Monday Morning Video Laugh - September 7, 2020

It's Labor Day and, if you are missing Jerry Lewis, no worries.   Here's one of his set pieces from the movie "Rock-A-Bye Baby."  Hey, Lady!!!

Dinner last night:  Liked the caprese salad I made on Saturday so much that I made it again.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - 41

Tom Seaver passed away this week and my initial reaction was relief.   For him. For his family.  For anyone who cared about him.   As final dance partners go in life, dementia is perhaps the ugliest.   A few news articles listed some other illnesses as well as being causes of death.   One story listed COVID-19.   That is one I am skeptical about.   Given insurance payouts, I am betting there is someone in the world trying to figure out how to connect President Kennedy's assassination to the coronavirus.   

But I digress...

Tom's departure from our lives was one of those stinging moments for a lot of us.   Indeed, a lot of my friends gathered in the virtual town square to hold a mini-wake and share memories.   Some posted photos like this one.   Seaver tossing a football to Joe Namath at the old Shea Stadium.   Cue the tears.

Trust me.  There was a lot of homework handed in late because of these two guys.   

But, while I was a Junior Jet fan, it was baseball that really captured my attention as a youngster.  My world was full of Yankee people.   My friends in the neighborhood.   My own dad.   I became a Met fan to have some team all to my own.   

Of course, with the Pinstripe Patrol all around me, I had to endure adulation for the likes of Mickey Mantle, Whitey Ford, and Tom Tresh.   So, Len, who's your big baseball star?

Um, I would be stuck.   The name "Jim Hickman" didn't exactly cut it...with all due respect to Mr. Hickman's family.

But in 1967, it all changed.   The Mets finally had their own Mantle, Ford, and Tresh.  That was the first season for George Thomas Seaver.  Winding up on the Mets because his name was pulled out of a hat.   Whenever Seaver was on the mound, Met fans weren't figuring how the team would lose that day.  We were coming up with all the scenarios on how they would win.

At last, I was validated as a baseball fan.   And I finally had somebody all to my own to idolize.   From the postings I saw this week on Facebook, I was not alone.

The next season, my family became part of the Met family by securing tickets in their Saturday plan.  Loge Section 7, Row E, Seats 1 and 2.   I would have these very same Saturday seats until Shea Stadium ended up as rubble in a Flushing parking lot.

Oddly enough, my very first game in those Saturday seats was an April contest with...of all teams...the Los Angeles Dodgers.   The Mets won, 3-2.   The winning pitcher on that day?   Of course, he was.

Tom was and will always be my favorite Met, but, eventually, there would be others to join in and give my team some legitimacy.  This all culminated when soon thereafter.  

1969.

There was magic all over that summer.   From Seaver's opportunity to be perfect amidst some July  humidity...

I remember watching this game in my room.   On a black-and-white-TV.   A perfect game had to be viewed in color.   I infiltrated the living room and coerced my mom to turn off Merv Griffin for a few moments.  Of course, I first had to explain to her what the hell a perfect game was.

There was more glory that year.   And a world championship that was helped along by a Seaver performance in Game 4 of the World Series that was out of this world.   Aided and abetted by Ron Swoboda in right field.

I was home from school on that day and had the color TV all to myself.

Indeed, I don't remember a lot more of Tom Seaver's pitching because there was ultimately a sameness to it all.   Each one equally and consistently brilliant.  I remember seeing a near no-hitter in person on July 4, 1972.   And I was there as an adult when the Mets retired Seaver's number.   And when he and Mike Piazza closed the centerfield gate at Shea Stadium for the last time.

I was devastated the day Seaver was traded to the Reds in 1977 after a newspaper skirmish with the detestable shithead journalist Dick Young.   My youth was moving on.   Literally and figuratively.

I got to reconnect in a strange way.   About 15 years ago, there was an article in the newspaper heralding the opening of Seaver's new vineyard in Napa Valley.  Did I want to be on the mailing list for the upcoming harvest?   You bet I would.

And I was a happy purchaser of his wine over several harvests.  Indeed, some of the best red wine I have ever tasted.  Admittedly, a pricey purchase.  But, with everything Tom Seaver was involved with, excellence prevailed.   Luckily, I still have a few bottles left.

Just like me, Tom Seaver has also moved on.   Literally and figuratively.   But memories are etched forever.   I continually embrace them.   

