don Quixote: I hope there's a hit song like "The Man Who Shot Liberty Vallance."
Red Joan: Judi Dench as a spy for the Soviet Union. Was this in the Mueller Report?
Dinner last night: Chopped salad.
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