Your Weekend Movie Guide for August 2019

This creep fest opened sixty years ago this month and, watching it on cable, I was curious to how Percepto worked.   Apparently, as the crawling monster appeared on screen, there were seats in theaters wired to give you a little jolt.

Frankly, I'd love to do the same to seats occupied by idiots who go to see these Marvel superhero movies, but that's just me.   The bottom line is that this is when Hollywood got clever in trying to attract an audience.   If only they could be that clever in 2019.   You know the monthly drill, gang.  I'll sift through the LA Times entertainment pages and give you my knee jerk reaction to the crap in theaters right now.

Trust me.   When you hear about this garbage, you might want to scream, too.

Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood:   Recently reviewed here.   This one will make you scream...with delight.   A huge surprise for me.   A Tarantino movie that I liked.

The Lion King:   Note to Disney.   People like me who didn't like the cartoon version probably won't go to see the lazy live action edition.

Love, Antosha:   A documentary about the actor Anton Yelchin who got run over by his own car.

The Farewell:   This one could be renamed "Crazy Old Asians."

The Kitchen:  Melissa McCarthy and Tiffany Haddish.   I'll eat elsewhere.

Blinded by the Light:  A British Pakistani teen idolizes Bruce Springsteen in 1987.   Given how much of a Springsteen fan I am....pass.

Luce:  The Bad Seed redone with an older Black teen.   If you see me entering a theater where this is playing, you have the right to hit me over the head with a baseball bat.

Brian Banks:  Another true story about a professional football player whose youth was interrupted by an unjustified prison stay.   Remember what I said above about the baseball bat?

The Peanut Butter Falcon:  It stars Shia LaBoeuf so it was obviously filmed in between his arrests.

After The Wedding: Family drama and secrets at a wedding.  This is new?

Fast and Furious Presents Hobbs and Shaw:   Who?  What?  Why?

Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark:  There once was a President named Bernie...

The Angry Birds Movie 2:  Still missing 1.

Where'd You Go, Bernadette?:  Cate Blanchett as a housewife who willingly disappears.   Promise?

One Last Night:  Two young people on their first date become trapped in a movie theater overnight.  And ultimately attacked by gigantic Raisinets?

Gwen:  A young girl in Wales...oh, who am I kidding?  I'm not going to see this.

Low Low:  Four girls from the wrong side of the tracks.   That's your opinion.  Maybe it's the right side of the tracks.

Good Boys:  Sixth graders act inappropriately.  It's rated R so leave the real sixth graders at home.

47 Meters Down - Uncaged:  Sharks menace four teen girls.  But are they from the wrong side of the tracks??

Cold Case Hammarskjold:  A documentary on the missing plane that contained the former UN Secretary General.   Give me credit at least for typing the title correctly.

Awake:  A man with amnesia may have contained murders.  Or maybe not.

The Art of Racing in the Rain:  A race car driver and his dog.  Apparently this was a best selling book.  I don't read.

Them That Follow:  Snake handlers in Appalachia.   The snake handling was bad enough, but to see them in Appalachia is worse.

Maiden:  A true story about an all female crew in a yacht race.  I'll sit this one out.

Dinner last night:  Sausage pizza.