Thank you, Tom Seaver, for all that you gave this kid on South 15th Avenue in Mount Vernon, New York.

Dinner last night:  Proscuitto, mozzarella, and beef steak tomato salad with a balsamic vinegarette.

Classic TV Commercial of the Month - September 2020

Get that cereal for your kids so they can go to school on a full stomach.   Even if they are not even technically leaving the house.

Dinner last night:  Grilled Taylor Ham, egg, and cheese on pretzel bread.

The Mugs of September 2020 - Special California Edition

All mugshots are from California records this past lawless summer.   The sad news is that most of these idiots were probably released within moments of these mug shots being taken.

 Arrested....and without a haircut.

 I am sure he is guilty of something.

 Ugly Lives Matter.

 Those earrings can actually hold wash cloths.

 Scary.

 Was released because he was wearing a mask.

 Please insert your favorite scouring pad joke.

 There will be social distancing in your future.

 Aquaman's illegitmate brother.

 I also think "guilty" is written on your face as well.

 Way, way, way overdue for the beauty parlor.

Old Lives Matter.

Dinner last night: Olive salad.

Moron of the Month - September 2020

With the election season now in full bloom, the next few Monthly Morons will be easy to nominate.   Let's start this month with the new candidate for Vice President, Kamala Harris.   Sadly, she's got a damn good shot at occupying the Oval Office herself once they find Biden in the middle of the night, sitting on the floor of the White House kitchen in his underwear and counting how many raisins there are in a box of Kellogg's Raisin Bran.

This woman's ascension is astonishing.   Perhaps the real morons are any of those folks living in California who would vote for her on the big ticket.  Her years serving this state have been a disaster.   But she has always been an opportunist and focused on herself more than anybody else.

If anybody in the press would have the nerve to ask her a few questions, these are the queries I would throw to this bitch.

1.   Why does a 29-year-old woman fuck a man twice her age unless she was getting something tangible out of it?  Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, Kamala.   I mean, the photo above is probably one reminiscent of those past days where you...ahem..."received" Willie Brown.   You opened your legs and your mouth wide then.  Now answer our question.

2.  During the campaign for the nomination, you were questioned about Joe Biden's past amorous indiscretions.   You said that you believed those accusers.  Now that you're on his ticket, this is no longer an issue.   Can you explain that, Kamala?

3.  Another big moment of the campaign was your debate with Biden where you accused him of being a racist.   You talked about your days being bussed as a second grader.   It's already been proven that none of that really happened as you described.   Can you clear all that up, Kamala?

4.  San Francisco has turned into a shithole.   Isn't that your home city?   What have you done to contribute to that deplorable situation?

5.  California has also turned into a shithole.   Isn't that the state you represent in the Senate?  Same question as Number 4, please.

There are probably about ten other questions for Kamala Harris, but let's not overwhelm the slut.  Let her concentrate on these for now.

Still want to vote for her, you moronic Californians?

Dinner last night:   Grilled bratwurst and salad.

This Date in History - September 2

Happy birthday to Chuck McCann.  He's the one in the middle.  Yep, the dead guy.

47 BC:  PHARAOH CLEOPATRA VII OF EGYPT DECLARES HER SON CO-RULER AS PTOLEMY XV CAESARION.

The earliest evidence of nepotism in history.

44 BC:  CICERO LAUNCHES THE FIRST OF HIS PHILIPPICS (ORATORICAL ATTACKS) ON MARK ANTONY.

Today Cicero would be hosting a host on MSNBC.

31 BC:  FINAL WAR OF THE ROMAN REPUBLIC - THE BATTLE OF ACTIUM - FORCES OF OCTAVIAN DEFEAT TROOPS MARK ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA.  

Actium?   Isn't that for constipation?

1666:  THE GREAT FIRE OF LONDON BREAKS OUT AND BURNS FOR THREE DAYS, DESTROYING 10,000 BUILDINGS.

What's so great about that??

1752:  GREAT BRITAIN ADOPTS THE GREGORIAN CALENDAR, NEARLY TWO CENTURIES LATER THAN MOST OF WESTERN EUROPE.

So when are the holidays?

1789:  THE UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY IS FOUNDED.

I'll take tens and twenties, thank you.

1807:  THE ROYAL NAVY BOMBARDS COPENHAGEN WITH FIRE BOMBS AND ROCKETS TO PREVENT DENMARK FROM SURRENDERING ITS FLEET TO NAPOLEON.

