1192: MINAMOTO NO YORITOMO BECOMES SEII TAI SHOGUN AND THE DE FACTO RULER OF JAPAN.
It's a lot easier to spell Richard Chamberlain.
1331: KING STEPHEN UROS III, AFTER MONTHS OF ANARCHY, SURRENDERS TO HIS SON AND RIVAL, WHO SUCCEEDS AS KING OF SERBIA.
For those of you whose goal it is to rule Serbia. Wherever the hell that is.
1680: PUEBLO INDIANS CAPTURE SANTA FE FROM THE SPANISH.
Does the Monopoly railroad come with this?
1772: KING GUSTAV III COMPLETES HIS COUP D'ETAT BY ADOPTING A NEW CONSTITUTION, ENDING HALF A CENTURY OF PARLIAMENTARY RULE IN SWEDEN AND INSTALLING HIMSELF AS AN ENLIGHTENED DESPOT.
True enlightenment is always arguable.
1778: DURING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, BRITISH FORCES BEGIN BESIEGING THE FRENCH OUTPOST AT PONDICHERY.
Two countries who never ever get along.
1810: JEAN-BAPTISTE BERNADOTTE, MARSHAL OF FRANCE, IS ELECTED CROWN PRINCE OF SWEDEN.
There's a lot of this Swedish bullshit today.
1831: NAT TURNER LEADS BLACK SLAVES AND FREE BLACKS IN A REBELLION.
Years before his brother Ike met Tina.
1863: LAWRENCE, KANSAS IS DESTROYED BY CONFEDERATE GUERRILLAS.
And gorillas they are.
1879: THE VIRGIN MARY, ALONG WITH ST. JOSEPH AND ST. JOHN THE EVANGELIST, REPORTEDLY APPEAR AT KNOCK SHRINE IN IRELAND.
In Ireland? Oh, that explains it. Probably some green elephants, too.
1883: AN F5 TORNADO STRIKES ROCHESTER, MINNESOTA, LEADING TO THE CREATION OF THE MAYO CLINIC.
Because the injured needed someplace to go.
1888: THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL ADDING MACHINE IN THE US IS PATENTED BY WILLIAM SEWARD BURROUGHS.
Who realized that ten fingers and toes were not enough.
1897: OLDSMOBILE, A BRAND OF AMERICAN AUTOMOBILES, IS FOUNDED.
Just in time for the 1898 car buying season.
1904: MUSICIAN COUNT BASIE IS BORN.
Orchestra to follow.
1905: ANIMATOR FRIZ FRELENG IS BORN.
Looney Tunes to follow.
1911: THE MONA LISA IS STOLEN BY A LOUVRE EMPLOYEE.
Now how far can you get with that tucked underneath your coat??
1924: SPORTSCASTER JACK BUCK IS BORN.
Sadly, to some viewers, son Joe to follow.
1924: SPORTSCASTER CHRIS SCHENKEL IS BORN.
Two great announcers born on the same day.
1924: ACTOR JACK WESTON IS BORN.
And him, too.
1930: PRINCESS MARGARET IS BORN.
The baby was crowning.
1936: BASKETBALL STAR WILT CHAMBERLAIN IS BORN.
Can you imagine him coming down the birth canal??
1938: SINGER KENNY ROGERS IS BORN.
Talk about your First Edition.
1939: ACTOR CLARENCE WILLIAMS III IS BORN.
So there were two others before him??
1940: RUSSIAN POLITICIAN LEON TROTSKY DIES.
So I guess we need to go on the trade market for another lefty.
1942: THE FLAG OF NAZI GERMANY IS INSTALLED ATOP THE MOUNT ELBRUS, THE HIGHEST PEAK OF THE CAUCASUS MOUNTAIN RANGE.
Yeah, but not for long.
1945: PHYSICIST HARRY K. DAGHLIAN JR. IS FATALLY IRRADIATED IN A CRITICALITY ACCIDENT DURING AN EXPERIMENT WITH THE DEMON CORE.
I am picturing the way the Nazis got fried in Raiders of the Lost Ark.
1959: PRESIDENT DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER SIGNS AN EXECUTIVE ORDER PROCLAIMING HAWAII THE 50TH STATE OF THE UNION.
Aloha. Now Jack Lord has some place to work.
1961: MOTOWN RELEASES WHAT WOULD BE ITS FIRST #1 HIT, "PLEASE MR. POSTMAN" BY THE MARVELETTES.
Is there a letter, a letter for me?
1979: SOVIET DANCER ALEXANDER GODUNOV DEFECTS TO THE UNITED STATES.
Because, for him, Russia wasn't godunov.
1983: PHILIPPINE OPPOSITION LEADER BENIGNO AQUINO JR. IS ASSASSINATED AT THE MANILA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.
For those of you on stand by, a seat has opened up.
1991: A COUP ATTEMPT AGAINST MIKHAIL GORBACHEV COLLAPSES.
Somebody didn't want him taking down that wall.
1993: NASA LOSES CONTACT WITH THE MARS OBSERVER SPACECRAFT.
They eventually reconnected for Facebook.
2005: INVENTOR ROBERT MOOG DIES.
He lost control of all his synthesizers.
2010: ACTRESS NANCY DOLMAN DIES.
Mrs. Martin Short. Sad.
2017: A SOLAR ECLIPSE CROSSES THE U.S.
Don't look directly at it. You did? Too late. You're probably not reading this.
Dinner last night: Pre-game buffet at the Dodger Stadium Club.
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