Tuesday, April 29, 2014

If I Tweeted - April 2014

I don't, you know.  But, if I did, here's what might have been tweeted out this month.

#LenSpeaks  How does one misplace a jet liner?

#LenSpeaks  That MH370 is apparently on the bottom of the Indian Ocean and my globe didn't spin that far around when I was in Social Studies.

#LenSpeaks  If these passengers flew that far out of their way, do the new miles count on their frequent flyer accounts?

#LenSpeaks  I hear a pinging sound in my hallway closet and I would think that I could remember if a plane flew in there.

#LenSpeaks  Lent, meh.  The first baseball game of the season at Dodger Stadium is what renews me.

#LenSpeaks  Of course, with 70% of the market not getting the new Dodger TV network, the only way to see the games will be in person.

#LenSpeaks  I listen to the games now every night on the radio and hello, 1947.

#LenSpeaks  Sitting at my bedroom desk and listening to baseball on the radio, I feel like I should be doing my fifth grade homework.

#LenSpeaks  Starved for baseball on TV, I am watching the Mets.  Please note.  I am still starved.

#LenSpeaks  All those vacant seats at Citi Field.   It has more empties than Lindsay Lohan's trash can.

#LenSpeaks  You realize that, outside of NY and LA, local baseball announcers are horrible and the reason why the TV mute button was invented.

#LenSpeaks  Here's just how bad they are.  The Diamondbacks' moron just called Oliver Perez "former Met great."

#LenSpeaks  Wrigley Field in Chicago turned 100 this month.  It's aging at a much slower rate than its fans.

#LenSpeaks  It's hard to fathom that some Cub fans were born and died without seeing the team in the World Series.

#LenSpeaks  Andy Hardy Really Goes Home.  RIP Mickey Rooney.

#LenSpeaks  I saw him at the TCM Film Festival two years ago and he was so broke that he was asking the paparazzi for twenty dollar bills.

#LenSpeaks  His body was left unclaimed for several days.   If I had the room, I would have gone after this very cool Hollywood souvenir.

#LenSpeaks The President and the First Lady had another New York date night on the taxpayers' dime.   They went to see Denzel in "Raisin in the Sun."

#LenSpeaks  Well, you didn't expect them to go see "Jersey Boys," did you?

#LenSpeaks  Some ten-year-old girl sent Michelle Obama her unemployed dad's resume.

#LenSpeaks  I wonder if he has any experience ironing hair extensions.

#LenSpeaks  Or laundering wigs.

#LenSpeaks  Or letting out the waist on a skirt.

#LenSpeaks  I have no idea what's going in Nevada with that rancher and I don't care.

#LenSpeaks  Except Harry Reid is against the rancher.   So that means I'm for the rancher.

#LenSpeaks   If we want the Russians to get out of Ukraine, why don't we simply ship the Kardashians there?

#LenSpeaks  This President takes more time off than Johnny Carson used to.   So, I'm thinking Joan Rivers on the off days is an improvement.

#LenSpeaks  No, I don't like Stephen Colbert and I won't be watching him when the dirty old pervert finally leaves television.

#LenSpeaks  It's time for 30 percent of Los Angeles to see Dodger baseball.

Dinner last night:   Chicken marsala.          



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