Napoleon:  "So I'll take that as a no."

1850:  SPORTING GOODS BUSINESSMAN ALBERT SPALDING IS BORN.

Catch this.

1859:  A SOLAR SUPER STORM AFFECTS ELECTRICAL TELEGRAPH SERVICE.

Not working.  Stop.  

1864:  THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR - UNION FORCES ENTER ATLANTA AFTER THE CONFEDERATE DEFENDERS FLEE THE CITY.

But Scarlett will always have Tara.

1901:  VICE PRESIDENT OF THE US THEODORE ROOSEVELT UTTERS THE FAMOUS PHRASE "SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG STICK."

Later a slogan adopted by the porn industry.

1912:  ARTHUR ROSE ELDRED IS AWARDED THE FIRST EAGLE SCOUT AWARD OF THE BOY SCOUTS.

Must have known a lot of old ladies needed to get to the other side of the street.

1934:  ACTOR CHUCK MCCANN IS BORN.

One of the kiddie TV hosts of my childhood.

1935:  A HUGE LABOR DAY HURRICANE HITS THE FLORIDA KEYS, KILLING 423.  

Yet people still move to Florida.

1937:  BUSINESSMAN PETER UEBERROTH IS BORN.

I wonder if he started the cab company.

1945:  WORLD WAR II - THE SURRENDER OF JAPAN IS SIGNED AND ACCEPTED ABOARD THE BATTLESHIP USS MISSOURI IN TOKYO BAY.

Sayonara.

1948:  ASTRONAUT CHRISTA MCAULIFFE IS BORN.

An astronaut for...like...a minute and a half.

1951:  ACTOR MARK HARMON IS BORN.

Mr. Pam Dawber.

1963:  CBS EVENING NEWS BECOMES NETWORK TV'S FIRST HALF-HOUR WEEKNIGHT NEW BROADCAST, WHEN THE SHOW IS LENGTHENED FROM 15 MINUTES.

Nowadays, there's 15 minutes of commercials.

1969:  VIETNAMESE POLITICIAN HO CHI MINH DIES.

Happy trails.

1970:  NASA ANNOUNCES THE CANCELLATION OF TWO APOLLO MISSIONS TO THE MOON.

All your fault, Apollo 13.

1973:  POET J.R.R TOLKIEN DIES.

Reminder: I have yet to read or see any of the Lord of the Rings books or movies.

2001:  ACTOR TROY DONAHUE DIES.

Once married to Suzanne Pleshette and obviously no dummy.

2005:  ACTOR BOB DENVER DIES.

Really stuck on that island now.

2013:  THE NEW EASTERN SPAN OF THE SF-OAKLAND BAY BRIDGE OPENS TO TRAFFIC, THE WIDEST BRIDGE IN THE WORLD.

Until the next big one.

Dinner last night:  Leftover barbecue ribs.

Blow Job

Okay, now that I have your attention.

If you are one of the many people now working from home, you are going to identify with today's post/rant.   

The dreaded leaf blower.  The bane of everybody's home office existence.   

I can understand the need for such a device in the Northeast.   From mid-October to mid-November, it's a great albeit nosy way to create neat piles of leaves on the side of the road.

My only problem is that I have no freakin' idea why you need these things in Southern California.   All year round!

On the block behind my apartment building, there is a weekly designated time for those folks to operate a leaf blower for one steady hour.   This I do not understand because we are miles and miles away from the Redwood forest.  But, that doesn't stop these folks.   Yep, a weekly steady hour of leaf blowing.

At 7:30AM every Tuesday!

It gets worse, gang.     In my building, three of us apartment dwellers have patios that are adjacent to one another.  It's all concrete except for some trees hanging over from the next property.   Suffice it to say, Winnie the Pooh wouldn't be climbing any honey trees around these times.

Nevertheless, twice a week and usually when I have a business conference call, our building maintenance guy makes his twenty minute sweep of the patios.  There are no leaves anywhere.   This is just his way of dusting the loose dirt up from the ground.  It blows all around and simply lands someplace else.   On the patio.  

Now his time would be much more productive if he simply swept up the patio with a broom.  But, no.   The leaf blower is much more fun.   And noisier.

Yep, leaf blowers suck.

And we are now right back at the time of today's post.

Dinner last night:  Leftover Chinese food.